Call is full/ FUN track/ Kids / Wisdom - 3/21/07

[Smartmarriages]

- COMPASSION CAPITAL FUND CONFERENCE CALL
- FUN/SPOUSE TRACK
- CHILDCARE
- MARITAL WISDOM  

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- COMPASSION CAPITAL FUND CONFERENCE CALL

> The Friday conference call registration is now full. A complete FREE recording
> of the call, along with copies of the materials discussed, will be available
> to download on the Compassion Capital Fund Web site
> http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/ccf/ starting Monday, March 26.

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- FUN/SPOUSE TRACK
> Diane,
> In previous years you've had a spouse track. Is there one this year? I can't
> find it on the tracks page. The non-psychologist spouse...
> Heather Kemp

Yes, it's about midway down the list and is called "Let's have FUN":
http://www.smartmarriages.com/conference.tracks.html

We STRONGLY encourage you to bring your spouse.  They love the 20+ keynotes
and you'll want them there listening alongside you. They love the workshops
too, and not just the workshops on the FUN track, though that does seem they
best way to ease them into things....convince them they won't be bored and
won't feel out of place. The #2 complaint at the conference is still - "why
didn't you tell me to bring my spouse?!"  We do, but people are so used to
the policies at therapy/counseling conferences that they don't hear us.
We have story after story of non-professionals attending and loving it.
With 2,000+ people they blend right in to the crowd.  And, it's ALL
interesting.  I saw one physicist spouse who attended last year taking notes
so fast in workshops that I thought he was going to hurt himself. He
reported to me after the conference that he'd never realized what a jerk
he'd been all these years.  When they got home he insisted he and his wife
had to teach what they'd learned at Smart Marriages to their Sunday school
class.  BTW, if you're curios, the #1 complaint is that there are too many
good sessions all scheduled at the same time.  Makes people dizzy (and,
grumpy) trying to make choices.  - diane

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- CHILDCARE

>> Hi! I am looking into attending this conference with other co-workers,
>> but would like more information about childcare options. I may not need it,
>> but would like to know more. My daughter is 9 yrs old and may accompany me on
>> the trip, but again; I would like to know all of my options before-hand.
>> (Pricing, the service providers, etc.)
>> Sarah E. Sawyer
>> SCSC Educator
>> ssawyer at bgcgulfcoast.org
>> "The Positive Place for Kids"
> 
Many attendees combine the trip to the conference with a family vacation but
what seems to work best is to have your spouse and kids fly in the last few
days. That way they get the excitement of staying at the hotel, using the
pool and seeing Denver and then you can all head off to a trip to the
Rockies. Works especially well with the July 4th holiday this year.  If this
is your first time at the conference, I warn you that it's a very full
schedule.  Like on Sat you'll be going from 8:30am until 10pm and you're
going to find that there is nothing you feel you can afford to miss.  Not
much time to romp with your kids.  If you attend the banquets, you're busy
every night (Wed - Sun) till 9:30 or 10pm.  See the program at a glance on
page 17 of the brochure or at:  http://www.smartmarriages.com/program.html

For child care info, Go to http://www.smartmarriages.com/child.care.html
 
I'd very much appreciate it if you can share any/all info you find with me
and I can then post it and share it with other parents.  Some of you bring a
spouse/your mother and still want to get a sitter.  Saturday would be an
especially good day to get a sitter and have your spouse/mother buy a
one-day ticket and attend with you.
 
Diane 

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- MARITAL WISDOM  

> Hi Diane:
> I think you¹ll like this essay about a delightful couple that I interviewed
> for my monthly column.
> Alan
>  
I agree, this is an amazing couple - worth sharing!  - diane

60 years of wisdom in couple's advice
Home News Tribune 03/21/07
DR. ALAN M. SINGER

Martin and Leah Levy recently celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary. I
interviewed them to learn a thing or two.

OAS_AD('Right3'); In their home, the photos are grouped demographically.
Photos of their children are in one room, photos of their grandchildren are
in another, and the great-grandchildren are in a third. Leah is very
organized and explains, "My granddaughter told me I am "squared off' because
everything goes in an exact place."

I would be doing you a disservice if I paraphrased or interpreted what they
said. Instead, I'll just quote the wisdom that comes from the 60-year
partnership of this beautiful couple.

Martin and Leah described how they met and dated. Leah: "My mother picked my
husband out. After a date, we came home and I'd go to sleep. He would talk
to my mother for hours."

Martin: "I would tell Leah's mother everything we did on the date; she was
like a mother to me. How many boys have two mothers?"

Leah adds: "My mother knew Martin was the best for me. Now, at my age with
my illness, he is the best person that could ever be born. He treats me like
gold. When we started out, I took care of him because he worked night and
day. Now he cares for me."

Martin describes dating to his grandchildren: "You look someone in the eyes.
If someone talks to you and looks you straight in the face, you know that
they have a certain amount of honesty. I ask about their mother, their
father, how they deal with their grandparents, and I learn about their
family attitude. Generally, family matters are a good mark. I want to know
if they have a love and closeness to their family, if they honor their
grandparents and if they feel that they are special."

Martin told his grandson, "You look for a human being ‹ someone that when
you wake up in the morning and you see her disheveled, she still looks
beautiful to you. Each morning I wake up and say to my wife, "Good morning,
Mrs. Levy' " 

He told his granddaughter, "One bad thing in the world is that people talk
to each other but they're not saying what they really want to say. They talk
around the truth because they're hiding their own (Leah inserts:
inadequacies). As they talk to each other, they blink their eye, shake their
head. Things are bothering them, but they don't say it."

What are the key ingredients of a good marriage? Leah: "When you express
anger in a marriage, you're really hurt, not angry. I learned with my
husband as we matured, that instead of saying, "I'm angry with you,' I tell
him, "You know something? You really hurt me.' When you tell someone you're
angry, he gets angry back at you. When you say, "You hurt me,' he asks why
and you explain it. Anger is not good."

Leah also stressed the importance of showing appreciation to her husband by
preparing for his return from work. "Each night I dressed up like we were
going out to dinner," Leah explained. "I combed my hair and put on a nice
dress. He came in the door to a nice dinner that I cooked. Martin told me
that he could bring any of his co-workers home for dinner without notice,
because I would have a meal on the table and look beautiful. It's necessary
in a marriage for a woman to show her husband that he's important enough
that she prepares for his nightly arrival."

Martin: "The most important thing in marriage is to remember that your wife
is a person. Many men take their women for granted. You don't like to be
ignored, don't ignore her. Pay attention, and show you're conscious of who
she is and that she means a lot to you."

Martin concluded, "I tell my grandchildren ‹ you and your spouse are human
beings and cannot ignore each other. If you have a problem, tell the other
person and never go to sleep unless you solve whatever problem you have,
because when you wake up, tomorrow starts a new day."

With such wisdom, I assumed that friends who knew about their anniversary
would ask for marriage advice.

"Not really," says Martin. "People ask me advice if their air conditioner or
heat stops working, because I was in that business for many years."

http://www.thnt.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070321/COLUMNISTS15/7032103
49/1116

"Be Counted" columnist Dr. Alan Singer blogs at www.familythinking.com.


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11th Annual Smart Marriages Conference, Denver Adam's Mark Hotel,
June 28-July 1, 2007
Download a brochure: http://www.smartmarriages.com/Brochure.07.pdf


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