Extension/ Singled Out/ Elephants/ Van Epp Discounts?/ Good as Gold - 10/9/06

[Smartmarriages]

- PRESENTER APPLICATION EXTENSION
- SINGLED OUT 
- WHAT ELEPHANTS CAN TEACH US
- VAN EPP DISCOUNTS??
- A LOVE AS GOOD AS GOLD

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- PRESENTER APPLICATION EXTENSION

Presenter applications for the 11th Annual Smart Marriages Conference to be
held in Denver June 29 - July 1, 2007 were to be due Thursday, Oct 12, 2006.

But because of MANY requests for an extension (people are sorting out all
the ideas generated by the newly funded grant projects), I'll extend the
date to Mon Oct 16th.  I will NOT be able to change the date on the
application, just get it in by Monday.

Applications are available at
http://www.smartmarriages.com/conferencedetails.html

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- SINGLED OUT 
In Seeking a Mate, Black Men and Women Find a Delicate Imbalance

This article in Sunday's Washington Post (10/8/06) starts on the front page
and then continues on two full pages in the front section.  It is the the
most recent installment of the Post's excellent series on "Being a Black
Man."  Will inspire everyone on the list to understand better and to work
harder.  

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/10/07/AR2006100701
070.html?nav=rss_print/asection

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- WHAT ELEPHANTS CAN TEACH US
On 10/3/06 I shared a comment on that week's 60 Minutes show about
adolescent males savaging homeless victims and also reran a blurb about
"elephants and daddies" on a 1999 60 Minutes feature. This week the NY Times
Sunday Magazine cover article "Are We Driving Elephants Crazy?" further
explores the phenomenon of the effects of the 'breakdown of the family' on
elephants.  It is well worth the read.
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/08/magazine/08elephant.html?em&ex=1160539200&
en=fc06db95d2ebb381&ei=5087%0A

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- VAN EPP DISCOUNTS??

> Diane,
>   I did not see any out of the box instructor packets at the link provided. It
> sent me to a Barnes and Noble special on the book and then what looked like
> the standard Van Epp site. I did not however see any specials on the teach out
> of the box or other packages.
>   Thanks,
>   Andy O'Connor

I messed up.  I listed the Barnes and Noble link - that IS where you order
the volume discounts of the "Jerk" book.  Here is the link for the Van Epp
site, which includes an excerpt of Chapter 2 and the discounts on the video
packages: http://www.johnvanepp.com

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- A LOVE AS GOOD AS GOLD

In case you're feeling grumpy about picking up his socks or because she's
not getting your socks washed and back in your drawer fast enough, here's
one for you. Humbling.  - diane


A Love as Good as Gold
By Gerald Ensley
Tallahassee Democrat
September 29, 2006 
Democrat Senior Writer

BLOUNTSTOWN - Friends are bringing food for more than 200 people. Neighbors
are coming early to erect the outdoor tents. Old high-school classmates have
sent gifts, including a plaque featuring the couple's wedding picture.

Folks in this small town by the Apalachicola River are delighted by the
opportunity to celebrate the 50th wedding anniversary of their community's
most inspiring couple: R.L. and Hilda Alford.
    
For almost 50 years, Hilda has been blind, paralyzed and unable to talk
because of injuries suffered in an automobile accident shortly after they
were married. And for almost 50 years, R.L. has dedicated his life to taking
care of her.

He gave up his career to stay home with her. He bathed her, fed her and gave
her medicine. He learned how to clear tracheotomy tubes and insert
catheters. He pushed her in a wheelchair when it was convenient and carried
her in his arms when it wasn't.

It's the kind of love story that produced two children, moved a U.S.
president and sparked the community's building of a house for the couple
nearly 20 years ago.

It's no wonder the guest list started big and keeps growing.

"Every time I see someone in town, they say, 'What can I do to help?'
Everyone knows her and everyone loves him," said the Alfords' daughter,
Juanice Johnson, who organized the celebration. "They are both amazing, but
he is special for what he's done."

R.L., 70, is an affable man who's looking forward to Saturday's gathering.
But he remains largely unmoved by the praise people have long heaped upon
him for his devotion to Hilda, 68.

"What I figured was she would have done the same thing for me," he said.
"She wouldn't have been able to pick me up, because I've put on a little
weight. But she would have seen that I was taken care of. It's been rough in
some ways. But it's been rewarding."
What if . . .

