DeMaria in Philly | Malaysia | Baseball | Movie Event | High School Coverage | Extension | Study - 10/5/07

Fri Oct 5 15:02:19 EDT 2007

- AWESOME, ASTONISHING PROGRESS IN PHILADELPHIA
- CONFERENCE INQUIRY: IF ONE ASKS
- MARRIAGE AND BASEBALL IN PENNSYLVANIA
- GREAT IDEA FOR COMMUNITY MARRIAGE MOVIE EVENT
- GREAT COVERAGE FOR MARRIAGE MATTERS IN NORTH CAROLINA
- MARRIAGE PREP CLASS OFFERED IN FLORIDA EXTENSION OFFICES
- NEWS YOU CAN USE: MARRIAGE STILL THE BEST/STUDY

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- AWESOME, ASTONISHING PROGRESS IN PHILADELPHIA

Council for Relationships (CFR), which happens to be the country's "oldest
and largest center for training, research, and counseling to couples and
families", is celebrating its 75th anniversary this Fall. But that's not
what's amazing, at least not to this listserv. The anniversary is nice, but
they've given us other reasons to celebrate! This highly esteemed marriage
counseling/marital therapy institution now offers a full compliment of
marriage EDUCATION classes and training, making it THE largest and most
comprehensive marriage EDUCATION institute in the country.  In fact, it's my
guess that it's the largest and most comprehensive marriage EDUCATION
offering IN THE WORLD. (If I'm wrong, please correct me - I'd love to know
of other comprehensive Marriage Education institutes.)  The courses offered
to couples and the trainings offered to instructors, include: PREP, PAIRS,
Relationship Enhancement, PREPARE/ENRICH, How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk
(Jerkette), and 7 Stages of Marriage, plus a wide range of sexuality, anger
and stress management, and parenting education courses!!

AND, as they put it on their website "The Post-Graduate Training Program,
accredited by AAMFT, will now ADD an advanced course in Contemporary Models
of Couple and Family Therapy AND RELATIONSHIP EDUCATION, continuing its
leadership in the advancement of educational programs for couples and
families." That is a big TAH DAH, a big step forward for Relationship
EDUCATION. 

We have one determined person, Rita DeMaria to thank for all this.  She's
been on CFR staff for 7 years and has been plugging away, inch by inch till
she's gone the full mile!  In fact her new title is Director of Relationship
Education - that they have a Relationship Education Director, speaks to CFRs
amazing commitment to an Educational approach.

The Council is ALSO an active member of the Greater Philadelphia Healthy
Marriage Coalition that provides training and outreach to the Philadelphia
community and has just been awarded a 3-year ACF grant from the Office of
Community Services Training and Technical Assistance for Healthy Marriage.
Again, it's DeMaria who is the mover and shaker and persistent hand behind
this impressive Philadelphia Coalition - a true coalition in one of the
largest and most diverse cities in the country.  So, hats off to Rita
DeMaria.  

She'll again be presenting and exhibiting in SF where it's been her practice
to offer free consultation to anyone who is trying to organize in their own
community or work setting. Even if you don't need a consultation, drop by
and shake her hand and thank her for what she's done for the advancement of
the field.  

If you want more info about the Council for Relationships, their website
lists all courses and events (Masters training, conferences, etc) and a free
on-line newsletter. http://www.councilforrelationships.org/

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- CONFERENCE INQUIRY: IF ONE ASKS

We expect the usual number of attendees from outside the United States. We
usually have attendees from 26+ countries but bet we'll have even more given
the condition of the dollar and the improving exchange rate for visitors.
I'll share this in case others have similar questions and also to show you
the interesting roommates available.  I encourage sharing a room.  I hear
such wonderful stories from those with roommates - leads to great
collaborations.  - diane

> 
>> Dear Diane,
>> 
>> I have been eagerly following your mails and have decided to attend this
>> reputed Conference in 2008. I am attach with a NGO,Social Strategic
>> Foundation(YSS) Social arm of Malaysian Indian Congress, component political
>> party of ruling government. I am the head of Family Unit,YSS. Our Ministry
>> has introduced the Pre-Marriage Course for young couples. I am one of the
>> Master Trainer for the said course. This course being conducted in English,
>> Malay, Chinese and Tamil. Please send me the 2008 brochure. I would prefer to
>> share a quad room. Kindly provide me the basic guidance for me to work out
>> costing to this Conference. Our website: www.yss98.com
>> 
>> K.A.Gunah
>> MALAYSIA
> 
> Very exciting that you will make the trip!
> 
> The brochures will not be available until Feb.
> 
> In the meantime, you can find all the info you need at:
> http://www.smartmarriages.com/conferencedetails.html
> 
> The conference prices are there as is info about hotel and airline discounts.
> You can also download a conference flyer to print or email to colleagues.
> 
> You should book a quad room immediately - you can do that on-line - and then
> visit the roommate information page to start looking for roommates:
> http://www.smartmarriages.com/roommates.html
> - diane

