MINI questions/ First Dance/ Marriage & Family on hold/Military marriages - 7/25/06

[Smartmarriages]

- ONE WEEK TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE
- THE FIRST DANCE PROGRAM
- CONFUSION ABOUT MINIS & HOW TO ORDER TEACH-OUT-OF-BOX MATERIALS
- HOW TO ADD YOUR PROGRAM TO THE DIRECTORY
- MINI TRAININGS AT DENVER SMART MARRIAGES
- MARRIAGE AND FAMILY 'ON HOLD'
- RETURNING SOLDIERS FIGHT FOR THEIR MARRIAGES

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- ONE WEEK TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE

> Good morning Diane,
>     We watched "One Week To Save Your Marriage" last night.
> We resent that she described herself as a marriage mentor for
> the following reasons:
> a.  A mentor should be a positive role model for the couple,
> willing to encourage them by sharing his/her own experiences
> along the way.
> b.  She used shock factors to get their attention, but after
> she got their attention, she failed to give them communication
> and conflict resolution "tools" to work their way out of the
> situation.
> 
> Dick & Carol Cronk, Lay Directors
> Christian Life Center Marriage (Mentor) Ministry, Dayton, OH

Other comments? 

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- THE FIRST DANCE PROGRAM

> Dear Diane, Elsie Radtke and I watched Doherty's First Dance DVD for
> facilitators last week and I cannot get over how good it is. I LOVE it. I
> think it is so helpful for engaged couples, and how great to catch them where
> they are. Plus it's short, entertaining. I kept laughing through it. I think
> the course will be so much fun to facilitate. Just wanted to let you know how
> much I loved it and want to recommend it to the whole Smart Marriages list.
> Watch the movie, Bridezilla, a few times (on cable or DVD) and see the
> examples couples have for wedding planning!  I also kept thinking about my
> planning my own wedding 28 years ago, and how helpful this would have been.
> - Kim Hagerty, Catholic Couples Editor
>   Family Ministries, Chicago


Grandkids are gone and I'm back to reading conference evaluations, listening
to the session recordings, and processing your emails about your own
post-conference reactions.  One thing is clear: you LOVED the MINI trainings
for "teach out of the box" programs, one of which was the premier
presentation of "The First Dance" by Bill Doherty and Elizabeth Thomas
Doherty mentioned above.

The recording of The First Dance workshop is available on video DVD or audio
CD or MP3 -  at 800-241-7785 or at http://www.iplaybacksmartmarriages.com

> 756-601
> The First Dance/Take Back Your Wedding - MINI Training
> Bill Doherty, PhD, Elizabeth Doherty Thomas
> Teach a program to help engaged couples, in the face of complex & sometimes
> conflicted couple & family dynamics, plan a strong, ³family-systems² based
> wedding that will lay a solid foundation for life-long marriage.

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- CONFUSION ABOUT MINIS & HOW TO ORDER TEACH-OUT-OF-BOX MATERIALS

In reading evaluations and emails I realize there was confusion about the
Mini Trainings with complaints that some of the workshop didn't seem like a
"training".  That's because they weren't supposed to be.  Only 40 of the 125
two-hour workshops were designated as MINI trainings.  Or to put it another
way, only those with "teach out of the box" programs were qualified to
present a Mini training.

Many of you are also asking where you can purchase the MINI "teach out of
the box" programs. Smart Marriages does not sell them. You must purchase
them directly from the program creators.  You can see the full list of MINI
workshops live links to order the "teach out of the box" materials on the
MINI page.  You can also find additional "teach out of the box" programs
(new programs that were not yet available when we planned the '06
conference) on the "Teach out of the box" page on the Smart Marriages
Directory.  

Mini training list & links:  http://www.smartmarriages.com/minis.html

Teach-Right-Out-Of-The-Box Programs:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html#teach.box

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- HOW TO ADD YOUR PROGRAM TO THE DIRECTORY

If you have a teach-right-out-of-the-box program and want to add it to the
Directory of Programs Directory, send your 100 word listing via email and a
check for $50 (address below) - includes live links to your website and
email.   http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html#teach.box

############################
- MINI TRAININGS AT DENVER SMART MARRIAGES

It was just brought to my attention this morning that I needed to edit the
presenter application to ask whether you are applying to present a MINI
training. I've added that question.  Note that due to overwhelming consensus
on the conference evaluations all workshops, including the Minis, will
revert to the 90 minute format.   - diane

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- MARRIAGE AND FAMILY 'ON HOLD'
By Lachlan Heywood
July 25, 2006
News.com.au

(This sign-of-the-times report is from Australia, but effects are similar in
the U.S.  - diane )
 

YOUNG couples struggling to buy their dream home are putting off marriage
and delaying having children.

