PAIRS | Coaching | On-Site Specials? | Grand Rapids Does First Dance | Bundle of Joy | Family Management - 6/5/07

[Smartmarriages]

- TAH DAH! LORI GORDON WILL BE IN DENVER
- TOOBS/ON-SITE SPECIALS??
- GRAND RAPIDS DOES THE FIRST DANCE
- PORN ADDICTION
- EXPECTATIONS AND THAT "BUNDLE OF JOY"
- FAMILY MANAGEMENT AND COUPLES COACHING
########################

- TAH DAH! LORI GORDON WILL BE IN DENVER

Lori Gordon, founder of the PAIRS program, will join Rick Marks to teach
parts of the PAIRS Institute!  - diane

> 103 Three Days - Denver Smart Marriages: Tues, Wed & Thurs, June 26, 27, 28
> PAIRS I & Christian PAIRS
> Rick Marks, PhD
> Teach six of Lori Gordon's PAIRS programs: Jumpstart, Passage to Intimacy,
> Love Knots, and three faith-based pre-marital workshops with Tues night and
> lunchtime option to add-on the Christian PAIRS program. Covers emotional
> literacy, conflict resolution, and confiding exercises. $150 spouse discount.
> Click for more information: http://www.smartmarriages.com/pairs.html

##########################

- TOOBS/ON-SITE SPECIALS??

> Dianne
> I'm not clear.  Are the teach out of the box programs going to be at special
> discount in Denver?  There are several I want to purchase but will wait until
> I get to the conference if we will save money by waiting. I bet others on the
> list would also appreciate it if you could clarify.  I am especially
> interested in the Tony Robbins program and in the Doherty First Dance program.
> I know you mentioned there were Smart Marriages discounts for both of these.
> JJ 

Not that I know of. The TOOB (teach out of the box) programs are offering
"Smart Marriages" discounts and those discounts are already posted on the
TOOB page for advance purchase. The idea is to order these and "study" them
in advance so you're prepared with questions when you take the TOOB
workshops in Denver.  I'm told these are limited-time offerings and these
discount prices will not be available after July 1 - see the TOOB page and
click on the links to order: http://www.smartmarriages.com/toobs.html

You'll see that both programs you asked about - Robbin's "Ultimate
Relationship" and Doherty "The First Dance" are both posted at the BOTTOM of
the TOOBs page. 

However, the program developers are always coming up with new ways to
deliver their products....  And, it's also true that at past conferences
I've seen some "on-site only special" signs at exhibits.  Maybe they get
inspired to create new "specials" when they see other exhibits offering
discounts.  I've also heard that some programs are working on specials just
for the conference.  So, afraid I can't give you a definitive answer.  -
diane

############################

- GRAND RAPIDS DOES THE FIRST DANCE
 
I just learned that the Healthy Marriages Grand Rapids has a plan to provide
the Doherty/Thomas "The First Dance" program to every premarital couple with
whom they work. I have great hopes that this is just the beginning and that
this program will open the door to marriage skills education for couples
across the country. Grand Rapids is one of the first and most innovative
Community Healthy Marriage Initiatives and they have generously shared what
works with the rest of us. For example, it was Grand Rapids that came up
with the "Down at the Courthouse" model targeted to provide marriage
education to the 25% of couples that do not marry in a faith-based setting -
the couples most at risk and most in need of marriage skills training and
support.

The First Dance, which won a 2007 Modern Bride trendsetter award, is a
DVD-based program that capitalizes on a couple's focus on wedding planning
and "meets them where they are".  It uses their focus on planning the
wedding to help them start thinking about their relationship(s) and about
communication skills; about their extended families and friends; and about
the long term - about how what they do (or fail to do) in planning their
wedding will affect their marriage, that they're establishing a life-long
foundation and couple style. As the program says, they want to help couples
get to that momentous First Dance with everyone teary-eyed for the right
reasons.

Grand Rapids is able to implement this plan because Doherty/Thomas have made
the DVD so affordable.  Their "marriage educator" price is only $5 per DVD.
Couples and their parents watch the DVD at home.

For First Dance info and to order: http://www.thefirstdance.com

Community Marriage Initiatives, order this recording and add CourtHouse
programs to your campaign:

> #704-317 - order at 800-241-7785
> Strengthening Courthouse Weddings
> Mark Eastburg, PhD
> 25% of U.S. couples marry in civil (courthouse) ceremonies and fall through
> the cracks - miss out on marriage prep, and are at higher risk for divorce.
> This program meets their special needs.

