Signs of the Times: Arranged Marriages on BBC| Presidential Marriages Series on Slate | Divorce Announcements -1028/07

[Smartmarriages]

- NEW BBC SHOW TO TEST ARRANGED MARRIAGE METHODS
- FIRST MATES: SLATE SERIES ON THE MARRIAGES OF PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES
- DIVORCE NOTICES 

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- NEW BBC SHOW TO TEST ARRANGED MARRIAGE METHODS

Looks like this may be in UK only, for now. Will be interesting to see how
this works.  - diane

Arranged marriage methods to be used by TV dating show
The London Times
October 29, 2007
Adam Sherwin

It is the new prime-time show for BBC Two presented by the woman described
as the Asian Cilla Black. British singletons will be found a partner using
the principles of arranged marriage.

Aneela Rahman will become the country¹s new matchmaker-in-chief as the star
of BBC Two¹s Arrange Me A Marriage.

Mrs Rahman, a marriage broker from Glasgow, believes that the divorce rate
in Britain would decline if more couples were matched up through class,
education, family background, life goals and earnings.

She said: ³For many nonAsians meeting someone is quite random, in a bar or
club, but you wouldn¹t buy a house or car drunk so why would you expect to
find a life partner like that?²

Each week Mrs Rahman, who has been married for 15 years and has two
children, will prepare a traditional Asian introduction for an unmarried
British thirtysomething. Working with family and friends, she has one month
to find a life partner for each ³contestant². But there are culture clashes.

Broadcasters are keen to test whether the principles from the Asian
sub-continent can be applied to Britain. But Arrange Me A Marriage is also a
spin on the Eighties television dating ....

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- FIRST MATES: SLATE SERIES ON THE MARRIAGES OF PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES

First Mates: Introducing a new Slate series about the marriages of the
presidential candidates.
By Melinda Henneberger
Oct. 26, 2007

The Obamas are up first....

> . . . Do presidential unions matter? Voters think they do. A recent survey
> found that fully one-third of women voters not only take the happiness of a
> presidential candidate's marriage into account, but cite it as a significant
> factor in their decision. In 2004, I argued against the notion that Teresa
> Heinz Kerry had hurt her husband's chances, but I was wrong. In interviews
> across the country for my book about what women really want in a president, I
> heard her perceived snootiness cited more often than I would ever have
> believed possible as the deciding factor against John Kerry. What these women
> didn't like about his wife reflected and intensified their reservations about
> the candidate himself. Just a few weeks after the election, a public health
> nurse in Illinois put it like this: "I'm a registered Democrat and I'm not for
> being in Iraq, but I'll tell you what, I voted for Bush. I don't know that
> Bush is totally truthful, and he's not the smartest person in the world. But
> Kerry, I really didn't like his wife, and that influenced me. She has a smart
> mouth and doesn't control it.''
> 
> This time around, the questions raised by the would-be first spouses include:
> Are we going to have to live through four or more years of Clinton marital
> drama? Or, on the contrary, is presidential nookie as national scandal so
> 1998? Are we willing to confront our own mortality along with Elizabeth
> Edwards? Can we depend on the judgment of a president who not only takes phone
> calls from his wife during a speech, but may have done so to impress us? Does
> Jeri Thompson attest to the accuracy of my mother's remark, decades ago, as we
> were having tea in the lobby of a hotel where an American Bar Aassociation
> convention was in full swing: "See how all the second wives have better
> jewelry?'' Will Mitt Romney's health-care plan be informed by his wife Ann's
> remark that her struggle with MS had at one point left her thinking, "Couldn't
> I just have cancer and die?'' And, the question that kicks off our first
> marital probe: Is America ready to elect a truly consensus-seeking‹and
> arguably deferential‹husband like Barack Obama as commander in chief?
> 
> ....to read the full article and the first installment which is about the
Obamas' marriage click here: http://www.slate.com/id/2176653/

> . . .  And this is how two former community organizers function in a
relationship 
> that's far more egalitarian than most political unions. Decision by consensus
> is so crucial to both Obamas that she once took him along on a job
> interview‹not for backup, but to see if the interviewer passed Barack's test.
> 
> The woman Barack Obama married 15 years ago is a stickler, but the sane,
> unoperatic kind, who eats well and sees her trainer, gets the sleep she needs
> and overprepares for meetings. . . .
> Today, watching her in action‹giving a speech better than he does, and working
> a crowd equally well‹one wonders not why she and her husband are together, but
> who in the world else he might have married.

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- DIVORCE NOTICES 

October 28, 2007
Field Notes
This Is to Inform You of Our New Life Apart...
The New York Times
By FRANCESCA SEGRÈ

IN mid-August, Dominic Thomas, 35, of Atlanta, sent an e-mail message to
more than 100 people to announce his divorce.

³I am writing with the relieving yet not quite joyous news that I am finally
divorced as of the judge¹s signature at 6 p.m. last Thursday,² it read.

With so many couples on the splits these days, the stigma of divorce is
wearing off and the newly single are increasingly publicly pronouncing their
breakups.

While the president of France and the mayors of some big American cities
have the ability to announce their marital status with microphones and news
releases, others may announce their divorces more simply: with mass
e-mailings. There are also printed divorce cards for those who prefer a
formal approach. Stationers can even create personalized announcements that
look and read like their sister card ‹ the wedding announcement.

