Van Epp does CBS/ Sliding vs Deciding - download/ Hedy: The Miracle Lady/ Humane gets Fatherhood grant - 11/09/06

[Smartmarriages]

- SET YOUR TIVO - VAN EPP ON CBS SATURDAY MORNING
- SLIDING VERSUS DECIDING: FREE DOWNLOAD
- HEDY SCHLEIFER 
- AMERICAN HUMANE RECEIVES FEDERAL FATHERHOOD INITIATIVE GRANT

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- SET YOUR TIVO - VAN EPP ON CBS SATURDAY MORNING

John Van Epp will discuss "How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk" on the  CBS
SATURDAY EARLY SHOW, Nov 11. (In DC it's on from 8 - 9am).  It's always fun
to see how the different shows delight in the topic and how they (and John)
handle the "JERK" aspect.  Buy the book now and get it signed in Denver.
John Van Epp will present two training institutes and you can qualify to be
an instructor in both programs, both built upon his RAM (relationship
attachment model): How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk and Marriage Links.  - diane

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- SLIDING VERSUS DECIDING: FREE DOWNLOAD

The journal of Family Relations has apparently recognized the crucial
importance of research on the courtship/cohabitation effects on marital
commitment. As evidence of their commitment to the topic, the journal is
making this important FREE for download: "Sliding Versus Deciding: Inertia
and the Premarital Cohabitation Effect" authored by Scott Stanley, Galena
Kline Rhoades, and Howard Markman.  The article will only be available for
free for two months, to download go to:
http://www.blackwell-synergy.com/toc/fare/55/4
 
This will bring you to a page that lists all the articles in journal's
current issue.  Only the "Sliding vs Deciding" article is available for free
download.  
 
Scott tells me that he considers this to be the most important article he
has ever worked on because of the implications about how relationship
transitions affect risk and the development of commitment.  As he puts it,
"Transitions that occur without clear decision making may undermine the
future sense of commitment when things get more difficult and couples have
to dig deeper to work though the strains of life."  Scott also points out
that are many other factors that affect marital commitment besides
cohabitation.  
 
Here's the Abstract: Premarital cohabitation has consistently been found to
be associated with increased risk for divorce and marital distress in the
United States. Two explanations for this "cohabitation effect" are
discussed: selection and experience. We present an empirically based view of
how the experience of cohabitation may increase risk for relationship
distress or divorce for some people beyond what is accounted for by
selection. Specifically, using a commitment framework, we suggest that some
couples who otherwise would not have married end up married because of the
inertia of cohabitation. We discuss practice implications for relationship
transitions that are characterized more by sliding than deciding, especially
where a transition such as cohabitation increases inertia to remain in a
relationship regardless of quality or fit.
 
The last time Scott addressed these issues at a Smart Marriages Conference
it was the highest rated workshops in our ten year history.  I will
DEFINITELY invite him to present an update on this "commitment framework" at
the Denver conference.

I suggest you order the recording of his 2005 session - it's a great primer
and will get you up to speed for June. Order on DVD, CD or as a $9.95
download at 800-241-7785 or at http://www.iplaybacksmartmarriages. (You
might want to share it with your young adult and teen children/students.)

> Session #754-501
> The Power of Commitment in a ³Maybe I Do² World
> Scott Stanley, PhD
> Explore how commitment develops, is maintained, and how to avoid partners who
> are less committed. Why do men resist marriage and why do women, so often,
> over-interpret the commitment levels of men?

################################
 
- HEDY SCHLEIFER 

Diane, 
As you know, I had to miss the conference in Atlanta and am catching up by
listening to the recordings. First, congratulations. As usual so much great
material.  I've listened to several of the sessions several times.  (I find
if I listen while I'm walking, I have to listen again so I can take notes.)
I've been skipping around and just got to the opening keynote. What can you
tell me about Hedy Schleifer the "you are a miracle" lady?  Does she have a
book?  Offer trainings? It would be so helpful to have this information
right on the recording. Maybe at the end of each keynote recording you could
have someone do a voice over with the contact information for each of the
presenters.  In the workshops the presenters are pretty good about doing
this, they give their contact information and list their books and workshops
and explain how to purchase their kits, but the keynote presenters tend not
to.  Things, by the way, are smoothing out here and I will see you in
Denver.   
P.K.  

