Husbandless/ Book Award!!/ Couplehood as a Spiritual Path/ Mega Parties/ Bringing Baby Home -1/20/07

[Smartmarriages]

- GALLAGHER COMMENT ON NY TIMES STORY "WOMEN LIVING W/OUT"
- MCCARTHY AND METZ WIN 2007 CONSUMER BOOK OF THE YEAR AWARD!!
- DAVE BARRY ON MEGA BIRTHDAY PARTIES
- BRINGING BABY HOME
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- GALLAGHER COMMENT ON NY TIMES STORY "WOMEN LIVING W/OUT"
Diane, a note on the NYT story.  While I think critics are right that
looking at marriage rates from age 15 up distorts the picture (most
Americans don't think females of that age are either a. women or b. of
marriageable age) , I don't think the word "dishonest" is appropriate and
we'd be better off if folks stop hurling accusations of motives.  The
15-plus age bracket is the historic definition scholars have long used for
indicating that a female is potentially of marriage and childbearing age.
In the fifties, quite a lot of 17 year olds did marry. That they no longer
do, does represent a change, most of us would say a good one, along with
some others that have been less good.
 
While badly exaggerating the death of marriage, the New York Times is also
correct that more women live more years not being married than they have in
the past, make of the numbers what we will.   My own objections to the story
were that the reporter was rather determined to focus on the "divorce
romance" those women who feel better and freer for not being married.  Yes I
know these women are real and exist but they are only part of the story: the
suffering caused by high rates of divorce to women and to children was
simply hardly permitted to appear in the reporters' weirdly grim
determination to celebrate all change as liberating for women.
 
Maggie Gallagher 
 
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- MCCARTHY AND METZ WIN 2007 CONSUMER BOOK OF THE YEAR AWARD!!

Barry McCarthy and Michael Metz just received the good news: their book
"Coping with Erectile Dysfunction: How to Regain Confidence and Enjoy Great
Sex" is recipient of the SSTAR 2007 Consumer Book of the Year Award.  Here
is the description of the book from the Smart Marriages book page:
> Particularly relevant to couples because it presents a comprehensive
> bio-psychosocial approach to understanding, assessment, and treatment. Rather
> than seeing ED as the man's issue and using a stand-alone medical intervention
> (e.g. Viagra), ED is viewed as a couples issue and if medication is used it is
> integrated in the couple's intimacy, pleasuring and eroticism style. Includes
> an uncomplicated explanation of ED and a discussion of mythologies that
> surround male sexuality, exercises, plus guidelines for relapse prevention.

AND, TAH DAH, it is our good fortune that they will present a workshop at
the Denver Smart Marriages Conference:

> Married Sex for Men
> Michael Metz, PhD, Barry McCarthy, PhD
> Ten things men need to learn to deal with the common problems - low desire,
> porn addiction, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, etc. - to build a
> healthy, pleasurable sex life.

I encourage you to order their book now and get it signed at the workshop -
paperback from $9.57 on amazon:  Order by clicking:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1572243864/smartmarriages
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- COUPLEHOOD AS A SPIRITUAL PATH: MARRIAGE WEEK IN NEW YORK CITY

Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt will teach a full 8-session
IMAGO-based "Couplehood as a Spiritual Path" marriage education seminar at
The Riverside Church in New York City starting Feb 15, during Marriage Week.
Only $50 per couple includes materials. 6:30-9:30pm on Feb 15th, remaining
session 7-9pm on seven Thurs nights. Tell anyone you know in NY City about
the chance to take this incredible course with the founder/masters! Register
at 212-870-6833.

Or, at the Denver Smart Marriages Conference, study with the masters
themselves and learn how to teach their new course at your church, base, or
community center: 

> 110 Two Days - Wednesday & Thursday, June 27, 28
> IMAGO: Couplehood as a Spiritual Path
> Harville Hendrix, PhD and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD
> Couplehood can be the most powerful and effective path for emotional healing
> and spiritual growth. Learn about the spiritual potential of viewing
> couplehood as a spiritual path and the transformative power of using Imago
> Dialogue as a spiritual practice. Qualify to teach this exciting new
> curriculum in your congregation and community.  $100 spouse discount.  Click
> for more information: http://www.smartmarriages.com/casp.html

############################
- DAVE BARRY ON MEGA BIRTHDAY PARTIES

> Hello Diane,   
> Your postings about mega birthday parties for kids reminded me of a very funny
> article by Dave Barry on the subject. Here is the link:
> http://www.tms.tribune.com/htmlmail/consumer/profiles/barry.htm
> Marie Schimmelpenninck

Take the time! It's great, here's a clip"
> For the 'sky,' I used the actual sky, which was visible because I removed the
> ceiling and roof with a chainsaw, which is when my husband, Ed, left me, but
> the overall effect was well worth it."

