Marriage and the Law /African American Teleconference/ Cohabitation Rights? / Marriage Rise Trend? - 10/11/06

[Smartmarriages]

- MARRIAGE AND THE LAW
- AFRICAN AMERICAN MARRIAGE EDUCATION TELECONFERENCE OCT 17, 6PM PST
- RIGHTS FOR COHABITING COUPLES?
- MARRIAGE RISE BUCKS NATIONAL TREND

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- MARRIAGE AND THE LAW
McManus - Ethics & Religion
October 11, 2006 
by Mike McManus

> Astonishingly, eight states permit a divorce to be granted in 40 days or
> less and have the highest divorce rates in America - Nevada, Wyoming,
> Arkansas, Tennessee, Kentucky, Alabama, New Mexico and Mississippi.
> Religious and legal leaders in those states should fight for reform.
> 
> The seven states requiring a separation of six months or more have the
> lowest divorce rates: Maryland, Wisconsin, Iowa, North Dakota, Illinois,
> Pennsylvania and Massachusetts.


An important new study, ³Marriage and the Law,² argues that present legal
trends are weakening men¹s commitment to family life, saddling women with
the burden of parenting alone and diminishing the ties of children to
parents, especially their fathers.

The law should protect children by ³increasing the likelihood that children
will be raised by their mother and father in lasting, loving family unions,²
asserts the study by a group of legal and family scholars gathered by the
Institute for American Values.

Instead, legal trends are moving in the opposite direction.  Rather than
focus on the needs of children, many courts are granting rights to adults to
create diverse family forms such as cohabitation and same-sex marriages that
are harmful to children.

The report affirmed some ³great truths about marriage and the law.²

1. ³Marriage and family law is fundamentally oriented toward creating and
protecting the next generation.² While marriage also has a goal to meet
adult needs for love and intimacy, its central role is to create children
connected to and loved by their mother and father.

2. ³Marriage is an irreplaceable social good² which prevents poverty,
promotes the well-being of children and the equal dignity of men and women.

3.  ³High rates of divorce, unmarried childbearing, as well as violent or
high conflict marriages, hurt children.²

4.  ³A major goal of marriage and family law is...to strengthen marriage so
that more children are raised by their own married mother and father.²

There is no question that when marriages fail or fail to take place,
everyone suffers - children, men and women. Children raised outside of
intact marriages are more likely to be poor, suffer from mental and physical
illness, teen suicide and are more apt to be delinquent, to drop out of
school and be promiscuous, leading to unwed parenthood.

A married man lives a decade longer than a single or divorced man and single
women live shorter lives. They are much poorer because marriage is a
wealth-building institution.

How can the law change to be more supportive of marriage?

The report recommends ³a substantial waiting period for unilateral divorce,²
such as a one or two years before a spouse can obtain a no-fault divorce
without mutual consent.  Louisiana became the first state to take this step,
requiring a year of separation if the couple had children. It was the first
reform of no-fault divorce in two generations.

Astonishingly, eight states permit a divorce to be granted in 40 days or
less and have the highest divorce rates in America - Nevada, Wyoming,
Arkansas, Tennessee, Kentucky, Alabama, New Mexico and Mississippi.
Religious and legal leaders in those states should fight for reform.

The seven states requiring a separation of six months or more have the
lowest divorce rates: Maryland, Wisconsin, Iowa, North Dakota, Illinois,
Pennsylvania and Massachusetts.

The report made a creative suggestion that couples entering a remarriage
with stepchildren be required to attend a workshop on how to make such
marriages work, since they fail in 70 percent of cases. Such a reform is
unlikely.  However, churches can create ³Stepfamily Support Groups² that
save four of five stepfamilies. For information call 301 469-5873.

The study proposed that a marriage message be added to teen pregnancy
prevention programs, which are devoid of such content. Teens should be
encouraged to be adults, educated and married before getting pregnant.

Unfortunately, however, the study did not call for an overhaul of no-fault
divorce. Most divorces are filed by one person who alleges incompatibility,
while the other spouse wants to save the marriage. Sadly, divorce is always
granted.

