Army Correction | NEW Institutes | Marriage Savers Report Card | All Out of Love | More Samples - 12/ 19/07

Wed Dec 19 21:57:05 EST 2007

- ARMY SUICIDE RATE CORRECTION!
- NEW TRAINING INSTITUTES?
- DO YOU HAVE A CMP IN YOUR COMMUNITY? MARRIAGE SAVERS CONGREGATIONS?
- MARRIAGE SAVERS REPORT CARD 2007
- ALL OUT OF LOVE....
- MORE SAMPLE LETTERS TO INSPIRE AND MOTIVATE
- TO SCHWARZENEGGER/SHRIVER

###################
- ARMY SUICIDE RATE CORRECTION!

> Diana, regarding the post:- SAVING ARMY MARRIAGES TO SAVE LIVES,
> and specifically the sentence:  There is an 18.4% suicide rate army-wide, the
> highest since they started counting in 1980.
>  
> I'm not sure how the contributor came up with that percentage, but something
> is definitely missing from the sentence, perhaps along the lines of an 18.4%
> increase or something, but one fifth of the Army's members are not killing
> themselves.
>  
> For the Army's sake, please check this out and run a correction.
>  
> Kay Grosinske (Air Force, and proud of it)
> 

I should THINK before I forward something.  They writer said he was quoting
the USA Today article which I'd seen and not clipped, just assumed it was OK
and, of course, the point was that soldiers need help with their
relationships but you're so right that this was a gross misstatement.   My
apologies to the list and the Army.  I've found the article and here's the
full sentence: 

> A total of 109 suicides this year would equal a rate of 18.4 per 100,000, the
> highest since the Army started counting in 1980. The civilian suicide rate was
> 11 per 100,000 in 2004, according to the Centers for Disease Control and
> Prevention. 

And, here is the link to the full article:

http://www.usatoday.com/news/military/2007-12-12-Army-suicides_N.htm

##########################
- NEW TRAINING INSTITUTES?
> Diane, 
> By this time you usually announce the training institutes for the coming
> conference and do a big "tah dah" about what's new.  We traditionally take the
> holiday break to plan our flights to Smart Marriages and hope you can fill us
> in on the pre and post choices.  We also plan to add a week on after the
> conference and see some of the sights.  We attend no matter where the
> conference is, but SF is THE BEST. You've outdone yourself with this one.
> Bob and Sue

Well SF is nice, but the conference program is even better! Bet you won't
even go outside till it's all over. How's that for a tah dah.

The pre and post Training Institute schedule is posted and though there are
two Institutes that don't have their descriptions or click-for-more-info
pages posted there's enough in place that you should be able to plan:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/institutes.html

All the CLASSICS are back - the programs that provide the foundation for all
we do. Plus, by my count, there are eight new offerings. LoveU2 by Marline
Pearson will finally be offered as a full-day instructor training (see
#914). Sue Johnson will teach her brand new Hold Me Tight: Strengthening the
Bonds of Love program based on her new book due in 2008 that, like her
program, "translates her Emotionally Focused therapy model for the public".
PREP will launch its brand new program: "PREP IN THE WORKPLACE". Plus check
out Controlled Separation; Father Friendly Strategies; Couples Sexual
Awareness - a full-day training with Barry McCarthy; a brand new offering
from Relationship Enhancement for California MFTs; AND an
incredible/amazing/hard-to-believe deal $$ from the Dibble Institute for
School/Youth marriage educators - see #115.

YES, look over the institute trainings and, YES, make your hotel and airline
reservations ASAP.  - diane
#########################
- DO YOU HAVE A CMP IN YOUR COMMUNITY? MARRIAGE SAVERS CONGREGATIONS?

If not, please visit the updated, clear, easy-to-use: Step #1 and Step #2,
website and get these going in your community:
http://www.marriagesavers.org/sitems/index.htm

Take the two-day pre-conference Marriage Savers/CMP mentor/organizer
training in San Francisco and be fully prepared.  Many congregations send a
team. 