The two-and-a-half page message Mr. Thomas sent detailed his appreciation of
the emotional support he received during the two-year-long custody battle
over his son; his estimate of how much the legal process cost him and his
former wife; and the finer points of the custody arrangement.

Mr. Thomas, an assistant professor at Emory, said he wrote his announcement
because: ³I¹m reclaiming my life as it is. Letting people know about it. I
don¹t want it to be a taboo subject.² It also ³helped in the healing
process,² he added.

Andrew Cherlin, a sociologist who specializes in the study of American
families at Johns Hopkins, said nearly half of all marriages end in divorce.

Mr. Cherlin said divorce announcements are something you wouldn¹t have seen
two generations ago.

³It would have been like announcing an out-of-wedlock pregnancy,² he said.
³The fact that people aren¹t embarrassed to send out a divorce announcement
tells you how routinized divorce has become.²

But writer beware: The latest edition of ³Emily Post¹s Etiquette² states
that ³announcements can backfire, making the celebrant appear cold-hearted
and insensitive.²

Peter Post, a great-grandson of Emily Post and the author of ³Essential
Manners for Couples,² (Collins, 2005) said, ³It¹s certainly nicer to inform
by talking face to face² or by using the telephone. ³Terms of the settlement
are not to be announced to the whole world ‹ it¹s a private matter,² he
said. ³Why cause more ill will than necessary?²

More than a dozen friends responded to Mr. Thomas¹s message. Replies ranged
from the raucous (³YeeeHaaa!!²) to the emotional (³The news of your divorce
was really disheartening and saddening²) to the practical (³That much debt
will keep your nose to the grindstone for a long time²).

Robert Olen Butler, a Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist and a professor at
Florida State, wrote what became a very publicized break-up announcement
this summer.

After his wife of 12 years, the author Elizabeth Dewberry, left him for Ted
Turner, Mr. Butler sent an e-mail message in July to a few faculty members
and graduate students explaining the split in much detail. ³Rumors will soon
be swirling around the department, so I want to tell the full and nuanced
story,² he wrote. ³This sort of thing can get wildly distorted pretty
quickly.²

The e-mail caused a tizzy when it was immediately forwarded and circulated
on Gawker, the media gossip Web site.

Beyond the emotional and etiquette minefields that accompany such e-mail
announcements, there may be legal ramifications.

³E-mail announcements could adversely affect a judge¹s decision in a custody
battle,² said Stephanie Lehman, a matrimonial lawyer and partner in
WolfBlock in New York.

Robert, 46, a founder of a music-licensing company in Los Angeles, filed for
divorce in June and mailed 30 humorous divorce announcements he bought from
TheDivorceCards.com when he moved out. Robert, whose lawyer advised him not
to use his last name while still in the middle of divorce proceedings,
described his divorce ³as messy as can be.² He sent the cards to let people
know his new mailing address but also because, he said, ³if you don¹t laugh,
you¹re gonna cry.²

³I was devastated; still am devastated,² he said. ³If you make light of it,
you feel like a man.²

Avygail Sanchez, 28, of Los Angeles, filed for divorce in mid-July. ³It was
so traumatizing for me to leave,² she said.

In early August, Ms. Sanchez, an urban planner, who describes herself as
private and reserved, sent an e-mail message to about 15 family members and
friends.

³Most of you know that two years ago in April, I was wed to Prince Charming.
Some of you attended the ceremony and reception so you know what I mean by
Œcharming.¹² Never did I imagine my life from December 2006 to present to be
what it has.²

Looking back on the message, Ms. Sanchez said, ³I wanted to tell the world:
ŒLook what happened, but I¹m out of it now. I¹m out,¹² she said. ³There¹s no
going back.²

Stan Tatkin, a psychotherapist who is a member of the California Association
of Marriage and Family Therapists, said a divorce announcement ³forces the
person to declare the loss and move on.²

³It makes it much more real,² he said.

But then he added: ³I wouldn¹t recommend it across the board. I would be
more inclined to recommend it to someone who wants to reconnect with the
world and wants to be in a relationship again. It¹s a good way to get back
out there again ‹ put the word out.²

Jennifer Treacy operates Lola Says, a greeting card company in Brookline,
N.H. Ms. Treacy sells divorce cards on her Web site lolasays.com. Asked why
people send them, she said: ³I think it is to say to your friends ŒIt¹s
finally over. This is where I¹ll be living, and here¹s what my new name is
going to be.¹

³The women sending out these cards are happy about the divorce They¹re not
sitting at home crying about it ‹ well maybe a little.²

Sherri Hill, 46, of Bethel, Conn., was married 17 years when she divorced in
2001. She created her own announcements, had them printed, and sent them to
more than 50 friends and relatives. She used lyrics from an REO Speedwagon
song, ³Time for Me to Fly,² on the front of the card:

I make you laugh

And you make me cry

I believe it¹s time for me to fly

Inside the card, it read:

I¹ve finally flown.

³Our culture makes such a big deal of life-cycle events, births,
graduations,² said Ms. Hill, a writer and publicist. ³In many ways divorce
is as big or bigger than other life-cycle events.²

She added, ³There was another part of me that wanted to say: ŒSo there! I¹m
done with you!¹²

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