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- MARRIAGE AND BASEBALL IN PENNSYLVANIA
>From the BLOG assumelove.com
Oct 5, 2007 

> Can Baseball Save Your Marriage?
> 
> Howard Markman, marriage guru from the University of Denver and one of the
> creators of the very popular PREP marriage education program, noticed
> something interesting about Major League Baseball.
> 
> When Denver was hoping to lure a major league team ten years ago, he found
> that cities with a major league team had a divorce rate 28% lower than cities
> seeking one. Seven years after the Colorado Rockies played their first game,
> Denver's divorce rate has dropped by 20% to 4.2 divorces for every 1,000
> people. Phoenix and Miami added major league teams, too, and their divorce
> rates dropped by 30%. Tampa's dropped by 17%, which is still above the 15%
> average drop nationwide.
> 
> I checked out our local stats. Pennsylvania, with two MLB teams, has one of
> the lowest divorce rates in the country, 43% lower than Colorado's.
> 
> Markman suspects baseball is providing the sort of shared fun that keeps
> couples together. Here in the Philadelphia area, where the Phillies are in the
> playoffs against Markman's Rockies, baseball's a shared passion for lots of
> couples.

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- GREAT IDEA FOR COMMUNITY MARRIAGE MOVIE EVENT

This idea is from Marriage Works in PA - they are arranging a special
community showing of "Why Did I Get Married?" the new Tyler Perry movie. Way
to go - on the ball and planning ahead.

> TYLER PERRY'S
> WHY DID I GET MARRIED?
> Lionsgate Promo Screening
> Thursday, October 11th 7:30 PM
> Sponsored by The Marriage Works
> AMC Loews- Waterfront 22
> 300 Waterfront Drive-Homestead 
> www.whydidigetmarriedthemovie.com

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- GREAT COVERAGE FOR MARRIAGE MATTERS IN NORTH CAROLINA

This VERY POSITIVE coverage includes a link to the Marriage Matters website.
With coverage like this we'll definitely turn the tide.  - diane

Marriage Enters Halifax County Classrooms (North Carolina)
Wral.com
Oct 5, 2007

Students at three Halifax high schools are learning about healthy
relationships in a course educators hope will reduce the rates of divorces,
single-parent households and domestic violence.

A $550,000 federal grant funded the course to teach students how to develop
strong relationships and healthy marriages based on mutuality and respect.
The course is being taught at Weldon, Northwest Halifax and Southeast
Halifax high schools.

In 2006, nearly 65,000 people were married in North Carolina, and more than
half that number were divorced, according to the N.C. Center for Health
Statistics.

"Having been married before, you're in for a lot of surprises, and you need
to know how to deal with that emotionally," Harriett Walker, with Weldon
City schools, said.

A large part of the course focuses on teaching students how to handle
emotions. Students are asked they would deal with unwanted attention,
rejection and self-esteem.

The course is part of the Healthy Marriage Demonstration Program sponsored
by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. The N.C. portion of the
grant is being administered by the Raleigh-based CJH Educational Grant
Services, Inc.

Warren County schools has also applied to CJH for a grant to fund a similar
course.

Physical education teacher Charlie Vernon said he knows a lot of educators
statewide have their eyes on the course, which he heads at Weldon High.

"This is something new. I have people calling me, asking me about the
program, so I have to stay up-to-date with what's going on," Vernon said.

He said students are taking an active interest in the subject matter.
Ninth-grader Jakia Davis seems to have learned the message of communication
that the course is designed to impart.

"When I first started the class, it was kind of hard to express myself, but
now, it's easy," she said.

http://www.wral.com/news/local/story/1895056/
Copyright 2007 by WRAL.com

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- MARRIAGE PREP CLASS OFFERED IN FLORIDA EXTENSION OFFICES

This article is a good reminder of incredible resource available in our
national network of U.S. Dept of Agriculture Extension offices - one in
every county in the country and with their personal and a tradition of
offering education, they are ideal for helping lower divorce and family
breakdown in your CHMI.  If you're not cooperating with Co-operative
Extension, make the call today and get them on board in your community.

One of the highest rated workshops at the Denver Conference the FREE
curriculum, The Marriage Garden, developed by Wally Goddard in Extension.
Suggest to Extension offices in your community that they teach classes
developed by their own, The Marriage Garden or Before You Tie the Knot or
any of the marriage education courses developed in Extension.  They'd love
to help. Just ask. Also, visit the Extension national website for all kinds
of guides and info: http://www.nermen.org/  (Note, not all the Extension
curricula are free - there's been confusion about that.)

