Marriage Tips - 3/20/07

Tue Mar 20 12:57:10 EDT 2007

Here's some plain and simple marriage tips, no politics, no conference
announcements, just advice from folks out there doing it. - diane

- RUTGERS TIPS FOR MARRIAGE
- TIPS FROM A HAPPILY MARRIED WIFE
- TIPS FROM A HAPPILY MARRIED HUSBAND

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- RUTGERS TIPS FOR MARRIAGE
Rutgers offers tips for marriage
KANE COUNTY CHRONICLE (Chicago suburb)
Feb 26, 2007 

With half of all first marriages ending in divorce, is there anything that
makes a difference in creating a successful, lasting marriage? Or, is
marriage an old-fashioned, out-of-date idea?

Rutgers University found that marriage relationships can remain alive and
well if couples do the following:

  Make marriage a top priority. Married people generally are healthier,
wealthier, happier, and live longer.

  Learn and practice relationship skills. Marriage education classes can
help prepare couples for both dating relationships and marriage.

  Education makes a difference. People with more education are more likely
to marry and less likely to divorce.

  Sexual activity can add stress to relationships. The majority of teens
who are sexually active say they regret it and wish that they had waited.
Avoid sexually transmitted infections, teen pregnancy, and HIV by waiting
until you are older and/or married.

  Teenage marriages more likely to fail. Teens are two to three times more
likely to get divorced than people in their 20s or older.

  Children easier after marriage, later in life. Teen mothers are likely to
live in poverty and never finish high school. Having a child before marriage
can bring problems for both men and women. Children of unwed parents face
greater risks for depression, mental illness, crime, poverty, substance
abuse, school drop out, teen pregnancy, and suicide.

  Know the person you plan to marry well. The length of time that you have
known each other, as well as similar backgrounds, goals, personalities,
beliefs and values increase the likelihood of success in marriage.

  Refrain from living together outside of marriage. Living together before
marriage is linked to a less-satisfying marriage and a higher divorce risk.
Contrary to popular belief, it is not likely to strengthen marriage or
prevent future divorce.

  Strengthen your relationship with a trusted adult. Those who share their
life and concerns with a caring adult have fewer problems. Whether it¹s a
parent, relative, pastor or teacher, find an adult who is a positive role
model.

  Take a premarital course with your partner before marriage. These courses
can help you have a satisfying marriage and see how well-matched you are as
a couple.

  Written by Patti Faughn, a family living educator for University of
Illinois Extension  Kane County.

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- TIPS FROM A HAPPILY MARRIED WIFE

My View: Compromise is key to a happy marriage
The Buffalo News (NY)
Opinion 
By Judith Whitehead
03/14/07 

 Recently my husband and I celebrated our 32nd wedding anniversary. This is
a feat that most people today can¹t boast about. So many people I have met
throughout the years in my age group, except for a few close friends, have
been single, divorced or separated for many years.

It does take a lot of effort and work to stay married and happy to one
person for many years. My husband and I met at an early age, so we have had
plenty of time to mold each other to adjust.

I have formulated a recipe for staying happily married in seven simple steps
that I want to share with you:

1. Bringing two totally different personalities together in one house can be
trying; during arguments or disagreements it is best to ³agree to disagree.²
Instead of trying to make the other person agree with your viewpoint, just
call a truce.

2. There must be household duties that are shared. We have grown to divide
the tasks in a simple way. I do all the cooking, so called cleaning, laundry
and tedious phone calls while my husband has bathroom/commode assignments.

I despise cleaning bathrooms and he is only too happy to help as long as I
take care of the rest. It only seems right that this be his assignment,
since there are three men living in this house with me.

3. When one person is a pack rat and the other is a neat person who likes to
throw out things, this can present a problem. This is a very hard thing to
change. Over the years I have grown to accept instead of change this habit,
and only become a maniac when a holiday approaches or company is arriving.

4. One must have several hiding places to store the piles of ³important²
stuff during those situations. This used to be an important detail to
discuss, but now is small stuff in comparison to more important daily life.

5. One must acquire the ³look² that a husband knows not to tangle with. When
certain situations arise and the ³look² is needed; the spouse must be
attuned to this. It cannot be abused, but over the years it develops and can
be useful whether in a crowd or at home. My husband knows when the ³look²
appears, he must behave.

