Spider Man| Mastering the Magic | Birthday Bashes | Men and benefits | Evolution of Marriage Education -4/30/07

[Smartmarriages]

- SPIDER MAN 3 ENCOURAGES MARRIAGE READINESS
- BIRTHDAYS WITHOUT PRESSURE
- MEN, CHORES AND SEX
- THE EVOLUTION OF MARRIAGE EDUCATION: HARRY BENSON

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- SPIDER MAN 3 ENCOURAGES MARRIAGE READINESS

> Diane,
> We are using a clip from the soon to be released Spider-Man 3 to
> encourage Marriage Education.
> 
> Check out the clip on in our latest blog entry: www.CArelationships.org
> 
> Marc Payan
> Relationship Research Foundation

WOW!! I love it.  I also love this website!  I asked Mark, who created this
fantastic website, where he found this terrific clip. His reply:

> Spider-Man 3 comes out Friday, May 4th.  Sony pictures has put up a
> number of clips on its site promoting the movie and allowing
> individuals to download them.

Also, FYI, the Mastering The Magic of Love trainings in California that
you'll see advertised on this website are the same as the one available in a
pre-conference training in Denver taught by program creator Mary Ortwein:

> 104 Three Days - Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday, June 26, 27, 28
> Bernard Guerney¹s Relationship Enhancement (RE),
> Mastering the Magic of Love & Love¹s Cradle Programs
> Mary Ortwein, MS
> A Bonanza! Qualify to teach three programs: the original Classic RE plus two
> new simplified programs, Mastering the Magic of Love, and Love's Cradle (for
> couples with an infant). Plus add-on special focus seminars. Ideal for
> low-income, community or church based. Spanish version available. $150 spouse
> discount. Click for more information: http://www.smartmarriages.com/re.html

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- BIRTHDAYS WITHOUT PRESSURE

> MINNEAPOLIS / ST. PAUL (4/23/2007 ) --Parents in New York City, Washington,
> D.C., Hawaii and New Mexico feel the most pressure to throw their children
> over-the-top birthday parties, according to results released today by the
> organization Birthdays Without Pressure. Los Angeles, San Diego and Austin,
> Texas also rank high when it comes to out of control birthdays. . . .
> 
> "We are hearing from parents who live in small towns and parents who live in
> the largest cities in our nation and they all are feeling the same pressure
> when it comes to birthday parties," said Linda Zwicky, a parent leader in the
> Birthdays Without Pressure group. ³They want support for their values and
> ideas on how to scale things back in their communities.²
> 
>  Some examples of over-the-top birthdays include:
> 
> € A Chicago party invitation requests a gift worth at least $35. The mother
> explains that last year her child received some gifts worth only $10, which
> did not even cover her costs
> 
> € Parents are now registering for gifts on Amazon.com for their children's
> birthday parties.
> 
> € A $250,000 birthday party in Florida for a 7-year-old girl, with limos, an
> adult party with alcohol, the grand ballroom for the kids, helicopter rides,
> horses and wild animals.
> 
> € The Associated Press reports on a Florida family that rented a cougar for
> their 7-year-old's birthday party. The result was not funny: the animal mauled
> a 4-year-old guest.
> 
> € A mother works hard to plan a nice at-home party for her 8-year-olld
> daughter, who announces at the end, ³It just wasn't magic enough.²
> 
> ³We're raising overindulged children who then feel entitled to more and more
> and bigger and bigger, ³Doherty said. This trend is creating more stress for
> parents and their stress effects children and in turn, creates difficulties
> for families.²
> 
> Parents are getting the support and advice to fight the out of control
> birthday party trend at the group's Website at
> www.birthdayswithoutpressure.org

Including this as a clip-and-save resource to give couples who are battling
over stressful, expensive birthday parties.  - diane

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- MEN, CHORES AND SEX

Men and Housework:
The real connection between chores and your sex life
by Neil Chethik

Joseph Fields of Lexington, Kentucky, knows that he can boost his chances of
having sex with his wife if he buys her roses and chocolates. But if he
wants to be sure he'll score a romantic evening, he goes straight for the
Brillo pads. "My wife has told me that she's never more turned on to me than
when I'm doing housework," says Fields, a 39-year-old guidance counselor.
"And she's proven it again and again."