Order recordings of these sessions at 800-241-7785. Good intro/overviews.

- diane 

> 757-707 - Denver Smartmarriages workshop
> The Marriage Garden  TOOB
> Wallace Goddard, PhD, James Marshall, PhD
> Easy to teach, innovative, flexible, FREE (!) and based on new discoveries in
> positive psychology and Appreciative Inquiry. Includes commitment, nurture,
> and communication activities.

> 757-612 - Denver Smartmarriages workshop
> Partner With Cooperative Extension: Create Capacity
> Francesca Adler-Baeder, PhD, Ted Futris, PhD
> This vast network of educators and researchers offers free to low-cost
> programs and information and obvious partners for your community,
> marriage-strengthening, coalition-building efforts.

Couples receive tips before saying, 'I do'
A marriage-preparation course aims to point the way to healthy unions.
Orlando Sentinel 
Andrea Stanley
October 4, 2007

First comes love, then comes marriage, and then, as some couples find out,
comes divorce.

But Orange County is taking steps to try to bolster healthy unions.

Recently, a group of engaged couples participated in a two-day, six-hour
marriage-preparation educational course, "Before You Tie the Knot," which
was offered at the University of Florida's Institute of Food and
Agricultural Services' Orange County extension education center.

"Everybody wonders why some marriages last and some don't, and we really
just want to raise awareness of some of the topics that help determine
that," said Jonnali Mayberry, the family and consumer-science agent who
teaches the class.

The class, one of only a few that take place in a secular environment, was
offered for the first time in the county.

"It is a research-based program, so this can apply no matter what religious
background you may or may not be," Mayberry said.

"It is really important for secular options to exist. Programs are offered
in religious establishments, but if the couples don't belong they are less
likely to participate in a marriage-preparation course."

The class is a mix of a lecture by the instructor, along with activities
that focus on four main topics: communication, conflict, money and children.

"This is an educational program -- we aren't counselors or therapists,"
Mayberry said. "We are just trying to raise awareness. It is important for
those entering into a marriage to go into it with open eyes and healthy,
realistic goals."

Six couples completed the first presentation of the program.

Another class is tentatively scheduled for the end of October. It is open to
the public with a fee of $10 per couple.

Among those in the group were Bonnie Lucero, 59, and her fiance, Daniel
Walsh, 65, both of Orlando, who were preparing to walk down the aisle next
month after 15 years of dating.

"It was my idea to come, so hopefully he will learn how to be a good
husband," Lucero said, chuckling.

Lucero and Walsh, who have both been married previously, are determined to
make this marriage the perfect match.

"We are going to do it until we get it right," Lucero said.

Both found the class to be a good compass to point them in the right
direction.

"Although it seems like common sense, the class really has some good
points," Walsh said.

The group also had several couples going into marriage for the first time --
such as Tracy Fey, 25, of Orlando and her fiance.

"We both thought it would be a good idea to take the class because we are
always looking for ways to improve our communication," Fey said. "Things
like this class will help give us a better start."

And while the class does its best to prepare the newly engaged, the
incentives extend beyond the lessons.

Couples are eligible for a $32.50 discount off the $93.50 price of a
marriage license upon completing the class and they can waive the three-day
waiting period.

The preparation course was created by professors and family-service
extension agents at the University of Florida in the late '90s, after
divorce rates for the state were above average, and in conjunction with the
Marriage Preparation and Preservation Act of 1999, Mayberry said.

According to a report by the National Vital Statistics Department, 158,754
couples were married in Florida in 2005; in that same year, 81,346 were
divorced.

Those statistics ranked Florida No. 6 in the nation for number of divorces.

The program is offered in various extension education centers across Florida
and is taught by extension agents within that branch. There are 67
University of Florida extension offices in Florida -- one for each county.

And while love is in the air, Mayberry hopes the responsibilities that come
along with it are floating around, too.

"Marriage is a lifetime, and sometimes when people are in love certain
topics are overlooked. Hopefully, this raises awareness of them," she said.

Copyright © 2007, Orlando Sentinel

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- NEWS YOU CAN USE: MARRIAGE STILL THE BEST/STUDY

Marriage still the best way to play happy, healthy families, says study

Full report - www.statistics.gov.uk/cci/nugget.asp?id=1865

 · Cohabiting couples are fastest growing family type
 · Children thrive if parents are married, data suggests

 Polly Curtis, education editor
 Friday October 5, 2007
 The Guardian <http://www.guardian.co.uk/>

Children whose parents live together but are not married get worse results
at school, leave education earlier and have a higher risk of developing a
serious illness, according to an analysis of six years of government data on
family life.

