No Fault Study | Uncommon Arrangements | Tips for Couples | Profiting from Business of Marriage - 7/16/07

[Smartmarriages]

- NO-FAULT AND INCREASE IN DIVORCE RATES
- WHY ARE WE SO FASCINATED BY OTHER PEOPLE'S MARRIAGES?
- TIPS FOR COUPLES FROM THE SMART MARRIAGES CONFERENCE
- HOW TO PROFIT FROM THE BUSINESS OF MARRIAGE

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- NO-FAULT AND INCREASE IN DIVORCE RATES

Split Decisions
Newsweek

July 23, 2007 issue - A forthcoming study by the Institute for Marriage and
Public Policy (iMAPP), a group that aims to "strengthen marriage," found
that no-fault divorce leads to an increase in the divorce rate on the order
of 10 percent. NEWSWEEK's Julie Scelfo spoke with Maggie Gallagher, founder
of iMAPP and coauthor of the study with Douglas Allen, to find out more.
Story continues below ↓advertisement

Tell me about the 10 percent rise―what does that mean?
No-fault divorce increases the divorce rate by approximately 10 percent for
at least the first 10 years after the law is enacted. So there are 10
percent more divorces overall because of no-fault divorce. We examined every
empirical study of no-fault-divorce rates in the U.S. and abroad, and in 17
of the 24 studies, there is a long-term increase in divorce rates after
no-fault laws are implemented, most between 5 and 30 percent. We tried to
give an overall estimate or judgment.

What is no-fault divorce?
One spouse can divorce the other [even against his or her will] without
alleging any fault or incurring any legal penalty.

Why does no-fault seem to raise the risk of divorce?
It becomes easier to divorce, less penalized by law. Also, young couples see
divorce is more common and the law is less certain, so they delay marriage
and search harder for a better spouse. That's why the impact of
no-fault-divorce law tapers off after 10 years or so.

You note that divorce law is not the only or primary cause of the increase
in divorce over the past 50 years. What are the other primary causes?
There are a lot of candidates: the sexual revolution, the increase in women
working outside the home, the general decline of social norms and support
for marriage behavior, and declining wages for non-college-educated men.
That is beyond the scope of this study.

Why does marriage matter?
Marriage protects children. We're seeing an enormous marriage gap:
college-educated people have low rates of unmarried childbearing and their
risk of divorce is dropping. Meanwhile, divorce rates for the rest of
America are rising, as is childbearing outside of marriage. Children born
inside a marriage have all sorts of financial and psychological advantages.
So one third of our children enjoy those benefits and two thirds are thrown
into a high-risk environment through no fault of their own.
(C) 2007 Newsweek, Inc. |

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- WHY ARE WE SO FASCINATED BY OTHER PEOPLE'S MARRIAGES?

Seven literary couples form 'Uncommon Arrangements'
Katie Roiphe examines several examples of literary 'marriages à la mode'
Christian Science Monitor
July 10, 2007 
By Marjorie Kehe

Why are we always so fascinated by other people's marriages?

"We flip through magazine articles about celebrity breakups at the dentist's
office, or carefully deconstruct the tension between a couple at a dinner
party," notes author and cultural commentator Katie Roiphe.

What are we looking for? Some essential knowledge about ourselves? Answers
to deeper riddles about life and love? Maybe it's simply that "marriage is
perpetually interesting," as Roiphe writes, as "it is the novel that most of
us are living in."

But whatever the reason, if there ever was a thinking person's excuse to
read about the marriages of others, it's found in Roiphe's intelligent,
absorbing Uncommon Arrangements: Seven Portraits of Married Life in London
Literary Circles 1910 - 1939.

In some ways, Roiphe's book is the sequel to Phyllis Rose's excellent
"Parallel Lives." But while Rose studied the marriages of Victorian writers,
Roiphe has chosen literary unions formed between 1910 and 1939.

It was an electric time, both heady and messy, vibrant with new ideas. And
that's exactly the state of the seven marriages Roiphe observes: heady,
messy, and, all too often, doomed by the very bold ideas that spawned them.

Might not monogamy be a form of hypocrisy? they asked. Why not invent a
fresher, freer form of union? It was, to borrow a title from one of
Mansfield's short stories, an experiment with "marriage à la mode." And so,
although each pair Roiphe examines is utterly unique, a common thread of
botched idealism runs throughout all their stories.

Essayist and author H.G. Wells and his long-suffering wife Jane tried to
live the illusion that his constant infidelities would not bother her as
long as they discussed them openly. Short story writer Katherine Mansfield
and editor John Middleton Murray played at a responsibility-free union
reminiscent of childhood. . . .

None of these arrangements brought much satisfaction to any of the
participants, and the selfishness involved is often breathtaking. For
instance, Roiphe asks, did anybody bother to think about the children
brought into these oddly configured unions? (The evidence she cites suggests
that most of them did not fare too well.)