6. Trust must develop between two people. If there is no trust, there is no
marriage.

7. Compromise, compromise, compromise; that is the key to any relationship.
Realize what is really important; you can¹t have your way all the time.
There is a ³look² for that also, if you must really have your way.

All kidding aside, the only way a good marriage works is having respect and
devotion for one another. Without those two ingredients, marriage will be a
struggle.

Children also add a particular strain to a marriage; you then realize what a
strain you caused your parents growing up. When your parents tell you that
they can¹t wait for you to be parents, you quickly realize why.

Marriage is not for the faint of heart. It takes a lot of work to maintain a
good one. There will be crying and laughing, good times and bad, situations
and setbacks, celebrations and simchas. You just dive in and hope for the
best. I have been very fortunate ‹ the good times have far outweighed the
bad times and we are hoping for 30 more years of happiness.

Judith Whitehead, who lives in East Amherst, recently celebrated her 32nd
wedding anniversary.

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- TIPS FROM A HAPPILY MARRIED HUSBAND

Don't underestimate Home Depot's influence on marriage
The Spectrum (Utah)
Brent Holloway 
March 14, 2007

I'm thinking of a new career: Marriage counseling. I hate to brag, but I
think I might actually be considered a "natural." I would have my wife offer
her personal testimonial of my ability, but I think she's a little busy at
the moment.

If you happen to see her, there's no need to mention this column. I'd hate
for some complete stranger to accidentally mention how "lucky" she is to be
hitched to me. No, I'll let her continue to think that she's doing me a
favor by keeping me around. It makes her feel wanted, which is a key element
in my "successful marriage program."

Now, I guess this career change is on my mind because my son is to be
married soon, and I'm already drawing up blueprints for him. Don't mention
this to my wife, either. She made me take an oath to keep out of my kid's
relationships - but I finally said, "Heck with that!" Why, with more than 25
years of marital experience under my belt, it would be like walking right
past a mine that you knew was chuck full of gold.

So, I'm bound and determined to advise my son - and as long as I have one
client, I may as well offer my services to the rest of the public. However,
I'm going to recommend that you hurry and hop on board while my fees are
still low. There's no telling how expensive I'll become once I become known
as the famous "Wife Whisperer" on TV.

Here's just a taste of what's coming in my first bit of advice to my son:
About two weeks after you first get married, you will be sleeping soundly,
just minding your own business, and your wife will get the craziest notion
to kiss you right on the face. She might even slip and smack you right on
the lips!

Don't panic. She probably won't bite as long as you don't show any signs of
fear. Now, here's what to do when that happens: Sit up abruptly, look her in
the eyes, and firmly whisper, "I need to go to Home Depot." It stuns them
every time.

It's just one sample of my upcoming book, "How Home Depot Saved My
Marriage." Here's another example of how it works: Let's say that you've
been taking pictures with your digital camera at the Ward Christmas party.
You suddenly decide to erase that last picture, which shows the Bishop with
a big blob of cake frosting on his nose.

Now, if you are a normal man, instead of erasing only the offending picture,
you will somehow erase allthe pictures on your camera. Of course, your first
reaction is to tell your wife, "Uh-oh, I just erased all the pictures." This
is a mistake. You should have just started cussing - yes, even at the Ward
Christmas party - and complained that the "danged camera" just erased all
your pictures! Unfortunately, most men can't think that quickly, so we must
immediately revert to "HDDC" which stands for "Home Depot Damage Control."

HDDC: Before your wife can even get her pointy finger out of its holster,
squarely announce that you just remembered that the toilet in the master
bathroom is going to blow-up unless you immediately replace the
"self-locking thrungle sprocket." (You must say it confidently - so
practice, practice, practice!)

Since there are few things in this world that scare women more than a
malfunctioning toilet, she'll immediately drop the issue about the lost
pictures and in mere minutes you'll be happily strolling the aisles of Home
Depot without a care in the world. It works every time. In fact, I'm there
so often myself, even the clerks ask me for directions.

Now, remember this column is just a preview of my new and exciting career of
marriage counseling. And while I don't have my office hours established yet,
I am taking payments on retainer. Just send me a check and once it clears
the bank, I'll give you a call and let you know which aisle I'm on.

Brent Holloway is a resident of St. George

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