Ebony/ Black Marriage Day/ Jerk /Covenant - 2/20/07

[Smartmarriages]

- EBONY NEEDS YOUR HELP
- BLACK MARRIAGE DAY: STRENGTHENING COMMUNITY THROUGH HEALTHY MARRIAGES
- DON'T MARRY A JERK OR JERKETTE
- OKLAHOMA LAWMAKER RENEWS PUSH FOR "COVENANT MARRIAGE"

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- EBONY NEEDS YOUR HELP
Diane,
I'm writing a cohabitation article and I'm looking for married
couples who lived together before getting married and also for couples
who have decided to live together that have no intention of getting married.
I am on deadline so need to hear from people asap.
Adrienne P. Samuels
Senior Writer
Ebony Magazine
312-322-9353
asamuels at ebony.com

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- BLACK MARRIAGE DAY: STRENGTHENING COMMUNITY THROUGH HEALTHY MARRIAGES

Black Marriage Day: Strengthening Community through Healthy Marriages
February 20, 2007
Richmond, Virginia

Marriage belongs to the community, not solely to the couple.  In communities
where marriages are healthy and successful, property values are higher,
there are better schools, lower crime rates and the people are healthier.
In communities where the divorce rate is higher than the marriage rate and
marriages fail to happen, lower property values, poorer schools, crime,
health concerns, and many other risk factors abound.  Communities have a
responsibility to help change the culture of marriage by encouraging
organizational collaborations between community groups and institutions of
faith, celebrations that increase the value of marriage and courses that
provide services to strengthen marriages.

The benefits of healthy marriages were not lost on Nisa Muhammad who founded
Black Marriage Day to celebrate marriage in the African-American community.
Through the Wedded Bliss Foundation of Washington DC at least 50 cities
across the country have established celebrations, marriage education
classes, games, dinners and so on emphasizing the importance of marriage for
a strong community.
 
In support of the Wedded Bliss Foundation, Black Woman Press, LLC will
sponsor a day of marriage education classes for singles, married and
unmarried couples, and youth. Classes will be provided through First Things
First of Greater Richmond.  Courses being offered are: ³How to Avoid
Marrying a Jerk (or Jerkette)² which will be taught by Rev. Raymond Luster.
This class is $20 per person and includes lunch and workshop materials.
Relationship Skills for Couples based on PREP will be taught by Rev. Owen
and Flora Cardwell.  This class is $25 per couple and will include lunch and
workshop materials.  Relationship Smarts with separate classes for teens and
children is $10 per youth which includes workshop materials and lunch.  A
customized engagement ring by Jay Sharpe will also be raffled the day of the
event!  The event which will be held at Riverview Baptist Church, 2604
Idlewood Avenue, Richmond, Saturday, March 24th ­ 10am-5pm, promises to be
an empowering day of education and fun!


You are invited to take part in an exciting movement that touches the whole
family.  Partner with us to inform our community of something exciting, come
receive life-giving information available to singles, couples, youth and
families.  We excitedly look forward to sharing this experience with you!
 
For more information visit http://www.blackwomanpress.com  or email Adia
Blackmon at blackwomanpress at aol.com
 
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- DON'T MARRY A JERK OR JERKETTE

This article is about one of the programs offered at Smart Marriages as one
of the new mini/TOOB workshops - Toob means teach out of the box.  Spend
time in Devner with John Van Epp, the founder/creator of this widely used,
incredibly easy-to-teach course.

> 406 - Sat morning, June 30, Denver
> How To Avoid Marrying A Jerk ­ TOOB
> John Van Epp, PhD
> Great marriages begin long before the wedding. Learn what singles (and
> parents) should know about the 5 keys to successful mate-selection, and how to
> avoid the "love is blind" attachment-syndrome. Singles, or single again.

To see the 40+ teach-out-of-the-box workshops, click here.  Order the
courses by clicking on the live links.
http://www.smartmarriages.com/minis.html

Don't Marry a Jerk or Jerkette
By Mary Lou Aguirre
The Fresno Bee (California)
02/20/07 

Marriage counselor Ron McLain has seen more than his share of unhappy
couples in his Fresno office -- couples who have lost that loving feeling
and are faced with either working on the problem or divorcing.

