Hotel / Prepare/ Coping with Marriage Crevasses / Grant help / Fla Marriage Conf/ Marriage Monologues - 11/06

Fri Dec 1 17:15:35 EST 2006

- HOTEL QUESTION
- PREPARE/ENRICH TRAINING INSTITUTE
- COPING WITH CREVASSES
- FREE GRANTS CONFERENCE CALLS
- FREE CONFERENCE CALL WEBSITE!
- FLORIDA MARRIAGE COMMISSION CONFERENCE: CALL FOR PRESENTATIONS
- MARRIAGE MONOLOGUES, EVE ENSLER WANTS TO KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT ....

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- HOTEL QUESTION
I just learned that our conference hotel is sold out for dates after July
4th.  The hotel is in the process of trying to add more rooms to our block
for dates after the 4th.  I'll let you know as soon as I hear anything.  In
meantime, there is availability at our $109 rate for arrival June 20th
through departure July 5th.  Call 800-444-2326 to reserve. Ask for Smart
Marriages rate.  Please check the Institutes first to know when you need to
arrive and depart. 
http://www.smartmarriages.com/institutes.html
- diane 

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- PREPARE/ENRICH TRAINING INSTITUTE

> Dear SmartMarriages,
> The upcoming conference looks amazing! I noticed your brochure
> last year included one day training of Enrich. Will this be offered again?
> I believe that would be a full certification for Enrich?
> Julianne

Do you mean Prepare/Enrich with David Olson?

If so, yes, they're offering that full day of training again on Monday July
2 and, yes, it does fully certify you to begin adminstering/teaching the
program. 

See: http://www.smartmarriages.com/institutes.html
And scroll down to session # 904.  - diane

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> COPING WITH CREVASSES

This is from the wonderful Harry Benson in the UK, from his Family Trust
newsletter. Powerful reminder to all of us to mind the crevasses.  In fact,
this is a good opportunity to tell you about an exciting new tool that will
be introduced by David Olson at the 2007 Smart Marriages Conference: Prepare
to Last - a new online Couple Checkup assessment and comprehensive DVD-based
teaching.  He'll present it as a MINI/TOOB training in Denver and I'm sure
he'll also discuss it in the PREPARE/ENRICH training Institute mentioned
above. - diane   

> ³Stable² relationships? You must be kidding
> 
>       Marriages work in cycles. The virtuous cycle looks like this: I'm nice
> to you; you're nice back to me; I now want to be nice to you; and so on.
> Positive feeds on positive. The positive cycle usually ends through neglect or
> forgetfulness. The fire's burning pretty well and we enjoy the heat. But then
> we forget to keep feeding the fire with fuel. Imperceptibly, it starts to burn
> down.
> 
>       The vicious cycle looks like this: I'm not nice to you; you're not nice
> back to me; I now don't want to be nice to you; and so on. Negative feeds on
> negative. The negative cycle usually ends because one person makes a
> determined effort to get the fire going again. Of course it's more difficult.
> But eventually the fire catches light and burns brightly again.
> 
>       The idea of normal relationship cycles is really important for anyone
> who desires strong marriages and great relationships. The politically correct
> like to talk to us about the benefits of a ³stable relationship². The concept
> is nonsense. Relationships must necessarily go virtuously up or viciously
> down. What they cannot do is remain stable  i.e. stand still.
> 
>       I was reminded of this uncomfortable truth just a few weeks ago. Not for
> the first time, my own marriage fell into what I call a ³crevasse². We have
> these ghastly moments from time to time. Things look pretty bleak. Our
> friendship has gone astray. Neither of us are feeling valued. The busyness of
> life has allowed us to drift apart. We're no longer connected. And of course
> I've forgotten to practice what I preach.
> 
>       All of a sudden, the little irritations, annoyances or arguments seem to
> take on disproportionate significance. This is the time when leaving the cap
> off the toothpaste tube is a deliberate act of war. Chewing too loud is an
> offensive habit. As for the increasingly obvious differences in our
> personalities, well, maybe we are utterly incompatible  and have always been
> so. Our differences may seem brilliantly complementary in the good times. But
> they make us horribly incompatible as we fall into our crevasse. Our cycle
> hits rock bottom.
> 
>       And yet, I made a promise many years ago. This is the time of ³poorer,
> sickness, worse². Despite the enormity of the task, despite the misery of the
> situation, one of us has to choose to light the fire again.
> 
>       Weeks on, we've reconnected and are back in the top half of the cycle
> once again. We went away to a hotel for a night, away from our various working
> roles and our six children. We remembered that we actually quite like each
> other. Life is good.
> 
>       I'd like to think that one day there will be no more crevasses. Alas,
> the odds are that our cycle will repeat itself. It starts with a high, as best
> friends, showing how much we care for one another. We make time for one
> another because we know it's good for us. Making time is easy when we're
> getting on well. But then the discipline flags and we drift. At first we
> barely notice. Then we forget to make time. We forget to connect. It's not a
> deliberate thing. It's an omission. Subconsciously, we now begin to avoid time
> together because we know we will have to do things or confront issues that
> aren't so easy now  like apologies, forgiveness, compliments, affirmation,
> having fun. As the positives fade, the negatives start to gain ground. Then
> comes the crevasse.
> 
>       Even if the cycle is likely to repeat itself for us sooner or later 
> and we're probably safe for six to eighteen months or so  maybe this is a
> good time for you to think where you are on your cycle. Do something about it
> now. Feed the fire of your marriage regularly. Regular time and regular
> reconnection are the starting points.
> 
To subscribe or read past newsletters: http://www.bcft.co.uk/newsletter.htm

