Divorce Reform Blogs/ TANGO Break-up Stories/ Bachelorettes - 4/17/07

Tue Apr 17 15:39:43 EDT 2007

- ANNOUNCING NEW DIVORCE REFORM/DIVORCE STAT BLOGS
Diane,

I'm now tracking state legislative developments at "Divorce Prevention
Legislation" at http://familylaw.typepad.com/legislation/ -- a blog that
carries on the work of the Americans for Divorce Reform legislation site.
The blog makes it a lot easier to update, and to have others involved in
helping update the site with the latest news. It will also, soon be able to
function as a listserv -- people will be able to go to the blog once and
sign up to hear about future updates to it by e-mail. (The "Marriage and
Family Courts" blog at http://snurl.com/famct already has that feature.)

In the field of divorce statistics and research, the new Divorce Statistics
and Studies Blog at http://familylaw.typepad.com/stats/ works the same way:
it carries on (but does not duplicate) -- the work of the Americans for
Divorce Reform "Divorce Statistics Collection" site, with better
possibilities for updating, collaboration, and functioning as a listserv.

The ADR site is still there and has a wealth of older information on
legislation and statistics & studies that won't be duplicated on the blogs.
That site will still be updated occasionally and linked to the blogs.

I'd appreciate if you could get the word out, so that people can find their
way to the site.

-- John Crouch 

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- TANGO NEEDS "HOW YOU HANDLED" A BREAK-UP ANECDOTES

> Tango, a magazine about love and relationships, needs testimonials about how
> real women have survived break ups/divorces for use on tangomag.com. Age,
> length of relationship no matter. Just a few lines like the sample below,
> submitted by end-of-day tomorrow (4/18). We need a digital photo of
> respondents (as high-resolution as possible) as well. Please send submissions
> and photos to kiss at tangomag.com. Thanks! - Sarika Dani <sarika at tangomag.com>/
> 212.575.0562
> 
> ³First I cut his face out of every photo we¹d ever taken together. Then my
> eight best friends and I went out and drank our weight in Shiraz. But, really,
> time was the only thing that helped. A year and a half later I can finally
> think about he-who-shall-not-be-named without wincing.²
> -Sherry 34, Miami,  FL

It would be nice if you could say you went out and created a Marriage
Education program, or, attended one so as not to make the same mistakes
again......  - diane

######################
- CONFIRMED BACHELORETTE PARTY

Dear Diane,
The glorification of being "single" has become a wider phenomenon than I
realized. I had never heard of a "confirmed bachelorette" party or a
"happily single" shower. But this is what's happening - according to Dear
Abby.

The following appeared in our local paper today (April 14):

DEAR ABBY: Is it socially correct to have a housewarming party for someone
who has lived in the home for more than 10 years? The party is scheduled to
be held at a restaurant.
The idea for this party was the ³honoree's² mother's because her daughter
has never been married or had a child, and her mother thinks that the people
she has given gifts to all these years owe her something back. I have never
heard of such a party, but others think it's a great idea.
 Confused in Spencerport, N.Y.

DEAR CONFUSED: Although unusual, it's not unheard of. This kind of party is
sometimes thrown for a ³confirmed bachelorette.² However, it is not referred
to as a housewarming party. It's called a ³happily single² shower, and the
happy single registers at stores the same way a bride-to-be or expectant
mother does. - Dear Abby

Peggy Vaughan
peggy at dearpeggy.com

As SO MANY of you have written, the current "trend" celebrating women's
singlehood has some good aspects, one being that it allows women to take
their time and make a good match and not feel rushed into an ill-advised
marriage. As one of you wrote: "No marriage is better than a bad marriage!"
Maybe, but in spite of my divorce - getting dumped for a secretary (or two)
- I am grateful that I married and had children and now have grandchildren.
And, while it's good to point out that women CAN have perfectly excellent
and satisfying lives without ever marrying and that some women are
absolutely content to have puppies instead of children, we should remind our
daughters that they can make the mistake of being too focused on "finding
themselves before they marry" and simply wait too long - staying single not
by intent and by choice, but, by accident. Made me think of Kafka's
"Bachelor's Ill Luck" - how it would read if we substituted Bachelorette. -
diane      

> Bachelorettes's Ill Luck
> It seems so dreadful to stay a bachelorette, to become an old woman struggling
> to keep one's dignity while begging for an invitation whenever one wants to
> spend an evening in company, to lie ill gazing for weeks into an empty room
> from the corner where one's bed is, always having to say good night at the
> front door, never to run up a stairway beside one's husband, having to carry
> one's supper home in one's hand, having to admire other people's children and
> not even being allowed to go on saying: "I have none myself," modeling oneself
> in appearance and behavior on one or two bachelorette's remembered from one's
> youth. That's how it will be, except that in reality, both today and later,
> one will stand there with a palpable body and a real head, a real forehead,
> that is, for smiting on with one's hand.
> Franz Kafka

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