Stepfamily Survey | Relate Survey - 10/16/07

[Smartmarriages]

- STEPFAMILY STUDY
- RELATE SURVEY ASSESSES COMPATIBILITY

#########################

- STEPFAMILY STUDY
Please help.  We need more good research on how to prevent "re-divorce" in
stepfamilies. Forward to your CHMIs, congregations, classes, friends. -
diane 

Are you a parent in a stepfamily, married 5 years or less, with at
least one child between the ages of 11 to 15 years old?
Receive up to $200 for your online feedback and opinions. Go to
http://study.newstepfamily.com

Stepfamily Research Study:
The Oregon Center for Applied Science, Inc. (ORCAS) is conducting a
research study to gather feedback for an online interactive program
designed to help stepfamilies.  Participants will be compensated up
to $200 for filling out three online surveys and providing feedback
on a stepfamily parenting program.  The Stepfamily Research project
is funded by a grant from the National Institutes of Health. Offer
expires December 1, 2007.

To qualify you must be a married parent or stepparent living in a
stepfamily household, have a child between the ages of 11 to 15 years
old living with you, be able to read and understand English, have an
active email account, and have access to a computer with high-speed
Internet connection.

Anyone interested in participating is encouraged to visit the
Stepfamily Study website at http://study.newstepfamily.com to get
more information.

Please forward to anyone that fits the profile. If you have additional
questions please contact Nika Hopper at stepfamily at orcasinc.com or toll-free
at 1-800-934-0626.

######################

- RELATE SURVEY ASSESSES COMPATIBILITY

Before the vows
Survey partners love with science to help couples assess compatibility
By Jennifer Barrett
The Salt Lake Tribune
10/15/2007 

> Visit the site at www.relate-institute.org. Choose from three different
> questionnaires, READY for singles, RELATE for married couples, and
> RELATE-remarriage, for those where one or both spouses has been married
> before.
> 
> Create an account. After completing the survey, you will be asked to pay $10
> per person. Creators say RELATE is not trying to turn a profit, just help
> pay for itself. After that, you can access a detailed report outlining both
> parties' responses and areas of strength and weakness.
> 
> Data collected will be kept confidential, but may be used for research
> purposes.

[Relate will be presented at the San Francisco Smart Marriages Conference. -
diane ]

Brigham Young University researchers designed their online questionnaire to
help couples achieve long-lasting marital harmony. But after taking it,
Jaren Bracken and fiancée Aubrey Harrison found themselves in a bit of a
tiff.

In completing the survey just a month before their wedding day, Harrison
reported that she was "very satisfied" with their relationship. Bracken
described himself simply as "satisfied."

"We did get in a little argument about it. I was like, 'Thanks!'" said
Harrison, 20.

Bracken, 24, did some fast talking.

"I'm happy with things. They're great," he said. But he smoothly added that
complete bliss cannot possibly come until after the Grantsville couple have
exchanged the vows, slipped on the rings and crossed the threshold.

"That was either a good recovery, or they did what they should do," which is
talk to each other, said Tom Holman, a professor at Brigham Young University
and one of the pioneers of the online questionnaire, called RELATE (short
for RELAtionship Evaluation), which has been nearly 30 years in the making.

RELATE's creators say they have partnered love with science in "the most
comprehensive assessment" available for single people or couples, either
dating, engaged, cohabiting, married, or contemplating remarriage. It
consists of an eight-part survey, covering everything from housekeeping
habits and family background, to goals for work and parenting style.

Once each partner has answered the nearly 300 questions, the RELATE program
collates and compares the responses, kicking out a half-inch-thick report
that couples can print and use to discuss concerns or potential problems. A
study published this summer showed that relationships improved markedly for
couples who take the survey.

It's not a Cosmo magazine-style quiz or a matchmaking survey. "It doesn't
ask, do you like Piña Coladas," said RELATE researcher and BYU professor
Jeffry Larsen.

Instead, the creators hope it will be used to prompt communication, and be
repeated every few years as a "relationship checkup" to prevent major
problems.

Not a crystal ball: "I just think it's an awesome tool," said Melanie Reese,
director of state's Healthy Marriage Initiative office, which seeks to
strengthen marriage through education.

While the program does include a list of recommended books and creators hope
to add a study course for couples, it doesn't make any promises.

"RELATE is not . . . a crystal ball that tries to predict the future of your
relationship," the Web site warns. "You can't 'fail' RELATE, nor will we
tell you to break up or stay together - only you can decide that."

The project is almost three decades old, said Holman, who first worked on
RELATE as a graduate student, then served as executive director of the
BYU-based Relate Institute for nearly 20 years. In that time, the survey has
been taken by nearly 100,000 individuals.

The survey has gone through many incarnations, from a hard-copy
questionnaire that couples filled in with No. 2 pencils, to the high-tech
tool it is today. Questions have changed from broad queries about values and
shared interests to more scientifically based topics. It's also designed for
a wide audience, not just members of the Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints, which owns BYU.

At first, researchers "assumed the predictor of marital quality was shared
values," said Holman. But by the 1980s, marriage researchers had discovered
that behavior, both as individuals and as couples, was a better predictor of
wedded bliss.

"Criticism, contempt, defensiveness and withdrawal. They form a cascade that
leads to divorce," said Holman.

