BLOGGING on Marriage | Secrets of Happily Married Men - 9/7/09

[Smartmarriages]

- WE VOW NOW: HMI PROGRAM PARTICIPANT SHARES HER EXPERIENCE
- BLOG: WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU FORGET WHAT ROMANCE IS
- SECRETS OF HAPPILY MARRIED MEN: FOR MEN ONLY (NOT!)

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Bill Coffin forwarded me two BLOGS with comments on marriage.  Looks like
this is something lots of you could do, start blogging this stuff AND/OR
write comments on these Blog sites. I don't understand how Bill found them,
but if he did, must mean there are other readers, too. Very interesting to
see how the information we're trying to teach is interpreted and digested
and applied. And, you know it warms the cockles of my heart to see that this
first blogger talks about the "Healthy Marriage EDUCATION
Initiative"....Marriage EDUCATION on these private citizen blogs - means
Marriage EDUCATION is definitely part of the public vernacular and that
we've really arrived.   - diane

- WE VOW NOW: HMI PROGRAM PARTICIPANT SHARES HER EXPERIENCE

We Vow Now 

We, my husband and I, are participating in a federally-funded marriage
Education course designed to keep the family together. Vow, Healthy Marriage
Education Initiative is being funded by the Administration for Children and
Families and the US Department of Health and Human Services.

Marriage. Where to start. . . .

I would be ashamed to admit that we find marriage such a struggle if the
statistical evidence that we're not alone were not so overwhelming.

Half of marriages end in divorce. 50%. FIFTY PERCENT. Half!

That's a huge social problem. Here's why:

Women who get divorced are more likely to live in poverty, retire
homeless, commit suicide or become ill. Men who divorce are less likely
to have good relatioships with their children. Their ex-wives and
children are more likely to need financial assistance from the
government. 

Children who come from divorced homes are less likely to attend college,
more likely to do drugs, more likely to become pregnant, more likely to
get divorced, more likely to commit crimes, more likely to contract
social diseases. Those consequences cost tax-payers a lot of money in
prisons, jails, and social services.

Finally, the federal government has decided to get to the core of the
problem and help families find a way to be happier together than apart.
This is a virtual standing ovation - APPLAUSE!!

The program is in a research phase where 225 pocket areas with high
rates of divorce have been given $118,644,219 in grant money to
determine if this kind of marriage education program will be effective.

The 6-12 week program focuses on what each person in the relationship
brings to the marriage by way of baggage, if you will. There is an
examination of assumptions, beliefs and world-views of both marriage
partners to identify some of the root problems.

Once the core issues have been identified there's a rapid move toward
conflict resolution. Couples are given practical skills and tools to
determine how to compromise and enjoy their marriages.

Key points that make me hopeful about Vow's success are:

* The research and foundation for the Vow program is designed around
research of HAPPY couples with long marriages. No one wants to be
married for 50 years if it's 45 years of pain and struggle. Better a
divorce than that. But, wouldn't it be nice if everyone had the secret
recipe for how to be happily married for 50 years?

* The program is a mix of secular and faith-based education, meaning it
is designed to help couples navigate their faith issues and come to
suitable compromises if they come from different religious backgrounds.
It does not promote any one religious belief system, but takes the
couple's religious training and desires into account. Churches in Vow
communities are encouraged to back up the program and provide support.
. . . 

As I sat listening to the counselor describe how Vow was even going to
pay for a couple's retreat, I felt this great sense of relief. A lump in
my throat gathered and I blinked back tears - We don't want a divorce.
We just don't know how to have a great marriage.

The overwhelming response to the Vow billboards in my town echo my
thoughts. Families want to stay together, we just don't know how. Change
is hard, it's difficult to adjust to new roles and definitions in
relationships. . . .

I'm profoundly grateful that America is putting some money behind the words
"Family Values" and helping American couples redefine marriage.

To read the full post with photos and links, visit:
<http://traceesioux.blogspot.com/2007/09/we-vow-now.html>

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- BLOG: WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU FORGET WHAT ROMANCE IS

What To Do When You Forget What Romance Is
<http://www.stephanmiller.com/what-to-do-when-you-forget-what-romance-is
/>  

6 Sep, 2007  Lifestyle
 
My wife has put up with a lot. A lot. I am not a easy person to live
with. I didn't start this whole internet marketing thing until we were
about to have our son. Yes, I dabbled. Yes, I put some things up on
Ebay. But that just wasn't going to cut it with a family of four. I was
working a construction job and there was no way that was going to bring
home enough for all of us. So she stood by me when I said I could do
this. She stood by me when I said I needed more time at home to try to
make even more money online. She had faith in me when I moved the whole
family cross country to my hometown where the cost of living was
supposed to be lower.

That move turned out to be a bad choice. You get what you pay for. You
get bad schools. You get bad roads. You get a neighborhood full of
people that you would never associate with. Did she blame me for this?
No.

. . . But the worries of a new family and bills to pay clouds what feelings
and inclinations that would have come naturally in the past. When I was
single, I read all the books you could think of on "How to Get the
Girl." Because I was, to make a long story short, a nerd. But now, I am
confused and lost. I know some things not to do, for example:

* "Here's some flowers", as I try to take the $5 grocery store
price tag off that I missed.
* Pots and pans for an anniversary present.
* Complain about working in an office every day, when she deals
with a two year old monster all day.
* Spend most nights working until midnight, when she goes to bed
at nine. 
* Hire a babysitter and then spend the time at my parents house.
* "I don't have time to study a book on romance."

Yeah, I can keep adding. BUT IT'S THE "WHAT TO DO" I WANT TO LEARN. I am
trying. I will start reading something other than the latest issue of
Wired. 

To Be Continued...
Nobody Blogs About This.
Strange.

TO READ THE FULL POST PLUS A RESPONSE FROM HIS WIFE:
http://tinyurl.com/3d5vh9

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- SECRETS OF HAPPILY MARRIED MEN: FOR MEN ONLY (NOT!)
Scott Haltzman must visit this site AND send Mr Miller a copy of "Secrets of
Happily Married Men". Actually all of you should visit and send resources,
ideas, posts.  BTW, the Scott Haltzman's "for men only" Denver workshop was
a huge hit - evaluations over the top.  And it wasn't the harmonica playing.
I had to listen to figure out why the guys liked it so much. It might have
been for men only (women weren't allowed in the room) but we have the
recording.  I advise gals to listen - they did let their hair down and have
fun. I also want to propose a contest for San Francisco: "The husband with
the happiest wife."  Who wants to run it?  - diane

Order session #757-803 at 800-241-7785 or at
http://www.iplaybacksmartmarriages.com
> 803
> Win Your Wife¹s Heart Forever
> Scott Haltzman, MD
> If we can build skyscrapers and land on Mars, we can also figure out how to
> succeed at marriage. Eight Secrets From Happily Married Men on how to win ­
> and keep ­ the prize. For men only.

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