Life Without Children - 7/06

[Smartmarriages]

- LIFE WITHOUT CHILDREN
Commentary
The Washington Times
By Michael J. McManus
July 23, 2006

(And, I might add, the only way to get grandchildren is to have children! -
diane/daba) 

"Demographically, socially and culturally, the nation is shifting from a
society of childrearing families to a society of child-free adults. The
percentage of households with children has declined from half of all
households in 1960 to less than one-third today, the lowest percentage in
the nation's history," according to a study by the National Marriage Project
(NMP) at Rutgers University.

    This change in America has gone virtually unnoticed and undocumented.
Thirty-six years ago, 62 percent of an adult's life was spent with a spouse
and children, the highest in history. By 1985, that dropped to 43 percent,
the lowest in history.

    Why? There are four key reasons cited by NMP's report "Life Without
Children," by Barbara Dafoe Whitehead and David Popenoe:
(www.marriage.rutgers.edu).

    (1) Married couples wait longer to have children. In 1960, fully 71
percent had a child within three years of marriage. By 1990, only 37 percent
did so. Couples have more child-free years. People also live longer, adding
more childless years.

    (2) Couples have fewer children. In 1960, women had 3.5 children on
average; the number fell to 2 children per woman by 1990 where it has
remained. That offers more child-free years at midlife. In 1970, of women
aged 50-54 about 27 percent still had at least one minor child at home; that
dropped to 15 percent by 2000.

    (3) The marriage rate has plunged 48 percent since 1970. Only half (51
percent) of American adults are married. If the same percent were marrying
in 2006 as in 1970, there would be 3.3 million marriages, not 2.2 million.

    (4) Finally, fewer women have any children. In 2004 almost 1 in 5 women
in their early 40s were childless compared with 1 of 10 in 1976.

    "Childless young adults are exceedingly well suited to life and work in
a dynamic society and global economy. They display great facility and
comfort with new technologies. One of their most desirable attributes is
that they are not tied down by childrearing obligations. They can pick up
and move. They can work odd hours and go on the road," write Mrs. Whitehead
and Mr. Popenoe.

    When women do have children, many suffer from "mommy shock." Motherhood
is a radical change, moving from absorbing work and personal freedom to a
life in which their time and life are no longer their own. "Everything that
once seemed so easy to do on their own now requires advance planning, lining
up a babysitter, checking in at home while you are out."

    Furthermore, contemporary motherhood now threatens contemporary
marriage. The stress of rearing children has contributed to a divorce rate
of 40-50 percent for first marriages.

    "Most Americans today don't marry in order to have children," the report
states. "They marry in order to have an enduring relationship of love,
friendship and emotional intimacy. Achieving this new marital ideal takes
high levels of time, attention and vigilance. Like new babies, contemporary
marriages must be nurtured. The problem is that once a real baby comes
along, the effort and energy that goes into nurturing the marriage goes into
nurturing the infant.

    "As a result, marriages can become less happy and satisfying during the
child-rearing years," the report states.

Once, couples put their children's needs first. Today, significant numbers
are less willing to do so. Asked, "Should a couple stay together for the
sake of the children," 81 percent of today's women say no, a jump from 51
percent in 1962.

    A second impact of the loss of child-centered marriages is that many
children sense they are not wanted and have major doubts whether they even
want to get married. Only a third of teenagers agree with the proposition,
"that most people will have fuller and happier lives if they choose legal
marriage rather than staying single or just living with someone," according
to the University of Michigan.

    Of course, the kids could not be more wrong. Many studies report married
people are twice as likely to say they are "very happy" compared to those
who are single. Compared to those who remain married, the never-married
"have a reduction in wealth of 75 percent."

    And 56 percent of teens wrongly think "having a child without being
married is experimenting with a worthwhile lifestyle." Result: a sevenfold
increase of babies born out of wedlock, soaring from 5 percent in 1960 to 36
percent in 2004.

    America pays a price for exchanging selflessness for selfishness.
    
    Michael J. McManus is a columnist and president of Marriage Savers.
 
**************************
Send replies to this newslist to: diane at smartmarriages.com  Do not hit
"reply" - that goes to a filter.  This is a moderated list. Replies are read
by Diane Sollee, editor. Please indicate if your response is NOT to be
shared with the list.  PLEASE include your email address with your
signature. 

To SUBSCRIBE, UNSUBSCRIBE, or Change your subscription address,
use the form at: http://www.smartmarriages.com. Click Newslist - in the
column under the puzzle piece.

This newslist shares information on marriage, divorce and educational
approaches.  Opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by members of the
Coalition.

To read ALL past posts to the newsletter, visit the Archive at:
http://archives.his.com/smartmarriages/

10th Annual Smart Marriages Conference, Atlanta Marriott Marquis Hotel,
June 22-25, 2006
Download the brochure and registration form at
http://www.smartmarriages.com/Brochure.06.pdf

List your program in the Directory of Classes at
http://www.smartmarriages.com
Order conference audio & video CD/DVD/MP3s: 800-241-7785 or
http://www.iPlaybackSmartMarriages.com

Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
5310 Belt Rd NW, Washington, DC 20015-1961
http://www.smartmarriages.com
202-362-3332
cmfce at smartmarriages.com

FAIR USE NOTICE: This e-newsletter/site contains copyrighted material the
use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright
owner. We make such material available in our efforts to advance
understanding of marriage, family, couples, divorce, legislation, family
breakdown, etc. We understand this constitutes a 'fair use' of such material
as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with
Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed
without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the
included information for research and educational purposes. For more
information go to: http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/17/107.shtml. If you
wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own
that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright
owner.