Romance: Anniversary | Oprah TODAY: Daily Love Letters | Pain in the Head - 11/13/07

[Smartmarriages]

- GREAT ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION IDEA: PASS IT ON
- MAKING IT LAST
- HELEN AND JOE HESKETH
- THE ROMANCE BEHIND "A PAIN IN THE HEAD"

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- GREAT ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION IDEA: PASS IT ON

Diane:
We just received a card from friends that said: "In celebration of our 25th
wedding anniversary we decided to send a note of gratitude to 25 of our
family members, friends, and acquaintances who have over the years inspired,
encouraged, and supported us through their love, friendship, and example.
Thanks so much!!"
 
What a fabulous idea!  We were thrilled. I hope you'll share the idea with
the Smart Marriages listserv.
  
Susanne Alexander
Marriage Transformation Project
http://www.marriagetransformation.com

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- MAKING IT LAST

- Waco couple sharing 28 years of love letters with Oprah
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
By Wendy Gragg

Tribune-Herald staff writer

Patricia and Alton Hassell have been writing their love story, day by day,
for nearly 28 years. Today they¹ll tell that story to the world.

The Hassells, both Baylor University professors, will be featured on Oprah
Winfrey¹s show today, sharing how they have kept the romance alive in their
40-year marriage by writing love letters to each other every day for almost
28 years.

³If we can help other people find this level of communication, it¹s worth
(it),² Alton said.

Patricia sent a simple two-sentence e-mail to Oprah last May answering the
question of how to keep a love alive. Last week, Oprah¹s producers invited
the two to tell their story on the show.

Patricia, 60, and Alton, 62, fell in love while studying at Baylor and
married in 1968, before their senior year. The married couple wrote sporadic
love letters to each other, but Alton decided in 1980 they should up the
ante and commit to a daily practice of it. Patricia, busy with their
2-year-old son and eight months pregnant with their second child, was unsure
about the daily commitment.

³I looked at him and thought, ŒHe has got to be crazy,¹ ² she said.

They kept turning out the letters, though, through good and bad.

³Some of our letters were sent by airmail,² Patricia said, as she mimed
tossing a notebook across the room.

And some letters have become family heirlooms, like those they wrote in the
labor and delivery room when Patricia was about to give birth to their
daughter Sharina. On the day of Sharina¹s wedding, Patricia and Alton gave
her those letters from the day of her birth.

³She was all puddles of tears,² Patricia said.

Today, the stack of spiral notebooks they¹ve written in is taller than
Patricia and weighs more than 100 pounds.

The Hassells have a pattern for their daily love notes. In the first part,
they talk about their day because that affects the tone of the letter,
Patricia said. The second part is ³I love you today because . . .² And for
the third part, Patricia and Alton alternate assigning a question of the
day. Sometimes the question topic is as simple as plans for the weekend. The
question that makes Patricia cry every time is, ³If you only had 24 hours to
live, what would you do?²

Every night before bed, they write their letters and then exchange and
discuss them.

The letters play an important role in their relationship as a line of
communication that is always open, Alton said. The letters insist they still
communicate, even when mad. And the letters bring things out into the open
that might not have been said.

³You always have that line of communication, even if it¹s the only thing you
say to each other all day,² he said.

Along with the letters, the two also have a date every Friday night and
surprise each other with ³just ¹cause² gifts. Alton, a chemistry professor,
said he¹s too conservative to make a very good romantic, but his words say
otherwise.

³I don¹t think marriage is a science at all ‹ it¹s probably more of an art,²
he said. ³It takes both of you, committing to the marriage, both of you
making the decision to love.²

Patricia said after 40 years and two children, she is still learning about
her husband and best friend through his letters. She scoffs at the women who
once told her the spark would die after a couple of years.

³I said at my wedding shower, ŒI never want the romance to end¹ ‹ and it
hasn¹t,² she said.

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- HELEN AND JOE HESKETH

Many of you would remember from earlier posts to the list, that our very own
Helen and Joe Hesketh of Couple Power in Seattle have continued this daily
love letter tradition for much longer than 28 years, try 50+ years!  - diane

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- THE ROMANCE BEHIND "A PAIN IN THE HEAD"

I think this article is incredibly romantic - clearly shows how important it
is to have a long marriage, someone to help you bear and navigate "a pain in
the head" - and why married folks live longer. It's easy to believe this
husband would have killed himself without his Neta...

> "There were times I wondered, 'How long can I do this?' " she remembered. "I
> cried many nights. There were times I would lie in bed, and just before I fell
> asleep I'd try and feel what it would be like to be Lee. It was a very
> difficult period."
> 
> Lee Nelson said he had pretty much given up -- "I couldn't tell the story
> again" -- and planned to file for disability when his wife called Georgetown.

Too long to reprint it all here, but well worth the read:
http://tinyurl.com/3ypycf

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