New Years/ Texas/ Bridging Booklet/ Men/ Seven Stages/ Fundamentalist - 1/1/07

[Smartmarriages]

- NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION
- TEXAS HEALTHY MARRIAGE INITIATIVE PROJECT
- FREE BOOKLET: BRIDGING MARRIAGE, FATHERHOOD, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
- MEN AND DIVORCE
- SEVEN STAGES OF MARRIAGE
- FUNDAMENTALIST HUSBAND REPLIES

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- NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION
Diane,
As we begin our New Year and prepare for Marriage Week (Feb 7 - 14), I  
want to encourage coalition members to also focus on getting  
information and inspiration to their local media. The holidays, with  
the emphasis on marriage and family is a great time to do this, and  
the New Year, a time for new beginnings and resolve, provides a  
perfect opportunity. Contact a reporter and encourage them to include  
marriage education/improvement in their story about new year's  
resolutions and goals. Or, don't wait for the reporter, and just send  
a letter to the newspaper for the opinions/Letters to the Editor page.

Here is a copy of the letter I sent to our local newspaper.

Joneal Kirby, Ph.D.
Director, Christian Counseling and Resource Center
West Monroe, LA.

Happy New Year - time for a fresh start. Resolutions will be made that we
hope will improve our lives. Most of us will concentrate on losing weight,
reducing debt or being better organized. A goal that is rarely heard is one
that could guarantee you would end 2007 much better off. Here it is: as
a married partner, determine to do whatever it takes to improve your
relationship with your spouse. Husbands and wives, if you channel your
energy and creativity towards strengthening your relationship, your family
will be healthier, your children happier, and you will increase your
emotional, mental, spiritual and physical well-being. Begin by making an
action plan. Spend more time together as a couple. Have regular date nights.
Make a commitment to attend church together regularly. Make time each day to
talk with each other. Work on your problems and conflicts. A good marriage
never just happens. You have to focus attention on it.  It requires effort
and a determined will. If you want to end 2007 with a happier relationship
with your wife or husband, start now to build a lasting love between you.
Get help if you need it. Seek out a counselor or minister.  Attend a
marriage class or read a book. Resolve that this year, your marriage will be
a blessing to you, your spouse and most importantly, your children. Children
pay a huge price when their family is destroyed. Resolve that your children
won't ever have to suffer through a divorce. Make this the year that your
marriage is the best it's ever been.

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- TEXAS HEALTHY MARRIAGE INITIATIVE PROJECT

Project hopes to improve marriages, relationships
By LAURA B. MARTINEZ
The Brownsville Herald
Jan 1, 2007

Cameron County residents interested in improving their marital or  
pre-marital relationships by taking educational classes will be able  
to do so beginning this year.

Cameron County?s Hispanic Active Relationships Project recently  
received a $2.5 million grant from the U.S. Department of Health and  
Human Services to participate in the national ?Healthy Marriage  
Initiative.?

The Healthy Marriage Initiative strives to encourage healthy relationships.

?We are here to help the families. We are here to help the community  
be a healthy, safer community for Cameron County, that?s really what  
we want,? said Gloria Miranda Cavazos, program manager for Cameron  
County?s H.A.R.P.

The project trains community leaders and couples in how to use  
educational courses to teach couples, either married or dating, how to  
improve and maintain healthy relationships.

The educational classes will be taught throughout the county and are free.

?We are thrilled that our efforts in Texas have resulted in an  
opportunity for Cameron County to build great marriages and therefore  
strengthen families,? Kelly Simpson, founder of the H.A.R.P. project  
and director of Active Relationships, said in a news release. ?There  
is so much to know about creating a successful marriage and  
unfortunately most of us never had education in these skills, nor did  
our parents or their parents. We are just expected to know how.?

The educational courses will be taught in a classroom-type setting and  
the couples will participate in training exercises.

A pilot program was conducted in the county at the beginning of last  
year and the turnout and results showed that a program such as H.A.R.P  
was needed in the area, Cavazos said.

?Brownsville was one of the best in the state? with effectiveness  
rates Cavazos said, considering the challenges in the area.

?The culture here is very different. ... I had a lot of challenges,  
especially with the ?machismo?? attitude, Cavazos said.

