FOOWBS | Marriage Job | Public Health | Honest Conversation | Love & Economics - 12/14/07

Fri Dec 14 17:48:44 EST 2007

- A NEW DESIGNATION: HERE COME THE FOOWBs
- OUTREACH AND CONNECTIONS: PUBLIC HEALTH NURSES
- JOB ANNOUNCEMENT: HEALTHY MARRIAGE INITIATIVE COORDINATOR
- HOLIDAY GIFT FOR MARRIAGE  HONEST CONVERSATION
- LOVE AND ECONOMICS

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- A NEW DESIGNATION: HERE COME THE FOOWBs

Smart Marriages is all about getting what we know "out there" to the folks -
individuals, couples, families - that need the info.

In 2006 we introduced TOOBs - the new designation for the new, accessible,
affordable *Teach Out Of Box* programs.

At Smart Marriages 2008, we'll introduce FOOWBs - even more *affordable* and
more accessible - *Free Online On WeB*.  These include William
Fals-Stewart's: Learning Sobriety Together; Michigan State Extension's
Caring for My Family; Wally Goddard's Marriage Garden; Susan Heilter's
PowerofTwo web-based game; Bill Bailey's One-to-One Money program.  If
you've got a program or tool that fit this new category, let me know.

Or, if you come up with a better acronym than FOOWB let me know before it's
too late and I set it in concrete.

 - diane 

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- OUTREACH AND CONNECTIONS: PUBLIC HEALTH NURSES
Jana Staton will chair two sessions in San Francisco on Marriage Education
in Health Care settings - 90-min workshop on Fri afternoon followed by a
"Talkabout" roundtable open to all to brainstorm and share ideas about how
to make these connections. - diane

> Diane:
> I¹m writing to ask if anyone on the list is working directly with public
> health visiting nurses or similar agency staff to train them in basic couple
> relationship skills.
> 
> Some background: 
> I¹ve been getting referrals as a couples counselor for several years from our
> county public health nurses and social workers, who visit low-income expectant
> and new parents. But referrals for private couples therapy have never worked,
> even though some clients might be covered under Medicaid if there¹s a medical
> condition. I finally volunteered to come to a staff meeting and explain what I
> do in marriage education, and enjoyed it so much that I said I¹d come back for
> free as often as they¹ve have me. My next two-hour gig is tomorrow, and I¹m
> jazzed. I¹ve never had such a receptive, enthusiastic audience.
> 
> As you know, the emerging CMFCE Health Care Connection network sees public
> health as the best all-inclusive umbrella to encompass marriage and
> relationship skills education in the coming decade
> If anyone else on the list has done training with this group, not just to get
> referrals to counseling or classes, but to educate and empower them as
> gatekeepers working with couples, I¹d like to hear from them. Training PH
> nurses and home visitors is already happening on a large scale in Britain,
> through the 1+1 Brief Encounters program.
> 
> Write directly to Jana Staton, PhD, LCPC
> Marriage Works Learning Center
> Missoula, MT 
> EMAIL: mwlc at montana.com

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- JOB ANNOUNCEMENT: HEALTHY MARRIAGE INITIATIVE COORDINATOR
Louisville, KY

COPES, Inc., a private non-profit agency, is seeking a Healthy Marriage
Initiative Coordinator for a federally funded project working specifically
with the criminal justice re-entry and/or recovery populations in the areas
of substance abuse prevention, family enhancement, and development of
healthy marriage skills.  The successful candidate will be responsible for
supervision, management, and training/facilitating curriculum-based groups
and should be organized, detail oriented, multi-tasked oriented and have
excellent communication skills. This individual ought to be able to work
well with a variety of people, possess good facilitation skills, and have
the ability to make sound and conscience decisions.  This position is
full-time and the salary range is $35,000-$40,000.  Applicants should send a
cover letter and resume to:

COPES, Inc. 
Personnel Department
845 Barret Avenue
Louisville, KY 40204
ficoord at sprynet.com <mailto:ficoord at sprynet.com>

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- HOLIDAY GIFT FOR MARRIAGE  HONEST CONVERSATION

Here's a list of sentence stems to use as a Marriage Check Up.  Print it out
and keep it handy as a talking tool. - diane

Holiday gift for marriage -- honest conversation
PIONEER PRESS
December 13, 2007

To remain in sync and maintain a healthy marriage, couples may benefit from
a "Marriage Check-up." Just like check-ups for our physical health, couples
need to also attend to their relationship health. Small steps toward
prevention produce better results than waiting until problems can get so big
that you need to seek professional help.