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- FREE GRANTS CONFERENCE CALLS
Announcement from We Care America:

It is very difficult to put together a winning grant package if you wait
until after the grant applications are announced. Advanced preparation is
critical. The National Alliance of Faith and Service has put together a
step-by-step Funding Portfolio that will expand your ability to win federal,
state and local funding.  Learn how to develop the critical documents and
relationships that will allow your organization to be successful.

The Conference Call will Focus On:
-Reducing costs 
-Allowing more grant submissions
-Improving award win percentage
-Positioning your organization to win
-Diversifying funding
-Targeting and preparing for specific grants in advance

Free Conference Calls @ 1P.M. EST
December 6, December 19, January 11
register here: 
http://whatcounts.com/t?r=223&c=713671&l=4987&ctl=1518721:3B4849CB98D8A6C474
EDEA5C1F109FA37B69DE15931AE871
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- FREE CONFERENCE CALL WEBSITE!

Wow, just found out about this from a reader.  It looks too good to be true,
but here's the deal as I understand it.  You register and get an account.
You give the phone # and your account pin to anyone you want on a conference
call.  You get good clear conference calling plus optional recording of the
call for up to 96 people.  All free.  I participated in a call and it was
great.  Seems all they want is to be able to also show you their other
services on their web site.  To check it out, go to
http://www.freeconferencecall.com  - diane

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-  FLORIDA MARRIAGE COMMISSION CONFERENCE: CALL FOR PRESENTATIONS

Building Lasting and Healthy Relationships and Marriages Conference: May 30
in Miami.  Submissions due Dec 31. Download application at
www.floridafamilies.org.  Sponsored by the Commission on Marriage and Family
Support Initiatives.

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- MARRIAGE MONOLOGUES: EVE ENSLER WANTS TO KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT ....

Love, marriage and relationships in the 21st Century. Share your story of
marital bliss, torrid infidelity, heartbreaking betrayal, hot monogamy,
polyamory or celibacy. Are women better off married or single? We want to
hear it all.  Documentary Production Company seeks women of all ages and
races to ultimately appear in sit-down on-camera interviews with Eve Ensler
creator of The Vagina Monologues as we document her creating her next
monologue play.  At this point we especially want to hear from the Latina,
African American, and Asian communities and brides to be.  If you are
interested in sharing your story or thoughts on the subject of marriage and
relationships, please contact us immediately:
lovemelovemenot at sbcglobal.net  (lovemelovemenot "at" sbcglobal.net)
Thank you, 
Arlene Nelson
Producer/Director

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11th Annual Smart Marriages Conference, Denver Adam's Mark Hotel,
June 28-July 1, 2007
Pre-Conference Training Institutes June 26-28
Post-Conference Training Institutes July 2-3
Details: http://www.smartmarriages.com/conferencedetails.html

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Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
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http://www.smartmarriages.com
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diane at smartmarriages.com