Full HTML version of this story which may include photos, graphics, and
related links  http://www.csmonitor.com/2007/0710/p13s01-bogn.html

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- TIPS FOR COUPLES FROM THE SMART MARRIAGES CONFERENCE

JEFF HERRING: The most important No. 1 tips for couples
July, 2007 
McClatchy-Tribune News Service

The Most Important Number One Tips for Couples
 
Recently I was able to spend a week in Denver, Colorado at the 11th Annual
SmartMarriages.com Conference. Smart Marriages is an organization dedicated
to improving relationships for both couples and singles.
 
The event was a who's who of the relationship coaching and education world,
and I had the privilege of interviewing many of the presenters and
exhibitors. You can hear many of them in the coming weeks on my Relationship
Radio Show at www.RadioSandySprings.com.
 
I asked each relationship expert for their number one tip for singles and
their number one tip for couples. Last week's column focused on the number
one tips for singles, and this week we'll continue with the number one tips
for couples.
 
Number one tips for couples
 
David Steele is the author of "Conscious Dating - Finding the Love of Your
Life in Today's World" and the founder of the Relationship Coaching
Institute. David's number one tip for couples is to take responsibility for
your own part in the relationship.
 
While this may sound easy to do, it can be quite a challenge. We are in a
culture in which we are taught to blame others for our problems. This really
plays out strongly in relationships. The reality is you cannot change
someone else, no matter how hard you try. The starting point for bring about
change in your relationship is for you to take 100% adult responsibility for
your part, your emotions, your contributions, actions, reactions and
responses.
 
Nili Sachs is the author of Booby Trapped - How to Feel Normal in a
Breast-Obsessed World. Nili's most important tip for couples uses the
metaphor of gift giving. When each person in the relationship thinks of
their partner as a gift they receive and thinks of themselves as a gift they
give their partner, good things are bound to happen.
 
The husband and wife team of Joe and Michelle Williams are the authors of
"Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved - 12 Truths for Rescuing Your
Relationship." Joe says that most men are driven to provide until they
perish while most women are driven to provide peace until they fall to
pieces. It I only through their focus on their faith that a couple can meet
each other's needs in a long term sustainable relationship.
 
Scott Haltzman is the author of "The Secrets of Happily Married Men" and the
soon to be launched, you guessed it "Secrets of Happily Married Women."
Scott's has found that the number one emotional need of women is to fell
like they are number one in the eyes of their partner while the number one
emotional need for men is to feel like they are super heros in the eyes of
their partner.
 
Susan Heitler is the author of "The Power of Two - Secrets to a Strong &
Loving Marriage." Susan's has a great tip for couple - take emotional
responsibility for your relationship and pour on the positive.
 
The husband and wife team of Tom and Beverly Rodgers are the authors of "The
Singlehood Phenomenon" and have this tip to offer couples - Marriage is
designed to be a "soul healing experience" for both partners. The
vulnerability necessary for this soul healing to take place is a powerful
form of intimacy and results in a win-win for the couple.
 
The husband and wife team of David and Claudio Arp are the authors of "!0
Great Dates to Energize Your Marriage." The Arps number one tip for couples
is to be and remain friends. In fact, research shows that the couple that
keeps a strong friendship is much more likely to stay together, and stay
together happily.
 
One last tip before we wrap this one up. Our last tip comes from another
husband and wife team, Jesse and Melva Thomas Johnson. The Johnson's are the
authors of "Mining for Gold in Your Relationships." The Johnson's most
important tip for couples is to know and meet the emotional needs of your
partner. You find this information out by asking and then finding ways to
meet these needs.
 
Well there you have it folks, the number one tip for couples from 8 of the
best relationship experts out there.
 
E-mail Jeff at jeff at jeffherring.com or, for more tips and tools for living
you can visit www.JeffHerringOnline.com.

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- HOW TO PROFIT FROM THE BUSINESS OF MARRIAGE

Does "marriage education" make their list of 17 ways to "profit from the
business of marriage"? See item #8.  I *think* this is a good thing.....
- diane

How to Profit From the Business of Marriage
By Entrepreneur.com
7/3/2007 

What could be better than working with two people in love? Here are some
ideas for service-based businesses that could allow you to do just that.

Plan the perfect proposal. Many grooms are looking for a memorable way to
get down on one knee. By acting as their adviser, ego-booster and source of
inspiration, your goal is to create the most romantic, personalized
proposal. You can get as creative as their budget allows, including
proposing in a hot-air balloon or at the top of the Eiffel Tower.

Offer bridal boot camp. From the moment a bride-to-be puts the ring on her
finger, she's probably already thinking about how she's going to fit into
the perfect dress. That's where you come in. By offering fitness training
and dietary advice, you can fill a growing niche of the wedding industry.
Other popular aesthetic treatments include teeth whitening,
cellulite-reduction therapy and hair removal.

Give private dance lessons. When it comes to dancing, people tend to either
love it or hate it. For engaged couples in the "hate it" category, private
dance lessons could help create a simple, yet elegant first dance. You can
even offer classes for the entire wedding party, so they'll be ready to hit
the dance floor on the big day.

