FW: Puzzle? | New Grants | Transplant divorce prevention | 20/20 tonight | Best Gift to Children - 5/4/07

Fri May 4 15:17:52 EDT 2007

- TAH DAH PUZZLE? 
- NEW GRANT ANNOUNCEMENT FROM ACF
- 20/20 AND THE DC MADAM: TONIGHT
- LIFE IS SHORT, GET A DIVORCE!?!
- KIDNEY TRANSPLANT AS DIVORCE PREVENTION STRATEGY?
- BEST GIFT TO CHILDREN

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- TAH DAH PUZZLE? 

I'm so happy.  I just got a registration report and I don't know HOW to
explain it, but we have a surge in the percentage of "spouses" attending.
I've been trying for years to let people know that they should bring their
spouse or significant other - it's that kind of conference.  You want them
there (especially in the keynotes so you can nudge them in the ribs). You'll
miss them if they're not there, and, they'll love the conference even if
they have no intention of learning to teach the classes with you. (See the
"let's have fun" track - http://www.smartmarriages.com/play.html) Maybe word
has finally gotten around that spouses blend in - no one can tell who is a
marriage professional and who is just good at marriage.

We also have an increase in the percentage of "groups" attending.  People
have finally figured it out - register four and bring a 5th person free.  We
have several groups of ten - that's two freebees per group.  And, yes, you
can register groups on-line - see the on-line registration form for
instructions: http://tinyurl.com/2j2ghk

Anyone venture a guess about why the increase in spouse/group attendance
this year? The spouse and group discounts haven't changed. Maybe it's the
mountains?  Maybe it's the banquets - a larger percentage are attending
banquets this year.  If the trend continues we'll have three times as many
spouses and twice as many groups this year as last year.

If you've already registered and want to add your spouse, just call
800-314-1921.  Ditto for adding banquets or guest tickets for the Tony
Robbins/Cloe Madanes Sat night session.
- diane 
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REMEMBER: EARLY-BIRD RATE EXPIRES MIDNIGHT ON MAY 11TH.
To register click here: http://tinyurl.com/2j2ghk

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- NEW GRANT ANNOUNCEMENT FROM ACF

> 05/01/2007-06/15/2007: CSBG T&TA Promoting Healthy Marriages, Funding
> Opportunity No. HHS-2007-ACF-OCS-ET-0043

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- 20/20 AND THE DC MADAM: TONIGHT

> Diane, 
> ABC's 20/20 show tonight (10pm est) will air the story of the Wash
> DC "alleged madam" case.
> 
> We're aware of the show because - Montgomery Blair Sibley -  representing the
> "alleged madam" is the same lawyer representing Dr. Kathy Lawson here in
> Florida.  You may remember Dr. Lawson's story which you posted on the list a
> few months ago.  She is the wife/ mother/psychologist who was facing the
> threat of jail and a $15,000 fine for "dragging her feet" in the divorce
> process - because she was trying to protect their minor child from the
> numerous 'consequences' faced by children-of-divorce. (See The Heritage
> Foundation Report: "The Effects of Divorce on America".)

> The DC madam case has grown into a 'big' story, where new names are being
> leaked daily by ABC who got exclusive access to the madam's phone records.  Of
> course, it's sweeps week...('nuf said?).

> Kathy and I wonder whether the media will someday realize that the no-fault
> divorce hoax is an even bigger and more sensational scandal - how divorce laws
> were dramatically altered, starting in 1970, using deception to sell a new
> 'model' - no-fault, unilateral divorce - with devastating results.
>     
> Judy Parejko
> www.DivorceResourceCenter.com

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- LIFE IS SHORT, GET A DIVORCE!?!

Rob Scuka of Relationship Enhancement is on Fox World News as I write this
refuting "divorce as the solution" to reduced desire in marriage. - diane

> 'Life's Short, Get a Divorce' Law Firm Ad Causes a Stir in Chicago
> Neighborhood
> Friday , May 04, 2007
> 
> CHICAGO ‹ 
> A racy divorce lawyers' ad in Chicago's glitzy Gold Coast neighborhood had
> some area residents raising their eyebrows.
> 
> "It certainly gets everyone's attention," one woman told local FOX affiliate
> WFLD.
> 
> The ad is sponsored by Fetman, Garland & Associates, Ltd., a law firm
> specializing in divorce. The billboard is complete with two scantily clad
> bodies ‹ one male and one female ‹ telling people that "Life's short, get a
> Divorce." It's located near the intersection of State and Bellevue streets.
> 
> "In terms of tasteful ‹ well, no, it wouldn't be my first choice," one man
> told WFLD.
> 
> "It's offensive because the message is sex, and if you don't have what you
> want, you dump it," said another woman.
> 
> But the law firm calls the ad "cutting edge" and is making no apologies for
> it. Lawyers there say the ad isn't for everyone, but instead targets couples
> looking for a way out of a bad marital situation.
> 
> "If you're unhappy, that life is too short to continue in an unhappy marriage,
> those images provide hope," said divorce attorney Corri Fetman.
> 
> But "That would not move me to get a divorce," one female passerby told WFLD.
> 
> The law firm is promising more similar ads, including another in the same Gold
> Coast neighborhood, known for its deep-pocketed residents, nightlife and
> glitzy cars.
> 
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- KIDNEY TRANSPLANT AS DIVORCE PREVENTION STRATEGY?
CNN.com
May 4, 2007

