Monday Morning | Texas Tah Dah! | 10 Great| ABC TONIGHT | Baby Daddy | Your comments | The mail - 10/22/07

Mon Oct 22 14:25:27 EDT 2007

- TEXAS UPDATE!!- NICE WAY TO START A MONDAY
- 10 GREAT DATES AROUND THE WORLD
- SET TIVO: COMMUNITY MARRIAGE POLICIES ON ABC WORLD NEWS TONIGHT OCT 22
- MARRY YOUR BABY DADDY ON ABC NIGHTLY NEWS TOMORROW NIGHT OCT 23
- OPRAH ON DIVORCE 
- BIG-DEAL-DIVORCES HERE AND THERE
- LOW ROAD TO SPLITSVILLE
- MONDAY MORNING MAIL BOX

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- TEXAS UPDATE!!- FANTASTIC WAY TO START A MONDAY

We celebrated the passage in June 2007 of the exciting 1% Healthy Marriage
Education Legislation in Texas. The state's HHS dept has just posted a
request for proposals to make marriage education programs available
throughout the state.   Access the request from proposals at:
http://www.hhsc.state.tx.us/Contract/529080075/rfp_home.html

Let's make sure there are lots of great programs and great successes in
Texas! 

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- 10 GREAT DATES AROUND THE WORLD
I'm sure 10 Great Dates - especially the new version for Spanish couples -
will be heavily featured in Texas.  And, all around the world...

> Hello from Romania. We are here leading a 10 Great Dates seminar this weekend.
> Second Half of Marriage has just come out in Romanian. We go to Austria
> Tuesday and from there to Singapore to lead 10 Great Dates training and a
> conference for singles "10 Dates for Great Relationships". We've been telling
> people here in Romania about SmartMarriages and brought brochures to give to
> them. They are amazed at what is happening in USA.
> Claudia & Dave Arp
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- SET TIVO: COMMUNITY MARRIAGE POLICIES ON ABC WORLD NEWS TONIGHT OCT 22

I'm repeating this one to remind everyone to watch World News Tonight,
Don't miss it!

> Dear Diane,
> ABC World News with Charlie Gibson will do a segment October 22 on the
> Community Marriage Policy we helped establish in Clackamas County, a suburb
> of Portland, OR. ABC interviewed several of the 170 pastors and priests who
> signed the CMP and taped Tom Dressel, a retired businessman, and his wife
> who organized the CMP, as they mentored a premarital couple.  ABC also shot
> a couple attending a 10 Great Dates presentation at Tom's church, and the
> date itself.   
> Michael McManus
> www.marriagesavers.org

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- MARRY YOUR BABY DADDY ON NBC NIGHTLY NEWS TOMORROW NIGHT OCT 23

Maryann Reid founder/director of Marry Your Baby Daddy campaign will be
featured on NBC Nightly News w/Brian Williams on a segment called Making a
Difference, Tues Oct 23. Set your Tivo. These things sometimes change, so
check your local listings. Visit www.marryyourbabydaddy.com for news, info
and photos.  - diane

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- OPRAH ON DIVORCE 
MANY of you sent comments about the two Oprah shows this month that focused
on the correct ways for parents to talk to children about their divorce. The
message on these shows, delivered by expert Gary Neuman, is that HOW you
discuss your divorce with your kids - HOW you break the news and whether or
not you give them ample opportunity to express their feelings - makes all
the difference.  Your comments are pretty much all the same - a collective
"GIVE ME A BREAK" as you pointed out that kids aren't upset because of HOW
they are told or because they aren't asked about their feelings in just the
"right" way, they are upset because their worlds are shattered by the
divorce. Neuman actually gives rules like: Be sure you tell them together -
if you have two kids, be sure you sit both kids down and tell them at the
same time - as though this is some magic "make-it-better" way to do it. All
his guidelines reinforce the idea of 'the good divorce'...."that if you just
handle discussion things in the right way, the kids will be just fine." As
Betty from Ohio wrote, "That's like saying a kid is devastated because of
the way you tell them their parents died, not that their parents died. It's
pop psych-think at its worst."  I agree it's an unfortunate message.  Just
as the Cosby/Poussaint show was disappointing. Such a great opportunity but
it's as though getting and staying married can not even be mentioned on the
show.  - diane  
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- BIG-DEAL-DIVORCES HERE AND THERE

I've also received dozens of posts about the divorce of French president
Sarkozy and on the billion-dollar McCartney divorce wrangling.  Many of you
have wondered why I haven't shared these and asked "Don't I think that they
contribute to an escalation in the slide towards normalizing divorce?"
First, I assume no one has missed these stories - it would be like sharing
Brittany's custody battles, you've seen it. But since so many have asked and
so many assume it's all bad - escalating the decline of marriage, I do want
to say that I think these stories just might encourage people to try to
avoid looking this stupid and try to learn how to have "smarter" marriages.
Instead of normalizing dumb divorces it might wake people up to trying to do
things differently.  (Or, am I deluding myself???)