The figures show that a third of today's teenagers are destined to cohabit
rather than marry, compared with one in 10 of their grandparents. The number
of cohabiting couples has increased by 65% in a decade, with a more gradual
rise in the number of single-parent families. By 2014, married couples could
account for less than half of British families.

The analysis, published yesterday by the Office for National Statistics,
says marriage is associated with BETTER HEALTH, PARTICULARLY FOR MEN. Women
who are or have been married and have children are the healthiest, unless
they are lone parents, who are significantly more likely to suffer a
long-term illness. Divorce and separation are also associated with poor
health.

Mike Murphy, who collated the evidence on health in the report, said: "It
could be that bad relationships rather than the divorce is what's making
people unhappy and therefore ill."

Children are also more likely to develop long-term illnesses if they live in
non-traditional family groups. Teenagers whose parents are married and those
who live with just their mother are more likely to stay in education past
the age of 17 than those of cohabiting parents.

Of children who live with their married parents, 69% of boys and 78% of
girls were still in education at the age of 17, compared with 59% of boys
and 69% of girls who live with their mother - both higher than the
proportion for cohabiting parents.

Kathleen Kiernan, professor of social policy and demography at York
University, said that the figures could also betray the characteristics of
people who are more likely to marry. "People in cohabiting relationships are
more likely to be socially disadvantaged in the first place, so you might
just be showing the characteristics of people who chose not to marry."

She added that it was difficult to generalise about cohabiting couples, who
may include people who are about to marry, those who oppose marriage and
those who are just "testing the strength of their relationship," which has
become more acceptable in the UK in the last 30 years.

In 2006, couples in nearly 70% of families were married. In the 10 years
previously the number of married families had fallen by 4% to just over 12
million, while the number of lone mothers had increased by 11% to 2.3
million. By 2031 the number of people aged 45 to 64 in England and Wales who
are living together but not married will increase by nearly 250% compared
with 2003, the report says.

Cohabiting couples are the fastest growing family type in the UK, according
to Steve Smallwood, the head of family demography at the Office for National
Statistics.

"The biggest growth, both proportionately and in numbers, is cohabiting
couples, which have grown by around 60%," he said. Childless couples
comprise the largest group - there are 1,335,208 couples living together
without children, compared with 854,596 10 years before. But there was also
a 73% increase in the number of families where the parents are not married,
to 909,816 last year.

The report suggests that the number could be even higher as same-sex couples
are only counted voluntarily, so many gay households may not be included.

Nine out of 10 single-parent families are headed by a mother. Fathers who
are bringing up their children alone are on average 10 years older than
single mothers, a sign that they are more likely to be sole parents as a
result of bereavement than divorce.

London has the highest proportion (22.1%) of lone parent families, making it
the exception to a crude north-south divide. Families are more likely to
include married or cohabiting parents in the south-east, south-west and east
of England.

Adults who are married are twice as likely to provide intensive support for
an ill or disabled relative as those who are cohabiting. Increases in the
numbers choosing cohabiting will coincide with soaring numbers of older
people who will need caring for.

Linda Pickard, the LSE statistician who compiled some of the figures for the
ONS, said: "Cohabitation is growing in the younger age groups; the care
burden is mostly in the middle and older age groups. As that younger group
gets older there could be a larger problem of care provision if the
relationships don't develop into marriage-like commitments."

According to the last census, nearly 10% of people who are single after the
age of 75 are in a nursing home or communal establishment, compared with 1%
of those who are married. Around 1.2 million of adult carers look after a
spouse, parent or other close relative for at least 20 hours a week.

Lone parent nation: London tops trend

London is the lone parent capital of England, the report by the Office for
National Statistics shows. In 2001, the capital had the highest proportion -
22.1% - of lone-parent families, bucking a broad north-south divide in which
families in the south are significantly more likely to have a traditional
structure headed by a married couple.

In the east, south-east and south-west of England, approximately 13% of
parents were lone parents.

But within regions there were even greater contrasts. In Lambeth, London,
nearly 48% of all families with children are headed by single parents, and
in the borough of Islington 47%. Further figures reveal that families in the
south of the country are more likely to be headed by parents who are either
married or cohabiting than families in the north of England, Scotland and
Wales.

Around 15% of families in the south-east are headed by cohabiting couples,
compared with less than 11% in Scotland, Northern Ireland and Wales, while
rates of marriage are highest in the east of England, the south-west and
Northern Ireland.

Magherafelt in Northern Ireland has the highest marriage rate, with nearly
80% of families with children being headed by married parents.

"The great majority of lone- parent families were female," the report says.
"London had the largest proportion of male lone- parent families, 2.7%,
while the proportion ranged between 1.9% and 2.6% for other regions." 