Wait Training / Rock Your Marriage / Rock/ Texas - 11/06/06

[Smartmarriages]

- SPEAKER: BEST SEX COMES AFTER MARRIAGE
- YMCA PLANS MARRIAGE CLASS: ROCK YOUR MARRIAGE
- SPEAKING OF ROCK YOUR MARRIAGE
- TEXAS: TAX DOLLARS EARMARKED FOR THE STATE OF COUPLES' UNIONS

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- SPEAKER: BEST SEX COMES AFTER MARRIAGE

Speaker: Best sex comes after marriage
By Charlie Mathews
Herald Times (Wisconsin)
November 4, 2006

MANITOWOC ‹ Shelly Donahue is coming to the Lakeshore area next week to
teach about 2,000 junior and high schoolers how to have the best sex.

But there's a huge and all-important caveat ‹ she wants the students to
learn how to save sex for marriage.

"We talk only about sex in positive terms," said Donahue, whose appearances
are sponsored by the Manitowoc County Abstinence Coalition (MCAC). "There is
no fear and shame in loving and desiring sex."

Her "WAIT Training" seminars ‹ "Why Am I Tempted" ‹ focus on "love
education" and how marriage, if done well, has many emotional, social and
economic benefits.

"What's different about her presentation is she will focus on learning how
to have good, healthy relationships before marriage," said Roxanne Dy-zak,
religious education coordinator for St. Francis of Assisi Parish and
coa-lition member. "I think this is fantastic."

Another coalition member, Manitowoc Public School District nurse Kellea
Ewen, believes Donahue's talks will create opportunities "for students to
talk with parents, teachers, coaches, me ... working in the junior high, I
seek kids making poor choices. It's OK to choose a different path," Ewen
said.

Cornerstone Community Church's Rev. Guy Corrigal said the organized church
is often viewed as constantly preaching and warning against various
behaviors.

"I see this as a positive approach," Corrigal said. "The focus is on a very
good thing ‹ sex after marriage."

Another MPSD school nurse, Nan Oswald, hopes there will be lots of parents
an open to the public presentation at 7 p.m. on Monday, Nov. 6 at the St.
Francis of Assisi Faith Formation Center, 1001 Marshall St., Manitowoc.

"It's important for parents to get on board and (establish) moral
standards," Oswald said. "We can only do so much in the schools."

Survey may show coalition's programs having impact

Donahue's presentations are the latest in a series of programs sponsored by
the MCAC since its founding in 2001.

It has sponsored several speakers and during prom season participating
florists have distributed a card, "Prom ... a night to remember, not to
regret."

Manitowoc County Public Health Nurse Barb Herrmann points to a local youth
risk behavior survey as evidence MCAC's efforts may be having a beneficial
impact.

In a 2005 survey, 20 percent of teens statewide said it is important to
delay having sexual intercourse till marriage, but 31 percent of Manitowoc
County teens agreed with the statement.

Donahue's goal is to have 100 percent of teens say they're going to wait
till marriage to have sex.

In a phone interview Thursday she said her talks are well received by
students. "Kids know how to have sex but not how to love well," Donohue
said.

"They love this message about intimacy, romance and marriage," she said.
"About 90 percent of them will be married, and they want to know how to love
well, especially since so many have been hurt by divorce," said the mother
of two teenage children.

"While many sex education programs teach the wonders of condoms and
contraceptives, we teach the wonders of love education, healthy
relationships, character formation, positive youth development, life skills
and marriage preparation," Donohue said.

Donohue's appearances are underwritten by the MCAC, Holy Family Memorial,
the United Way, and the Manitowoc County Teen Pregnancy Prevention
Taskforce.

LOVE EDUCATION (Sidebar)

* Shelly Donahue will take her "save sex for marriage" presentation to five
Manitowoc County high schools and two middle/junior high schools on Monday
through Wednesday, Nov. 6-8.
* Young people ages 12 and older, parents, grandparents and teachers are
invited to a FREE, public presentation at 7 p.m. on Monday, Nov. 6, at St.
Francis of Assisi Faith Formation Center, 1001 Marshall St., Manitowoc.
* Her appearances are sponsored by the Manitowoc County Abstinence
Coalition, which was formed in 2001 and comprises about 20 member churches
and community organizations. To become a supporter, call the Rev. Steve
Olson at 920-682-7742.
* For more information on Donahue's presentations, call Roxanne Dyzak at
920-683-3897. 