An easy beginning to your check-up is through the following conversation
with your partner: Ask each other:

€ "How could I be a better husband?"

€ "How could I be a better wife?"

Then listen to what they say without interrupting, disagreeing or defending.
You are only trying to gather information about what they think or feel; you
don't have to agree.

Get the point? How well do you and your partner know each other? You
obviously knew enough to decide to get married, but what have you learned
about each other since? People and marriages change as the years go by.

How has your partner grown and changed during your time together? We know
that humans are designed to evolve, otherwise we are revolving. To continue
expanding our understanding of our partners and ourselves, many of us prefer
a structured conversation guide.

Try the following exercise together: First, write your individual responses
to the following statements. Then exchange papers and talk about what you've
written. While one of you is reading or speaking, the other should only
listen or ask questions for clarification. Then switch roles.

Complete the following statements:

€ In our marriage I feel appreciated when you...

€ In our marriage, I feel loved when you...

€ In our marriage, I am happiest when...

€ In our marriage, I am saddest when...

€ In our marriage, I am angriest when...

€ In our marriage, I would like more...

€ In our marriage, I would like less...

€ In our marriage, I feel close to you when...

€ What I like most about our marriage is...

€ My greatest concern about our marriage is...

€ Our marriage could be greatly improved if we both...

A few thoughts to keep in mind while you both review your "State of the
Union."

Marriage is a team sport.

Whatever kind of marriage you have, it took both of you to create it. No one
can hold all the responsibility for any of the marriage's faults or
shortcomings or for its strengths and virtues. There is plenty of work to be
done on each person's part when it comes to taking your marriage to the next
level.

Tell people good things about your spouse (whether or not they are present
to hear them). Praising one another feeds the relationship. Not only will
your partner appreciate the attention, but this habit also stretches us to
focus on the positive aspects of our relationship.

Great marriages are built over time. Attending to and protecting against
threats to the marriage are the cornerstones to its health. Open, sincere
and honest conversations can produce rewards that last a lifetime.

Dan Haycraft, MD, and Meg Haycraft, LCSW of Wilmette are founders of
TWOgether, Inc., an educational and counseling firm for couples. Call (847)
581-9444 or visit www.twogether.org.

http://www.pioneerlocal.com/evanston/lifestyles/health_family/692837,on-twog
ether-121307-s1.article

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- LOVE AND ECONOMICS

Jane Saeman volunteered to contact Fr Souza about his economics and marriage
coursework as featured on the list:
http://lists101.his.com/pipermail/smartmarriages/2007-December/003583.html

I share this to show how helpful it is to me to have helpers - at this
season feels like calling them "elves". I also share it because several of
you inquired about the curriculum Fr Souza was using. -d
> 
> Hi D, Here is the Fr Souza's reply...this would be a good project for somebody
> to come up with coursework to show the economic side of marriage. I will email
> him back to let him know about Smart Marriages.... Jane Saeman
> 
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Raymond J. de Souza" <rjdesouza at sympatico.ca>
> To: "'Jane Saeman'" <janesaeman at cox.net>
> Sent: Tuesday, December 11, 2007 6:51 PM
> Subject: RE: Econ and Marriage?
> 
>> It's not a course on that topic, but one topic among many. Becker has the
>> original literature on this, but the students like to read a book by
>> Jennifer Morse, "Love and Economics".
>> Fr. de Souza
>> 
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Jane Saeman [mailto:janesaeman at cox.net]
>> Sent: December-11-07 5:13 PM
>> To: Raymond de Souza
>> Subject: Econ and Marriage?
>> 
>> Hello Fr. Souza,
>> I would be interested in knowing what curriculum you use for your Econ and
>> Marriage course....great cause and great work, by the way.
>> Thanks,
>> Jane Saeman

>> - TEACHING MARRIAGE TO ECONOMICS UNDERGRADS
>> Dec 8, 2007 
>> Looks like we should invite Professor Souza to present on the "Teaching
>> Marriage to Undergrads" panel at Smart Marriages.  If anyone knows him, tell
>> him we admire his work.  -d

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