############################
  
- PORN ADDICTION

> HI Diane,
> I happened to catch this story on ABC's Good Morning America this morning.
> http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=3240340   I thought the list might find it
> interesting. It talks about how pornography addiction is destroying this
> marriage. Are there any institutes or sessions that deal with this growing
> problem? 
> JEN

First, yes there are several sessions on porn and sexual addiction at the
Denver Conference including this full day training institute by Mark Laaser:

> 910 One Day - Monday, July 2
> Working with Couples and Sexual Addiction
> Mark Laaser, PhD, MDiv
> Learn crucial tools for working with couples that are dealing with the pain of
> sexual addiction. Recognize the symptoms and develop a recovery plan for the
> addict, spouse and couple. $50 spouse discount. Click for more information:
> http://www.smartmarriages.com/laaser.html

See the porn/sex sessions track at:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/sex.track.html

You can watch the GMA clip or read the full transcript of "Pornography
Threatens Marriage" and the dozens of comments from viewers.  You might want
to skip the comments, too depressing.

A Minister Admits His Addiction to His Wife
Good Morning America
June 5, 2007 

Sheryl and Paul Giesbrect are preparing to celebrate their 26th wedding
anniversary. The sweethearts cherish their life together, which began when
they met while attending a Christian university.

It's where they found religion and each other. Today, Paul is a minister in
California and Sheryl broadcasts spiritual messages. Both counsel troubled
couples, but now they find themselves in need of counseling. Their marriage
holds a secret, one the 50-year-old parents of two say rattled their union.

For 10 years, Paul kept the fact that he was addicted to Internet
pornography a secret from Sheryl.

"The temptation will be with me until the day I die," Paul said.

Sheryl was shocked by the revelation. "I said something like, 'Well, that's
just disgusting.'"

Wife Obsessed About Husband's Addiction

To help themselves and their marriage, the Giesbrects met with psychoanalyst
Bethany Marshall. They allowed ABC's "Good Morning America" to watch them
for their first time on the opposite side of the couch.

The sessions yielded surprises from the start, like how often Sheryl dwells
on her husband's obsession.

For the full story: http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=3240340

###############################
- EXPECTATIONS ABOUT THAT "BUNDLE OF JOY"

>> It's all about Expectation | Temporary Marriage | Project Everlasting -6/3/07
> 
> Diane, 
> I am not a counselor but I am surrounded by young couples that
> have just had babies. It is amazing how many of them tell me, within the
> first year of birth, that they are not going to make it in their
> relationships. I often regale my marital troubles during those first few
> months and then tell the couple - "You cannot break up until the baby is one
> year old! After that I will come and help pack your bags."  They are usually
> surprised. I am amazed at how many young couples think of throwing in the
> towel during this time. I am shocked at how many actually do! We need to tell
> these young families the honest truth of the first year of their child's, and
> any subsequent children's lives. We must outfit them with low expectations of
> themselves and their spouses. These couples believe that they will handle
> their marriage as they have handled jobs and friends before the baby came.
> They have no idea how exhausted, worried and often disappointed they will feel
> in those 12 months. Those three things can kill any marriage in a heartbeat. I
> try to teach these couples to have a this-to-shall-pass mentality and then I
> lay the one and only ground rule: No divorce talk until the baby is one!
>  
> Every single of the those couples is still together. Every single one of them
> has passed the message along! -Erin

YES, agreed.  It's the second stream of Marriage Education - establishing
realistic expectations about what to expect along the way AND it's crucial
that we let couples know that the first year of marriage and the period
surrounding the birth of the first child are both challenge points. They
need to shift gears and use all their skills during both of these times.
AND, the two so often overlap - the first baby so often is born in the first
year of marriage. The same is true, of course, whether you get a new family
member through birth or adoption - or through marriage. The first few years
of being a new stepparent are also very challenging.  There will be several
courses to help couples with this first stage.

