CBS/ ABC: Cut Offs/Joe Beam/ Filmmakers - 9/14/06

[Smartmarriages]

- THE AGONY AND THE ECSTASY OF THE LIST SERV REPAIR
- REMINDER: CBS EARLY SHOW FRI 15TH
- CUT OFFS 
- JOE BEAM ON NBC WEEKEND TODAY SHOW, SEPT 16
- MARRIAGE AND THE LAW: A STATEMENT OF PRINCIPLES
- FILMMAKERS LOOKING FOR LASTING LOVE IN SALT LAKE

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- THE AGONY AND THE ECSTASY OF THE LIST SERV REPAIR
The cloud to this silver lining (to the fact that the list was down for a
week and is now back up) is the huge number of posts you've received today.
There was no way to stagger them.  Thus many of your mailboxes filled up,
bounced messages, and you'll be "automatically unsubscribed".  If that
happened, you're obviously not reading this.  If a friend or colleague
complains that they were unsubscribed, please tell them what happened and
that they need to resubscribe on the website.  - diane

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- REMINDER: CBS EARLY SHOW FRI 15TH
The first segments in this "divorce" series have been terrific. Try to watch
in the morning - sometime btwn 7:30 and 8:30am. There are lots of shows on
divorce (how to divorce "better" so as not to hurt the kids).  I only agreed
to promote this one because they added a piece on 'HOW TO AVOID divorce".
We shall see.....   - diane

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- CUT OFFS 

> ABC News is researching a story about "cut offs" -- people who have
> experienced schisms in their families where there has been no contact for
> years.  If you have this experience, I would greatly appreciate hearing from
> you at 212-456-6902 or at melissa.cornick at abc.com
>  
> Melissa Cornick
> Producer
> ABC News 20/20

Intergenerational cut offs are common and have powerful negative effects on
marriage.  I hope you'll help.  - diane

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- JOE BEAM ON NBC WEEKEND TODAY SHOW, SEPT 16
 
Relationship expert Joe Beam, president of Family Dynamics
http://www.familydynamics.net, will be interviewed on NBC¹s Weekend Today
Show to launch an online article series on relationships and sex in America
that will run on MSNBC.com over the next several weeks.  Joe will be on with
journalist Brian Alexander who wrote the articles for MSNBC. The live
interview and online articles will feature video segments from the Love,
Sex, & Marriage seminar and the interview with Joe: " One preacher's
message: Have hotter sex"   Read the articles at:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13834042/

Joe Beam presents at the annual Smart Marriages Conferences. You can order
the recording of his 2 hour workshop at 800-241-7785:
> #756-706
> Falling in Love: As Easy as P. I. E.
> Joe Beam
> Learn how this visual model and a dynamic group process help married couples
> understand how to fall in love all over again whether in crisis or simply in
> search of deeper satisfaction.


##########################
- MARRIAGE AND THE LAW: A STATEMENT OF PRINCIPLES

> iMAPP has just released a serious new document: "Marriage and the Law: A
> Statement of Principles," signed by over 100 legal and family scholars. You
> can download a copy at: http://www.marriagedebate.com/reg/login.php, and
> printed copies may be ordered from www.american values.org)
> 
> What's the big deal? Family law as a discipline has badly lagged behind the
> social sciences in incorporating the evidence that marriage matters to
> children and society; the family law bar is often one of the biggest obstacles
> to divorce or family law reform in the states. If it is really true, as
> Supreme Court once said, that without marriage ³there would be neither
> civilization nor progress,² it makes little sense for the law to promote
> family diversity, confuse marriage with cohabitation, or fail to find new ways
> to discourage unnecessary divorce.
> 
> With this statement, for the first time a group of distinguished legal and
> family scholars have taken the marriage debate directly to family law
> scholars, lawyers, judges and state legislators, with an eye to influencing
> the debate for years to come.
> 
> I hope you'll read it. I think you'll be hearing a lot about it. I welcome
> your comments and critiques. - Maggie Gallagher

###########################

- FILMMAKERS LOOKING FOR LASTING LOVE IN SALT LAKE
Deseret Morning News
September 14, 2006
By Elaine Jarvik

> He remembers one of the older couples telling him that "when you share your
> life with someone, you're going to be uncomfortable some of the time, and I
> don't know if your generation can put up with that."