#########################
- BRINGING BABY HOME

> Hi Diane  
> In the February edition of Pregnancy Magazine there is
> an article entitled "Love Lessons: Must-know advice for expecting couples"
> which interviews me and several others.
>   
> BTW, I've just started as the host of Relationship Radio on AM 1620 Radio
> in Atlanta each Thursday at 5pm EST - you can also listen
> online in streaming audio and podcasts at http://www.RadioSandySprings.com
 
> Jeff Herring 

It's a great article, here are some clips.  Encourage you to read the whole
thing and save it:


>  5 Love Savers
>  Pregnancy Magazine
>  Rachel Sarah   
>  January 10, 2007

> Pre-baby steps to take to protect your relationship.
> 
> When Gretchen and Dowlan Smith of Round Rock, TX, conceived their daughter
> five weeks after getting married, they quickly realized the honeymoon was
> over. Gretchen¹s ³never-ending nausea² sent her straight to the sofa where she
> slumbered sitting up halfway to quell the queasiness. But even after the
> morning sickness passed, Gretchen recalls ³the couch was the only place I
> could get some sleep.²
> 
> The Smiths aren¹t the only couple whose relationship has been blindsided by
> the baby. ³Until you live through it, you don¹t know how much it¹s going to
> challenge you,² says Jeff Herring, a relationship coach in Atlanta who started
> counseling new parents after being caught off guard by the arrival of his
> first son. . . . 

The article then spells out 5 suggestions with practical advice for how to
protect your marriage:
#1 : Accept that things will change
#2 : Talk about sex
#3 : Prepare for differences
#5 : Create a vision


Item #4 includes mention of the Gottman Bringing Baby Home Program in which
you can train and become a certified instructor at a pre-conference
Institute at Denver Smart Marriages, June 26, 27, 28:

> #4 : Get expert advice
> 
> Just as more couples these days are getting premarital counseling, some are
> seeking pre-baby advice, too. Because parenting can take a toll on couples,
> relationship experts encourage them to get advance help by either visiting a
> marriage therapist or taking one of the new parents-to-be classes that are
> popping up.
> 
> ³With most couples, there¹s a real sharp drop in satisfaction after the baby
> arrives,² says Sam Jinich, Ph.D., a San Francisco-based clinical psychologist
> who also leads Bringing Baby Home (BBH) workshops, a rapidly spreading
> national workshop created by relationship experts John and Julie Gottman. ³If
> the quality of the relationship drops in the first year in life, there will be
> an increase in conflict.²
> 
> Longerbeam, who also teaches for BBH, notes that conflict is not the problem
> but how you cope with it. In fact, one full day of her workshop ³is focused on
> handling conflict,² she says. ³We talk about how to bring up discussions about
> a conflict in a productive way, how to avoid language and facial expressions
> that express contempt, and how to take time-outs when things escalate.
> Conflict is best handled in a context of appreciation and positive regard.²
> 
> Parents-to-be can learn how to boost their bond, for example, by creating a
> culture of appreciation. ³After the baby arrives there is less time for
> communication,² Longerbeam says. But if you adopt the BBH motto‹³small things
> often²‹you can demonstrate your appreciation of your partner and bolster the
> relationship.
> 
> What are examples of small things? Give your partner a hug. Stroke his hair.
> Suggest that you two take an after-dinner walk with the baby in the stroller.
> Save an article or cartoon you think he¹ll find entertaining. Couples also set
> up rituals of connection‹ such as date nights or romantic rendezvous‹pre-baby.
> Having established the ritual, it will be much easier to reestablish it after
> the first crazy weeks of parenting.
> 
To read the full article, go to:
http://snipurl.com/lovelessons

For the Gottman PRE-Conference Training Institute:
> 106 Three Days - Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday, June 26, 27, 28
> Bringing Baby Home: Become a Certified Gottman Educator!
> Carolyn Pirak, MSW, Joni Parthemer, MEd
> This research-based workshop developed by John Gottman, teaches pregnant and
> new parent couples the essential skills for a successful transition to
> parenthood. 
> Help couples maintain intimacy, regulate conflict and understand their baby's
> cues. 
> $150 spouse discount. Click for more information including reading
> prerequisites:
> http://www.smartmarriages.bbh.html

**************************
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11th Annual Smart Marriages Conference, Denver Adam's Mark Hotel,
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Pre-Conference Training Institutes June 26-28
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 2-3
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Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
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