Enchanted | Battle of the Sexes | Steaming? | Job Link | Thanksgiving | GERD | Directory | Remarriage Questionnaires| Imagine - 11/24/07

Sat Nov 24 13:42:10 EST 2007

- ENCHANTED
- BATTLE OF THE SEXES
- THANKS FOR ALL THE "THANKSGIVING"
- REMINDER: UPDATE YOUR DIRECTORY SCHEDULES
- GERD DIVORCE CONNECTION
- WEB STEAMING
- BETTER LINK FOR THE ACF HEAD START MARRIAGE SPECIALIST JOB
- REMARRIAGE QUESTIONNAIRES?
- IS THE DECLINE OF MARRIAGE INEVITABLE?
- IMAGINE 
#####################
- ENCHANTED
I took my granddaughter to see Enchanted yesterday. I had no idea, but the
male lead is a divorced, divorce lawyer and the movie has a strong
anti-divorce message. Great for use in marriage ed classes. Would love to
hear what others thought.  - diane

#######################
- BATTLE OF THE SEXES
At a large family gathering with players ranging in age from 12 to 67, had
such a good time last night playing a simple board game: Battle of the
Sexes. It says on the box that it's a version of "the popular radio contests
played around the world" (??)  Could not believe the insights and laughter
at how men and women know such different stuff and the amazing discussions
as the groups of men vs women used their own styles of gender-based logic to
try to come up with answers.  Was very helpful to have all ages represented
with those in their 30's knowing most but with a few answers being very
dependent on the teens and a few times on those of us over 60. I found the
game at AreYouGame.com. I could see this being great for community marriage
initiatives or date night events.  However, hope they have replacement cards
as you go through the cards quickly and can't replay and these would be hard
to make up because none of us can imagine that the opposite gender doesn't
know these things - they all seem so obvious to the gender that does know.
As my granddaughter kept saying as she'd read the questions for the men,
"Duh"....then to be shocked that the men had no idea.  Once you know the
answers (have gone through the cards) it's kaput - games over.  BTW, the men
won but graciously allowed that the questions for women were more difficult.
Also, it's totally PG - suitable for kids. Warning: don't read even one of
the question cards in advance to see how to play, it ruins that whole card
and there are so few - only 144 questions in total and you fly through them.
- diane  

#########################

- THANKS FOR ALL THE "THANKSGIVING"

So many of you, like Amy Gilford below, have written to give thanks in this
season of Thanksgiving for the Smart Marriages Coalition. I won't share them
all but want to acknowledge the many who took the time to say how much it
means to them to have a group like this where we value each contribution
and where we recognize the value of rowing together.  Each is strengthened
by the work of the others - the community workers by the researchers; the
chaplains by the innovations of the model makers; couples and children by
the federal projects; all of us by the work of journalists and commentators;
me by all of you; and on and on.  We might just make a dent (any day
now)....if we can continue to hold together and keep at it.   - diane

> Dear Diane,
> Thank you for the article on Commitment today. I have really struggled with
> impressing on singles the value in lifelong marital commitment as I teach
> the PICK classes.  So many consider a "mutually satisfying monogamous
> relationship" synonymous with commitment - regardless of the facts. I have
> been compiling the articles such as this one and handing them out each time
> I teach and talk to community leaders.  Eyebrows are beginning to raise,
> somewhat.  We just keep trying to stay positive and tout the benefits of
> marriage and how to prepare for and enrich them as we go.   I have an
> upcoming meeting with the Domestic Violence Task force in our community and
> they are anxious to learn about the PICK program as well as the other work
> we do.  Thank you for the work YOU do to keep us up to speed.
> Amy Gilford
> Community Relations Director
> Marriage Resource Center

##########################
- REMINDER: UPDATE YOUR DIRECTORY SCHEDULES

If you have the schedule option on the Directory (you know who you are),
please email me a new set of dates so I can update the Directory. It helps.
Also: REMINDER - payment is due for all Directory renewals a week from
today, by Dec 1, 2007. Apparently I put Dec 1, 2008 on the invoices (I'm
totally focused on everything 2008 with conference barreling down.)  - diane

########################
- GERD DIVORCE CONNECTION

Just when you thought it was from eating too much turkey. But it figures
that divorced males would end up eating way too much greasy take-out. And,
there's, apparently, also a danger in too much "tea and sympathy"...or, in
escaping into our work.  - d

Age, burden, DIVORCE and heavy tea consumption are significant risk factors
for erosive esophagitis

Gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD) is a common disorder with a high
incidence rate in adults of 10 - 38%. The diagnosis and treatment of GERD
are therefore important because the disease, in addition to the highly
disturbing typical symptoms, has a series of known consequences. The
presence of GERD may affect patients' quality of life, decrease functional
activity, and increase the risk of esophageal carcinoma.

Although many investigators have reported the prevalence of erosive
esophagitis, the prevalence of non-erosive reflux disease (NERD) has not
been investigated in China.

A research article published in the issue 45 of the World Journal of
Gastroenterology addresses this question. The research team led by Dr.
You-Ming Li analyzed a spectrum of GERD subjects based on presenting
symptoms and endoscopic findings.

One conclusion reported by the investigators is that of the 2231 recruited
participants, 31.4% were diagnosed as having GERD, 10.6% were NERD patients,
while 20.80% had objective findings of reflux esophagitis, including 19.5%
patients with grade A or B reflux esophagitis, 0.90% with grade C and 0.40%
with grade D.

Another conclusion is that old age, being male, having a moderate working
burden, being divorced/widowed and heavy tea consumption remained
significant independent risk factors for erosive esophagitis. Routine
consumption of greasy food and constipation were considered significant
independent risk factors for NERD.

