Divorce Legislation/ Veil/ Infidelity Survey - 4/19/07

[Smartmarriages]

- UPDATE ON TEXAS LEGISLATION
- YES, THAT'S EXACTLY THE POINT
- PAINTED VEIL
- MARRIAGE ENRICHMENT PROGRAMS CREATE GROWTH
- MSNBC/iVILLAGE LOVE, LUST AND INFIDELITY SURVEY

###############################
- UPDATE ON TEXAS LEGISLATION

> Divorce Bill Offers Couples Counseling To Work It Out
> KXAN.com 
> April 17, 2007 
> 
> A state measure to crack down on divorce in Texas was sent back to committee
> for revision after a debate on the House floor Tuesday.
> 
> Rep. Warren Chisum's House Bill 2684 would require couples wait two years for
> a divorce to be finalized or give them the option to expedite the process
> after attending a 10-hour counseling session over a two-day period.
> 
> The divorce would take six months to finalize if the couple decided to proceed
> after counseling.
> 
> "We have a reason for the extension of the waiting period, because we have
> scientific evidence that in people who get infatuated with another person,
> that infatuation supposedly works its way out in 14 months," said Rep. Warren
> Chisum, R-Pampa. "So there is still a chance there you can restore the
> marriage."
> 
> Chisum said the rule would not apply to situations involving domestic violence
> or abuse.
> 
> "My mom said, 'Don't you vote for that Chisum bill! That's getting into family
> business and into the bedroom," said Rep. Dawnna Dukes, D-Austin. "What could
> happen is there's one who is opposed to the divorce, and they just want to
> drag it out. All they have to do is refuse to take the class, and everything
> goes on hold for two years."

------------------
YES, THAT'S EXACTLY THE POINT.  A spouse who opposes a divorce has no
recourse without the extended 2-year wait.  In two years an infatuation can
cool and couples have the ability to work out their differences and
reconcile.  States with longer waits have lower divorce rates. The Texas
legislation offers a 10 hr marriage skills class (called counseling by this
reporter - but it's skills to manage conflict) OR a two-year wait. - diane

####################################
- PAINTED VEIL

> Hi Diane,
> I saw the movie The Painted Veil and thought to myself what a great movie for
> teaching young people about marriage. It is about a young couple in the early
> 20th Century who get married not really knowing each other. The man was
> infatuated and the woman was desperate to get out of her home (parents were
> pressuring her to get married.)
>  
> They immediately leave for China where her now husband is a research
> physician.  He is not as attentive as she is accustomed to (spoiled rich
> girl), and is looking for adventure. Of course she finds it in another man.
>  
> To not give the plot entirely away, this film emphasizes the importance of
> really knowing the person you are marrying, being ready for marriage and able
> to make the choice, how to get to know another person, and about forgiveness.
> It is a beautiful movie and says so much.  I believe it is a great tool to
> enhance teaching marriage.
>
> Irene Varley
> Director of Education
> The Dibble Fund for Marriage Education

#####################################
- MARRIAGE ENRICHMENT PROGRAMS CREATE GROWTH
BYU News Net 
April 18, 2007 
Abram Cordell

Dave Mansell had been looking forward to a relaxing weekend in downtown Salt
Lake, bringing his tennis racquets so he and his wife Margie could get in a
match.

The Mansells were in for a surprise.

They had signed up for a Marriage Enrichment weekend, a three-day program
that focuses on strengthening marital relationships.

No watches. No leaving the hotel. And definitely no tennis.

"We were a little apprehensive," Dave Mansell said. "We had faith that it
would be a good experience, but we didn't know what to expect."

The Mansells quickly adjusted and by the time the weekend was over they
could see the difference in their marriage.

"We shared feelings we never shared before and we'd been married for 10
years," Dave Mansell said. "You walk out of there feeling like you have a
partner as opposed to people who live together."

That was in 1983. The Mansells have gone back every five years and now serve
as leader couples, offering their knowledge gained from Marriage Enrichment.

Marriage Enrichment, which is celebrating its 30th anniversary, is a
marriage program that focuses on strengthening or healing marital
relationships.

Its theme, "Better marriages, beginning with our own," reflects the programs
ability to benefit couples in any stage of relationship.

"We find even with good marriages it can always be better," said Victor
Cline, an emeritus professor of psychology at the University of Utah. "The
better your marriage the more you can get out of it."

Founded by Cline, seminars have been offered in the United States as well as
Mexico and Jerusalem. He was inspired to start a marriage enhancement group
when he went with his wife to a Marriage Encounter program.

"We really enjoyed it and found that it was a very positive experience,"
Cline said.

Cline took principles from the Marriage Encounter and incorporated LDS-based
teachings into the new program. Marriage Enrichment was formed shortly
thereafter.

He based the program on his own research and input from other leader
couples.

Those who attend Marriage Enrichment spend a weekend with their spouse at
the Provo Marriott. During the weekend, presenters show couples how to
incorporate tools that help in communication and goal setting into their
marriage, and guest speakers or members of the Marriage Enrichment board
give lectures and workshops.

Marriage Enrichment has always been a non-profit organization. The leader
couples and speakers donate their time; the fees go to pay for lodging and
food.

Many of the volunteers at Marriage Enrichment are former attendees of the
weekend who have seen the changes in their marriage and want to be able to
help other marriages.

Dean and Joan Connolly, who now serve as leaders of the organization along
with the Clines, attended a Marriage Enrichment weekend in 1980 and have
been donating their time ever since.

"It's kind of like a little mission," Joan Connolly said. "We can help
mankind one family at a time with this program."

One of the problems that Marriage Enrichment combats is a stereotype the
media has created about similar marriage "retreats."

"People may be a little afraid that they have to disclose private
information," Joan Connolly said. "Nobody has to disclose anything. Our goal
is to make it completely private."

One way Marriage Enrichment differs from the stereotypes the media portrays
is the focus on the positive.

"Life is hard enough," Joan Connolly said. "When we learn to focus on the
good, we learn to look for the good."

The majority of the time in the weekend is spent with one's spouse,
discussing issues that can cause friction in marriage.

Counselors provide couples with tools that allow them to address these
sensitive issues in calm and non-confrontational ways.

Over the years of their involvement with the program, the Connollys have
seen couples in all stages of marriage attend and see benefits.

"When Dean and I went we thought we had a good marriage," Joan Connolly
said. "We thought, 'What a great time to spend, working on us.'"

For more information on Marriage Enrichment go to
www.marriage-enrichment.org

###############################
- MSNBC/iVILLAGE LOVE, LUST AND INFIDELITY SURVEY
April 15, 2007


> More than 70,000 adults completed the online reader survey in February,
> answering about 30 questions that revealed their intimate feelings about
> adultery and what makes them stray or stay faithful. . . .

> The bright side is, while many of us are tempted by the fruit of another, it
> seems we fear cheating more than we need. . . .
>
> The survey did find some common scenarios, however. Cheating tends to happen
> well into the relationship ‹ especially in the three- to five-year zone ‹ by a
> man who is dissatisfied with his sex life or a woman who feels emotionally
> deprived. The new lover is most often a friend or co-worker, and the typical
> fling lasts less than a week.
> 
For full article: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17951664/

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