Gungor-deal/Latin Wellness/Interfaith Marriages / Financial Infidelity/ Katrina Marriages & Retrouvaille -7/08/06

[Smartmarriages]

- GUNGOR SIGNS BOOK DEAL
- FAMILY WELLNESS WOWS 'EM AGAIN.....
- INTERFAITH MARRIAGES FACE CHALLENGES, ESPECIALLY IN EMERGENCY
- KATRINIA MARRIAGES: RETROUVAILLE TO THE RESCUE
- FINANCIAL INFIDELITY IS A LEADING CAUSE OF MARRIAGE BREAKUPS

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- GUNGOR SIGNS BOOK DEAL

Mark Gungor, creator of the Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage Seminar,
announced his new book deal with Simon & Schuster. As yet untitled, the book
based on his Laugh Your Way weekend marriage event, is planned for release
fall 2007.  

³A successful marriage is not the result of finding the right person,
thinking the right thoughts or even praying the right prayers² said Gungor,
a minister and national marriage educator.  ³A successful marriage is the
result of doing the right things ­ period.  If you do the right things you
will succeed.  If you don¹t, you will fail.  Sadly, millions of people today
have no idea what to do.²

You can order Gungor's top-rated keynote and special invited master sessions
from this year's Atlanta Smart Marriages Conference on DVD, CD or MP3 at
800-241-7785.    

> B-3: Flying Our Flags!
> Mark Gungor
> The Flag Page is a simple assessment tool that helps couples understand their
> own and each other's motivations - WHY they do what they do - and what it
> takes for each of them to be truly happy. It's not a personality or "match-up"
> test. It's about knowing - and supporting - the one you're with.  Flag Page
> marriages report improved communication and connection, reduced conflict, and
> a greater sense of purpose.

> 801
> The #1 Key to Incredible Sex
> Mark Gungor
> Learn a humorous and incredibly effective approach to understanding the
> misinformation that kills off sex and passion, and how to turn things around.

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- FAMILY WELLNESS WOWS 'EM AGAIN.....
> Hi Diane: 
> Who was the team that facilitated "Hot Latin Lovers" workshop at Smart
> Marriages.  I attended their workshop and was wowed!  How can I get in
> touch with them?
> Tammy Greer Brown
> President/CEO 
> Celebrating Real Family Life

That would be the George Doub Family Wellness team - they wow the Smart
Marriages crowd each year.  Contact them at: http:www.familywellness.com or
at 831-440-0279   - diane

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- INTERFAITH MARRIAGES FACE CHALLENGES, ESPECIALLY IN EMERGENCY

I'm sharing this one even though it's not about Marriage Education because
it features a successful Interfaith couple (and people think interfaith
marriage is such a challenge); because it includes a medical crisis (which
can be so hard on a marriage); because it includes the Air Force (and they
were such a force at the Atlanta Conference); and because it reminds me of
our wonderful Sunday morning Interfaith Service in Atlanta....     - diane


- INTERFAITH MARRIAGES FACE CHALLENGES, ESPECIALLY IN EMERGENCY
The Jackson Sun
July 1, 2006 

I thought I knew the meaning of interfaith, until I met Miguel and Bahar
Torrente. They are married to the idea of interfaith.

Bahar is a 32-year-old Iranian-born Muslim. Miguel is a 41-year-old
Colombian born Catholic. Both are public high school teachers, and Miguel
serves his adopted country as a helicopter pilot in the California Army
National Guard.
    
Six years ago, they were married in a Catholic ceremony followed by Muslim
vows at the reception. Two years later, they had a healthy child named
Bianca.
In the spring of last year, Bahar returned to labor and delivery for the
birth of their second child, but doctors sent her home saying it was false
labor.

Bahar repeated that scenario the next day. On the third day, Bahar was
insistent, it was the right day - in more ways than one.

Arianna was born normal, but six hours later, worried about the baby's
color, Bahar consulted a nurse who immediately began giving oxygen.

Unknown to the staff of this small hospital, Arianna had something called
pulmonary atresia. The American Heart Institute Web site defines this as a
"condition in which no pulmonary valve exists. Consequently, blood can't
flow from the right ventricle into the pulmonary artery and on to the
lungs."

Simply put, Arianna's heart had no capability of pumping blood back to her
lungs, so oxygen was useless, and Arianna was dying.

But on this day - the right day - there walked into the nursery a visiting
doctor from our hospital. The only doctor on site qualified to make the
diagnosis, Dr. Andrew Juris, ordered a steroid given that would buy precious
time.

As the staff readied her for transport to Sutter Memorial in Sacramento, a
priest baptized Arianna and family members prayed over rosaries, medallions,
Bibles and Korans. "This was interfaith," Miguel recalls. "Friends of all
faiths and churches were praying."

When Miguel and Bahar arrived in Sacramento, they were met by pediatric
heart surgeon Dr. Richard Mainwaring, who explained Arianna's condition and
the series of surgeries he would perform in repairing her heart.

The Torrentes were feeling like things were coming together as some kind of
divine plan.