GERD is one of the common GI diseases with a high occurrence rate in China,
and its main associated factors include sex, anthropometrical variables and
social-psychological characteristics.

###

Reference: Juan Du, Jiang Liu, Hong Zhang, Chao-Hui Yu, You-Ming Li. Risk
factors for gastroesophageal reflux disease, reflux esophagitis and
non-erosive reflux disease among Chinese patients undergoing upper
gastrointestinal endoscopic examination. World J Gastroenterol 2007; 13(45):
6009-6015
http://www.wjgnet.com/1007-9327/13/6009.asp

######################

- WEB STEAMING

> Diane, Web Steaming?  Is that one of those Hot Monogamy things? :-)
> -- WW
> Professor of Sociology

With everyone checking out the web STREAMING, the site may in fact be
STEAMING, but STEAMING was a typo.  Not, a type-o.  (This was in reference
to my tah dah about the new video STREAMING capacity just installed at
http://www.iplaybacksmartmarriages.com where you can watch clips of the
Denver keynotes.)  - diane

#######################
- BETTER LINK FOR THE ACF HEAD START MARRIAGE SPECIALIST JOB
Bill Coffin says this is best place to check out the new job posting:
> Search Program Analyst (Healthy Marriage) at http://jobsearch.usajobs.opm.gov/

#####################
- REMARRIAGE QUESTIONNAIRES?

> Hi Diane...
> Do you know of any pre-marital questions for couples who are preparing for 2nd
> marriages later in life?  I'm thinking of the great questions that John Van
> Epp uses for his PICK program and how there might be something more
> specifically for the older/remarriage crowd.  Thanks for all that you do!
> Geoff

First, although Van Epp originally designed his PICK/How to Avoid Marrying a
Jerk/Jerkett program for first timers, he finds that even though
first-timers love the course, it's even more well-received by those who
failed the first time (using just their instincts) and who want to be sure
to get it right the second (or subsequent) time around.  So, I'm sure Van
Epp would say the premarital questions in the Jerk/Pick program are ideal
for those preparing for remarriage or later in life.  (We'll see if he sends
a comment.)

Plus, the three major marriage-education inventories: Prepare/Enrich,
Foccus, and Relate each have versions designed specifically for remarriage
and later-in-life couples.

David Olson's: 1) Prepare-MC is designed for those who are remarrying with
children; 2) Prepare-CC is for cohabiting couples with or without children;
and, 3) Prepare-MATE is for couples over 50.

The Foccus/Refoccus inventory, developed by Barbara Markey, has additional
sets of questions for remarriage with or without kids, for cohabiting
couples and for interfaith couples.

And, the BYU RELATE inventory has the RELATE-Remarriage (Relate-R) version.
It also has a "READY" inventory for those not yet in a serious relationship
to assess "personal relationship readiness".  Relate is on-line and only
$10/person.    

You can find descriptions and live links to all three inventories on the
Directory of Programs in the INVENTORIES section under Resources:

http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html#type_14

#########################
- IS THE DECLINE OF MARRIAGE INEVITABLE?

As this article and all of us can attest, "Not at all".....we now have it in
our means to become smarter and better informed and better equipped to
succeed at marriage, and, given that the majority of high school seniors
still highly value marriage, we have every reason for optimism.  Grab and
oar!  - diane  

Is the Decline of Marriage Inevitable?
by Jennifer Mesko, associate editor
CitizenLink.com 
11-19-07 

Research shows younger generation values family.

A majority of high school seniors ‹ 82 percent of girls and 70 percent of
boys ‹ say a good marriage is extremely important to them. Yet the number of
marriages in America is down, while the number of cohabiting couples is
skyrocketing. What's happening here?

Glenn Stanton, director of global family formation studies at Focus on the
Family, explains that, in an odd way, this all makes sense.

"Young people deeply desire happy marriages and families in their adult
years," he said, "but they are more likely to cohabit for two reasons: One
as a placeholder relationship until they meet that someone who could be
their spouse. The second is they are scared to death of failing at marriage
like so many of their boomer parents did."

Stanton, who compiled years of research in a new report, Family Formation
Trends and Analysis, said fear on the part of young people should be
softened by the fact that "at no time in our nation's history have we
possessed better information and resources on how to make marriages work
than we have today."

"This can be a God-ordained opportunity for our churches to realize this
unfortunate gap between what young people desire and what they think they
can achieve and become marriage-strengthening centers in our communities.

"Young people have this idea that you can find your soul mate, rather than
two people becoming soul mates through many years together of highs and
lows," Stanton said. "Marriage is a great life, but it is hard work and
there are days when spouses would rather throw in the towel. Our marriage
vows anticipate days like this and therefore include the good and the bad.
But an overly romantic view only sees marriage as a long, wonderful date.
Anyone with that view is bound to be disappointed."

Stanton reports the American divorce rate has nearly doubled since 1960. And
between 1970 and 2004, the annual number of U.S. weddings has dropped nearly
50 percent.

David Popenoe and Barbara Whitehead break down the statistics in their 2006
State of Our Unions report:

"If you are a reasonably well-educated person with a decent income, come
from an intact family and are religious, and marry after age twenty-five
without having a child first, your chances of divorce are very low indeed,"
they write in their 2006 report.

##########################
- IMAGINE

Words from the Front

We don't look as young
as we used to
except in dim light
especially in 
the soft warmth of candlelight
when we say
in all sincerity
You're so cute
and
You're my cutie.

Imagine
two old people
behaving like this.
It's enough
to make you happy.

##########################

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