Several wrote about Sarkozy that "at least we've not like the French, we
don't YET just shrug at our presidents' marital status and dilemmas."  Of
all the articles on Sarkozy, this one from the New York Times seems to best
put the French situation in context and gives an overview of other world
leader marital messes.

French not fazed by Sarkozy divorce
92% say opinion of leader the same
New York Times, Oct 21, 2007
PARIS - The French, on the right and on the left, have embraced the news
that President Nicolas Sarkozy and his wife, Cecilia, have divorced with a
surprising amount of equanimity and a collective shrug.
It's partly because the French no longer treat marriage as a particularly
sacred institution. The marriage rate here has plunged more than 30 percent
in the past generation, and nearly 1 out of 2 marriages end in divorce.
For the full article: http://tinyurl.com/2m6kt2
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AND, THIS MORNING, there's a comment from Pittsburg saying that we can't
point fingers with divorces like this as expensive and messy as anything on
the global map. Apparently this divorce has Pittsburg in an absolute tizzy,
and our Pittsburg member says, "This saga shows the researchers are right
when they say it doesn't matter how much money a couple has, or what
socio-economic class they're from, or how much they support family values
and marriage, they still fight about money and sex and can still make fools
of themselves and the institution of marriage." I missed it this morning in
today's Washington Post, but just went and looked and it has a three page
spread with huge color photos. Marital breakdown really can bring out the
beast in husbands, wives, and reporters.

- LOW ROAD TO SPLITSVILLE
Right-Wing Publisher's Breakup Is Super-Rich In Tawdry Details
By David Segal
Washington Post Staff Writer
October 22, 2007
For full article: http://tinyurl.com/3yky9f

And, then there's this,
The Line Forms on the Right: Scaife's Pet Causes
October 22, 2007
If you're stunned that Richard Mellon Scaife failed to sign a prenuptial
agreement with his second wife, imagine how these groups feel. A look at
some of the Pittsburgh billionaire's favorite causes and what he's given
them from 1985 through 2006:  http://tinyurl.com/2tqrm7

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- MONDAY MORNING MAIL BOX
Just to share the kind of mail that keeps me busy - in addition to a bunch
of media inquiries (it's already 2pm and I just finished dealing with those)
I had several dozen emails like this one this morning.  Not sure why, but
90% of the time these requests for help are from men. I suspect it's because
men spend more time cruising the internet.  If the inquiries are from women
they are almost always from a grandmother looking for help for their adult
kids' marriages. Sharing to remind us all of why we're here - for kids like
this 5 month old - and how just a little help can go a long way.   - diane

>> Diane, I found an article by you on the internet:
>> Marriage Experts Converge - 6/21/06
>> Smartmarriages smartmarriages at lists101.his.com
>>  
>> My wife and I have been married for a year and we have a 5 month old.  You
>> can do the math on that one.  There has been a lot of pressure and our
>> marriage has been falling apart, but we are at least talking civilly now. A
>> good friend of mine saw a guy on Oprah a few times who was talking about
>> "your spouse shows you your wounds and can help you heal them". Have you ever
>> heard of anything like this? Any help would be appreciated.
>> Regards, DE 
> 
> Yes, that would be Harville Hendrix.  I suggest you begin by ordering his new
> ImagoConnects DVDs - a wonderful introductory course that you can watch in
> your own living room.   Then consider taking one of the Imago seminars.
> You definitely can work your way out of this one and I'm sure you have plenty
> of motivation.  
>  
> Here's their listing and contact info from our Directory of Programs:
>> 
>> IMAGO Relationships International (IRI)
>> "Getting The Love You Want" and"Keeping the Love You Find" Workshops and
>> ImagoCONNECTS relationship educational series. IRI, founded by Harville
>> Hendrix, PhD and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD, trains and certifies qualified
>> professionals to present the popular IMAGO workshops which educate couples
>> and individuals to discover joy, intimacy and the spiritual potential of
>> loving relationships. Taught in most major cities - nationally and
>> internationally. Plus: ImagoCONNECTS provides introductory educational
>> classes and Couplehood as a Spiritual Path for religious groups. Schedule
>> 
>> Contact/Organizer: Tim Atkinson
>> Website: http://www.ImagoRelationships.org
>> Phone: 800-729-1121
>> 
> Or, to visit our "Find a Marriage Education Class & Resources" Directory to
> explore additional resources, click here:
> http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html
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12th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, Hilton San Francisco Hotel,
July 2 - 5, 2008  
Pre-Conference Training Institutes June 30-July 2
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 6

Details: http://www.smartmarriages.com/conferencedetails.html

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Diane Sollee, Director
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