This column has long advocated that in cases involving children, when
adultery or abuse is not alleged, divorce should only be granted if there is
³mutual consent² by husband and wife.  What was entered into by two people,
should not be ended, unless both people agree.

That would reduce the divorce rate substantially, and result in fairer
divorces.

The report also failed to support another needed reform - joint custody of
children or shared parenting.  There is conclusive evidence that shared
parenting results in greater father involvement, more financial support, and
happier children. States with more joint support also have lower divorce
rates.

Why?  If a spouse knows the other parent must be involved in raising
children, fewer will  divorce.  It is easier to make a marriage work, than a
divorce.

None of these legal reforms will be implemented, however, unless religious
leaders become involved.  The best primer for doing so is this report. Order
it for $5 from AmericanValues.org.

Copyright © 2006 Michael J. McManus

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- AFRICAN AMERICAN MARRIAGE EDUCATION TELECONFERENCE OCT 17, 6PM PST

African Americans nationwide will SEE (Support Encourage and Enhance)
Marriage Education programs Tue, Oct 17 at 6pm PST. This conference call
will provide the opportunity to brainstorm about how to best enhance and
support ALL marriage and relationship education programs - those that were
funded and those that were not.   A time to share and to discuss what is and
isn't working.  Anyone working with African American marriage and
relationship education is encouraged to join the call.  To do so, contact
Ernesta Wright, executive director of the Orange County based Green
Foundation, at: thegreenfoundation3 at yahoo.com.
http://www.thegreenfoundation.net

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- RIGHTS FOR COHABITING COUPLES?
Report from Harry Benson in the UK:
Readers of the BCFT newsletter will be aware that the (UK) law commission
recently completed a public consultation on proposed new rights for
cohabiting couples who experience family breakdown or bereavement. My view,
rightly or wrongly, is that the proposals may end up encouraging more
couples to cohabit in the belief they will be protected. More cohabiting
couples leads to more family breakdown. I think the better solution lies in
social policy and not law.

You can read my letter to the Times
<http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,59-2397618,00.html>

and listen to my interview with the BBC Radio 4 Today programme
<http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/today/listenagain/ram/today5_church_20061011.ra
m>
                   
Harry Benson
Bristol Community Family Trust
25 Somerset St
Kingsdown
Bristol BS2 8LZ    

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- MARRIAGE RISE BUCKS NATIONAL TREND
Daily News 
BY TROY ANDERSON, Staff Writer
October 7, 2006

VAN NUYS  Two couples: One from Iran - a doctor and an artist; the other
from Southern California - a film editor and an actress.

Drawn together by the most powerful force in the universe, the couples were
married Friday in separate civil ceremonies at the wedding chapel at the
Registrar-Recorder's Office in Van Nuys.

"I married for love," said 25-year-old Studio City resident Melody Tabriz,
who was joined with Dr. Amir Tabriz, 29, in their "American wedding" a year
after they exchanged vows in their native Iran.

And love - as well as tradition - also was the foundation for Glendale
residents Michael James Helm, 32, and Ingrid Beer, 31, who recently found
each other on MySpace.com.

"I think we all feel that urge in our hearts. Let's go back to tradition,"
Helm said in describing why the couple chose to be married.

"You know, technology is fine, self-help is fine. All that stuff is fine,
but there is something missing. I think on all our parts we almost feel a
calling within us to go back to that tradition."

As the nationwide marriage rate has dropped nearly in half since 1970, the
two couples are part of what may be the country's first uptick in marriages
- in Los Angeles County of all places.

As the entertainment capital of the world - famous for the bed-hopping
antics of its Hollywood stars - the county trend has experts scratching
their heads.

"This is the first increase in marriages I've ever heard of," said David
Popenoe, a sociology professor and co-director of the National Marriage
Project at Rutgers University in New Jersey. "That doesn't mean it hasn't
happened elsewhere, but it just hasn't been publicized.

"It may just be starting - a little drift upwards."