Cameron County was among 1,600 applicants for the grant money from  
across the nation and was one of 124 to receive the money.

About 10 couples will begin training on how to teach the classes this  
month. Officials hope to be able to offer the first class sometime in  
February.

The educational classes, which are not counseling sessions, are free  
and will be open only to Cameron County residents.

For more information, call Gloria Miranda Cavazos at (956) 544-7165,  
or visit the project Web site at www.HARPCC.com
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- FREE BOOKLET: BRIDGING MARRIAGE, FATHERHOOD, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Building Bridges Between Healthy Marriage, Responsible Fatherhood, and
Domestic Violence Programs: A Preliminary Guide
Theodora Ooms, Paula Roberts, Anne Menard et al.
This guide summarizes the lessons learned at the Building Bridges Wingspread
Conference, held in May 2006. This conference brought together leaders from
three fields--healthy marriage, responsible fatherhood, and domestic
violence--to discuss current tensions and concerns; identify common ground;
and discuss possible avenues for cooperation, collaboration, and joint
action, avenues that would result in better outcomes for children and adults
alike. (19 pages) http://www.clasp.org/publications/building_bridges_guide.pdf

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- MEN AND DIVORCE

Men are worse off after a divorce
January 1, 2007
Los Angeles Times, letters section

Re "Old story: Women may have it worse," Dec. 28

Your article suggesting that men do better than women after divorce  
failed to mention any evidence to the contrary. Yet the most  
comprehensive study ever done on the topic, publicized in the book  
"Divorced Dads" by Arizona State University professor Sanford Braver,  
found that when we consider a comprehensive set of factors, including  
net worth and other variables, men actually do much worse than women  
after divorce, on average, and that this disparity increases over time.

In fact, after divorce, men's suicide rate skyrockets while women's  
remains steady, and surveys show that women are far happier with  
divorce decrees than men. That's not surprising, given how courts  
frequently strip men of parental rights and turn them into visitors.

At a minimum, why didn't your article mention contrary views and  
evidence on this hotly debated issue?

MARC ANGELUCCI, president of the Los Angeles chapter of the National  
Coalition of Free Men

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- SEVEN STAGES OF MARRIAGE
Rita DeMaria's new book is being featured on aol:
http://coaches.aol.com/love-and-sex/rita-demaria/stages-of-marriage

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- FUNDAMENTALIST HUSBAND REPLIES

Heard from about 20 of you on this one.  Here are two representative comments:

> Dear Diane,
> I was very troubled by the letter from the therapist Jim Weibelzahl  
> and the fundamentalist Christian husband who wanted the wife to sign  
> over her assets despite their pre-nuptial agreement. This is a case  
> of MUCH more than a misunderstanding of the Biblical "submission".  
> The husband has very serious control issues. If the wife signs over  
> her assets to him, she will have no escape route, which is what he  
> wants. What that husband needs is Steven Stosny's Compassion  
> Workshop bootcamp for abusive husbands. Please forward this email on  
> to Jim.  Abbie Vianes, MPC
> Coordinator
> Salt Lake City Mayor's Coalition on Alcohol, Tobacco and Other Drugs
> Salt Lake City, Utah

-----------------
> Dear Diane,
>
> I read with sadness the 12/28 article on "Biblical Marriage." I am  
> an evangelical Christian who considers myself a conservative. The  
> husband in this description is totally off base. Far too many  
> conservatives and even more fundamentalists pick and choose those  
> sections of the Bible that suit their views to the total exclusion  
> of other biblical passages.
>
> The passage usually quoted about marriage is last part of Ephesians  
> 5 where Paul discusses family issues: husband-wife relationships,  
> parent-child relationships and master-slave relationships as they  
> existed in the first century Roman culture.
>
> The section starts out with verse 21 where Paul urges mutual  
> submission of husband and wife to each other. The wife-must-submit  
> folks love to quote verses 22-24. Most of the passage, verses 25-33,  
> contains instructions to the husband to love his wife as Christ  
> loved the church, even to the point of sacrificing himself for the  
> church. Nothing in the passage instructs a husband to boss his wife,  
> rather to love her.
>
> D. Wilson Cooke
> Tigerville, SC  29688-0203

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Diane Sollee, Director
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