I can't read charts/No More Love songs/ Interns/ view/ It Takes a Community - 1/31/07

Wed Jan 31 15:42:22 EST 2007

- OK, OK - I CAN'T READ CHARTS:
- LOVE SONGS: 
- VIRGINIA GOVERNOR RECOGNIZES MARRIAGE WEEK
- SUMMER INTERN SPOT?
- IT TAKES A COMMUNITY

- OK, OK - I CAN'T READ CHARTS:
On the last post to the list about the Oklahoma and other state divorce
stats, I was reading the monthly data on divorce, not the annual.  My
apologies to Mr Vos.  Oklahoma's divorces increased by 3,000 from '04 to
'05. You guys at least now know where the chart is and what to look for.
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr54/nvsr54_20.pdf Table 3.

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LOVE SONGS: 
Also, I have promised a few folks that I will not send any more love songs
to the list.  I agree, the lyrics and the lists are too long.  We'll
eventually post them on the website.  So, please don't send your song lists
to me, send them to DICK AND SANDY LAWSON  - hilawson at comcast.net
That's hilawson "at" comcast.net

############################

- VIRGINIA GOVERNOR RECOGNIZES MARRIAGE WEEK

Governor Kaine recognizes Feb 7-14 at Celebrate Marriage Week in Virginia

Governor Kaine issued a Certificate of Recognition for Feb 7-14 as Celebrate
Marriage Week to "celebrate and promote healthy marriages in Virginia."

He recognized the importance of commitment to the family and the positive
influence of marriage on individuals, children and our communities.

This is timed with National Marriage Week, an annual national event.

Facilitated by community minded sponsors like Ukrop's, Equity Concepts,
First Market Bank and COMCAST, First Things First of Greater Richmond has
led a community initiative for the last 4 years with various events, public
awareness activities/ proclamations by the Mayor and Governor, Clergy Forum,
and healthy marriage/relationship skills classes for singles, couples and
youth.

Watch for PSA spots on various COMCAST stations and find out about regional
activities at www.FirstThingsRichmond.org

Bob Ruthazer, CFLE
(804) 288-3431 x-13
www.FirstThingsRichmond.org
www.Celebrate-Marriage.org

############################
- SUMMER INTERN SPOT?
> Hello Diane: Please ask the list if any members have internship
> opportunities for top notch college students. I have one student in particular
> who is most interested in either the Charlottesville, VA or Washington, D.C.
> areas. She is an absolutely stellar student who could make a great
> contribution to an organization this Summer. Contact me if interested.
> Joe Horton PhD
> Grove City College
> Grove City, PA 
> 724-458-2004  
> jjhorton at gcc.edu

#############################
- IT TAKES A COMMUNITY

It Takes a Community
By Julie Baumgardner

A young man in St. Paul, Minnesota was walking home when he got caught in
the crossfire of a drive by shooting.  The boy was killed.  At his funeral,
his father shared these words, ³I think I was a good enough father to my
son, but I don¹t think I was a good enough father to the boys who killed
him.²

Shawn Hornbeck was missing for four years.  According to news reports,
people saw him in the apartment complex.  Some even commented that he
resembled the missing boy, but apparently, no action was taken to find out
if indeed he was the boy for whom everybody was searching.

A couple who normally attends a weekly gathering stopped attending.  After
several weeks, someone asked another couple if they knew where their friends
were.  The couple said, ³We didn¹t even know they were missing.²

³These are all examples of a nation of people that have moved away from
knowing each other and really being involved in each others lives to almost
a fixation on privacy and minding your own business,² said Dr. Bill Doherty,
Marriage and Family Expert from the University of Minnesota.  ³I believe we
have become a nation of people who want to be consumers not citizens.
Consumers ask, ŒWhat have you done for me lately?¹  They are always on the
take.  A citizen commits to being an active participant in building
something, a home, a marriage, a family, a community, etc.²

Social historians have shown how psychological individualism has been
growing in our country for more than a century.

³Consumer culture has always been based on individuals pursuing their
personal desires,² said Dr. Doherty.  ³I think the big question we have to
ask is, How is this impacting marriages and families in communities, states
and our country at large?  Americans are less loyal to their neighborhoods
and communities than in the past.  Nowadays you rarely hear people consider
whether or not they should move out of their neighborhood because the
neighborhood needs them.  I know families who have chosen to stay in
declining neighborhoods because they are involved in their community and
because they don¹t want to encourage more middle-class flight from the inner
city, but mostly we live where we can meet our own personal and family
needs.²

Research consistently shows that strong stable families are the bulwark of
neighborhoods and communities. Consider your answers to these questions: Do
you feel comfortable reprimanding your neighbor¹s children? Do you know at
least the 6 closest neighbors to you? Do you feel comfortable calling
attention to something that looks suspicious in your neighborhood? If you
saw a child of a friend of yours doing something inappropriate or dangerous
would you feel comfortable telling them? If you saw a friend doing something
potentially harmful to their marriage relationship would you say something?

³While many people may be concerned about the cost of speaking up in each of
these situations, we cannot fool ourselves into believing there is no cost
involved in keeping quiet,² said Dr. Doherty.  ³Most people will tell you
they will look out for their friends.  But the critical questions for people
to ask are: ŒAm I a friend to my friend¹s marriage?¹ ŒAm I a friend to my
friend¹s family?¹  If the answer to these questions is yes, then you won¹t
just be concerned about your friend crashing and burning, you will be
concerned about whether their marriage and family is crashing and burning.²

During the epidemic of divorces in the 70¹s a woman shared with a friend
that she was on the verge of divorce from her husband.  The friend said,
³You may decide to divorce your husband, but I want to tell you something
you already know.  He loves you deeply.²  That reminder turned her around.
Today, she is so grateful to her friend for being willing to respectfully
say something that caused her to pause and rethink what she was getting
ready to do.

³Strong communities don¹t just happen,² said Dr. Doherty.  ³They are a
result of people making the decision to be citizens rather than consumers.²

So take the time to look around where you live. If you live in a
neighborhood of strangers, it is never too late to get to know one another
better, after all you share at least one thing in common ... the same street
address, the same village.

Julie Baumgardner is the Executive Director of First Things First, an
organization dedicated to strengthening marriages and families through
education, collaboration and mobilization.  She can be reached at
julieb at firstthings.org <mailto:julieb at firstthings.org> .

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