Update on Affair-Prevention Survey - 3/9/07

[Smartmarriages]

I'm sharing Peggy Vaughan's Survey. She won't be in Denver this year but
there will be a workshop on the BAN Network she founded.  There will also be
a TRACK of Infidelity workshops, one of the most popular topics at the
conference.  See the Sex and Infidelity track:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/sex.track.html  - diane

> 808 - Sunday, July 1
> Beyond Affairs: Prevention and Recovery
> Anne and Brian Bercht
> Learn the steps to not only recover from infidelity, but to make your marriage
> even stronger, from a couple that¹s been successful. Also, learn how to give
> back by leading BAN recovery support groups in your community.


Dear Diane,

I want to thank you for getting out the word to your list about my Survey
Questionnaire on Preventing Affairs. It helped me reach a much larger and
more diverse audience than would have been possible with responses only from
visitors to my website, most of whom have already dealt with an affair.

I've had a strong investment in preventing affairs, as was evident by the
way I concluded my 1999 SmartMarriages Plenary presentation where I broke
down in tears as I talked about not wanting my three little granddaughters
to grow up being so vulnerable to the pain of affairs.

I've also been incredibly saddened by my primary focus for so many years,
which has been "picking up the pieces" after an affair has taken place. So
I've been thinking and writing about prevention for several years, and have
thrown myself fully into completing a book on PREVENTION.

In order to be able to lead people toward effective prevention, I needed to
know where they were starting from; in other words, I needed a clearer
understanding of the most commonly-held attitudes and beliefs about
prevention. Thus the Survey!

Since attitudes about prevention are often determined by a number of very
personal factors, I began by asking people to identify themselves on three
characteristics: gender, marital status, and personal experience. I then
asked that they choose their top 5 from a list of 15 possible factors in
preventing affairs. (They could also add to the list by checking "other" and
specifying what they would like to add to the list.)

It will require work to tease out the enormous amount of perspective to be
gained from the survey but I hope to complete the book by the end of the
year.

My current thinking about the title is: "Preventing Affairs: The Power of
Responsible Honesty." While I do think (and the survey responses concur)
that the "honesty" factor is the most significant, most people don't fully
understand (and almost no one practices) "responsible honesty." (My
definition of "responsible honesty" in included in an article on my site
that I reference in the report - included below.)

I put together this report (below) containing some of the initial raw data
from 734 respondents. I thought you might want to distribute it to
the list. 

Thank you again for your invaluable help and support in this effort aimed
at preventing affairs.

- - - - - - -

Report of Responses to the Survey Questionnaire on Preventing Affairs:

While I may keep the survey posted for a few more days, I'm satisfied that
the results received thus far warrant my ending it soon, so I decided to go
ahead and send this report on the results.

To date, I have received responses from 734 people!

Here are the Top Rankings based on the total responses:
1. having ongoing honest communication about all marital issues - 98%
2. having high moral principles and/or strong religious convictions - 69%
3. taking the marriage vows seriously/intending to be faithful - 52.6%
4. maintaining professional boundaries with co-workers - 52.1%
5. trying to meet your partner's needs - 36.4%
6. having a satisfying marital sex life - 35.8%
7. having mutual trust - 34.9%
8. acknowledging and discussing attractions to others - 34.6%
9. being concerned about hurting your partner and the children - 32.3%
(Others drop off  to 25% or less)

As expected, "honesty" was the #1 choice among total respondents.
(Also, as shown below, it was #1 for all sub-groups.)
It was gratifying to see the degree to which "honesty" was recognized as
being most significant - since this has been my experience over the past 27
years of doing this work. To read a sample of my thinking about the
importance of honesty, see:
"Honesty! What it is and What it can Do"
http://www.dearpeggy.com/honesty.html

Here are breakdowns (by sub-groups) of those who responded:
557 were female and 177 were male
707 were married and 27 were single
537 had personal experience and 197 had no personal experience

Top 5 Rankings of Sub-groups:

Breakdown between Males and Females:

Males:
1. having ongoing honest communication about all marital issues
2. taking marriage vows seriously/intending to be monogamous
3. having high moral principles and/or strong religious convictions
4. having a satisfying marital sex life
5. trying to meet your partner's needs

Females:
1. having ongoing honest communication about all marital issues
2. having high moral principles and/or strong religious convictions
3. maintaining professional boundaries with co-workers
4. taking marriage vows seriously/intending to be monogamous
5. acknowledging and discussing attractions to others

Breakdown between Married and Single:

Married:
1. having ongoing honest communication about all marital issues
2. taking marriage vows seriously/intending to be monogamous
3. maintaining professional boundaries with co-workers
4. having high moral principles and/or strong religious convictions
5. trying to meet your partner's needs

Single:
1. having ongoing honest communication about all marital issues
2. having a satisfying marital sex life
3. marrying someone with similar background and values
4. taking marriage vows seriously/intending to be monogamous
5. maintaining professional boundaries with co-workers

Breakdown between those with Personal Experience and those with None:

With Personal Experience:
1. having ongoing honest communication about all marital issues
2. maintaining professional boundaries with co-workers
3. taking marriage vows seriously/intending to be monogamous
4. acknowledging and discussing attractions to others
5.  trying to meet your partner's needs

Without Personal Experience:
1. having ongoing honest communication about all marital issues
2. taking marriage vows seriously/intending to be monogamous
3. having high moral principles and/or strong religious convictions
4. maintaining professional boundaries with co-workers
5. having a satisfying marital sex life

Note: re: comments added in the box marked "Other:"
A total of 156 respondents (about 21%) added a comment in the "Other" line
on the survey. In the book, I will provide an overview of these comments,
noting the prevalence of a given comment as well as those that were
different wordings of similar items on the list. I will also add some
commentary about the additional suggestions and include this in the overall
report.

Further analysis:
As I work with the responses, I will also compile categories
based on combining groups of respondents, such as:
--female-married-personal experience
--female-married-no personal experience
--female-single-personal experience
--female-single-no personal experience
--male-married-personal experience
--male-married-no personal experience
--male-single-personal experience
--make-single-no personal experience

This survey is not intended to serve as the core of the book, but I think
it will provide a good snapshot of the general thinking/beliefs about the
factors that contribute to preventing affairs.

Peggy Vaughan
peggy at dearpeggy.com
website: http://www.dearpeggy.com
Blog: http://www.dearpeggy.com/blog/

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