Marriage Tune Up Time - 12/22/07

Sat Dec 22 07:34:31 EST 2007

- TUNE UP YOUR MARRIAGE OVER THE HOLIDAY BREAK
- THE SEX-STARVED WIFE
- SUDDEN DIVORCE SYNDROME
- 21st CENTURY FOREPLAY
- MARITAL CHECKUP

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- TUNE UP YOUR MARRIAGE OVER THE HOLIDAY BREAK

Someone just sent me a bunch of links to articles on MSN Lifestyle: MEN -
BEST LIFE most of which feature our experts: Bill Doherty, Scott Haltzman,
Terry Real, Howard Markman - all of whom will present keynotes or Master
Sessions at Smart Marriages in San Francisco. But why wait?  Read these over
the holiday break and tune things up around the house. Each article leads to
more articles and more tips, just keep clicking.  Maybe you should read
Sudden Divorce Syndrome first - then go on to the others about how to AVOID
that. Or maybe, I'll put the link to the excerpt of the new Michele
Weiner-Davis book "The Sex Starved Wife" first.....it was she, after all who
coined the term "walk-away wife syndrome" to describe what MSN Men is
calling "Sudden Divorce".  Listen up.     -diane

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- THE SEX-STARVED WIFE
> 
> Men always want sex. That's the message you hear from your friends, from talk
> ‹ show experts, from TV sitcoms. Except when they don't. What if you find that
> you're the one craving a deeper sexual connection, but he simply doesn't want
> sex very often ‹ or ever? How can you rescue your sex life? Read on for
> couple-tested solutions for bringing intimacy and heat back into your
> relationship, in this exclusive excerpt from the new book by REDBOOK Love
> Network expert Michele Weiner Davis.
For full article: http://www.redbookmag.com/love/sex-starved-wife

Order the book now and get Michele to sign it in San Francisco.
http://www.smartmarriages.com/app/Media.Booklist

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- SUDDEN DIVORCE SYNDROME

Sudden Divorce Syndrome -   MSN Lifestyle: Men
2007 

> Sudden Divorce Syndrome. You won't find it in the Diagnostic and Statistical
> Manual of Mental Disorders, that bible of psychiatric illnesses, but you will
> find it in life. In a 2004 poll by the AARP, one in four men who were divorces
> in the previous year said they "never saw it coming." (Only 14 percent of
> divorced women said they experienced the same unexpected broadside.) And few
> events in a man's life can be as devastating to his physical, mental, and
> financial health. . . .

> The warning signs are usually there, claims Buckley, but the male mind is
> simply not very adept at recognizing them. "When women make up their mind that
> the relationship is over, they stop talking about the relationship," she says.
> "Men interpret a woman's lack of complaining as satisfaction. But more often,
> it's because she's simply given up." . . .

> Compared with married or single men, divorced men are nine times as likely to
> be admitted to the hospital, to report difficulties at work, or to suffer
> significant depression. According to a study in the American Journal of
> Psychiatry, they suffer the effects of divorce with the intensity that their
> wives experience the death of a close friend. And they suffer physical
> maladies. "Their blood pressure goes up, and so does their cholesterol, and
> that drives up hypertension, heart disease, coronary artery disease, and
> peripheral vascular disease," says psychiatrist Arnold Robbins, associate
> editor of the Journal of Men's Health & Gender. Researchers at the Texas Heart
> Institute have noted that emotional stress can lead to a dangerous ballooning
> of the left ventricle, which they term "broken heart syndrome." Says Dr.
> Robbins: "A lot of metabolic syndromes kick in too, like borderline and type 2
> diabetes. There's cirrhosis of the liver from too much drinking. Even prostate
> problems. It's not a pretty picture."
> 
> Scientists have recently come to some possible conclusions as to why this
> might be so. It may be as simple as a loss of being touched. James Coan, PhD,
> a psychologist in the departments of psychology and neuroscience at the
> University of Virginia, found that, for a husband, just holding his wife's
> hand is enough to reduce the stress associated with the anticipation of pain.
> Regular sex helps insulate a man from chronic stress, and that can pay off in
> increased longevity: In a study of 1,000 middle-aged men by researchers at
> Queen's University in Belfast, men who had sex at least three times a week had
> half the risk of heart attack or stroke of men who had sex less frequently.

For the full article:
http://men.msn.com/articlebl.aspx?cp-documentid=5873934&GT1=10715
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- 21st CENTURY FOREPLAY
Sex & Relationships
The modern man's guide to the new rules of marriage

> According to family therapist Terrence Real, this flaw is clearly my fault. In
> his latest book, The New Rules of Marriage: A Breakthrough Program for
> 21st-Century Relationships, Real postulates that you'll get what you want‹more
> sex, time off for poker night, sweet-potato linguine with walnuts‹only if you
> ask for it. I never ask for a break from cooking, so I never get one. Instead,
> I resent that my wife (who is overworked herself, I'll admit)  ......

http://www.bestlifeonline.com/cms/publish/sex-relationships/21st-Century_For
eplay_printer.shtml

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- MARITAL CHECKUP
> To analyze the state of your union, answer these questions
> 
> . . . Instead of taking your marriage into the shop and having someone else
> look at it, these tools are about learning to listen to the important cues in
> your relationship, says professor William Doherty, PhD, director of the
> marriage and family therapy program at the University of Minnesota and author
> of Take Back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in a World That Pulls Us Apart .
> Here¹s how to make sure you and the missus are firing on all cylinders. . . .

> Jealousy. At a holiday party, you spend a few minutes chatting with a Gisele
> look-alike. When you get home, does your wife say, ³Who was that floozy?² If
> so, feel good about your marriage, says Doherty. A hint of jealousy means that
> she thinks you¹re attractive, she expects other women to find you attractive,
> and she wants you all to herself.

http://www.bestlifeonline.com/cms/publish/sex-relationships/Marital_Diagnost
ics_printer.shtml

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