But before Bahar would consent to surgery, she insisted a chaplain be called
for prayer.

I arrived holding no prayer book specific for Muslim/Catholic families. So,
I simply began praying the Lord's Prayer. As I prayed, both families were
reverently respectful. Then I pulled out a Muslim prayer and softly asked
permission to read it, too.

Both families nodded and, after I read the prayer, I could see in their
tears that both prayers had found their marks in listening hearts. It was a
faith that gathered the hopes of a mother with the intentions of our creator
and molded into something much more powerful than the prayers of one.

"This was the hardest thing we've gone through," Miguel admitted to me by
phone this week, "and it can make or break a relationship, but this made it
stronger.

"Having had Bianca, we were grateful, but you can't imagine how grateful
until you have (a) sick child."

"How is Arianna right now?" I asked.

"Oh boy," the pilot said. "Other than a scar, she's a wild child."

Arianna may be a wild child, but after all that, I think we can definitely
say she's God's child.

Norris Burkes is a civilian hospital chaplain and an Air Force Guard
chaplain in Florida.  visit www.thechaplain.net.

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- KATRINIA MARRIAGES: RETROUVAILLE TO THE RESCUE
 
Hurricane's effects still felt in New Orleans marriages, experts say
By Peter Finney Jr.
Catholic News Service
June 27, 2006 

Retrouvaille was the recipient of the 2005 Smart Marriages Impact Award.
It's a wonderful program. Here is the Retrouvaille listing from the Smart
Marriages Directory. Contact them if you need help or to set up a
Retrovaille chapter in your community:

> RETROUVAILLE- (RetroVi)"means lifeline and rhymes with apple pie."
> A program for couples with serious problems who are distant, cold,
> disillusioned, bored, angry, separated and/or have experienced affairs,
> alcoholism, gambling, violence, etc. -- trained, volunteer couples who have
> "been to the brink" teach others how to heal & renew their marriages to make
> them stronger than ever. This successful program (85% when both partners work
> at it) teaches communication techniques and works on forgiveness, healing and
> restoration of trust beginning with a weekend away and 12 follow-up meetings
> over three months. These are not spiritual retreats, sensitivity groups,
> seminars or social gatherings - there are no mental health professionals
> involved and you don't have to share or say anything in front of anyone else.
> Couples discuss topics and practice skills in privacy. Blank-envelope-donation
> system. Available in Spanish.
> Presenting at the annual Smart Marriages Conference.
> To find a program in your area:
> 800-470-2230
> Web: http://www.retrouvaille.org/weekends/weekends%20schedule_1.html


NEW ORLEANS (CNS) -- Ten months after Hurricane Katrina, gale-force winds
are still buffeting marriages that might have been in trouble before the
storm but now are reeling because of emotional, financial or other stressful
problems, according to marriage experts in the New Orleans area.

The Family Life Apostolate of the Archdiocese of New Orleans has been
fielding many calls from couples seeking information on marriage counseling
or on the Catholic program known as Retrouvaille (French for "rediscovery")
that helps couples overcome marital difficulties.

"We sent out at least 15 applications last week to couples who are
interested in Retrouvaille," Deacon Drea Capaci, director of the Family Life
Apostolate, said in a recent interview with the Clarion Herald, newspaper of
the New Orleans Archdiocese. "That doesn't mean all those couples will go on
the weekend, but these people are not calling up sheepishly. They want to go
on this weekend."

There's a simple reason for the increase in calls for help, Deacon Capaci
said. Hurricane Katrina created an uproar in family life. People lost loved
ones and jobs. Families saw their homes destroyed, and displaced evacuees
were forced to live in shelters or in trailers. Feelings of despair and
anger that might have been brewing below the surface before Katrina are now
boiling over, and marriages and family life are suffering.

"People are desperate right now," Deacon Capaci said. "Now that people are
in close quarters they are facing the reality that they've got a problem in
their marriage.

"They can't go into the other room anymore and play with the computer or
turn on the ball game -- there's only one TV! They can't go anywhere because
they're in that trailer with two kids, and they realize they haven't been
talking to each other," he said.

Mike and Judy Diedling of Slidell, on the north shore of Lake Pontchartrain,
have served as the local coordinators of Retrouvaille in the Archdiocese of
New Orleans for the last several years, and they can read the danger signs.
They know there are many people whose marriages are on thin ice and that the
difficulties have been exacerbated since Katrina.

"I'm hearing it from every direction," Mike Diedling said. "The psychology
courses we all took in school talked about the three times in people's lives
when they might feel the most stress: loss of job, change in marital status
and change in physical location. Almost every item on that list has been
aggravated by Katrina."

Carol Baskin-Kacer, a licensed marriage and family therapist and a licensed
clinical social worker who has practiced in Slidell for 25 years, said she
has seen an increase in the number of couples who are coming forward for
marital therapy since Katrina.

"It's been extremely stressful," she said. "People find themselves more in
conflict with each other and they're already stressed. They don't have the
coping mechanisms they usually have and they have to deal with so many
changes."