Shelly's 2 hr workshop at the Smart Marriages Atlanta Conference was one of
the highest rated sessions at the conference. I recommend it to all marriage
community activists and to all parents - great ideas, great stats, great
talking points.  Order the session on CD for $15 plus shipping or download
for $9.95 and skip the shipping fees. Order at 800-241-7785 or at
http://www.iplaybacksmartmarriages.com/

> 756-510
> WAIT (Why Am I Tempted) Training
> Shelly Donahue 
> Teach teens to have the best sex by waiting and preparing for marriage. A
> love, character, relationship, marriage prep curriculum for schools. 40 states
> and abroad, non-sectarian.
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- YMCA PLANS MARRIAGE CLASS: ROCK YOUR MARRIAGE
YMCA plans marriage class
Enid News (Oklahoma)
By Tippi Rasp, Staff Writer
November 4, 2006 

> Myrick stressed the skills-based program isn¹t like group counseling, it helps
> couples learn specific skills and real strategies.
> 
> ³We don¹t sit around and open up and share feelings,² Myrick said. ³We don¹t
> sit around and sing ŒKumbaya.¹² . . .
 
> The free event is 6:15 to 8:45 p.m. Nov. 10 and BEGINS WITH A BARBECUE DINNER.
> On Nov. 11, the seminar begins with a continental breakfast at 8:45 a.m. and
> continues until noon. Rapp said the dinner and workshop is informal and
> participants should dress comfortably.

Organizers are hoping a skills-based program that gives couples the tools to
keep marriages together also will benefit the community.

Oklahoma Marriage Initiative will present Rock Your Marriage, a FREE two-day
seminar open to married couples and anyone considering marriage, Nov. 10-11
at Denny Price Family YMCA.

The seminar will help couples build a solid foundation for marriage, improve
communication skills and learn how to solve problems and handle conflict,
the seminar¹s facilitator said.

Jack Myrick, facilitator and the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative¹s community
events director, said statistics show Oklahoma has the second-highest
divorce rate in the nation and couples have a 50 percent chance of
divorcing. He said research shows couples that go through the course can
reduce their chances of divorce by 50 percent.

³We go and learn how to play piano from an instructor. We go to school to be
a fireman,² Myrick said. ³Nobody teaches you relationship skills.²

Ken Rapp, executive director of Denny Price Family YMCA, said the workshop
fits into the YMCA¹s goal of building strong communities and families.

³Strong families and good relationships make for good, strong kids,² Rapp
said.

Myrick said the workshop will help couples reduce and manage conflict in a
safe way. He¹ll go over four danger signs that can kill relationships, and
show couples how to identify the signs and minimize them.

Myrick stressed the skills-based program isn¹t like group counseling, it
helps couples learn specific skills and real strategies.

³We don¹t sit around and open up and share feelings,² Myrick said. ³We don¹t
sit around and sing ŒKumbaya.¹²

The format is conducted in a non-threatening way and couples can be as vocal
or as quiet as they wish. He said part of the seminar includes reminding
couples how they can keep the fun in relationships and keep the friendship
alive.

³Friendship is huge,² Myrick said, adding children, careers and busy
lifestyles often get in the way of maintaining friendship. ³What gets
squeezed out is friendship in the relationship.²

Myrick said OMI is training about 35,000 couples each year, but the training
has never been conducted in Enid.

³We¹re just thrilled,² Myrick said. ³We think it¹s going to be a great
event.²

Rapp said the YMCA decided to host the event to encourage more people to
attend. Instead of a local church hosting the event, organizers decided to
utilize the YMCA to encourage those who might not want to attend
church-related activities. He said the YMCA provided a non-threatening
atmosphere.

The free event is 6:15 to 8:45 p.m. Nov. 10 and BEGINS WITH A BARBECUE
DINNER.  On Nov. 11, the seminar begins with a continental breakfast at 8:45
a.m. and continues until noon. Rapp said the dinner and workshop is informal
and participants should dress comfortably.

Interested couples should sign up for the seminar by Monday. Those
registering by Monday are eligible for a free one-week family membership to
the YMCA.

Child care is $5 per child and will be provided by the YMCA with a $10
maximum charge. Rapp said anyone who can¹t afford child care is eligible for
a child care scholarship and can call Rapp at 237-4645 for more information.

Register online at www.reg isternow123.com.

###########################
- SPEAKING OF ROCK YOUR MARRIAGE

Very sad news today that Chris Rock has filed for divorce ending a 10 year
marriage.  This one hits especially hard given that he, his marriage, and
his show "Everyone Hates Chris" have served as inspiring role models the
past few years.  - diane

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 - TEXAS: TAX DOLLARS EARMARKED FOR THE STATE OF COUPLES' UNIONS
Taxpayer dollars earmarked for the state of couples' unions
Community groups here will share $2.5 million in a push to build strong
marriages

Houston Chronicle
Nov. 6, 2006
By MELANIE MARKLEY
     
President Bush's plan to fight poverty by encouraging marriage will mean at
least $2.5 million this year for community and faith-based groups in Houston
to offer workshops and activities aimed at developing stable relationships.

The beneficiaries include a community group that works with unwed couples
having babies and an organization that helps resettled international
refugees adjust to family life in Houston.

The money, more than $150 million nationally, is being funneled primarily to
groups targeting the poor. The policy is driven in large part by statistics
showing that children from single-parent families and broken homes are far
more likely to grow up in poverty than children raised by stable couples.

