One Couple, Two Bedrooms - another trend - 3/ 10/07

Sun Mar 11 01:00:02 EST 2007

- ONE COUPLE, TWO BEDROOMS: A HAPPIER MARRIAGE?
StarTribune.com
March 10, 2007 

One couple, two bedrooms: a happier marriage? Some say yes

Not since the Victorian age of starched sheets and starchy manners, builders
and architects say, have there been so many orders for separate bedrooms. Or
separate sleeping nooks. Or his-and-her wings. But in interviews, couples
and sociologists say that often it has nothing to do with sex. More likely,
it has to do with snoring. Or with children crying. Or with getting up and
heading for the gym at 5:30 in the morning. Or with sending e-mail messages
until well after midnight.

ONE COUPLE'S STORY

In the Central West End district of St. Louis, Lana Pepper is a light
sleeper who battled for years with her husband's nocturnal restlessness:
chronic snoring, as well as the classic tuck-or-not-to-tuck sheet debate.
They recently reconfigured their new condominium, adding walls and building
closets to create separate bedrooms. Pepper, 60, said the advantage was
obvious: "My husband is still alive. I would have killed him." The Peppers
also say separate bedrooms have added spice to their relationship. "It's
more exciting," Lana Pepper said, "when you can say: 'Your room or mine?' "

TREND BY NUMBERS

Builders and architects predict that more than 60 percent of custom houses
will have dual master bedrooms by 2015, according to a February survey by
the National Association of Home Builders. Some builders say more than a
quarter of their new projects already do. But the trend is not limited to
the upper crust. For middle-income homeowners, it may be a matter of moving
into a spare bedroom, the recreation room or the den.

STILL, THERE'S A STIGMA

Not everyone wants to talk about it. Many architects and designers say their
clients feel there is still a stigma to sleeping separately. Some developers
say it is a delicate issue and call the other bedroom a "flex suite" for
when the in-laws visit or the children come home from college. "The builder
knows, the architect knows, the cabinetmaker knows, but it's not something
they like to advertise because right away people will think something is
wrong" with the marriage, said Charles Brandt, an interior designer in St.
Louis.

SOCIOLOGICAL SCOOP

The move to separate sleeping spaces is yet another manifestation of
changing marital patterns. "Couples today are writing their own script,
rewriting how to have a marriage," said Pamela J. Smock, a University of
Michigan sociologist. "The growing need for separate bedrooms also
represents the speed-up of family life -- women's roles have changed -- and
the need for extra space eases the strain on the relationship. If one of
them snores, the other one won't be able to perform the next day." She said,
however, that husbands are less willing to accept the change. "Men are
supposed to be one, dominant, and two, sexual," she said. "Their wives might
be thrilled to have their own bedroom, and see it as a romantic thing --
going back to their romance, going back to dating, to intimacy, but the
husband might not see it that way."

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