Many of the problems facing couples could have been avoided if they had
spent more time dating -- say, an entire year -- before heading to the
altar, McLain says.

That's just one of the concepts he will discuss at the "How to Avoid
Marrying a Jerk or Jerkette" seminar, to be held 7-9 p.m. Friday and  8:30
a.m.-3 p.m. Saturday at Peoples Church, 7172 N. Cedar Ave., Fresno. (By the
way: He stresses the seminar is not faith-based; "There will be no
proselytizing or evangelism," he says.)

McLain, executive director of the Fresno County Healthy Marriage Coalition,
is organizing the seminar based on advice by John Van Epp, author of the
book of the same name.

The event is targeted to both male and female singles, whether they are in a
relationship or not. The idea is to provide them with tools that will help
tell whether the person they're dating is a keeper -- or, perhaps, whether
they should be thrown back into the dating pool.

"I have had couples who have known each other for three months and want to
get married," he says. "They don't know each other. It can take six months
before someone's personality comes out."

McLain, who has been married 37 years, will be taking questions from
participants along with Michelle Shepherd. Both have been trained to lead
the seminar. Shepherd, 23, brings a "young person's point of view" to the
seminar, McLain says.

The seminar, which includes lunch, costs $25.

"This is an investment," he says. "A 'how to pick a mate' seminar is rarely
taught. This seminar will give information on how to have a better chance at
a healthy marriage."

He advises against rushing into relationships.

"People are on their best behavior early in the relationship," McLain says.
"Sometimes the Jerk or Jerkette doesn't show up until you've spent some time
with them."

McLain offers examples of "red flags" revealed during dating:

 They only talk about themselves.

 He/she complains about their ex or their horrible kids.

 Heavy drinking or drug abuse.

 Anger issues.

 Controlling.

 Stubborn.

 Unwilling to compromise.

"A lot of times, people make decisions based on their heart, not with their
head," he says. "They trust someone early on.

Often men and women evaluate their relationship differently. McLain will ask
a couple to rate their marriage between 1 and 10, 10 being best.

"The husband will rate their marriage an 8 or 9, and the wife will rate it 2
or 3," he says.

Strictly speaking, McLain's own marriage beat the odds. He and wife, Joan,
were high school sweethearts. They were 19 when they married.

"We have had our issues," he says. "It hasn't been all peaches and cream.
The low point in our marriage is when I drank. Then I asked Christ into my
life. The drinking and cussing dissipated. Still, I'm not perfect."

He admits he was attracted initially to his wife's good looks. But after
spending time with Joan, he saw more than beauty.

"She had integrity and smarts," he says. "She showed a genuine interest in
me."

Based on McLain's red-flag list, it would seem easy enough to spot Mr. or
Miss Wrong. Just avoid irresponsible, self-centered, drug/alcohol-abusing
hotheads and you'll be fine. Having been wed 20 years to a man who's the
opposite of the previous sentence, I can attest to that.

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- OKLAHOMA LAWMAKER RENEWS PUSH FOR "COVENANT MARRIAGE"
WMCTV.COM
Feb 20, 2007 
OKLAHOMA CITY An Oklahoma lawmaker hopes his colleagues can be persuaded to
adopt a measure that Arkansas did in 2001, giving people the option of
entering into a "covenant marriage" that is more difficult to get out of.
State Representative John Wright of Broken Arrow says he hopes to reduce the
state's high divorce rate with his proposal.

The voluntary form of marriage proposed by Wright would ban incompatibility
as grounds for divorce, and require a couple to attend marriage counseling
at least 15 days before their wedding. Wright said the new marriage option
would lead to a higher level of commitment between partners -- and fewer
divorces. He said couples would choose a covenant marriage as a way to hold
themselves up to a higher standard of working through problems without
considering divorce first.

The Oklahoma House approved the measure today on a 93-to-7 vote and sent it
to the Senate, where similar covenant marriage bills have died in the past.

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