But the government's promotion of marriage raises questions from some who
wonder whether it's an appropriate use of tax dollars.

University of Houston professor Steven Mintz, who specializes in family
history, views it not only as an overly simplistic approach to a very
complex problem, but said it also raises a larger philosophical question.

"Should government be playing Cupid?" said Mintz, now on a fellowship at
Stanford University. "Even if we think it is a good idea for people to be in
stable, nonviolent, nonabusive relationships, which probably everyone will
agree to, is that really government's job?"

Stake in relationship Wade Horn, the U.S. assistant secretary for children
and families, said that although matchmaking is clearly not the role of
policy-makers, the federal government does have a financial stake in
marriage.

For one thing, he said, children born to a single parent are seven times
more likely to live in poverty and require government assistance. And
children raised in homes with healthy marriages are less likely to be
victims of abuse and neglect.

"Government spends a lot of time providing services to families as a
consequence of marital breakups or the failure of marriage to form in the
first place," he said. "When kids are growing up in healthy marriages, as
opposed to unhealthy marriages, they are less likely to need government
services because they are more likely to be doing well."

The marriage push comes at a time when married Americans, for the first time
ever, have become a minority.

The American Community Survey, released last month by the U.S. Census
Bureau, found that less than half of households in 2005 were made up of
married couples.

Yet, recent research on "fragile families" at Princeton University found
that 80 percent of unmarried mothers are romantically involved when their
children are born and most want to get married, although few actually do.

Some of the grants flowing into Houston target very specific groups of
people. Depelchin Children's Center, for example, is receiving $299,970
annually to provide marriage education for families who adopt children from
the foster care system.

And the Alliance for Multicultural Community Services is getting $250,000 a
year to provide workshops for resettled international refugees whose
marriages undergo strain as they adjust to a new culture.

The latest round of grants, announced in October, allocates $100 million a
year nationally for the next five years for healthy marriage programs as
well as $50 million annually for responsible fatherhood programs.

The measures were part of a bill signed by Bush last February that
reauthorizes welfare reform.

Building marital skills Under the federal guidelines, participation in the
programs is strictly voluntary and groups that accept the money cannot
coerce anyone to marry or remain in abusive relationships.

More than $500,000 annually is going to the Greater Houston Healthy Marriage
Coalition, made up of some 30 community and faith-based organizations
throughout the area.

The money will pay for marriage workshops, computer-based premarital
assessments, mentorship programs and other relationship-building activities
for both wed and unwed couples from low-income families.

The workshops will be similar to one conducted recently at the Family
Services of Greater Houston that engaged couples in discussions about anger
management, conflict resolution, stress management, communication skills and
other issues important in maintaining a happy marriage.

Among the 11 couples in attendance were Jaime and Maria Obando who said they
were working to save their troubled four-year marriage and raise their two
children, ages 1 and 3, in a more positive atmosphere.

"Just like alcoholism is hereditary, just like diabetes is hereditary, our
children are a reflection of our relationship," Jaime Obando said as he left
the first of two six-hour Saturday sessions. "Parenting is a byproduct of a
good marriage."

Some success stories But does marriage education really work? Some community
groups have their anecdotal success stories.

Isabel Muñoz, whose organization, AVANCE, offers marriage workshops to
couples with children in Head Start early educational programs, said that
during one of their 19-week programs, one unmarried couple tied the knot and
six other couples renewed their vows.

While there is evidence that couples who go through marriage education have
a lower divorce rate, some scholars point out that most of that research
involves affluent couples, not poor families who struggle to get by.

Researchers also question whether promoting marriage will do much in the
long run to solve society's economic woes.

"We know that kids that grow up in a two married-parent family have better
outcomes, but we also know that people who choose to be married and have
kids differ in lots of ways from people who choose not to," said Cynthia
Osborne, an assistant professor at the University of Texas' school of public
affairs.

"It could be those other characteristics - their education, their income,
their maturity level - that are driving their children's outcomes."

Goes beyond education One local organization, Healthy Families Initiative,
has a long-standing program that goes well beyond marriage education for
poor struggling couples having babies.

Aside from counseling, the group, which was just awarded a $537,000 annual
grant for five years, also makes home visits and helps families get job
training and affordable child care.

Other groups are planning to target schools and educate teens on how to
build healthy relationships.

Part of the problem, social scientists say, is that most young people who
grew up in dysfunctional families and single-parent homes have never learned
the skills they need to develop their own stable relationships.

"There does need to be much more attention to thwarting the cycle of poverty
before it actually fully engulfs a family or child," said Rice University
sociologist Michael Lindsay.

"This is not a partisan perspective. Democrats and Republicans alike agree
that the United States has to do a better job of providing social service
support for families and for communities in raising kids than we've been
doing in the past."

Copyright 2006 HOUSTON CHRONICLE

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