On the Radio /Hand-holding - 10/06

[Smartmarriages]

- ON THE RADIO.....
- A SIMPLE SHOW OF HANDS

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- ON THE RADIO.....
John Van Epp is doing a "radio tour" this week for his book "How to Avoid
Marrying a Jerk".  You should be able to hear him anywhere in the country,
especially on Thurs Oct 12 when they're doing a saturation plan and he's on
morning, noon and night.  He began this morning (Mon 10/9/06) and he says
the reception has been fantastic.  I listened and went to his website to
check out the special offers he talked about and want to encourage you to
all check out the NEW site.  It's totally transformed - and includes video
clips and his daughter modeling the "No Jerks" t-shirt (nice to have a
"model" in the family.) But I especially encourage you to go to the site for
the package discount specials for the teach-out-of-the-box kits - incredible
discounts that are time limited in conjunction with the book launch.

Here is an excerpt from the first chapter:

> It's happened to everyone: you meet someone and fall madly in love and all
> good judgment and perspective are thrown out the window - until slowly you
> realize this person isn't who you thought he or she was. But follow the steps
> in How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk ‹ a proven program used by thousands of
> singles worldwide ‹ and break the destructive dating patterns that have
> prevented your happiness in the past. This foolproof PLAN will help you
> determine exactly what your partner will be like as a spouse, while also
> keeping you from getting blinded by love and providing the tools to build a
> strong, healthy marriage.

For additional excerpts and discounts on the book and packages:
http://www.bn.com/nojerk

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- A SIMPLE SHOW OF HANDS
The New York Times 
By STEPHANIE ROSENBLOOM
October 5, 2006

And, this article reminds me of Van Epp's RAM (Relationship Attachment)
model ....talks about how you lead up to the intimacy of "hand holding" in
courtship and the importance of maintaining RAM in his Marriage Links
program. - diane 

> Among more than a half-dozen students at the University of Maine, there seemed
> to be two universal truths: that hand-holding is the least nauseating public
> display of affection and that holding hands has become more significant than
> other seemingly deeper expressions of love and romance.
> 
> ³It is a lot more intimate to hold hands nowadays than to kiss,² said Joel
> Kershner, 23. Because of that, he said, reaching for someone¹s hand these days
> has more potential for rejection than leaning in for a smooch at a party where
> alcohol is flowing.
> 
> Libby Tyler, 20, said it was ³weird that hand-holding is more serious,² but
> true. ³It¹s something that you lead up to,² she said. . . . .

> . . . .James Coan, an assistant professor of psychology and the neuroscience
> graduate program at the University of Virginia, has studied the impact of
> human touch, particularly how it affects the neural response to threatening
> situations, and said the results of a recent study were more dramatic than he
> expected.
> 
> ³We found that holding the hand of really anyone, it made your brain work a
> little less hard in coping,² Dr. Coan said, adding that any sort of
> hand-holding relaxes the body. . . . . .
> 
> ³With spouse hand-holding you also stop looking for other signs of danger and
> you start feeling more secure,² said Dr. Coan, who led the study. ³If you¹re
> in a really strong relationship, you may be protected against pain and stress
> hormones that may have a damaging effect on your immune system.²
> 
> Perhaps it is why so many people crave it.
> 
> Blogs and online forums are rife with complaints of those who say their
> significant other does not want to hold hands. ³When we go out, we always have
> a blast, but the one thing that bothers me is that he never holds my hand in
> public,² writes a woman on a ³love advice² forum on www.lovingyou.com.
> 
> For older couples, letting go of hand-holding may be one more sign that they
> are pressed for time and too swamped for little acts of intimacy.
> 
> ³When do we make time to hold hands?,² said Dr. Eells of Cornell, talking
> about his own marriage of 15 years. ³Not very often.²


>From the NY Times: 
ON a brisk autumn afternoon, in the shadow of the marble arch in Washington
Square Park, a couple visiting from Ohio walked along holding hands like two
teenagers going steady, decades after ³going steady² went out of vogue.

When a stranger asked why they had chosen to join hands during their stroll,
the man, Dave Findlay, looked at his wife of seven years and answered in a
word: ³Connection.²

Or as the Beatles sang back in 1963: ³When I¹ll feel that something, I want
to hold your hand.²

Those simple lyrics turned an expression of teenage longing and first
romantic steps into a No. 1 hit. Yet today, when Justin Timberlake is at the
top of the charts with ³SexyBack² and the digital airwaves are filled with
steamy lyrical declarations (³I¹m into havin¹ sex, I ain¹t into makin¹ love²
sang 50 Cent in ³In da Club²), couples like Dave and Carey Findlay still
intertwine fingers, kiss palms and link pinkies as they meander through
parks, cross streets and snake through crowds.

³Hand-holding is the one aspect that¹s not been affected by the sexual
revolution,² said Dalton Conley, a professor and chairman of the department
of sociology at New York University. ³It¹s less about sex than about a
public demonstration about coupledom.²

Nowadays hand-holding has attracted the interest of scientists who are
studying its effects on the body and mind. And sexual health educators say
it is a much-discussed topic among gay students who now publicly hold hands
more than ever before but still must consider whether they want to declare
their sexuality.

³I think it remains more important in an era of perhaps more liberal sexual
norms,² Dr. Conley said. ³It remains this thing to be doled out.²

To hold someone¹s hand is to offer them affection, protection or comfort. It
is a way to communicate that you are off the market. Practically speaking,
it is an efficient way to squeeze through a crowd without losing your
partner. People do it during vigils, marches, weddings and funerals.

> For the full article w/ photos:
> http://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/05/fashion/05hands.html?ex=1160712000&en=76e2b8
> c72e8b3ceb&ei=5070&emc=eta1


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