> 106 Three Days - Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday, June 26, 27, 28
> Bringing Baby Home: Become a Certified Gottman Educator!
> Carolyn Pirak, MSW, Joni Parthemer, MEd
> This research-based workshop developed by John Gottman, teaches pregnant and
> new parent couples the essential skills for a successful transition to
> parenthood. Help couples maintain intimacy, regulate conflict and understand
> their baby's cues. $150 spouse discount. Click for more information including
> reading prerequisites: http://www.smartmarriages.com/bbh.html

> 104 Three Days - Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday, June 26, 27, 28
> Bernard Guerney¹s Relationship Enhancement (RE),
> Mastering the Magic of Love & Love¹s Cradle Programs
> Mary Ortwein, MS
> A Bonanza! Qualifyto teach three programs: the original Classic RE plus two
> new simplified programs, Mastering the Magic of Love, and Love's Cradle (for
> couples with an infant). Plus add-on special focus seminars. Ideal for
> low-income, community or church based. Spanish version available. $150 spouse
> discount. Click for more information: http://www.smartmarriages.com/re.html
> 
> 316 - Friday, June 29
> The Becoming Parents Program
> Pamela Jordan, PhD, RN
> Teach first-time parents PREP and SAVE relationship skills, self-care, baby
> care and how parenthood will change their lives.

For a full list, see the parenting track at:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/parenting.track.html

########################
- FAMILY MANAGEMENT AND COUPLES COACHING

> http://www.washingtonpost.com/wpm/content/article/2007/05/30/AR2007053000
> 499.html<<<
>  
> Diane,
>  
> Thanks for all the good information you post.  I was interested in the
> article about coaching , etc. you posted.
> I tried the link, but it seems the Washington Post has it set up so the
> article can't be read unless one goes through a registration process,
> which I decided I didn't want to do.  Any other way to read the article?
> Dotty Decker


I am so sorry, I should have at least included the links to all the family
manager coaching sites.  Now I can't even open either, and I'm registered w/
the Post.  Maybe someone can track it down. It does seem like a natural
adjunct for marriage educators/coaches.

By the way, Lisa Kramer/Pat Williams Life Coaching With Couples workshop and
training Institute in Denver are going to be wildly popular.  There is
definitely an interest in the "coaching" field. There is still time to
register.  - diane 

> 205 - Denver, Fri morning, June 29
> Life Coaching With Couples
> Lisa Kramer, MSW 
> Life Coaching helps couples move forward into extraordinary ³conscious²
> relationships. Learn how to add the Coach designation to your resume and a
> 4-phase model to incorporate in your work with couples.

> 907 One Day - Monday, July 2
> Life Coaching With Couples: The NEW Profession
> Patrick Williams, EdD, Lisa Kramer, MSW
> Learn the basics of Life Coaching and the skills to coach couples to overcome
> the gap between where they are and where they want to be in their
> relationship. Includes skills practice, demonstration and practice-building
> tips. $50 spouse discount. Click for more information:
> http:www.smartmarriages.com/williams.html
> 
########################

**************************
Send submissions and comments for the listserv to: diane at smartmarriages.com
Do NOT hit "reply". If you hit reply your email will go into cyberspace and
NO ONE will see your email.

This is a moderated list. Submissions and comments are read by Diane Sollee,
editor. Please indicate if your comment is NOT to be shared with the list.
PLEASE include your email address or url as part of your signature.

Please also understand that with thousands of subscribers, not all comments
can be shared. Also realize that opinions expressed are not necessarily
shared by members of the Coalition.

To SUBSCRIBE, UNSUBSCRIBE, or Change your subscription address,
use the form at: http://www.smartmarriages.com. Click Newslist - in the
column under the puzzle piece.

To read past posts to the listserv, visit the Archive at:
http://lists101.his.com/pipermail/smartmarriages/

11th Annual Smart Marriages Conference, Denver Adam's Mark Hotel,
June 28-July 1, 2007
Download a brochure: http://www.smartmarriages.com/Brochure.07.pdf


List your program and resources on the Directory of Classes at
http://www.smartmarriages.com

Order conference audio & video CD/DVD/MP3s: 800-241-7785 or
http://www.iPlaybackSmartMarriages.com

Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
5310 Belt Rd NW, Washington, DC 20015-1961
http://www.smartmarriages.com
202-362-3332

FAIR USE NOTICE: This e-newsletter/site contains copyrighted material the
use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright
owner. We make such material available in our efforts to advance
understanding of marriage, family, couples, divorce, legislation, family
breakdown, etc. We understand this constitutes a 'fair use' of such material
as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with
Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed
without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the
included information for research and educational purposes. For more
information go to: http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/17/107.shtml. If you
wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own
that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright
owner.