Divorce rulings - ripples from across the pond //Practice what we preach - 5/06

[Smartmarriages]

- TILL DIVORCE DO US PART
- HUGE DIVORCE PAYOUTS COULD PREVENT UK MARRIAGES
- MARRIAGE CRUISES, RETREATS, GETAWAYS.....PRACTICE WHAT WE PREACH


These are just two of MANY articles commenting on two rulings by the House
of Lords (highest court in UK) on groundbreaking divorce settlements that,
coincidentally, coincide with the announced breakup of McCartney's marriage
- makes for a whole lot of focus and analysis on marriage trends, no-fault
divorce, feminism, pre-nups, etc. etc.   This is taking place in the UK but
will have definite repercussions round the world. We in the coalition can
use this as an opportunity to continue to suggest that any pre-nups (for
first or remarriages) should best include an agreement to take marriage
skills classes in the beginning of a marriage AND with frequent refreshers.
As one of my favorite pastors tells his couples: "Vow to spend as much money
maintaining the marriage as you spend on the wedding". All this news still
frames everything as a love "match" or a failed "match".  Nothing about the
inability and lack of skills to keep that passion and love they rode in on,
alive. Sometimes it does feel that we haven't, yet, made a dent. Which, by
the way, reminds me to ask how many of you reading this have taken a
marriage education class?  Ever?  Lately?  See list of ideas below. - diane

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- TILL DIVORCE DO US PART
The Financial Times
Editorial comment  
May 27 2006 

Why do men get married? Those who do, and are rich, may be feeling
particularly nervous after a ruling this week by the House of Lords which
was widely perceived to strengthen the position of women in divorce cases.

Is not the obvious advice for men to run at the slightest sound of wedding
bells? The story is not quite so simple. Researchers have found women do not
get married in the hope of a profitable divorce: in the year after she
divorces, the typical woman's spending power falls by about one-quarter to
one-third. That should hardly be surprising. Women give up a lot to get
married and have children in the first place. The more time and effort one
puts into one's career, the more highly paid one becomes.

The Nobel laureate economist Gary Becker has pointed out the implications of
that: the more time the wife spends away from work, the more valuable her
husband's time starts to appear relative to hers. Both partners will be
tempted to cushion the man's lucrative career from interruptions and the
woman's income suffers further by comparison in a self-reinforcing spiral.

The law lords ruling breaks new ground by recognising the sacrifices women
make in the interests of the family. The astonishing thing is that such
recognition did not come long ago. But it is far from clear that the
pendulum has swung so far that marriage will now be financially advantageous
to the average woman.

It is not rich men, then, but ordinary women who need that prenuptial
agreement. As another Nobel economist, George Stigler, is said to have
remarked: the great institution of marriage is diminished by those who
cannot be bothered to negotiate its details.



- HUGE DIVORCE PAYOUTS COULD PREVENT UK MARRIAGES
Saturday, 27 May, 2006
Stephanie Kennedy

> And after two landmark legal rulings in Britain last week, some lawyers are
> now advising wealthy people not to marry at all, or at the very least sign
> prenuptial agreements. . . .

> The decisions have been hailed as the most important judgments for more than
> 20 years. . . . 

> But at the end of the day, I think in future there'll be bigger settlements
> for shorter marriages. . . .

> Prenuptial contracts are going to become more common.
> 
> I think marriage is going to become less common as a result of these sorts of
> orders.


HAMISH ROBERTSON: It's often said that the happiest people are those who are
happily married.

Unfortunately, it seems that staying happily married can prove extremely
difficult, as current divorce rates graphically illustrate.

And after two landmark legal rulings in Britain last week, some lawyers are
now advising wealthy people not to marry at all, or at the very least sign
prenuptial agreements.

The House of Lords ruled that women who sacrifice well-paid careers to stay
at home can seek compensation for life if their marriage breaks down.

And while the cases involved multimillion-dollar settlements by wealthy
husbands, the rulings have implications for all couples living in the UK.

Stephanie Kennedy reports from London.

STEPHANIE KENNEDY: The House of Lords is the highest law court in the UK,
and the Law Lords have made two groundbreaking judgments that will have far
reaching implications in future divorce cases.

The decisions have been hailed as the most important judgments for more than
20 years.

What makes these rulings so significant is the short duration of one
marriage and the ongoing maintenance received by the ex-wife in the other
marriage.