Kidney transplant reunites divorcing couple
ALLENTOWN, Pennsylvania (AP) -- A couple who grew apart and had agreed to
split up were reunited by a life-threatening crisis.

After more than 10 years of marriage, Chip and Cindy Altemos agreed about 5
years ago to separate, see other people, and begin divorce proceedings. But
when 48-year-old Chip was hospitalized with kidney failure in September,
Cindy, 49, offered him one of hers.

The two, of South Whitehall Township, agreed to separate because of "all the
woes and troubles" they brought from previous marriages.

But Cindy Altemos, on the verge of being Chip's ex-wife, said this week: "He
was still my husband."

As a former phlebotomist who had worked with renal patients, Cindy Altemos
said she knew "exactly what he was up against," and had long thought he
would eventually need a transplant because he had had juvenile diabetes.
When they married she had promised to be a donor.

"There was no way I could walk around with two kidneys and he had none," she
said. "It was the right thing to do."

The transplant took place February 21.

Chip Altemos said his wife's gesture put an end to his new relationship and
to talk of divorce. The two will be married 17 years in October.

"We're still together," he said. "I guess just being around each other, we
slowly fell back in love again."

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- BEST GIFT TO CHILDREN
Northwest Herald
May 3, 2007

Niekamp: Best gift to children: Your stable marriage

The best thing parents can do for their children is love each other, not
just live with each other.

I work with a lot of families and marriages in my practice. As a result, I
often have the opportunity to see how strained and broken marriages affect
children. As you might expect, it¹s all negative.

Children from broken marriages often perform poorly in school. There are
exceptions, however, these high achievers are often suppressing their
feelings and distracting themselves with school work. Granted, it¹s better
than other options (i.e., drugs, sex and delinquent behavior), but the
results are usually the same: Later on in life, they end up in relationships
that mimic what they saw growing up.

Research has shown that children raised in a dual-parent household are
better adjusted adults, even when the relationship is strained. Granted,
strained marriages will produce problematic behaviors that exceed normal kid
stuff, but children will grow up to establish and maintain relatively stable
adult relationships.

What¹s more, when a child grows up in a divorced family, it¹s likely they
will view divorce as a viable option. Granted, sometimes divorce is
impossible to avoid. When one partner decides he or she is committed to
leaving, divorce is inevitable. However, it is imperative that couples work
hard to avoid such a pitfall. Divorce is a lose-lose-lose proposition. You
lose, your ³ex² loses and your children lose.

How then do you foster a marital relationship that exemplifies what you
would want to see in your children¹s adult relationships? First, take an
inventory of how you treat each other.

Do you make overt efforts to be nice to each other? This may seem simple and
trite, but it may be the very element missing in your relationship. Often,
we become so immersed in our daily tasks we forget that a simple
affectionate gesture or kind word spoken to our spouse can have a huge
impact on his or her day. What¹s more, that same gesture or word can have an
equally huge impact on your day. The lack of such interaction over the long
term can slowly deteriorate an otherwise good marriage.

Next, make a list of all your responsibilities and prioritize them. Often,
these responsibilities take precedence over our relationships. There are
many aspects of life that can pull the marriage apart, kids being one of
them. Children take a lot of our time and resources and are worth every
effort, every penny and every ounce of energy we invest in them. Be sure to
maintain the marriage, as well. If we allow parenting responsibilities to
overshadow the needs of our marriage, we are ultimately doing our children a
disservice. 

When our marriages become second to life¹s responsibilities, we risk losing
it all  especially our children. Be sure to make explicit efforts to be
kind to one another and show each other and your children just how much the
marriage means to you. In doing so, you are setting yourself up for a great
adventure and priming your children to do the same.

€ David NieKamp, Psy.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist. He would like
to answer your questions related to the family, marriage, children or just
getting through life.

**************************
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11th Annual Smart Marriages Conference, Denver Adam's Mark Hotel,
June 28-July 1, 2007
Download a brochure: http://www.smartmarriages.com/Brochure.07.pdf

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http://www.smartmarriages.com

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http://www.smartmarriages.com
202-362-3332

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