Matrimonios Magnificos/Google Marriage Group/7 years/ Hero Dads/Harley on Stepfamilies - 4/23/07

Mon Apr 23 14:15:49 EDT 2007

- MATRIMONIOS MAGNIFICOS!!
- CREATE A MARRIAGE GOOGLE GROUP IN YOUR STATE!!
- THE FIRST SEVEN YEARS
- NOMINATE A HERO DAD
- HARLEY APPLIES THE POLICY OF JOINT AGREEMENT TO STEPFAMILIES

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- MATRIMONIOS MAGNIFICOS!!

HARP (the Hispanic Acive Realationships Project) in Texas honored "100
Matrimonios Magnificos" Sunday night – hosted 300 people for dinner and
dancing – Mariachi's and Charro bands, Latina singer, Hollywood Latino
playwright as speaker, and DJ with Latin dance music! They presented awards
as couples walked the red carpet including a couple married 65 years who
danced a solo dance and spoke (in Spanish) to the crowd about the reason for
their success. As part of the celebration, Kelly Simpson asked for couples
who would be willing serve as goodwill ambassadors in their community to
explain the benefits of attending a marriage ed class, and 25 couples
volunteered!  

Attend the Active Relationship two-day training.

> 107  Two Days - Wednesday & Thursday, June 27, 28
> Active Relationships Accelerated Training
> Kelly Simpson, MA
> Leave certified to teach FIVE “best practices” programs: Active Marriage, two
> Military programs (for single or marrieds), a Youth and a Single Adults’
> program. Also receive materials to complete certification for four Mastery
> courses: Money, Communication, Romance, Traditions. SPANISH and Christian
> editions available. $100 spouse discount. Click for more information:
> http://www.smartmarriages.com/simpson.html to see the materials you'll receive
> as part of the training.

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- CREATE A MARRIAGE GOOGLE GROUP IN YOUR STATE!!

What a great idea:

> Diane:
> Just wanted to let you know about a new Tennessee-based resource for bringing
> together folks with an interest in marriage and family enrichment. Hoping this
> will generate more interest and involvement at the Smart Marriages conference
> from folks in TN. The group is invite-only but anyone is welcome to request an
> invitation from me at benvos329 at yahoo.com. We're just getting launched, so
> this is a great opportunity for grassroots advocacy!
> Ben Vos
> marriageministry.blogspot.com
> 
> Here is the group's description:
> 
> Tennessee has a divorce rate which is substantially higher than the national
> average. This group is designed to bring together individuals who are
> committed to seeing more children raised in a home with two parents in a
> vitalized, low-conflict marriage.

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- THE FIRST SEVEN YEARS

> Dear Diane 
> ‘MARRIED LIFE THE FIRST 7 YEARS’, a survey of married life and couples in the
> first seven years of marriage in Ireland, was launched at a Press Conference
> in Dublin today, Monday April 23rd. Members of the Coalition may find it
> interesting. A copy is available on our website http://www.accord.ie   I will
> bring you a printed copy when I attend Conference in Denver in June.
> Stephen Cummins
> Director of Marriage Education
> ACCORD, Catholic Marriage Care.

Irish survey shows mixed results on marriage
<http://www.cwnews.com/news/viewstory.cfm?recnum=50676>
Catholic World News - USA

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- NOMINATE A HERO DAD

> I am pleased to announce that the National Fatherhood Initiative is partnering
> with Best Life magazine to find a “Hero Dad.” The winner gets the ultimate
> vacation for a family of 4 at the exclusive Greenbrier resort.  He will also
> be featured in the Best Life magazine and his story and photos will be
> featured on NFI’s website and on MSN.com.   Nominations are due by May 18th.
> For info: 
> http://www.bestlifeonline.com/herodadcontest/
> Roland Warren 
> President 
> National Fatherhood Initiative

My only question is what about the "hero dads" who have more than two kids?
Hope Greenbrier will take that into consideration.

NFI is presenting two of the workshops at Denver Smart Marriages on men and
fathers.  For the concentration of sessions on men/husbands/fathers see:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/men.html

> 217
> 24/7 Dad – TOOB
> David Jones, CFLE
> Help men become involved, responsible, committed dads. Includes exercises,
> recruitment and implementation strategies for a variety of settings.