I remember that I did include Hedy's website when I introduced her. I said
it was such a "romantic" url and I also remember because I gave the wrong
address for her website. I said it was HedyYumi.com and it's HedyYumi.org.
Maybe my intro got edited out? Or, maybe you just missed it. You can almost
always find the contact info for presenters on the Smart Marriages Directory
of Programs page - they all have a listing there. And, their books are
usually on the Books page.  I just looked on the Smart Marriages Directory
of Programs (see her listing below) and see that she's teaching in Europe in
Nov and Dec (Paris, Austria, Israel!).  But then she teaches in Fort
Lauderdale Florida in January.  What a wonderful sunny "adventurous" escape
in the middle of winter! I've heard from several folks that have taken this
training and they give it rave reviews, just like she gets at the
conference, so I pass along their recommendations.  - diane
 
If you'd like a sample of the Hedy "adventure", you can order her Smart
Marriages workshop for only $15 on CD or download it for $9.95 and skip the
shipping charges.  The staff at PlayBack will help you figure out how to
download to your computer or iPod if you're intimidated.  Order at
800-241-7785 or at http://www.iplaybacksmartmarriages.com

> Session #756-307 (2 hrs/Atlanta Smart Marriages/2006)
> De-Mystifying the Relational Space
> Hedy Schleifer, MA
> Seven principles and practices will change the way you think about
> relationships and help you guide couples to embrace differences, harness
> passion, and deepen connections.

DIRECTORY LISTING:
> Adventure In Intimacy: Hedy & Yumi Schleifer
> Hedy and Yumi specialize in 3-day experiential programs for couples and
> training for professionals in wonderful, exotic destinations.  Married over 40
> years, they incorporate their own marital wisdom along with Imago Relationship
> Theory, Martin Buber¹s relational philosophy, neurobiology, and Appreciative
> Inquiry to give couples the most effective and complete transformation for
> their marriage.  Learn to speak your desires so they are heard, dissolve
> deeply rooted conflicts, transform daily frustrations into vehicles for
> change, and bring passion back to your marriage. For more information and
> registration:
> 305-604-0010
> Web: http://www.hedyyumi.org
> Schedule, usually 8:30am - 7:30pm daily:
> Ft. Lauderdale, Florida ­ FL: Jan 19-21, March 23-25, June 22-24
> Paris, France (in French):  Nov 24-26, May 4-6
> Vienna, Austria (in German): Dec 1-3, April 13-15,
> Jerusalem, Israel (in Hebrew): Dec 12-14
> Guerneville, California ­ CA:  March 16-18

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- AMERICAN HUMANE RECEIVES FEDERAL FATHERHOOD INITIATIVE GRANT

Diane, 
I never knew these folks had anything to do with humans, just animals!
Interesting... 
Susanne

I was also amazed so Googled and there are two different organizations:
The National Humane Society and the American Humane Association.  Both home
pages look like they're all about dogs and cats, and I will bite my tongue
and not make any comments about men and dogs.  - diane

For Immediate Release
November 7, 2006   
Contact: Randy Blauvelt
303-925-9442 
randyb at americanhumane.org
 
American humane receives federal award to build evidence proving the
importance of fathers in children's lives
 
DENVER, Nov. 7, 2006 ­ The American Humane Association announced today that
it was selected as recipient of a competitive award from the U.S. Department
of Health and Human Services, Children¹s Bureau, to identify effective
practices that improve child welfare outcomes by involving non-resident
fathers in their children¹s lives.  Given the Children¹s Bureau¹s mission to
promote improved outcomes of child safety, permanency of placement and
relationships, and well-being of children and families across the country,
it is essential that new and promising approaches to supporting children and
families be tested.
 
American Humane will receive federal funding of up to $1 million per year
for the next five years to operate the National Quality Improvement Center
on Non-Resident Fathers (QIC-NRF) in partnership with The American Bar
Association¹s Center on Children and the Law, and the National Fatherhood
Initiative.  
 
³Our nation¹s child welfare systems are faced with the challenge of
producing positive outcomes for the children and families they serve, and
research is lacking whether engaging fathers enhances the well-being or case
outcomes of children who are under the state¹s supervision,² said Sonia
Velazquez, vice president of American Humane¹s Children¹s Services Division,
and Project Director for the new QIC.  ³An analysis of the National Survey
of Child and Adolescent Well-Being data found that 41 percent of children in
foster care had never visited with their fathers.²
 
The award includes a planning phase and an implementation phase.  Initially
the partners and a national advisory board of experts in child welfare,
fatherhood, and child welfare laws will engage in a collaborative process to
assess the gaps in existing knowledge, and clarify the focus of the research
to be carried out during the remaining four years.  Research will include
sponsoring six to eight research sub-grants across the country, and
generating findings that will help guide the work of many agencies and
professionals. A national request for proposals for research sites will be
issued by the QIC-NRF next fall.
 
³The QIC has the unique opportunity to help public and private child welfare
entities across the nation by building evidence on proven strategies that
can be replicated,² said Myles Edwards, Ph.D., director of research at
American Humane.  ³This grant will allow us to help fathers continue to have
involvement in their children¹s lives while children remain under the
supervision of the state, thus helping sustain a critical relationship in
the life of a young person.²
 

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