Hilda Clemmons and Robert Lee Alford - known as R.L. since childhood - met
as teenagers in Blountstown's First Church of the Nazarene. R.L. was in 11th
grade and played baseball and football. Hilda was a pretty, dark-haired
ninth-grader who sat in the pew ahead.

"One Sunday she turned around to look at me just as I was blinking," R.L.
said. "She thought I was winking at her."

Romance ensued. They went together for three years before getting married
Sept. 14, 1956, after R.L. had joined the Navy. They went off to start their
life together at an Oakland, Calif., naval base.

Ten months later, on July 21, 1957, they were driving to church when their
car was broadsided on the driver's side by an ambulance that ran a stop sign
while racing to the scene of an oven explosion.

R.L. was "bummed up pretty bad." But in a day before seat belts, Hilda was
thrown from the vehicle and suffered a massive head injury. She was left a
quadriplegic, legally blind and unable to speak - although she could
understand what was said to her.

R.L. occasionally thinks about their 10 months of marriage before the
accident. In California, they went on picnics and were active in their
church, where they taught Sunday school together. He played on a softball
team that won a city league championship.

He occasionally thinks about the unfortunate coincidences that put them in
that intersection in 1957. Hilda had talked him into taking a different way
to church; the ambulance blew through the stop sign after missing its turn
the block before.

"That's the way fate is," R.L. said. "It enters my mind once in a while, but
I haven't delved into it. It changed our lives for sure."
Checks from a president

After Hilda spent seven months in the hospital, R.L. left the Navy and
brought her home to Blountstown. An insurance settlement of $210,000 paid
Hilda's early medical bills and left them with enough money to buy homes for
themselves and each of their mothers. R.L. started a lawn-care business and
later a Texaco oil distributorship. Doctors eventually cleared Hilda to have
children; now Jonathan is 43 and Juanice is 40.

Hilda could communicate: nodding or shaking her head as R.L. and the
children spelled out words or yelping sounds the three of them came to
understand. She could see well enough to recognize people up close and often
sat in a chair in the living room.

In the 1970s, a decline in the oil business and the increased demands of
taking care of Hilda and the children forced R.L. to retire. He sold his
house, moved the family into a cramped single-wide trailer and struggled to
pay bills.

In 1987, attorney Jim Kearce returned to Blountstown after a career in
California. Kearce, who is Hilda's cousin and R.L.'s friend since first
grade, was dismayed to find them on hard times. He spearheaded a drive to
build the family a more comfortable home.

Blountstown responded with vigor. Local contractors provided materials and
equipment. Members of the First Church of the Nazarene provided labor and
raised a $25,000 trust fund. Florida Gov. Bob Martinez spent a day working
on the house.

The effort prompted newspaper articles - one of which reached the desk of
then-President Reagan, who called the couple and sent a $500 check.

In 1989, the three-bedroom house was completed. It had wide hallways, a
roll-in shower and an extra-large, sun-splashed bedroom to accommodate
Hilda's hospital bed. Martinez and his wife gave the Alfords a new
refrigerator - and Reagan sent another check, for $1,000.
For better or worse

Six years ago Hilda almost died from an airway blockage that necessitated a
tracheotomy; she's now fed through a tube. She also had a kidney removed.
Last year R.L. had to have both knees replaced, which has made it tougher to
carry Hilda. The biggest loss has been communication. Hilda rarely makes a
sound.

"I keep thinking, in this computer age, someone will invent a mind-reading
machine, but they haven't done it yet," R.L. said with a laugh.

A nurse visits Hilda twice a week, and local volunteers often relieve R.L.
so he can go to church - or indulge his favorite pastime, following the
Blountstown High football team. Jonathan and Juanice are both teachers in
Calhoun County and live in flanking houses. Both children, plus Juanice's
husband, Jeff, and their two children, Casey and Bailey Ann, visit daily to
help with Hilda.

But it is mostly R.L., who feeds Hilda through a tube, suctions out her
phlegm, empties her urine and cleans up her bowel movements - all the while
chatting with her about the day's events.

"R.L. is a rare, rare bird: When he was asked to repeat the vow of 'for
better or worse,' he heard it real loud," Kearce said. "Medically, it's a
miracle Hilda is still alive. But she's not alive because of all those
doctors. She's alive because R.L. gave his life to her."

COPYRIGHT TALLAHASSEE DEMOCRAT 2006

For the full article and photo:
http://www.tallahassee.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060929/NEWS01/609290
356/1010
 


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Diane Sollee, Director
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http://www.smartmarriages.com
202-362-3332
cmfce at smartmarriages.com

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