Some of the common conflicts among couples she has worked with recently
involve whether they should rebuild their damaged home or move to a safer
area, or how to care for an aging parent who may have moved into their home
after the storm. "A lot of people are making decisions after coming home
from work, grabbing a quick bite to eat and then working on their homes,"
she said.

Baskin-Kacer works with many couples who have a faith perspective, and she
believes they have "a leg up because the concept of hope and faith is
already there in their minds."

One of Baskin-Kacer's suggestions for stressed couples is to try to get away
from their daily stress, even if just for a day or two.

"You need to get together to reconnect," she said. "You've got to nurture
each other and spend some quality time on your relationship."

She believes programs such as Retrouvaille are an amazing help for couples
who also might be seeking or are currently involved in marital counseling.

The Retrouvaille weekend involves presentations given by three married
couples who have overcome severe marriage problems. A priest also shares his
story. The weekend is reinforced by a series of follow-up presentations over
several weeks and a monthly support group called Continuing Our Retrouvaille
Experience, or CORE.

"I think Retrouvaille is absolutely wonderful," Baskin-Kacer said. "For a
lot of my couples, some long-term supportive work would be good for them.
They may not necessarily need to stay in therapy.

"The idea of going into a group is scary for some people, but once they
learn to talk about their problems with people who have been in the same
boat, they can get a lot of support. I wish there were more groups like that
around. We really need it," she said.
 

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- FINANCIAL INFIDELITY IS A LEADING CAUSE OF MARRIAGE BREAKUPS
Ottowa Sun, July 2, 2006
By LINDA LEATHERDALE

> "People will forgive sexual infidelity before they forgive financial
> infidelity," says divorce financial specialist Akeela Davis.
            

We all know a cheatin' heart can bust up a marriage.

But what about a cheatin' wallet?

Divorce specialists will tell you financial infidelity, where one spouse has
a secret lust for blowing the family's fortunes, is a leading cause of
divorce. While some couples may patch it up after a sexual infidelity --
especially if there are children involved -- when it comes to cheating
financially, there's often little or no tolerance.

"People will forgive sexual infidelity before they forgive financial
infidelity," says divorce financial specialist Akeela Davis.

And those who do end up forgiving a financial philanderer end up being
labelled "sucker," adds Gail Vaz-Oxlade, host of the TV show Til Debt Do US
Part, which airs on Life Network.

Well, "sucker" is definitely written all over the forehead of this desperate
caller to my TV show, Money Line.

"Linda, what I can I do?" pressed John, who explained his work takes him
away from home for weeks on end, and his bride gets bored. He went on to
explain, "so she applied for all these credit cards, went on a spending
spree, maxed them all out and secretly kept it from me. But then collection
agencies began to call."

Worried his bride had sunk them into a bankruptcy spiral, John took out a
line of credit against their home's equity, and paid every sucker off. He
also sat down with his wife and firmly explained she was never to do this
again.

But, he had to go off to work again, leaving her on her own, and, lo and
behold, she did do it again.

"I am so afraid this will affect my credit rating, and ruin me financially,
so I'm willing to pay them off again," he said. And thanks to rising equity
in their home, he can afford it.

But, here's the obvious question: "Why don't you just leave her?" I blurted
out.

Well, love can be blind. And believe it or not, even if John did split, he'd
likely still end up paying.

PRE-NUP A SAVIOUR

Davis explains, "In a divorce, you're entitled to half the assets, minus
half the debts, no matter whose name they're in." Only a pre-nuptial or
marriage contract could have protected John, but he doesn't have one.

Davis also says John is not legally liable for his bride's credit card
bills, since they're in her name only. However, since the deed of the home
is in both names, creditors could come after their real estate equity.

Now here's a scary scenario to think about: Let's say a wife co-signs for a
loan so her husband can buy a luxurious boat. He splits with the boat, then
sells it, but isn't paying the loan. The ex-wife, even though now legally
divorced, is still liable.

"As long as your name still remains on the debt, whether it's a loan, credit
card, personal line of credit or mortgage, you could still be financially
responsible," explains Vaz-Oxlade.

ADDICTIONS

Davis says there are many reasons why spouses go on spending binges, which
leads to marriage breakdowns: "Drug and alcohol addictions, gambling
addictions, even depression."

Vaz-Oxlade adds even a rocky marriage can lead a spouse to spend money just
to relieve tension.

Bottom line is opposites often attract -- and that includes spenders and
savers. So, before you say "I do," make sure you're not only compatible in
bed, but in money, too.

And remember, honesty is the best policy. "You're sleeping together, you're
having children together but you can't be honest about your finances?" said
Vaz-Oxlade. 

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10th Annual Smart Marriages Conference, Atlanta Marriott Marquis Hotel,
June 22-25, 2006
Download the brochure and registration form at
http://www.smartmarriages.com/Brochure.06.pdf

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Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
5310 Belt Rd NW, Washington, DC 20015-1961
http://www.smartmarriages.com
202-362-3332
cmfce at smartmarriages.com

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