People Magazine/ Marriage penalty /Secret to Long Life/ resources - 1/03/07

Wed Jan 3 15:49:52 EST 2007

- PREVENTING INFIDELITY
- IT'S TIME FOR A CHANGE
- SURPRISING SECRET TO LONG LIFE: STAY IN SCHOOL
- SUBMISSION 

############################
- PREVENTING INFIDELITY

Here's your chance to help get the word out to millions of readers that we
have learned something about how to improve the odds for marriage. If you
don't fit, pass this along to someone who might. He's already interviewed
Barry McCarthy, Peggy Vaughan, and Anne Bercht - all presenters at the
upcoming Denver Smart Marriages conference. -diane

> PEOPLE Magazine senior writer Alex Tresniowski is working an article on the
> idea of informing your spouse of your attraction to someone outside the
> marriage as a way to ward off infidelity. He would like to interview
> individuals or couples who have (either before having an affair or after)
> been responsibly honest/candid with their spouses and informed them of an
> attraction, who then have dealt with that attraction and managed to keep
> their marriage healthy. He would like to be be able to name and identify
> those he interviews. He has written hundreds of stories in his ten years at
> People and gives his assurance that he will handle the story in a dignified
> and responsible way.
> 
> Deadline: Couples must be interviewed either in person or over the telephone
> by a January 15. Contact Alex at 212-522-6202 or 908-285-7950.

***This is a follow-up to a Wall Street Journal article "Honey I'm Thinking
of Having an Affair" 10/26/06.  To reread that reference before calling
Alex: 
http://lists101.his.com/pipermail/smartmarriages/2006-October/003187.html

############################
- IT'S TIME FOR A CHANGE

> Dear Diane,
>  
> I'm so glad that the subject has surfaced on the smart marriages list about
> government penalizing low-income couples who want to marry.  I personally am
> watching my adult disabled daughter struggle with this very issue.
>  
> My daughter has had cerebral palsy since birth, with a severe speech
> impediment and she's had multiple surgeries on her back and knees.  She has
> always been in 'special' classes and although she can read at about a 6th
> grade level, math is...well...just not doable for her.  Nevertheless, she has
> grown into a successful and happy young woman--more so than we (or her
> teachers) ever imagined she could..  She is 24, drives her own car, attends
> college classes part time at the local community college, and works part time
> at the local movie theater.  She has had quite a few jobs, because no matter
> what lip service you get...let me tell you...discrimination is real.  Yet, our
> wonderful girl just keeps on trying because she WANTS to work, be productive
> and contribute--just like the rest of us.
>  
> So...this past year she met a guy and fell in love.  On Christmas Eve, he got
> down on one knee, handed her a ring and proposed to her in front of her
> sister, father and me (after asking for our blessing beforehand)!  It was so
> romantic and sweet, you can imagine the tears in our eyes to see it.  BUT,
> being her primary representative when dealing with the government on her
> behalf, I realize how much she stands to lose if she really does choose to
> marry.   This fact is absolutely heart-wrenching for me--being such an
> advocate of marriage, a relationship educator for nearly 10 years and a
> happily married woman for 30 years!   But what am I to do?  Even her support
> coordinators coach us to explore the ramifications very very carefully before
> letting her make a choice to marry.  There is so much at stake for her
> lose...SSI and SSDI funds, medicaid eligibility, job coaching & supported
> employment services, etc.  And her fiance' is only a minimum wage earner
> working at Wendy's...it's not like his "grand salary or benefits" (none) could
> make up for those kinds of losses on her part.
>  
> From my perspective, our government is NOT subsidizing cohabitation.  What our
> government IS doing is punishing hard-working low income and/or disabled
> people, who long for the chance to marry and have families (in that order),
> who yearn to build a decent life together, assured they can afford basic
> housing, food and medical care.
>  
> What's happening is that these people are being *forced* into NOT marrying.
> It's surely not because they don't want to.  The only way they have a remote
> chance to chase the American Dream is with a marital status of 'single'--and
> we all know the statistics for success there.  IT IS TIME FOR A CHANGE!
>  
> Melodie Tucker
> Mars Venus Relationship Coach
> http://www.marsvenus.com

#############################
- SURPRISING SECRET TO LONG LIFE: STAY IN SCHOOL
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/01/03/health/03aging.html?hp&ex=1167886800&en=d8
27cf91b55ac6db&ei=5094&partner=homepage

This long front-page NY Times article does not once even mentioned the M
word and the effects of marriage on longevity.  They use terms like "social
networks" and "isolation" but never mention marriage.  I think they need to
receive a few hundred letters to the editor on this one!  - diane
############################
- SUBMISSION 
> Hi Diane, Happy New Year
> I checked my library on the subject of submission. Maybe these can be of use
> to our marriage education community.  I hope to do an article on biblical
> submission from a single woman's point of view.  I am finding out as a
> Christian African American Single Woman that many in my culture don't
> understand submission. This is a subject that needs much discussion and
> understanding about before I'll ever say "I do." -  Cynthia
>  
> Books on Submission and/or Biblical Marriage
>   
> Rocking the Roles - Robert Lewis & William Hendricks   (Navpress))
> Safe People   - Cloud & Townsend  (Zondervan)
> Verbal Abuse - Grace Ketterman  (Servant Publications, Ann Arbor, Michigan)
> Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them  - Paul Hegstrom  (Beacon Hill Press,
> Kansas City, MO)
> Ten Lies the Church Tells Women - J. Lee Grady (Charisma House)
> Authority Abusers - George Bloomer (Whitaker House)
> Battle of the Sexes - James Mallory  (Crossway Books)
> Loving Confrontation - Beverly Caruso  (Bethany House Pub)
> Healing Violent Men - David Lingston (Fortress Press)

**************************
Copyright CMFCE. All rights reserved.

To SUBSCRIBE, UNSUBSCRIBE to this Free e-newlsit, or change your
subscription address, use the form at (http://www.smartmarriages.com). Click
Newsletter - in the column under the puzzle piece.

Please respect our copyright. If you wish to use any of our content send an
email and request permission.

This newslist shares information on marriage, divorce and educational
approaches.  Opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by members of the
Coalition.

This is a moderated list. Replies are read by Diane Sollee, editor. Please
indicate if your response is NOT to be shared with the list.  PLEASE include
your email address in with your signature.

To read ALL past posts to the newsletter, visit the Archive at:
http://archives.his.com/smartmarriages/

11th Annual Smart Marriages Conference, Denver Adam's Mark Hotel,
June 28-July 1, 2007
Pre-Conference Training Institutes June 26-28
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 2-3
Details: http://www.smartmarriages.com/conferencedetails.html

List your program in the Directory of Classes at
http://www.smartmarriages.com

Order conference audio & videos/CD/DVD/MP3s: 800-241-7785 or at
http://www.iPlaybackSmartMarriages.com

Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
5310 Belt Rd NW
Washington, DC 20015-1961
http://www.smartmarriages.com
202-362-3332 
diane at smartmarriages.com