Laugh Your Way & Calif Initiative on TV/ 12 Conversations /Romantic Expectations - 12/01/06

Fri Dec 1 22:51:51 EST 2006

-  MARK GUNGOR ON TBN
- CALIFORNIA HEALTHY MARRIAGES COALITION ON TV
- 12 Conversations for Dating Couples
- LOVE AS SEEN THROUGH A LENS OF ROMANTICISM

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-  MARK GUNGOR ON TBN

Last night, Mark Gungor was featured on the Trinity Broadcasting Network
(TBN) "Praise the Lord" program.  He was interviewed for about 20 minutes on
the subject of marriage AND HE WAS ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC. To watch, go to
http://www.tbn.org/index.php/2/37.html and click on the Nov 30 program.
It's a two hour program and Mark's segment starts about an hour and 15
minutes into it.  You should be able to fast forward to that point.
You can email TBN and suggest they have him back or give him his own show -
by going to:http://www.tbn.org/index.php/9/49.html.

You can just wait and see Mark at the Denver Smart Marriages Conference,
but, really, this segment on expectations about "God created a soul mate
just for me" is worth the time to deal with the download.   - diane

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- CALIFORNIA HEALTHY MARRIAGES COALITION ON TV

On Nov 11th, ABC News in San Francisco featured the CA Healthy Marriages
Coalition in a story, "Government Spends Millions On Marriage".  They filmed
couples in the 10 Great Dates Program and included interviews with those in
favor of spending govt money on marriage, and those against it. It is worth
watching and I also recommend it to those of you with CHMI to help you
figure out how to get your local TV stations to do something similar.  To
view the short clip, go to <http://www.abc7news.com> and paste in the show
title "Government Spends Millions On Marriage" in the search window. Then
click "GO". Takes a few mins to load.  - diane

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- 12 Conversations for Dating Couples

Ed Gray's "Marriage Mentoring: 12 Conversations" program received very high
ratings at the Atlanta 2006 Smart Marriages Conference.  He has now adapted
the same popular, engaging, story-telling approach to a Dating/Engaged
Couples program. It combines a fun/personality strengths inventory with
outlines for twelve engaging, informative conversations with mentor couples.
The twelve marriage preparation conversations are like ³double-dates² where
mentors serve as guides to prepare for the emerging adventure of marriage.
It's teach out of the box, and guides are available for individual purchase
at http://www.12Conversations.com  Or, stop at Ed Gray's booth or attend his
training sessions in Denver.  - diane

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- LOVE AS SEEN THROUGH A LENS OF ROMANTICISM

Here's a Poster submission I received today.  Interesting and fits with so
much of the above - the soul mate/engaged couples expectations.  I'll share
parts of it.  - diane

John Buri, PhD
Department of Psychology
University of St. Thomas
Saint Paul, MN
Author of: "How to love your wife" 2006/Tate Publishing

Introduction
Love as seen through a lens of romanticism typically entails a SET OF
EXPECTATIONS described by Sharp and Ganong (2000) in this way: (a) love at
first sight is normal, (b) love will overcome all obstacles, (c) there is
one right partner out there for each person (i.e., your soul mate), and (d)
once you have found that person, then you have the ideal individual with
whom to have the ideal relationship.

Several authors (e.g., Knox & Schacht, 2005; Lamanna & Riedmann, 2006;
Williams, Sawyer, & Wahlstrom, 2006) have asserted that such romantic
³goggles² (i.e., love schemas) are GROWING in prevalence in the United
States.  At the same time, evidence has suggested that this is not the type
of love that is supportive of stable marriages and ongoing family life
(e.g., Love, 2001; Noller, 1996).

Present Study
The purpose of the present study was to determine the extent to which a
romantic view of love is predictive of five dysfunctional relationship
beliefs (Eidelson & Epstein, 1981): (a) Disagreement Is Destructive (e.g.,
³If your partner expresses disagreement with your ideas, he/she probably
does not think highly of you²), (b) Mindreading Is Expected (e.g., ³I get
very upset if my partner does not recognize how I am feeling and I have to
tell him/her²), (c) Partners Cannot Change (e.g., ³Damages done early in a
relationship probably cannot be changed²), (d) Sexual Perfectionism (e.g.,
³A good sexual partner can get himself/herself aroused for sex whenever
necessary²), and (e) The Sexes Are Different (e.g., ³Misunderstandings
between partners generally are due to inborn differences in psychological
make-ups of men and women²).

Students from two upper-level psychology classes were recruited to
participate in this study (average age = 21.5 years).  Each participant was
asked to complete the Dean (1964) Romanticism Scale and the Relationship
Belief Inventory (Edelson & Epstein, 1981).

Conclusions and Implications
The findings reported in this study have revealed a clear connection between
a Romantic view of love and several relationship beliefs that have been
found to undermine the satisfaction and stability of long-term
relationships.  As Pat Love lamented a few years back: ³A couple years ago
HBO was premiering Bridges of Madison County and touting it as Œthe love
story of the century.¹  The first time I heard that ad I thought to myself:
ŒThis is great job security.  As long as our society believes that Bridges
of Madison County is the love story of the century, I will have a job!¹  If
a brief, clandestine encounter is equated with true love, no wonder marriage
is in trouble² (Love, 2001, p. iv).

Highlighted in the Conclusions and Implications will be the need for
marriage educators to more clearly inform people of the unhealthy
implications of a Romantic view of love.  In The Psychology of Marriage and
Family course that I have been teaching for the past 17 years at the
University of St. Thomas, about half way through the course I have students
complete Dean¹s (1964) Romanticism Scale. I typically have several students
report that if they hadn¹t been in this class, they would have scored much
higher.  And even with such comments (affirming my attempts to discourage
people from equating romanticism with love), there are still several
students each semester who (unfortunately) score very high in this Romantic
view of love.  

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