> 114 Two Days - Tuesday & Wednesday, July 1 & 2
> Creating Marriage-Saver Congregations & Community Marriage Policies
> Mike & Harriet McManus
> Learn how to reduce the divorce rate to near zero in your congregation and
> slash city divorce rates in half by training Mentor Couples who can put a
> "safety net" under every marriage as they prepare couples for life-long
> marriage, enrich existing marriages, save 90% of the troubled ones, help the
> separated to reconcile, and stepfamilies to be successful. Learn how to create
> a Community Marriage Policy. $100 spouse discount. Also plan to attend the
> Banquet, 6:30pm, Tues night, July 1, co-hosted by Marriage Savers and
> featuring Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt "Couplehood as a Spiritual
> Path"- $39 per person. Click for more
> information:http://www.smartmarriages.com/marriagesavers.html

And, to see just how well they're doing, read the
MARRIAGE SAVERS REPORT CARD 2007, at VirtueOnline, 12/19/07

ABC News Spotlights Community Marriage Policy® On October 22, 2007, Charlie
Gibson anchored a superb ABC World News story on a Community Marriage
Policy® signed by 170 churches in Clackamas County, Oregon. It is a good
example of how Marriage Savers helped 10,000 clergy of 220 cities reverse
the culture's high divorce rate. Gibson announced: "There's a different kind
of good neighbor policy, a new movement of saving marriages by turning to
the power of church and community. We've looked for Keys to Success, simple
solutions for some of the country's biggest challenges. For Better, For
Worse. Is there a secret for a successful marriage? Yes, but you have to
look outside the marriage and look to the community. Those involved say they
are seeing real results."

For the full report:
http://www.virtueonline.org/portal/modules/news/article.php?storyid=7302

######################
- ALL OUT OF LOVE....
> Diane,
> I've been hearing from a lot of women recently whose husbands have decided
> they don't feel love any more and want a divorce.  I think someone has written
> a book about this, but I can't recall. Can you? - Bill

There are so many that would help with this "all out of love" problem -
Divorce Busting, Grow Up!, etc....but what came first to mind were the
Robbins/Madanes Ultimate Relationship tapes (Niel, the band guy in
particular) and then Josh Coleman's book, Imperfect Harmony. Also, Coleman's
essay "When a Family Man Thinks Twice" - wish we could get it to all these
husbands: http://www.smartmarriages.com/coleman.html - diane

BOOK:    
> Imperfect Harmony: How to Stay Married for the Sake of Your Children and Still
> Be Happy
> 18 used and new from $4.00, Hardcover, St. Martin's Press, ISBN: 031228974X
> Joshua Coleman
> Imperfect Harmony: How to Stay Married for the Sake of Your Children and Still
> Be Happy Coleman isn't afraid to tell the truth: not all marriages can be
> joyful at all times, but that isn't a cause for divorce, especially with
> children involved. Even if your marriage is never going to be the one you
> dreamed of, you can still live happily ever after. With practical advice and
> genuine empathy, Coleman encourages spouses to stick it out: their marriage
> may not change drastically for the better, he says  but then again, it just
> might.

######################
- MORE SAMPLE LETTERS TO INSPIRE AND MOTIVATE

I know it's an extremely busy time of year, but it's also the season when we
search for something meaningful to do/to give.  I share these written by two
very busy people selected, today, because these both happen to have come
from involved with schools/youth. Both see marriage education as a way to
"pay it forward" - to make Marriage Masters out of the next marrying
generations. I hope Speaker Pelosi agrees that it's important "to start with
the kids".  I also share excerpts from a letter to the Gov as examples of
the kinds of points Californians might want to make. - diane

> December 19, 2007
> 
> The Honorable Nancy Pelosi
> Speaker
> United States House of Representatives
> 235 Cannon HOB
> Washington, DC 20515
> 
> Dear Speaker Pelosi:
> 
> I am often asked how a liberal from Berkeley finds herself involved
> in the marriage education movement. The answer is simpleŠ..I care
> about outcomes for children. In looking back over the thirty plus
> years since the divorce revolution began here in California, social
> science researchers across the political spectrum have come to
> understand that family formation matters for kids.
> 
> Children of divorced or never-married parents, in general, are more
> likely to drop out of school, not enroll or complete college, become
> involved in the juvenile justice system, become pregnant, and
> generally fare more poorly than their peers from married homes. This
> is true for children from the Marina as well as for children from
> Hunter¹s Point.
> 
>  From this perspective, helping couples learn the skills needed to
> form and sustain marriages of equal regard is a progressive issue
> that addresses our core values of responsibility and compassion. The
> fact that helping marriages succeed will actually save our taxpayers¹
> dollars is an additional benefit.
> 
> Ms. Pelosi, by accepting this invitation to address the only
> professional association focused on marriage education, you have the
> opportunity to show that progressives like yourself, care about
> improving outcomes for children by focusing on healthy family formation.
> 
> I urge you, as a fellow Californian, Democrat and marriage educator,
> to accept the invitation to speak at the national Smart Marriage
> conference in San Francisco next July.
> 
> Sincerely yours,
> Kay Reed