A national housing summit heard yesterday how the rising cost of home
ownership is forcing couples to sacrifice quality of life.

Housing affordability has deteriorated significantly in the past 20 years,
with at least 750,000 households now paying more than 30 per cent of their
income on housing.

Professor Julian Disney, who chaired the summit in Canberra, said "crazy"
house prices were having a wide-ranging impact on the community.

"In some cases, that's leading to them, for example, delaying marriages, or
quite a common impact is not having children because they don't believe they
can afford it as well as aspire to a house," he said.

"It's really a pretty grim outlook which has been building for quite a long
time."

The summit heard that average house prices relative to income had almost
doubled in the past decade. At the same time, the proportion of first-home
buyers had fallen by about 20 per cent and average monthly payments on new
loans had risen by 50 per cent.

As reported in The Courier-Mail yesterday, the gap between what people can
borrow and the cost of an average established house in Queensland has blown
out to almost $100,000.

Professor Disney warned that looming interest rate rises would exacerbate
the problem.

"Prices are still rising in most parts of Australia. Rents are now starting
to rise substantially, and that will get a lot worse," he said. "We've got
more mortgage defaults."

Yesterday's summit is part of a push for a new National Affordable Housing
Agreement between Commonwealth, state and local governments.

########################
- RETURNING SOLDIERS FIGHT FOR THEIR MARRIAGES
Jeanette Trompeter
July 25, 2006 

> Their commitment to continued military service is less certain. If Dan wants a
> military pension, he must re-up for one more tour of duty. However, since it
> put such a strain on his marriage, he¹s leaning against it.

All the recruitment and training money goes down the drain if soldiers leave
the Army as the only way they can see to save their marriages.  - diane
 ---------------
(WCCO) Minneapolis What would happen to your marriage if your spouse left
for a year and a half? For hundreds of thousands of military families, it's
not a hypothetical question. It's real life.

Last January, Jennifer Dohls sat in a crowded gym in Cloquet waiting for her
husband Dan, a sergeant in the Minnesota Army National Guard, to return from
Iraq. She waited and worried.

³I¹m more scared and nervous than I am excited right now,² said Jennifer,
who had only seen her husband once in the past year.

And that reunion didn¹t go very well. Jennifer said her husband wasn¹t
himself during his two-week leave.

³The kids would go up and hug him, and he would kind of stiffen up,² she
said. He spent a lot of time outside smoking by himself. Jennifer said her
husband acted distant toward her, too. She planned a romantic getaway to the
North Shore, but even that, she recalls, was a bust.

³After eleven months of not seeing your husband Š I was crushed,² she said.

Back in Iraq, Sgt. Dhols had other things on his mind, like securing oil
refineries. He thought the leave went well enough until his wife¹s email
arrived.

³You never once said, ŒThank you,¹² the email read. ³It felt like a slap in
the face. I have been taking care of everyone and everything for ten months,
so I wanted you to take care of me a little, but you didn¹t.²

In her letter, Jennifer made it clear -- if their 13-year marriage was going
to make it, Dan couldn¹t act the way he did during his leave.

³I didn¹t like the person he was,² said Jennifer. Waiting for her husband¹s
unit to arrive at the Armory, she admits to being worried about his
permanent return to their home. ³My biggest fear is that he¹s going to come
back like that and it¹s not going to work,² she said. . . .

. . . At a military MARRIAGE RETREAT this past spring, the Dhols learned
some new rules of engagement. Now when they start fighting, they know what
to do. ³It's like wait a minute, calm down and then talk about it,² Dan
explained.

Dan and Jennifer agree it¹s been hard since Dan¹s deployment ended. They
both changed during Dan¹s time in Iraq. Despite the changes, they remain
committed to making their marriage work. ³I¹m very confident (it will work)²
said Jennifer.

Her husband challenges her. "Bet your life on it?² he asked.

³Bet my life on it,² she replied.

³Okay.²

Their commitment to continued military service is less certain. If Dan wants
a military pension, he must re-up for one more tour of duty. However, since
it put such a strain on his marriage, he¹s leaning against it.

For the full article: http://wcco.com/seenon/local_story_206010324.html


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Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
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