Current trend a sharp contrast

The trend is in sharp contrast to several decades of plummeting marriage
rates nationwide, as people have waited longer to marry, more are
cohabitating, fewer divorcees are remarrying and more people are staying
single for life.

Nationwide, the annual number of marriages per 1,000 unmarried women ages 15
and older fell from 76.5 in 1970 to 40.8 last year, Popenoe said.

But in the recent Los Angeles County trend, marriages have risen - with the
number of marriage licenses issued by the Registrar-Recorder's Office
climbing from 56,282 in 2002 to 59,664 last year.

Popenoe suspects the increase may be because of the growing Latino and Asian
communities - more traditionally known for family-oriented cultures.

It also could reflect a growing number of children of baby boomers who are
moving into their marrying years.

"There might be a slight conservatism among young people compared with their
baby boomer parents," Popenoe said. "But the marriage rate keeps dropping
nationwide.

"One of the worst influences ... is Hollywood and what goes on with the
world of celebrities in which marriage - I won't say it's vanished - but
it's certainly fallen on hard times.

"So maybe this trend in L.A. is more indicative of where things are headed.
I don't think 9-11 would do it. You'd need a sort of national religious
shift of some kind, religion of some sort in which people began to value
long-term stable marriages again in larger numbers."

The 5.7 percent increase in marriages in the county in the past four years
exceeds the 4.4percent growth in the county's population, according to the
U.S. Census Bureau.

"This is more than an increase in population and immigrant families that
respect marriage," said Randy Thomasson, spokesman for the
VoteYesMarriage.com coalition, sponsor of The Voters' Right to Protect
Marriage Initiative targeted for the 2008 ballot.

"This looks like a rebound for marriage coming on the heels of the
shell-shocked kids of the divorce generation.

"A survey came out this year that talked about the fragmentation of American
society, how people feel so detached. They don't have as close of
relationships as their parents and grandparents had.

"Hey, the human heart hasn't changed.

"Everyone wants to be loved. God created us this way. I predict marriage
will rise in popularity as the `me' generation departs, the kids-of-divorce
generation grows up and the scared generation wants secure relationships
more than anything."

County Supervisor Yvonne Brathwaite Burke said she thinks the increase in
county marriages reflects a growing, more diverse population.

"Certainly, also, the times have changed," Burke said. "I think for awhile
people were trying to discourage marriage and today there is a greater
feeling that people want to get married."

At the Church on the Way in Van Nuys, Executive Pastor Doug Andersen said he
has seen a growing number of marriages among the Latino congregation.

`The times have changed'

Growing hunger for stability

"There is a growing hunger in our society for stability, commitment and
traditional values," Andersen said.

"I do believe that people recognize that all of the pursuits they have made
in life to seek to find happiness on their terms aren't going to work until
they go back to what is traditional on the basis of how God designed
marriage to work."

Portia Sanders, assistant division manager in the Public Records Division of
the Registrar-Recorder's Office, said many people come to California to get
married from around the world.

"For some reason, a lot of people like to say they got married in Beverly
Hills," Sanders said.

At the Van Nuys office, Supervisor Tony Rivers said he has seen an increase
in couples getting married, even older couples.

"I don't know if it's due to that everybody wants to be secure with a
partner, or the fact the dating scene has gotten old," Rivers said.

For the Helms, who are forming their own film production company, the stars
aligned Friday as they began their "life journey" together.

The couple met at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts more than a decade
ago. Beer had come from Michigan, Helm from Colorado.

Helm said that when he first saw her, he was "completely taken" and
mentioned to his friends that she was "the girl you would marry."

But Beer was dating someone else, and although she and Helm became close
friends, they went their separate ways for the next decade.

At a friend's urging, Beer signed up one day on MySpace.com. So did Helm.
They received electronic ads asking them to register with the arts academy
they had attended, and they did.

"All of a sudden, I saw her picture and I flipped," Helm said.

"I wrote her an e-mail and said, `Of all the gin-joints in all the towns in
all the world and she walked into this one.' And the rest is history."

http://www.dailynews.com/news/ci_4460033

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