Men/Crock Pots/ Johnny Van Eppleseed/Praise/Radio - 11/06

Tue Nov 28 22:45:59 EST 2006

- WHERE ARE THE MEN?
- CRACKED POTS  
- MARRIAGE SUCCESS CLASSES
- 101 WAYS TO PRAISE A CHILD
#########################
- WHERE ARE THE MEN?

> Diane, The Writer's Almanac Poem for today reminds me of root causes of much
> of today's problems in families.  It is so challenging to become an effective
> parent/partner without the benefit of effective examples. 
> Susan Brandt, PAIRS trainer

Where are Men
When they're Not at Home?

Different places.

Some are out at the barn checking on the mare that's about to foal.
I know, not many now.

A few.

Some are running down to the corner store to pick up something they forgot.

Be right back.

Some are in offices practicing pitches. Spiels.

Some are phoning from offices ‹ saying they'll be late.

Of course, many are dead.

You suddenly think about them because you're back where you haven't been
   in 20 years
and go to look them up.

But they're not there.

Just some widows.

But most are way off somewhere searching for fathers who were never home
enough.

Poem: "Where are Men When they're Not at Home?" by Reid Bush, from What You
Know. © Larkspur Press.

#######################
- CRACKED POTS  

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a
pole, which she carried across her neck.  One of the pots had a crack in it
while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of
water, at the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked
pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home
only one and a half pots of water.  Of course, the perfect pot was proud
of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own
imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had
been made to do. 

After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the
woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in
my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of
the path, but not on the other pot's side?"  "That's because I have always
known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path,
and every day while we walk back, you water them.  For two years I have been
able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you
being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the
house." 

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we
each have that make our lives together so very interesting and
rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and
look for the good in them.
-------------------
We're so often told to "remember to smell the flowers".  In applying this
fable to marriage, at least one moral of the story is to remember to PLANT
the flowers .....  Diane

####################

- MARRIAGE SUCCESS CLASSES

(I'm sharing this to illustrate why I have taken to calling John Van Epp,
Johnny Van Eppleseed.....he's so busy spreading marriage education seeds!
Yesterday, it was in the Army in Germany, the Healthy Marriage Initiative in
California, and a woman's jail in Michigan.  Today it's a free community
course in Alabama. Just like "10 Great Dates", the "How to Avoid Marrying a
Jerk" class is incredibly transportable and a great way to get our foot in
the door for all our marriage education skills programs to follow. - diane)

> Marriage Success Classes
> News 4 TV/WTVY
> Dothan, Alabama 
> November 28, 2006
> 
> A class through Alfred Saliba Services Center is teaching unmarried residents
> what to look for when it comes to a mate, especially with area divorce rates
> at an all-time high.
> 
> The course called ³How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk² targets singles and teaches
> them five basic principles of a successful marriage.
> 
> Those principles are trust, reliability, commitment, abstinence, and knowing a
> person's family background.
> 
> The five-week course is free and Tuesday is the last night of the class for
> this year, but it will resume again in January.
> 
> http://www.wtvynews4.com/news/headlines/4757596.html

John Van Epp will teach both his "How to Avoid Marrying A Jerk" and his
"Marriage Links" classes in Denver.  The Arps will teach their "10 Great
Dates" and "10 Great Dates for Black Couples".  All are teach-out-of-the-box
in case you don't want to wait for the training in Denver.  See last year's
Mini TOOB trainings to order.  The links are still posted and live:

