Just Roommates? | Grampas - 8/25/07

[Smartmarriages]

- SEXLESS MARRIAGE?
- ON BEING A GRAMPA

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- SEXLESS MARRIAGE?

Are You Spouses or Just Roommates?
You've drifted into a sexless marriage. Can this relationship be saved? Yes,
experts say.
By Jeanie Lerche Davis
WebMD Health News
Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

There's no drama, no fighting. You've been together for years, raised kids
and pets. The love is still there, but the spark just isn't. As months drift
into years, you realize: You're in a sexless marriage.

Most married couples don't really know what to expect of a long-term
relationship, says Diane Solee, MSW, a former marriage counselor who is the
founder and director of Smartmarriages.com. She is also director of the
Coalition for Marriage, Family, and Couples Education.

"It's so normal to hit the doldrums. In a way, you should be smug about it,"
Solee tells WebMD. "You have a partner who is not bringing drama into your
life. You're not going to alcohol or cocaine treatment classes. You are in a
very good place. Realizing all that, your job is to get out of the doldrums.
You may have gotten into a rut."

For the full three-page article,
http://tinyurl.com/2eg6jt

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- ON BEING A GRAMPA

Hey Diane:
Jack in Spokane here.
I just became a grandpa for the first time, Ryland Walker Cosby; and the
thought hit me...
What does it mean to be a grandpa? What do we do, how do we act etc? I know
it will come naturally, it already has but what are some short quips and
tips?  If this is something for the list, I will put together the top
responses and make it available for others. I guess, ala John Curtis,
another way of stating this 'What is the job description for a Granddad?"
Jack Cosby 
Marriage Friendly Communities

Well, my absolute first thought it that you're already doing it - working to
create Marriage Friendly Communities, a wonderful legacy for Ryland.  Second
thought is to tell you to treat yourself and order the perfect recording -
it's so good that it is way up there among the top-selling Smart Marriages
conference sessions: "What Are Men For, Anyway?" by Frank Pittman at the
2003 Reno conference. Frank talks a lot about grandfathers - his own and
being one. His grandkids call him "Chief" - gives you an idea of what's in
store. Order on DVD or CD at 800-214-7785 - session #753-P6.

You might also want to read the Daddies section on the Marriage Quotes page
at smartmarriages.com - just think grampa where it says daddy.  All about
examples that only men can set. Maybe you'll find some new ones in your
"grampa research" to send me.  Here are just a few from that list:

> ****************
> I think the gulf between liberals and conservatives on family issues is
> closing.
> What we agree on is that there is a problem. Our children are not doing
> 'family'
> in ways that are going to promote the well-being of our grandchildren. What's
> not clear is what are we going to do about it?
> Ron Mincy, 2002
> *****************
> Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing.
> Albert Schweitzer
> ****************
> Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they
> are always watching you.
> Robert Fulghum
> ****************
> I talk and talk and talk, and I haven't taught people in 50 years what
> my father taught by example in one week.
> Mario Cuomo (on why it's important to have a father in the home.)
> ****************
> . . . in the end, there is nothing a man can do that a woman can¹t, except be
> a father.
> Frank Pittman
> ****************
> Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring and
> integrity, they think of you.
> H. Jackson Brown, Jr
> ****************
> As the family goes, so go the children.
> Daniel Patrick Moynihan
> *****************
> Marriage orients men and women toward the future, asking them not just to
> commit to each
> other but to plan, to earn, to save, and to devote themselves to advancing
> their children's prospects.
> Daniel Patrick Moynihan
> *****************

> It is instructive that 87 percent of those incarcerated in American prisons
> either
> don't know who their father is or have not had any contact with their fathers
> in years.
> Herbert London, Hudson Institute
> ****************
> Toddler in pajamas standing at the door waving goodbye to his dad.
> caption reads: "Bye, Daddy! Be a good boy!"
> The Family Circus by Bill Keane, 10-5-01
******************
> Investment Banker Wisdom
> 
> The investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal
> Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.
> Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna.  The
> investment banker complimented the fisherman on the quality of his fish
> and asked how long it took to catch them.
> 
> The fisherman replied, only a little while.
> 
> The investment banker then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch
> more fish?
> 
> The fisherman said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.
> 
> The investment banker then asked, but what do you do with the rest of your
> time?
> 
> The fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my
> children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each
> evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full
> and busy life, senor."
> 
> The investment banker scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you.  You
> should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat.
> With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually
> you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a
> middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening
> your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and
> distribution.  You can leave this small coastal fishing village and move to
> Mexico City,
> then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."
> 
> The fisherman asked, "But senor, how long will this all take?"
> 
> To which the American replied, "15-20 years."
> 
> But what then, senor?
> 
> The American laughed and said that's the best part.  When the time is
> right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public
> and become very rich, you would make millions.
> 
> Millions, senor?  Then what?
> 
> The American said, "Then you would retire.  Move to a small coastal
> fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your
> kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings
> where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."
> 
> -  Anonymous

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