Mat Boggs is related to a lot of people whose marriages have ended in
divorce, including his twice-divorced father, who is a marriage counselor.
So Boggs decided it might be best to look for role models elsewhere.

Jason Miller, back left, and Mat Boggs interview Vera and George Schrader in
downtown Salt Lake for a documentary on marriage.

"I wanted to go to people who had walked the talk," says the 29-year-old
Boggs, who with his buddy Jason Miller began a quest to find the secrets to
lifelong marriages. The 28-year-old bachelors, friends since the third grade
in Oregon, are touring the country interviewing couples who have been
married at least 40 years.

This week they're looking for love in Salt Lake City, which brought them on
Wednesday to a love seat at the downtown Hilton Hotel. There, in a scene
reminiscent of "When Harry Met Sally," several Utah couples took turns
staring into a camera and talking about why they've stayed together.

Boggs and Miller's Project Everlasting has already produced a DVD, and a
book that will be published next spring. Their current interviews will be
part of a follow-up DVD.

In the beginning, says Miller, the two bachelors would ask lengthy,
convoluted questions that reflected their own over-thought, 20-something
preoccupations. And the answer would be something like "I don't know what
you just asked me, but I love her."

Miller says he went on the tour "to be inspired to ever get into a
marriage." At 28 he's been happily single, maybe even too comfortable, he
says. He remembers one of the older couples telling him that "when you share
your life with someone, you're going to be uncomfortable some of the time,
and I don't know if your generation can put up with that."

>From hundreds of hours of interviews, the two friends have pieced together
some observations they hope will help them and other young people learn how
to stay married. The major threads, not surprisingly, turn out to be
acceptance, respect, marriage over work (and even over children), a desire
to sacrifice for the other, and a realization that even if life takes a bad
turn or the relationship itself temporarily sours, it's possible to make the
marriage last.

"There were three interviews in a row where they used the same word:
stick-to-itiveness," Miller says. "It takes the perspective of a whole
lifetime to understand that."

On Wednesday morning, Miller and Boggs interviewed two Utah couples, LaWanna
and Larry Goodrich of Roy, and Vera and George Schrader of Salt Lake City.
The Goodriches, who have been married 51 years, and the Schraders, who have
been married 58, were nominated by their children and grandchildren after
Project Everlasting got a plug on the "Today Show."

Neither Larry nor LaWanna could think of a time when they have ever really
been mad at each other. Well, maybe that one time when they were trying to
put tint on the back window of their car and the conversation went something
like "Hold that up." "I am holding that up."

But during the first two years of the marriage, when they were just getting
to really know each other, LaWanna wrote her mom to complain about
something, maybe the way Larry rolled up the toothpaste, she can't remember,
and her mom wrote back, "Now LaWanna, that's the ups and downs of married
life, and you've just got to get used to it."

Like the Goodriches, the Schraders said that shared spiritual values have
helped keep them together. And George noted that whenever he came home from
work, Vera "always looked presentable. So I didn't have to look somewhere
else." Even that one time when he came home to find that, after several
years of asking if they could remodel the bathroom, Vera had taken a
sledgehammer to the cabinets and the floor, they didn't get mad at each
other.

On the other hand, "certain couples can't agree on anything, but it still
works for them," Miller says.

He says he and Boggs have noticed that some successful marriages seem to be
between "good buds who wanted to do life together," and some couples seemed
to "have just fallen into marriages." But a third group seems to have known
from the first moment that they were destined for each other.

This last group is Miller's favorite. "They're the most in love, and it
shows. They'll spend the whole interview staring at each other," he says.
"And the way they sit together ‹ you can't fit a ruler between them."

© 2006 Deseret News Publishing Company

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