########################
-  101 WAYS TO PRAISE A CHILD:
> author unknown (this is from the Smart Marriages quotes page. I was adding
> some quotes today and saw this and just thought we can always use reminders
> for how to share appreciations. For our children, or, for anyone.  - diane)
>
> WOW - WAY TO GO - YOU'RE SPECIAL - OUTSTANDING - EXCELLENT - GREAT -
> GOOD - NEAT - WELL DONE - REMARKABLE - I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT - I'M
> PROUD OF YOU - FANTASTIC - SUPER STAR - NICE WORK - LOOKING GOOD -
> YOU'RE ON TOP OF IT - BEAUTIFUL - NOW YOU'RE FLYING - YOU'RE CATCHING
> ON - NOW YOU'VE GOT IT - YOU'RE INCREDIBLE - BRAVO - YOU'RE FANTASTIC
> - HURRAY FOR YOU - YOU'RE ON TARGET - YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY - HOW NICE -
> HOW SMART - GOOD JOB - THAT'S INCREDIBLE - HOT DOG - DYNAMITE - YOU'RE
> BEAUTIFUL - YOU'RE UNIQUE - NOTHING CAN STOP YOU NOW - GOOD FOR YOU -
> I LIKE YOU - YOU'RE A WINNER - REMARKABLE JOB  - BEAUTIFUL WORK -
> SPECTACULAR - YOU'RE SPECTACULAR - YOU'RE DARLING - YOU'RE PRECIOUS -
> GREAT DISCOVERY - YOU'VE DISCOVERED THE SECRET - YOU'VE FIGURED IT OUT
> - FANTASTIC JOB - HIP, HIP, HURRAY - BINGO - MAGNIFICENT - MARVELOUS
> - TERRIFIC - YOU'RE IMPORTANT - PHENOMENAL - YOU'RE SENSATIONAL -
> SUPER WORK - CREATIVE JOB - SUPER JOB - EXCEPTIONAL PERFORMANCE -
> YOU'RE A REAL TROUPER - YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE - YOU ARE EXCITING - YOU
> LEARNED IT RIGHT - WHAT AN IMAGINATION - WHAT A GOOD LISTENER - YOU
> ARE FUN - YOU'RE GROWING UP - YOU TRIED HARD - YOU CARE - BEAUTIFUL
> SHARING - OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE - YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND - I TRUST YOU
> - YOU'RE IMPORTANT - YOU MEAN A LOT TO ME - YOU MAKE ME HAPPY - YOU
> BELONG- YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND - I RESPECT YOU - YOU'RE A TREASURE -
> YOU'RE WONDERFUL - YOU'RE PERFECT - AWESOME - A PLUS JOB - YOU'RE A-OK
> - MY BUDDY - YOU MADE MY DAY - THAT'S THE BEST - A BIG HUG - A BIG
> KISS - I LOVE YOU - TOP SHELF!
>

And, also from the quotes page, inspired by being on the radio today and
talking about marriage and marriage communication skills.  I thank all of
you that offered to go on with me.  Sorry I could only use one testimony.  I
had a great partner, Scott Buchanan from Kansas, who got married Nov 18
after taking not one, but TWO marriage education classes - Ruhnke's For
Better and Forever and Miller's Couple Communication (newly named
Collaborative Marriage)! - diane

> The first year of marriage is like wet cement - the impressions made in it are
> much harder to change once it has set.
> Robert Wolgemuth
> ***************
> One last point about how talking to your man is different from talking to your
> girlfriend. By and large, a man wants the bottom line.  Cut the amount of
> prelude by approximately ninety percent, and you¹ll get it just about right.
> Instead of saying, ³Honey, my mom went in and the doctor diagnosed varicose
> veins.  She¹s going to have to get them stripped, which will make it very
> difficult for her to walk for a couple of weeks.  As you know, she lives all
> alone now, and the only person who can help her is Mrs. Jenkins, who just
> visits twice a week, on Thursdays and Fridays.  Mom¹s going to need more help
> than that.²  Trust me, you¹ve probably lost him by that point.  Instead, try
> this: ³Honey, my mom is having surgery next week and needs some time to
> recover. Do you mind if she stays with us for a few days?²  If he wants more
> information, he¹ll ask for it. Keep it short. Kevin Leman, Making Sense of the
> Men in Your Life
> ***************
> Don¹t discuss sensitive subjects before dinner ‹ eat first. My husband is
> very irritable when hungry."
> Renee Flager happily married for 50 yrs, New York City - Everlasting Matrimony
> ***************
> The most important marriage skill is listening to your partner in a way that
> they can't possibly doubt that you love them.
> Diane Sollee, smartmarriages.com
> ****************
> A happy marriage is the world's best bargain.
> D.A. Battista

**************************
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