Valentines for you - nagging reminders/ pamphlet/ billboards/ books - 2/10/07

Smartmarriages smartmarriages at
Sat Feb 10 15:20:54 EST 2007



> Dear Diane,
> I have been here at the Denver Adam's Mark all week at a Midwinter conference
> and have all good things to say about the hotel and staff. Everything has been
> outstanding from the registration staff to the facilities. The location on the
> 16th street Mall provides a plethora of dining and shopping experiences. Even
> though they have a free shuttle that runs up and down the street I found
> walking around throughout the early morning and late into the evening to be
> quite enjoyable and rather safe considering some of the cities that I have
> visited.
> Thank you for finding this place for the upcoming Smartmarriages conference. I
> will get to return to this venue, this time with my wife, in June and am
> really looking forward to it!
> Remind all the conference attendees that Denver airport is 22 miles away from
> downtown and to plan accordingly.
> Dan Beach

This is my Valentine to you, a reminder that the hotel WILL sell out.  Book
the NOW. As Dan says, it is a wonderful hotel, wonderfully located, and it
will sell out. Average price for overflow properties is $189 a night.  Call
800-444-2326 and ask for the Smart Marriages single/double rate of $109.
Denver is beautiful in June - low humidity, lots of sunshine and blue skies.
We'll have discount airport shuttles in the badge mailing letters.  -diane


Watch CNN's weekend primetime show anchored by Rick Sanchez on marriage and
featuring Anne & Brian Bercht and BAN (Beyond Affairs Network.) 10pm EST/7pm
Pacific.  And, catch them in Denver:

> 808
> Beyond Affairs: Prevention and Recovery
> Anne and Brian Bercht
> Learn the steps to not only recover from infidelity, but to make your marriage
> even stronger, from a couple that¹s been successful. Also, learn how to give
> back by leading BAN recovery support groups in your community.



This one-page summary "Why Marriage Matters" was developed by the California
Healthy Marriage Coalition and is your Marriage Week gift from them.  They
invite you to use it in your work.

Check out the creativity!

And, check out their many marriage strengthening ideas and resources at:


These by Barbara Dafoe Whitehead whose keynote address in Atlanta "Message
to Our Daughters" is one of the all-time favorites. One of the BEST! - diane
Five Best 
Author Barbara Dafoe Whitehead sends a Valentine to these books about love
and marriage
February 10, 2007

1. The Book of Abigail and John
Edited by L.H. Butterfield, Marc Friedlaender and Mary-Jo Kline
Harvard, 1975

Abigail Adams once begged her husband to burn all her letters. Fortunately,
John refused. Their letters -- 200 or so of them are gathered in this volume
-- provide a documentary portrait of a soulmate marriage that has few
parallels in American history. The Adamses' letters depict a relationship
that endured amid long separations, revolution and fears about their own
safety and survival. But the lasting charm and appeal of the correspondence
is due to the letter writers themselves. Few Founding couples were so
well-matched in background, intellect, candor and patriotic fervor. Few
could write letters that sounded just the way they talked. Few were so
frankly affectionate and deeply admiring of each other. John wrote tenderly
to his wife: "You are really brave, my dear, you are an Heroine." Abigail
returned his love but often with a dash of tartness: "Courage is laudable, a
Glorious Virtue in your Sex, why not in mine?"

2. Elegy for Iris
By John Bayley
St. Martin's, 1999

This is a memoir of a marriage as an act of imagination. The British
literary scholar John Bayley fell madly in love with the young philosopher
Iris Murdoch when he saw her riding her bicycle past his window. Two years
later, they entered a long and happy marriage of mutual solitude -- living
together and writing apart. When Iris began to suffer from Alzheimer's,
their cozy independence vanished. Yet amid a life dramatically altered by
Iris's decline, Bayley's memory protects her dignity and redeems their
marriage. To the world, Iris is a brilliant thinker sadly diminished. To
John, even as he settles down with her to watch "Teletubbies," her favorite
program, she is forever riding her bicycle past his window.

3. Miss Manners on (Painfully Proper) Weddings
By Judith Martin
Crown, 1995

The syndicated etiquette columnist Judith Martin is one of the leading
critics of American manners and mores. In this volume, she offers a funny
and razor-sharp critique of today's bloated, Buckingham Palace-scale
weddings. But this isn't the usual Bridezilla send-up. Miss Manners has a
serious point to make. A wedding, she reminds spouses-to-be, is not just
about "the two of us." It is the ritual celebration of a union that creates
its own little society, including those we love, those we like and those we
merely tolerate. But like all good societies, she admonishes, the wedding
and marriage itself require that everyone be treated with consideration and

4. Middlemarch
By George Eliot

Virginia Woolf famously described this work as one of the few English novels
for grown-ups. Interweaving themes of love and work, it is a meditation on
the freedom to choose -- and the moral consequences of choosing wrongly. Its
central characters -- the bookish Dorothea Brooke and the medical scientist
Tertius Lydgate -- are high-minded reformers who pick utterly unsuitable
mates. Dorothea chooses an elderly pedant; Lydgate, a vain material girl.
This novel of marital disappointment, though, leads not to despair but to
something more hopeful. In recognizing the misjudgments as their own, both
Dorothea and Lydgate are humanized by their failures, chastened in their
ambitions and moved to compassion for those they have chosen wrongly.

5. Clementine Churchill: The Biography of a Marriage
By Mary Soames
Houghton Mifflin, 1979

Shy, beautiful, insecure, 23-year old Clementine Hozier married a force of
nature named Winston Churchill. In this sympathetic but unsentimental
biography of her mother, Mary Soames chronicles a marriage that was, from
the very start, overwhelming in its emotional and social demands, consuming
in its political ambitions, extravagantly impractical in money matters, and
burdened by frequent separations. Yet it was the daunting circumstances of
her marriage that led Clementine to shed her shyness and to develop her own
capacity for politics and public life. During the war, she became an admired
public figure, tirelessly raising money for aid to the Russians and for
hostels, maternity homes and bomb shelters, all the while remaining fiercely
protective of her husband and family. Despite her fragile beauty, she was
made of steel or, as Winston would have it, of stone. "I reproach myself for
many shortcomings," he once wrote to her. "You are a rock & I depend on you
& rest on you."

Ms. Whitehead is the author of "Why There Are No Good Men Left: The Romantic
Plight of the New Single Woman" (Broadway, 2003) and co-director of the
National Marriage Project at Rutgers University.

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11th Annual Smart Marriages Conference, Denver Adam's Mark Hotel,
June 28-July 1, 2007
Pre-Conference Training Institutes June 26-28
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 2-3
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