The Miller couple was married for less than three years and had no children.
The marriage ended acrimoniously after the husband had an affair.

Melissa Miller was awarded $12.5 million.

Her lawyer, Marcus Dearle, says the judges focused on the high standard of
living that Mr and Mrs Miller enjoyed and the fact that Mr Miller, a funds
manager, had earned much of his fortune during the marriage.

MARCUS DEARLE: Well, I think it will make a difference in the shorter cases.
But every case is different. Every case needs to be looked at individually,
and the facts will always change.

But at the end of the day, I think in future there'll be bigger settlements
for shorter marriages.

STEPHANIE KENNEDY: In the other case, tax accountant Kenneth McFarlane and
his wife Julia had been married for 18 years. She gave up a very lucrative
career as a solicitor to look after her husband and the home, and to raise
their three children.

In their ruling, the Law Lords recognised the sacrifice she'd made in giving
up her job, and Mrs McFarlane was able to claim a share of her husband's
future income.

Not only was Mrs McFarlane entitled to half of the couple's assets, but she
was also awarded over $600,000 a year in maintenance for the rest of her
life.

Her husband's lawyer, Jeremy Levison, warns the rulings in both these cases
will have a significant impact on divorce and marriage.

JEREMY LEVISON: Very bad news for wealthy men with shaky marriages.

It's also very bad news for young ladies hoping to marry wealthy men with
substantial assets and income, because my own view is that it's going to
have a real affect, as indeed it already is, on this sort of man, and
particularly the guys down the city, the successful businessmen, in getting
married in the first place.

Prenuptial contracts are going to become more common.

I think marriage is going to become less common as a result of these sorts
of orders.

STEPHANIE KENNEDY: Vanessa Lloyd Platt, a divorce lawyer, says the rulings
won't just affect the wealthy.

VANESSA LLOYD PLATT: A huge impact on other cases, right down the line.

Even though these cases involve very large sums, the principles are if
you've been married for a long time, as in the McFarlane case, the starting
point is 50-50 of the assets and your maintenance now is likely to go on for
the rest of your life.

So this is a very substantive returning point to what we had before.

In the Miller case, what it's saying is if you have a short marriage, not
even withstanding there are no children, you are entitled to a hefty
settlement.

The buzzwords in these cases are fairness and compensation, even in the
short cases.

So it goes right the way down the line. It's not just the huge financial,
wealthy cases that are impacted.

STEPHANIE KENNEDY: But the wealthy have a lot to lose, particularly the
former Beatle, Sir Paul McCartney.

Worth an estimated $2 billion, he recently separated from his wife of four
years, Heather Mills, a marriage that could prove expensive for the music
legend.

In the wake of the Laws Lords' judgments, some observers put the price of
divorce for Sir Paul at $500 million.

This is Stephanie Kennedy in London for Correspondents Report.

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- MARRIAGE CRUISES, RETREATS, GETAWAYS.....PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH

Here are some ideas to help you practice what you preach.  Also, great gift
suggestions for all the June weddings.  For MANY additional weekends,
classes, courses, see the full Directory listings at:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html


> CRUISES, RETREATS & GET-AWAYS:  take a marriage vacation that includes
> marriage classes & education.


> If You Really Loved MeŠ
> A Residential PAIRS Workshop August 2-8, 2006
> Michele Baldwin, MSW, PhD and DeWitt Baldwin Jr, MD
> The Haven Institute, Gabriola Island, BC, Canada
> Tuition (excluding room and meals): $812 Canadian dollars per person,
> Early Bird: only $722. This beautiful relaxed setting is perfect for couples
> that want to learn PAIRS emotional re-education skills to prevent, explore,
> problem
> solve, and heal relationship issues, or reawaken a relationship gone stale.
> Professionals interested in learning about PAIRS are welcome.
> Michele Baldwin: 312-337-0506, mabaldwin at aol.com
> or The Haven: 250-247-9211, http://www.haven.ca


> John Gray's Mars Venus Wellness Retreats
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> For information:
> http://www.marsvenus.com


> Love Your Relationship Couples Retreats: Howard Markman/Boulder, Colorado - CO
> A little PREP goes a long way!  Immerse yourselves in a weekend
> devoted to learning how to enhance and protect friendship, fun, love, passion
> as you enjoy the best of PREP combined with a luxurious, romantic getaway.
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> St Julien Hotel and Spa, Boulder, Colorado, CO: April 29 - 30.
> Locations to be announced: July 14-15; Oct 21 ­ 22.
> Toll-free: 866-601-5683
> Email: info at loveyourrelationship.com
> Web: http://www.loveyourrelationship.com



> Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage Cruise
> January 6-13, 2007
> Join Mark Gungor, creator of the highly regarded Laugh Your
> Way to a Better Marriage Seminar, on the third annual Laugh Your
> Way to a Better Marriage Cruise. Mark and his wife Debbie will host
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> $560 plus taxes and fees per person double occupancy. There will be
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> to a better marriage. Brochure available.
> More information:
> 866-525-2844
> Email: info at laughyourway.com
> WEB: http://www.laughyourway.com/


> Marriage Enrichment 7-Day Caribbean Cruise with Joe Beam
> August 26-Sept 2, 2006
> Travel With Us Cruises presents internationally known speaker and
> best-selling author, Joe Beam, whose humorous, touching presentations
> powerfully show partners how to understand each other so that love,
> passion, and intimacy can flourish. Beam, founder and president of Family
> Dynamics Institute, has spoken to millions worldwide and appeared
> numerous times on shows including Good Morning America, Montel Williams
> and Focus on the Family, hosts a weekly radio show Give & Take,
> http://www.giveandtakeradio.com/. For Christian couples and singles.
> Love, Sex, and Marriage at Sea Cruise info:
> Web: http://www.travelwithuscruises.com/marriageretreat.htm


> ANASAZI: "The Making of a Marriage"/Arizona
> A four-day wilderness-based marriage enrichment experience for
> premarital or marital couples seeking more resilient, loving and
> sustainable relationship.  Combines challenging wilderness experiences
> the wisdom of ancient cultures with relationship-building skills that
> will change your life and strengthen your marriage.
> Fred Dodini, PhD
> 800 678-3445
> Web: http://www.anasazi.org


> Being Together: Couples Retreats in beautiful settings
> Richard & Antra Kalnins Borofsky
> Learn to become unconditionally present, create a balance
> of self and other, and identify and dissolve fears that limit intimacy.
> 617-661-7890
> Web: www.beingtogether.com


> Intimacy Retreats: Richard & Diana Daffner, CS, MA
> Vacation/workshops to renew and enliven intimacy. Romantic U.S.
> and international locations. Tantra, the ancient "Art of Sacred Loving,"
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> sessions, you will enjoy "homeplay" assignments in the privacy of
> your rooms. Programs on CD and DVD/Video. Brochure available.
> 941 349-6804 or 1-877-282-4244
> Web: http://www.IntimacyRetreats.com


> Marriage PREP 101: San Francisco, California - CA
> Skill-based marriage classes for pre-marital and newlywed couples presented by
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> Web: http://www.marriageprep101.com


> PAIRS couples retreats and classes on Maui, Hawaii  - HI
> Passage to Intimacy Weekend Workshop:
> July 22-23
> 808-874-6441
> Debra Greene
> Email: info at PowerMarriage.us
> Web: http://www.PowerMarriage.us

> PAIRS in New York City!
> Passage to Intimacy Weekend workshops
> $600 per couple, Carolyn Perla.
> Oct 21-22.
> 212-769-1837
> Email: Cperla8 at aol.com


> PREP at NYU in New York City! (Prevention and Relationship Enhancement
> Program)
> One-Day Skills Workshop, $200 per couple:
> May 14
> New York, New York
> 212-263-8720
> Email: crugem01 at med.nyu.edu


> WildLifeSkills Retreats in McClellanville, South Carolina - SC
> Seasoned marriage educator offers weekend retreats which
> combine marital enrichment with outdoor fun exploring the Cape
> Romain Wildlife Refuge and Francis Marion National Forest. Limited
> to 1-2 couples. Couples that play together, stay together.
> Kent MacEachern, LMFT
> 843-849-0453
> Email: kent at partnercoach.com
> WEB: http://www.partnercoach.com


> "Power of Two" Marriage Skills Couples Weekend Workshops: Denver
> Fun workshops for pre-marital and married couples. Enjoy a side trip to the
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> dialogue); anger management; win-win decision-making and conflict-resolution;
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> Denver Colorado (CO): $450 per couple:
>  June 3-4, July 22-23, Sept 16-17, Oct
> 21-22, Nov 11-12
> Susan Heitler
> 303-388-1793
> Email: workshops at therapyhelp.com
> Web: http://www.PowerOfTwo.org


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