Hotel // Why Fathers Count// Inside/Out Dads //Mini - 11/06

Thu Nov 16 19:07:55 EST 2006

- HOTEL PROBLEM CONTINUES, I'M WORKING ON IT .....
- WHY FATHERS COUNT
- INSIDE/OUT DADS 
- MINI TRAINING IN DENVER

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- HOTEL PROBLEM CONTINUES, I'M WORKING ON IT .....

>> Diane,
>> I just tried to book a room at Adam's Mark Hotel in Denver.  I was told the
>> rate was $154 + tax.  The lady on the phone said she did not show a $109 +
>> tax rate for Smart Marriages.  Should we call the hotel directly?
>> Rich Shanks 
>> Louisville, KY

I'm working on it. If this happens to you, please let me know immediately.
There are plenty of rooms at the $109 rate.  Do not let them turn you away.
Our block and the $109 rates are good from June 20 - July 6.  - diane

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- WHY FATHERS COUNT

According to the new anthology "Why Fathers Count: The Importance of Fathers
and Their Involvement with Children", the most important work that men do is
their involvement in the lives of their children and families. It includes a
number of chapters dealing with fathers and their relationships and
marriage, including how mothers and fathers help each other, why better
marriages make for better fathering, and how fathers influence daughters in
learning about relationships.  Also included are key issues like fathers in
incarcerated settings, fathering in faith communities, fathers serving at
home, supporting fathers in community initiatives, and small group efforts
to support fathers.  Information on the book, edited by Sean Brotherson, is
at: http://www.whyfatherscount.com/

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- INSIDE/OUT DADS 
November 15, 2006
Column #1,316
Helping Prisoners Reenter Society
by Mike McManus

 Each year 600,000 inmates are released from prison.  Within three years,
two-thirds are rearrested.

 The National Fatherhood Initiative has developed an innovative answer:
"InsideOut Dad: a Program for Incarcerated Fathers."  More than half of
inmates are fathers.  If  helped to become better dads while inside prison,
they are motivated to continue their growth as dads on the outside..

 An earlier version of the course was given to 186 incarcerated dads shortly
before their release from prison. Three years later only five were
rearrested, three of which were for minor infractions.  This remarkable
success persuaded Indiana's Commissioner of Corrections to offer the course
to all reentry prisoners in the state's 14 facilities.  InsideOut Dad is
also being used in Missouri, New Jersey and California.

 Four-fifths of the nation's 2.1 million inmates grew up in fatherless homes
where 24 million kids live. These children are five times as likely to be in
poverty as kids from intact homes, three times as apt to fail in school or
to commit suicide and are much more likely to misbehave, abuse drugs and be
delinquent. Children of inmates fare even worse.

 However, if a child can form a loving bond with the father, his self-esteem
rises along with grades and emotional stability.

 There are impediments for inmates to connect with their children.  First,
their average sentence is 80 to 100 months. Prisons are often 100 miles from
their home. Many inmates have totally lost contact with their children.
Their reading level is at the 6th grade, making writing letters difficult.

 Finally, men who were not nurtured themselves, have no idea how to nurture.

 NFI has designed a survey for inmates at the start and end of the course,
measuring changed  attitudes.  They are also given a Fathering Handbook, a
diary to record their thoughts during the course.

 In the first of 12 core sessions inmates are asked to answer questions: "To
me, fathering means... The kind of father I want to be is.... By attending
fathering classes, I hope..." A key goal of the course is to develop a trust
in themselves and others, though few have experienced it.

 Session 2, "Remembering My Past," prompts the inmates to recall the
influence of their father and their mother, and what they learned about
relationships by observing them. They are asked if they were abused, and if
that motivates them to want something better for their kids.

 Another session asks, "What Is a Man?" In defining positive and negative
characteristics of masculinity, inmates rate themselves on self-confidence,
courage, leadership, dependability, self-reliance and a tendency to control
others. 

 "Spirituality and Family" quotes Emerson: "Great men are they who see that
spiritual is stronger than any material force."  Everyone has a moral or
religious nature that tries to find meaning and purpose in life.  "You must
be the change you wish to see in the world," asserts Gandhi.

 Typically, inmates are angry men due to past pain and hurt. They are asked
to describe what sparks their anger and the difference between how men and
women express anger. Boys are taught not to cry but to channel their anger
in sports.  Male anger sparks fights.

 Few prisoners know how to build healthy, lasting relationships. Only 37
percent have  married, most of whom are separated or divorced. They are
asked how to improve their relationship with their child's mother, key to
establishing a relationship with their children.

 "The Role of the Father" asks dads to list qualities of the ideal father
and rate their own father and themselves by those yardsticks.  Another
session spotlights "Fathering and Fun" such as fooling kids: "I bet no one
here can brush their teeth by themselves."

 Many inmates experienced excessively harsh discipline as a child, and mimic
it, labeling their children "bad," which is crushing. The course teaches to
criticize the action, not the person, and to affirm his love for the child.
"Discipline" comes from the Latin word meaning "to teach or guide." A
disciple follows a teacher he likes and trusts.

 Ken Gosnell, who taught the course to reentry leaders from many states,
observed, "It is never too late for reconciliation."  A 36-year-old inmate
got a call from his father, whom he had not heard from in 30 years. The
father attended his graduation, saying "I am a brand new father."

- MINI TRAINING IN DENVER
Nothing's set in stone but it looks like INSIDE/OUT DAD will be offered as a
TOOB/Mini Training at the Denver Smart Marriages Conference.  TOOB -
teach-out-of-box.   - diane 