Organize on-location spa parties. As the wedding day approaches, brides and
their bridesmaids are in need of some R&R. So why not bring the spa to them?
Provide massages, pedicures and manicures, but don't forget the mimosas.
Along the same lines, "passion parties" are also a popular "girl's night in"
event in lieu of a bachelorette party.

Manage bridal registries. According to the experts at WeddingChannel, people
spend between $3 billion and $5 billion each year on bridal registries. A
majority of that money is spent at department store chains like Macy's, but
what about smaller stores? Give smaller retailers a national online presence
for their bridal registry offerings by including them on your Web site. This
service also allows brides to find everything they need in one spot.

Become a wedding planner. Bridal consulting is also big business. Companies
like eLearners.com offer online bridal consultant programs, so you can
become certified from home. Then, a company like WedAlert.com can help you
by matching engaged couples with local wedding professionals.

Become a day-of coordinator. A day-of coordinator differs from an actual
wedding planner in that his or her sole responsibility is making sure the
wedding day is free of disasters. This is the perfect option for a bride
wanting control of her wedding, but who can't do everything by herself on
her actual wedding day. Day-of coordinators typically meet with couples a
month or so before their big day to catch up on plans and get vendor lists.
Wedding planners can also offer day-of coordinating as an additional
service.

Start a marriage preparation course. Couples may think love is all they
need. But a marriage preparation course is invaluable to couples before they
take the next big step. If you and your partner have a loving, long-lasting
relationship and are willing to share your triumphs and tragedies, this
business could end up making a difference in countless marriages.

Become a wedding minister. Thanks to the destination wedding trend, this
role is becoming more prominent. Also, as more interfaith marriages take
place, nondenominational ministers are the obvious choice. If you're willing
to travel, enjoy public speaking and have a knack for story-telling, this
could be the fit for you.

Photograph engagements and weddings. Brides and grooms consider the
photographer one of the most important vendors since they capture the day's
special moments. Most photographers offer different packages depending on a
couple's budget. A deluxe package might include an engagement session,
bridal portraits, two photographers for the wedding day, a sign-in book with
engagement images and a wedding album. Some couples prefer to choose
services a la carte.

Offer videography services. Some couples want more than just photographs to
help remember their wedding. They want actual video footage of all the
action they might have missed, from early-morning preparations until the
last guest leaves the dance floor. As a wedding videographer, you can also
offer packages that include a slideshow of the bride's and groom's childhood
pictures set to music.

Become a wedding DJ. The wedding DJ can make or break the event. If you have
a lot of energy, knack for detail, love for music and personality, this
could be the perfect role for you. Some DJs also serve as the wedding
planner. By learning both trades, you can make yourself more valuable to
your clients.

Start a wedding band. Couples with bigger budgets are springing for both a
DJ and a band and having them alternate during the reception. For instance,
they may want their first dance song to be played live, but prefer a DJ
later in the evening for a nightclub atmosphere. Or some may stick with the
live band all night. Create a CD of your band's best jams and send it to
wedding planners in your area.

Become a wedding florist. A good way to get your start as a wedding florist
is to provide your services for a friend or relative's wedding at cost. Be
sure to take pictures to help build your portfolio. Services usually include
a bouquet for the bride and bridesmaids, corsages for the mothers and
boutonnieres for all the gentlemen in the bridal party. Couples typically
request two arrangements for the ceremony site and some simple flowers on
the sides of the aisle. At the reception, florists can make a statement with
beautiful centerpieces, arrangements on cocktail tables and petals on the
cake and cake table.

Bake creative cakes. Picking out the cake is one of the highlights for most
engaged couples, especially grooms. Once couples arrange a tasting with you,
it's important to find out their likes and dislikes so you know what types
of samples to serve them. From there, you can get as creative as you like.
Many brides opt for a groom's cake, usually a smaller version featuring the
groom's interest or hobby. Companies also are renting fake cakes to couples
wanting to save money. Don't worry; couples still get to cut the cake. The
rental company leaves a spot for a slice of real cake for the bride and
groom, and guests are served an inexpensive sheet cake.

Paint wedding reception portraits. This is a relatively new trend brides and
grooms are starting to request. And it's no surprise. Roney points out that
today's weddings are about personalization; and what's more personal than a
painting of the reception, done by an artist who was there while it
happened? It's also a nice feature for guests, who'll enjoy taking a peak as
you create your masterpiece.

Become a honeymoon planner. According to The Knot, the average honeymoon
budget is $4,200. That means some couples are taking shorter, simpler trips,
while others are choosing exotic, luxurious destinations. Either way, your
role as a travel agent and honeymoon planner is to find options that fit
into their budget while still meeting the criteria on their wish list. If a
couple loves golf, schedule a tee time for them. Special white-glove touches
will help you stand out from traditional travel agencies.


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