For years, American women have hinted that the combination of husbands and
housework is a potent aphrodisiac. Now, for the first time, a scientific
survey of American men affirms the connection. According to a new national
study of 300 husbands conducted for my book, VoiceMale, the happier a wife
is with her husband's participation in housework, the more sex she has with
him.

How much more sex? On average, about once a month more. That may not seem
like a lot, but for those couples who are in the throes of child-rearing ‹
when sex happens only occasionally anyway ‹ a once-a-month increase can mean
twice as much sex for them.
And that's only the beginning of the power of housework. In the survey,
conducted in conjunction with the University of Kentucky Survey Research
Center, I asked husbands whether they thought the division of housework in
their marriage was fair, and whether their wives thought it was fair. In
cases when both partners answered that things were fair in their household,
the results we found were compelling:

Wives were less likely to have affairs.
Couples were less likely to consider separation or divorce.
Couples were more likely to be happily married overall.

What's going on here? Michael Gurian, author of several books on gender
differences, says that because of cultural expectations, women generally
carry the burden of ensuring that their home is clean. So when a husband
takes it upon himself to do his fair share, a wife feels appreciated and
appreciative. It's no surprise, then, that she is more likely to be extra
affectionate toward her husband.

Gurian says most wives probably are not consciously trading sex for
housework. They often reported feeling some distance from their partner when
he wasn't doing enough housework, but they didn't notice a direct impact on
their sex life. A woman "feels like she has to become a mom and dominate
(her husband) to get him to help her out. Why would she want to have sex
with someone who makes her feel like that?" says Gurian.

Interestingly, the study also showed that a man usually doesn't have to do
half of the housework to make his wife happy. He just needs to do enough so
that she feels supported. The exact amount may be negotiated based on the
hours each partner spends on paid work, yard work and other contributions to
the family.

And for men who absolutely hate housework, there's a potential out: Hire a
housekeeper. Of course, this costs money. But it may be money well invested:
It turns out that when both partners are happy with the housework, the
couple is half as likely to seek marital therapy. So why pay a marriage
counselor down the road when you could just pay a housekeeper now?

Do's and Don'ts When Discussing Housework With a Man
Don't nag him about it.
Do negotiate a master housework plan.
Don't criticize his attempts.
Do let him work at his own pace.
Don't accuse him of bad faith.
Do develop cleanliness standards together.

Link is: http://love.ivillage.com/lnm/lnmgetcloser/0,,bg007hqj,00.html

Neil Chethik, author of VoiceMale: What Husbands Really Think About Their
Marriages, Wives, Sex, Housework and Commitment, will present a workshop at
the Denver Smart Marriages Conference.

> 619 - Sunday, July 1st
> Where Are the Men?
> Neil Chethik
> Learn practical marketing steps to encourage men to attend classes by creating
> a male-friendly atmosphere that will keep them engaged and working on their
> marriage. 

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- THE EVOLUTION OF MARRIAGE EDUCATION: HARRY BENSON

>From the May 2007 issue of the BCFT e-newsletter:

The next generation of marriage and relationship education                  
·        There is little doubt that modern marriage and relationship
education programmes help couples improve the quality of their relationship
as well as reduce conflict and ultimately the risk of divorce. However one
persistent problem remains. The effects only ever last a few years. Wouldn¹t
it be wonderful if programmes could somehow tap into the natural processes
that keep marriages afloat over much longer periods of time, even a
lifetime? 
·        Until recently, relationship research and educational programmes
have focused heavily on conflict. Conflict is associated with poorer
outcomes for both adults and their children. But in every case, the
relationship is a surprisingly weak one. A focus on the negative aspects of
marriage has thus never adequately explained why some couples rebound from
conflict and others don¹t.
·        The answer is that people muddle through, or self-repair, without
outside help. Encouraging new research is beginning to explore the positive
transformative processes that allow marriages to ride out the rough times
over the much longer term: commitment, sacrifice, forgiveness and
sanctification. 
·        The common characteristic of all four is that they protect a
marriage over time. Couples who lack these overarching methods for
self-repair are more vulnerable to divorce, even if they possess good
communication and problem solving skills. Skills are simply not enough. This
suggests the likely direction for our next generation of courses.
·        Click here for the full article
<http://www.bcft.co.uk/newsletter.htm#33>

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