Marriage Week : Markman on NPR/ Cohab Stats/ Opinion Pieces/ Fullness / Marriage Tip: Spouse Time - 2/12/ 07

[Smartmarriages]

- LISTEN TO HOWARD MARKMAN ON COLORADO PUBLIC RADIO
- WRITING OPINION PIECES FOR MARRIAGE WEEK
- KEEP MARRIAGE FULFILLED
- MARRIAGE TIP: MAKE MORE SPOUSE TIME SAY DOHERTY AT UTAH MARRIAGE WEEK

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- LISTEN TO HOWARD MARKMAN ON COLORADO PUBLIC RADIO
     
DU Professor Helps Low-Income Couples Stay Together
The federal  government is spending $2 million in Colorado to improve the
relationships  of low-income couples and, hopefully, save money on welfare.
That's  because studies show couples that live together earn more, spend
less and  provide more stability for their kids. Ryan Warner talks to
University of Denver Psychology Professor Howard Markman, who use the money
to teach 300  couples to fight fairer and stay together longer.
http://www.kcfr.org/index.php?option=content&task=view&id=94

Plus Dr Markman talks about wonderful new 11 year PREP evaluation study
results. 

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- STAT RESOURCES FROM HERITAGE

Here is a collection of stats around Cohabitation assembled by Heritage.
> Top Ten Findings
> Cohabitation vs. Marriage: How Love¹s Choices Shape Life Outcomes
> February 2007
> http://www.familyfacts.org/topten/topten_0702.cfm

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- WRITING OPINION PIECES FOR MARRIAGE WEEK

This is the very best thing you can do - write an opinion piece and get it
in your local paper.  They're eager to know about positive steps being taken
in the community. Including local stats, costs, and info about Chick-fil-A
also increases appeal.  You might also mention grants received - that's
local news of interest.  Sharing this to keep you inspired. It's not too
late.  - diane

> Diane,  Here is an opinion piece I wrote that our local newspaper has printed
> for marriage week. Ron McLain
> 

RON MCLAIN: Why all the concern about our marriages?
Fresno Bee 
By Ron McLain 
Feb 19, 2007

Little 5-year-old Ashley waited outside the mediator's office where her
parents were going toe-to-toe to determine who would have primary custody of
her. Ashley's parents were divorcing after seven years of marriage. There
was only one thing she wanted ‹ for mom and dad to stay together so they
could be a family together. But that wasn't going to happen. She would
become another one of thousands of children annually in Fresno County who
are affected by divorce.

After counseling couples for 25 years, I have concluded that most couples
could and would stay together if they had the commitment and communication
tools with which to resolve issues and if they would take the time and
effort to make their marriages work.

Too many times couples divorce because they are tired of the other person or
because they are "no longer in love." While I believe there are cases where
divorce is inevitable and even prudent (domestic violence, repeated
adultery, etc.), I believe we could do a much better job in our community of
helping couples stay intact and experience happiness and fulfillment in
their marriages and families.

There is a collaborative effort under way in Fresno County to help couples
form and sustain healthy relationships in their marriages. The Fresno County
Healthy Marriage Coalition was formed last year with the goal of providing
research-based marriage education programs across all sectors of Fresno
County.

The programs would make it possible for individuals and couples to have
ready access to effective relationship skills and help ensure that they have
healthy relationships. In talking with a community leader recently, I was
asked, "What's the big deal about healthy marriages?" There are several
answers to his question.

First, divorce is very costly financially to everyone in our society. A
report entitled, "The Costly Consequences of Divorce in Utah: The Impact on
Couples, Community, and Government," conducted at Utah State University by
researcher David Schramm, found that divorce and its direct and indirect
economic consequences cost the United States $33.3 billion per year, or $312
per household.

Put another way, it is estimated that the average divorce costs state and
federal governments $30,000 in direct and indirect costs. This equates to an
estimated $125 million per 1 million population, a figure that has been used
to estimate the economic impact of divorce for nearly every state in the
nation.

It is estimated by the Fresno County clerk that there were 4,000 divorces
granted in 2006 which translates into $120 million in direct and indirect
costs in federal and state expenses, including child support enforcement,
Medicaid costs, Temporary Assistance to Needy Families, food stamps and
public housing assistance. That's money out of all of our pocketbooks as
taxpaying citizens. Those costs do not include personal economic
expenditures such as legal fees, lost work productivity and relocation
expenses. In answer to my friend's question, this is one of the big deals
about marriage. Yes, the economic impact of divorce is huge.

More and more businesses across America are recognizing the value of their
employees having healthy marriages and families. Some companies are even
investing in marital counseling for employees. Chick-Fil-A, the fast-food
chicken chain, provides its executive employees with marriage coaches for
couples at company retreats.

"We believe strongly that you can be successful in the marketplace and
successful in marriage," said Donald "Bubba" Cathy, president of the
Atlanta-based company. "We make it a point to incorporate spouses in company
meetings, and they're expected to attend annual meetings."