> 609
> InsideOut Dad – TOOB
> Ken Gosnell, MDiv, MA
> This National Fatherhood Initiative program is being used across the country
> to help reunite inmates to their spouses and families to reduce recidivism.

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- HARLEY APPLIES THE POLICY OF JOINT AGREEMENT TO STEPFAMILIES

Here's Willard Harley's latest newsletter which offers a whole new
tool/angle for addressing loyalty issues in stepfamilies.

I encourage you to attend the Smart Marriages Friday night Banquet where he
will have time to lay out the Policy of Joint Agreement and the other basic
tenets of his approach - the approach for which he is receiving the 2007
Smart Marriages Impact Award. As you can see in his column, it will be a
stimulating evening. Subscribe to the his free newsletter on his website and
see you Friday night, June 29, 7pm in Denver.  - diane

The Marriage Builders® Q&A Column
By Willard Harley, PhD
April 19, 2007
http://www.MarriageBuilders.com

Dear Dr Harley,
My husband and I have been married for six years.  This is our second
marriage.  We both have children by our first mates.  None together.
The problem that we have is with my husband's adult daughter.  She
keeps trying to use her mother to break up our marriage.  Whenever my
husband visits her, she always makes sure that her mother is present
and she does things to make sure everyone else is aware that her
mother was present.  What can I do to keep her from doing this?
S.G.

Dear S.G.
Fairy tales abound regarding stepmothers who are cruel to their
stepchildren.  But there's not one about stepchildren being cruel to
stepmothers.  That's probably because children's fiction writers
assume that stepmothers should be able to take care of themselves.
Yet, you know firsthand how stepchildren can drive a person crazy.

There's one crucial fact missing about your marriage that would help
me give you advice.  Did you have an affair with your husband that
contributed to his divorce?  If your relationship grew out of an affair,
It's unlikely that his daughter will ever give up trying to make you
miserable in one way or another.  She would not necessarily be trying
to get her parents back together, but if she knew that having her
mother present when her father visits would bother you, she might do it
just to upset you.  And her mother would probably be happy to cooperate.
When an affair divides a family and a marriage takes place, the children
rarely warm up to the stepparent ˆ ever.

On the other hand, if you and your husband met and married several
years after his divorce, I'd be more optimistic about your
stepdaughter eventually getting along with you.  In that case, I would
make a concerted effort to get into her good graces.  Don't ever
complain about her behavior to anyone but your husband (and make sure
he doesn't pass it on to her).  Make sure you contribute time and
thought into gifts you give her on special occasions.  Go shopping
with her.   Call her up to see how she's doing.  Become a friend.  If
she resists these gestures of kindness, try to discover why she
Doesn't like you.  Perhaps she dreams that her mom and dad will get
back together again some day, and that you are standing in their way.

But above all, don't you try to make her do anything, such as demanding
that she keep her mother away from your husband.  Instead, your husband
should tell her that when he visits her, he'd prefer not to see her
mother.  And if she insists on having her mother there, he should avoid
visiting her if it is offensive to you.  In fact, the Policy of Joint
Agreement (never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between
you and your spouse) dictates that he can't do anything, even see his
own daughter, unless you both agree enthusiastically.  But I'd tread
lightly on this issue, because if she were to know that you are
preventing him from visiting her, your hope of friendship might be out
the window.

Of all the causes of divorce, being in a blended family is often found
to be the single most important factor.  I read a study that found
that 85% of all blended families end in divorce.  And I think you can
see why.  The Policy of Joint Agreement, which is absolutely crucial
for building a happy and compatible marriage, is very difficult to
follow in blended families.  Divorced parents usually feel that they
should make up for the suffering they cause their children and put
their children's interests ahead of their spouses‚ interests.  It's a
formula for disaster.  So whatever you and your husband decide to do
with his visits to his daughter, they must be with mutual enthusiastic
agreement.  When you have both found that solution, you will have
solved this problem the right way.

For more information about the POLICY OF JOINT AGREEMENT, and how to
come to an enthusiastic agreement by using the Four Guidelines for
Successful Negotiation, read about them in the Basic Concepts section
(http://marriagebuilders.com/ca/to.cgi?l=qa070419con) of the Marriage
Builders® website.

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