Info for researchers: While the main goal of RELATE is to help couples, it
has also been a trove of information for researchers.

For example, Holman said, RELATE researchers discovered that relationships
in which one or both individuals rate their partner as being more kind than
themselves have a greater chance of long-term success than relationships in
which neither partner says the other is more kind.

Part of the research has been looking at how the effectiveness of RELATE.

"Do couples read it [the final report]? Do they apply it? Do they argue
about it? Do they throw it at each other?" asked Larsen. "We've found
[RELATE] is helpful."

Bracken and Harrison said the survey prompted discussion beyond the
"satisfaction" slip, even in areas where they thought they were in sync.

Harrison said while she wants to stay home and raise kids, she would be
comfortable working after marriage and earning more than her husband.
Bracken said he preferred Harrison to remain at home, although he wouldn't
mind the bigger salary if she did work.

"That's going to be something we have to talk about now. . . . I think we'll
probably end up taking the results out and looking at them again," said
Bracken.

Nicole Droitsch and Kevin Pigg (who, like Bracken and Harrison took the
survey at The Tribune's request) said they already consider themselves good
communicators.

"One thing that Nicole and I discussed when we were engaged was, if we're
going to make it, we've got to beat the odds," said Pigg, 37. That's why the
Salt Lake City couple, now married for five years, took premarital classes
from their minister.

Still, the survey was helpful "in that it made us think about things you may
not normally think about," said Droitsch, 34. Seeing their results
side-by-side, in graphic form, was especially eye opening.

Not being members of the LDS Church, they worried the survey would somehow
skew toward Mormon marriages. Droitsch in particular seemed suspicious of a
section of the analysis citing research that says couples who share
religious involvement are more likely to remain married.

RELATE creators try to diffuse those concerns, noting on the Web site that
RELATE had its roots in a religiously diverse coalition and is written for
people of any faith, or no faith at all.

Droitsch and Pigg also had some trouble negotiating the Web site. Overall,
though, they found the survey useful and Pigg said it might encourage
engaged couples to seek premarital counseling.

"That's a good thing that could come out of this. Marriage is serious. Take
the proper steps," he said. ---

So you think you're in love...

Anyone can take the RELATE survey, from unattached singles or engaged
couples, to those married for decades or just living together.

Visit the site at www.relate-institute.org. Choose from three different
questionnaires, READY for singles, RELATE for married couples, and
RELATE-remarriage, for those where one or both spouses has been married
before.

Create an account. After completing the survey, you will be asked to pay $10
per person. Creators say RELATE is not trying to turn a profit, just help
pay for itself. After that, you can access a detailed report outlining both
parties' responses and areas of strength and weakness.

Data collected will be kept confidential, but may be used for research
purposes.


Do you take this survey . . . ?

RELATE presents nearly 300 questions or statements that a couple can agree
or disagree with. They range from the the mundane to the pointed. Here's a
sampling: * How often has your current partner been pressured against
her/his will to participate in sexual behaviors by you? * If I am married, I
would not have a love affair with someone else. * Living together is an
acceptable alternative to marriage. * There are many things about my partner
I would like to change. * Rate your partner in these areas: kind, sociable,
calm, organized, flexible, mature, happy, esteem. Rate yourself in those
areas. * It is perfectly normal never to want to get married. * If I had an
unhappy marriage and neither counseling nor other actions helped, my spouse
and I would be better off if we divorced. * The father should spend as much
time as the mother caring for infants and toddlers. * It is important to me
to have the finer things in life. * How often do you pray (commune with a
higher power)? * How often do you desire to have sexual intercourse with
your partner? * There's no stopping me once I get started complaining.


**************************
Send submissions and comments for the listserv to: diane at smartmarriages.com
Do NOT hit "reply". If you hit reply your email will go into cyberspace and
NO ONE will see your email.

This is a moderated list. Submissions and comments are read by Diane Sollee,
editor. Please indicate if your comment is NOT to be shared with the list.
PLEASE include your email address or url as part of your signature.

Please also understand that with thousands of subscribers, not all comments
can be shared. Also realize that opinions expressed are not necessarily
shared by members of the Coalition.

To SUBSCRIBE, UNSUBSCRIBE, or Change your subscription address,
use the form at: http://www.smartmarriages.com. Click Newslist - in the left
column under the puzzle piece.

To read past posts to the listserv, visit the Archive at:
http://lists101.his.com/pipermail/smartmarriages/

12th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, Hilton San Francisco Hotel,
July 2 - 5, 2008  
Pre-Conference Training Institutes June 30-July 2
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 6

List your program and resources on the Directory of Classes at
http://www.smartmarriages.com

Order conference audio & video CD/DVD/MP3s: 800-241-7785 or
http://www.iPlaybackSmartMarriages.com

Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
5310 Belt Rd NW, Washington, DC 20015-1961
http://www.smartmarriages.com
202-362-3332

FAIR USE NOTICE: This e-newsletter/site contains copyrighted material the
use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright
owner. We make such material available in our efforts to advance
understanding of marriage, family, couples, divorce, legislation, family
breakdown, etc. We understand this constitutes a 'fair use' of such material
as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with
Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed
without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the
included information for research and educational purposes. For more
information go to: http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/17/107.shtml. If you
wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own
that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright
owner.