Second, divorce is also costly to our children and affects them well into
their future emotionally, socially and academically. Research indicates that
children from divorced homes are more likely to have social problems, low
self-confidence and self-esteem, difficulty with peer relationships, and are
more likely to drop out of school. They are also more sexually active, have
higher alcohol/drug rates, greater depression and higher rates of suicide.
Obviously, marriage matters to children ‹ another big deal about marriage.

Third, divorce is costly to our society as a whole. According to research,
marital success bodes well for a lower crime rate, lower domestic violence,
lower teen pregnancy and lower juvenile delinquency. Obviously, healthy
marriages are a big deal in society.

Strengthening marriages should be on the front burner of what we are doing
in our region. Working together for the sake of our children and for society
as a whole, couples can and will have healthy marriages and families.

For the sake of all the Ashleys out there, let's hope so!

Ron McLain is founder and executive director of the Fresno County Healthy
Marriage Coalition, an organization comprising community-based and
faith-based organizations, businesses, governmental agencies, health care
entities and educational institutions.

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- KEEP MARRIAGE FULFILLED

Keep marriage fulfilled
By MARK H. HUNTER 
Special to The Advocate Published:
Feb 10, 2007

Nearly half of American marriages end in divorce, a trend that Rev. Charles
T. Smith of Baton Rouge¹s Shiloh Missionary Baptist Church finds
³frightening.²

That¹s one reason Smith and his wife of 19 years, Eula Vercher Smith, are
serving as hosts for the National Baptist Congress of Christian Education¹s
third annual Married Couples Conference, Feb. 22-24.

The conference theme is ³Marriage: Thoroughly Fulfilling.² Charles Smith
said he anticipates attendance of 300 to 400 couples.

³The statistics indicate that today almost 50 percent of the people that
marry ultimately divorce,² he said. ³That is an indictment on the Christian
community, because I don¹t think there is a significant distinction between
those who profess to be practicing Christians and those who don¹t. The
statistics show an obvious deterioration of one of our most valued
institutions, marriage.

Conference Topics:

# How to have a fulfilling marriage. # How to get through difficult seasons.
Friday # Fullness through faithfulness: overcoming infidelity # Fullness
through positive communication. # Fullness through brokenness. # Fullness
through intimacy. # Fullness through money management. # Fullness through
prayer. Saturday # Fullness through parenting. # How to develop a
church-based couple¹s ministry.

For the full article and photos:
http://www.2theadvocate.com/features/5730436.html

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- MARRIAGE TIP: MAKE MORE SPOUSE TIME SAY DOHERTY AT UTAH MARRIAGE WEEK

Marriage tip: Make more spouse time Family therapist, in town for
Celebration of Marriage conference, says it really can be done By Jennifer
Barrett The Salt Lake Tribune 02/09/2007

William Doherty knows you don't have enough time to enjoy your spouse's
company, but he has some tips to help you make the most of what you have.

Doherty, an expert on marriage and family, will be a keynote speaker at the
state's 15th annual Celebration of Marriage conference Saturday at the Salt
Palace Convention Center in Salt Lake City.

"There's a lot of folk wisdom that gets passed down when you have children,
like you're not going to sleep and your life will never be the same," he
said during a Thursday interview. "But there isn't a lot of folk wisdom that
gets passed on for marriage."

That's one of the reasons he has made marriage a focus of his career. As a
practicing marriage and family therapist, as well as a professor of family
social science at the University of Minnesota, he has written eight books,
including Soul Searching and Take Back Your Marriage.

Whenever he asks couples about the biggest challenges they face, the No. 1
answer is always the same: not enough time together.

"It may not be easy, but it is possible to find more couple time, as long as
you prioritize it," he said. He uses his own marriage to his wife, Leah, as
a case in point.

When their youngest daughter was about 4, the Dohertys decided they would
set aside a little time every day after dinner was done and the kitchen was
cleaned for a cup of coffee and nice conversation. Children were banned with
the instruction that "if there's an emergency, call 911." There was no
comparing of schedules. No paying bills. No arguing about something that had
been bothering one of them. They were just connecting as friends, he said.

Years later, he asked his daughter what she thought of that nightly ritual.
"It made me feel safe," she said, illustrating the point that the better the
marriage is, the better it is for the whole family.

In addition to Doherty, the marriage conference will feature sessions on
"Money Matters in Marriage," "Sex: Out With Shame, In With Sizzle," "Couples
Who Play Together Stay Together," and more. Alan and Suzanne Osmond will
speak about their 32-year marriage, through a performing career, eight
children, and Alan's diagnosis with multiple sclerosis.

Marriage conference  The 15th annual Celebration of Marriage conference is
Saturday from 3 to 11 p.m. at the Salt Palace Convention Center, 100 S. West
Temple, Salt Lake City. Tickets to the event are $20 per person, $40 per
couple, and include all the workshops, dinner, the "Extraordinary Marriage
Awards," and entertainment. Tickets are available at all SmithsTix outlets,
or by calling 1-800-888-TIXX.

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