Set your Tivo: BET on Black Marriage | "Family Managers" } Comments & Feedback - 6/2/07

Sat Jun 2 13:22:32 EDT 2007

- BET: THE STATE OF MARRIAGE IN BLACK AMERICA, JUNE 3RD
- WHO'S ON LAST
- FAMILY MANAGEMENT COACHES
- AWAY FROM HER AND LUST IN TRANSLATION
- MARRIAGE SAVERS MEMO REACTIONS

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- BET: THE STATE OF MARRIAGE IN BLACK AMERICA, JUNE 3RD

Tune in Sunday, June 3, 11am-12pm (replays at 10pm) to the season premier of
BET's Meet The Faith as we discuss the state of marriage in Black America.

Topics will include today's dating scene, the increasingly high divorce
rates, what constitutes infidelity and why so many marriages fall victim to
it, marrying outside your race and/or tax bracket, and single Black women
choosing to have children out of wedlock. The show will feature a panel
discussion and an interview with power couple Angela Bassett & Courtney B.
Vance. And check out the website:
http://www.bet.com/News/MTFPreviewPackage.htm?wbc_purpose=Basic&WBCMODE

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- WHO'S ON LAST

I now realize I should have said which state came in last.  Have had several
emails from the curious, like this one:

> Bet Montana is in last place, but this year
> there are TWO from Missoula. That's progress
> for The Last Best Place.
> J.

Nope, RI is in last place with only 2.  MT also is ahead of NH, VT, DE, NV
and SD. You must have been passing brochures around in Montana!  And, we've
got a record turnout from Wyoming with 31 already registered!  - diane

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- FAMILY MANAGEMENT COACHES

Taking Time in Hand
6:30 shower 6:55 dressed 7:30 children's breakfast
By Annie Groer
Washington Post Staff Writer
May 31, 2007

I'm including a link to this article for those who are struggling as you try
to establish yourselves as marriage educators/marriage coaches.  You might
want to add this "certification" to your repertoire or community marriage
initiative class offerings -it's closely related and one "coaching" client
could feed into the other, just like offering parenting education classes
can help float the whole marriage education effort.  -diane

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/30/AR2007053000
499.html

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- AWAY FROM HER AND LUST IN TRANSLATION

My wife and I saw "Away From Her" last night.  It is a poignant study on
"Staying Together When an Affair Pulls You Apart" - first his, then hers. 
Someone in a marriage needs to take the lead and pursue connection when the
other distances for whatever reason, whether an affair or an illness such as
Alzheimer's.  The wife or the husband may need to trade that role from time
to time, as the movie illustrates.  It is quite difficult to sustain the
pursuit of connection, counterbalanced by release.  In "Away From Her" actor
Gordon Pinsent plays as the husband of actress Julie Christie and
demonstrates that refreshing counterbalance.  Some people need a lifetime to
mature.  The rolling text puts it this way "It's never too late to become
what might have been."

Speaking of maturing, character, and affairs - I watched with interest a
recent interview of Pamela Druckerman, author of "Lust in Translation."  She
said that Europeans had a much more tolerant view regarding extra marital
affairs.  Europeans did not have the American need to "tell all" as
encouraged by several Smart Marriage authors.  "Europeans were not beset
with guilt."  "Europeans would rather not know that their spouse was
cheating."  The author seems to favor the European approach.  What does this
imply about Americans vs. Europeans?  Perhaps that Americans still somehow
cling to character and ethics.  To prefer not to know about your spouse's
infidelity implies a preference for denial, deception, dishonesty, and/or
duplicity.  Are these really character traits one should embrace?  Are they
evidence of a progressive social conscience?  I think not.

I'm surprised that so few marriage practitioners overtly recognize or
discuss the crucial role of character.  To paraphrase Chuck Colson "We
either need more character or more cops."  As marriage practitioners we
certainly champion commitment, communication, and conflict resolution. 
Commitment is but one of several crucial character traits that help marriage
survive and flourish.  A cohort of vital partners for the "marriage
movement" can be found among those committed to "character development."

Stephen Judah, PhD
www.SteveJudah.com

Stephen will present a workshop on his model at the Denver Smart Marriages
Conference: 

> 608 - Sunday, July 1, 8:30am
> Staying Together When Affairs Pull You Apart
> Stephen Judah, PhD
> 21 steps facilitate resolution through revelation, crisis, realignment,
> rebuilding, and flourishing using skill-building for character development,
> communication, conflict resolution, and calling.

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- MARRIAGE SAVERS MEMO REACTIONS

OK, OK, this one hit a nerve. Some of you felt slighted by the Marriage
Savers memo.  Here's one representative comment - this one with a sense of
humor. I'll share it so all of you realize "I hear you" and did not intend
to make anyone feel unappreciated when I forwarded Mike's memo. I appreciate
that you send me reminders to strive for, as you put it, "balance and
moderation".  - diane

>> "Marriage Savers, the organization that my wife and I created a decade ago,
>> is the only group that has reduced divorce and cohabitation rates."
> 
> Wow!  Really?  The ONLY group?  That's quite a statement about the rest of us
> busy bees out here!

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11th Annual Smart Marriages Conference, Denver Adam's Mark Hotel,
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