Five Year Itch - one you can use - 10/31/07

[Smartmarriages]

- THE FIVE YEAR ITCH: RESEARCH YOU CAN USE

Whether it's three, five, or seven years, the research boils it down to
failed expectations. This perfectly fits our mission to: 1) educate couples
to have more realistic expectations of marriage and 2) equip them with the
skills they need to reach their goals and expectations. There are skills for
maintaining romance, for communication, for developing a sexual style, for
managing finances, for parenting, etc etc etc.  And there are now great
guidelines for what to expect behind all those picket fences as marriages
hit predictable stages and milestones.  It helps if couples know what's
normal and what's going on in other marriages.  This, as we know is NOT
rocket science, we have the research-based tools and knowledge, we just need
to get it out there. This 5-year itch report is sexy - will appeal to local
media. Call your local journalists/stations and offer examples of how you're
CHMI is tackling these challenges. Explain how this research confirms that
we're on the right track and that we have solutions. Build on this study.

This analysis also cites NO-FAULT DIVORCE as making it "too easy" to slip
out of a marriage. 
 
No-Fault arose out of the belief that it "ain't nobody's fault if they
married the wrong person"....the thinking goes: they had the best of
intentions, but odds are 50-50 that you might chose the wrong guy/gal, so
give them a free pass to move on and find the right person.  As we spread
the understanding that marriage is NOT actually a game of chance or crap
shoot, but is something about which you can gain knowledge, become skillful,
and master ­ our understanding of "no-fault" will also evolve. Use this,
too, with your local media.  We have to get the message out there that we
can all become masters of marriage and that the basic premises underlying
"No Fault" have now been shown by research to be bogus.

Anyone dressing up as DIVORCE MONSTER tonight?  Spose that's too scary for
kids. Here comes Divorce Monster.....eeeeeek.  -diane

Itch strikes marriages around five-year mark
By SHELLEY EMLING
Cox News Service
October 31, 2007

LONDON ‹ Been married for five years? Then watch out. A new study has found
that married couples are at their greatest risk of divorcing just before
their fifth anniversary.

The study, from researchers at the renowned Max Planck Institute in Germany,
suggests that couples grow bored with each other far sooner than in the
1950s, when the dangerous time known as "the seven-year itch" inspired a
movie starring Marilyn Monroe.

These days, women in particular are more likely to pursue careers and to
become disenchanted with married life much earlier than they used to.

The findings emerged in a study of divorce trends in the United States,
Russia and the Scandinavian countries.

But there is a bit of good news. Couples who do manage to make it to the
five-year mark, and who go on to survive 10 years together, are more likely
to stay together for the long haul.

"The crisis point for the modern marriage is arriving sooner," said Aiva
Jasilioniene, who helped conduct the study.

She said the early years of marriage can be tough because they are often
characterized by challenging experiences involving the building of careers
and the bearing of children.

Jasilioniene also found that after the five-year point, couples are
increasingly deterred from separating by the cost of divorce and of managing
separate lives.

Anastasia de Waal, head of family and education issues at Civitas, a
research organization in London, agreed that married people are definitely
becoming "itchier" earlier these days.

"The main reason seems to be increased expectations of both relationships
and what a happy marriage should be like," she said. "In a climate of
media-enhanced instant gratification, the stakes have been raised as mere
contentedness is no longer enough in a marriage.

"We increasingly expect that more passionate element to continue
indefinitely," she said.

Norman Wells, director of the Family Education Trust, a London group that
researches causes of family breakdown, said, "No-fault divorce laws make it
easier for spouses to walk out on each other when problems arise."
 
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