________________________

> Honorable Speaker Pelosi
>  
> There is a way to solve many of the problems facing this country‹and it¹s a
> good deal less complicated than many expect.
>  
> We suffer the consequences of rather intractable family poverty rates, high
> incarceration rates, high drop-out-of-school rates, and high teen pregnancy
> rates in this country.  Additionally, a good deal of public and private money
> is spent addressing the problems of domestic violence and addictions.  As you
> know, the cost of managing these difficulties is very high.
>  
> The vast majority of children who are directly affected by the above problems
> do not have the benefit of a home life with both of their biological parents.
> As a public school teacher, it is so very clear to me that children who are
> reared by their biological parents have obvious advantages.  Living with one
> excellent parent is, of course, a good thing, but it is a life without the
> benefit of all the tools.
>  
> To point out the myriad advantages of two parent families is not to demean
> those without this gift.  But it does underline the value of pursuing policies
> that assist men and women to become better fathers and mothers, husbands and
> wives‹and to live out, more fully and successfully, their roles in bringing up
> their children--together.  Our children and our country benefit greatly when
> higher levels of social stability are sought and attained.
>  
> You, Madame Speaker, can assist the Coalition for Marriage, Family, and
> Couples Education* by lending the weight of your leadership to the promotion
> of family and couple health. We are a very broad aggregation, and I¹ve never
> seen another organization where such widely diverse groups of conservatives
> and liberals co-exist in harmony and parallel purpose.  Coalition members from
> all fifty states and at least twenty five foreign countries will be coming to
> San Francisco in July, 2008.
>  
> We are requesting that you attend and address this annual conference‹a meeting
> of state and community officials, professionals, and volunteers who cross many
> political, religious, ethnic and professional borders for the benefit of all
> who will expose themselves to the benefits of relationship education.  It is a
> happy, cheerful, and hopeful group‹simply because they can see the healing and
> harmony that comes when normal life differences are managed well and the paths
> to argument, anger, and conflict are avoided.  It is a lesson for all homes in
> America‹it is a lesson that can be applied immediately--in the schools, the
> workplaces, and indeed, by our political leaders.
>  
> Do, please, consider joining us.
>  
> Sincerely

> Roger Harms, Wichita
>
TO SCHWARZENEGGER/SHRIVER FROM CALIFORNIAN, PEGGY VAUGAN FOUNDER OF BAN
WHICH WILL RECEIVE A SMART MARRIAGES IMPACT AWARD IN SAN FRANCISCO.
CONGRATS PEGGY! 

> Clips from my letters to Schwarzenegger/Shriver:
> 
> I have been a California resident for the past 22 years, and want to encourage
> both of you to accept the invitation you received to speak at the Opening
> Plenary of the 12th annual Smart Marriages/Happy Families Conference in San
> Francisco, Wednesday July 2, 2008.
> 
> I met both of you almost 28 years ago when my husband and I were guests and
> Maria was on the panel of the TV program, Leave it to the Women. In
> preparation for the interview, both of you had read the book we wrote about
> dealing with the issue of affairs in our own marriage. (While waiting in the
> green room, Arnold also gave us some helpful tips on promotion.)
> 
> I founded an international support group Beyond Affairs Network (BAN)
> devoted to helping spouses recover and rebuild their marriages, and there are
> local groups in six California cities. I am proud to say that BAN is scheduled
> to receive an Impact Award at the Smart Marriages Conference in San
> Francisco. 
> 
> It would mean a lot to have either or both of you present at the Conference.
> 
> P.S. Even though we are registered Democrats, we voted for you for Governor.

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12th Annual Smart Marriages® Conference, Hilton San Francisco Hotel,
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Pre-Conference Training Institutes June 30-July 2
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 6

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