More Goodies/California Classes/Essence Magazine/India/Anniversaries - 7/06

[Smartmarriages]

- MORE FREE STUFF: NEW YORK AREA: CLOSES AUG 15!!!
- SEPT 21 OR 22: FREE SCHOOL/YOUTH WORKSHOPS FOR CALIFORNIANS
- ESSENCE MAGAZINE: "HE SAID/SHE SAID" RELATIONSHIP RESCUE
- SIGN OF THE TIMES: FROM INDIA
- ANNIVERSARY GIFTS


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- MORE FREE STUFF: NEW YORK AREA: CLOSES AUG 15!!!

These look beautiful. Someone in NYC area should jump on this one. - diane

> Dear Diane,
>  
> The Equality in Marriage Institute will be closing August 15. We have hundreds
> of Commitment Conversation Guidebooks to give to anyone that could use them.
> You can download a free, full copy at our website
> http://www.equalityinmarriage.org to check it out.  Due to our non profit
> status we can only give the Guidebooks to other non profits. Whomever would
> take the Guidebooks would be responsible for picking them up at our office in
> NYC.  
> Sarah Emond, Operations Manager
> 212-489-5590

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- SEPT 21 OR 22: FREE SCHOOL/YOUTH WORKSHOPS FOR CALIFORNIANS
>
> FREE DAYLONG WORKSHOP: "Helping Kids Get Smart About Marriage", co-sponsored
> by The Dibble Fund and California Healthy Marriages Coalition
>
> FOR: California Healthy Marriage Coalition members, high school teachers, and
> youth workers to increase their capacity to teach relationship and marriage
> skills to teens. Guaranteed registration for the first 200. REGISTER TODAY!!

> PROGRAM: Char Kamper and Marline Pearson, nationally renowned authors of the
> Connections and Love U2 programs, will guide you through the process of
> teaching these programs to help teens learn the skills for healthy
> relationships and marriages
>
> *Box lunches: $13. Lunchtime will allow for "geographic networking" to help
> you connect with the teachers, youth workers, and Coalition members in your
> area.
>
> WHEN & WHERE: 8:15am - 4pm, Sept 21, Sacramento, CA; Sept 22, Santa Ana, CA
>
> REGISTER: at http://www.dibblefund.org/grant_CHMI.htm
>
> Materials: Connections (http://www.dibblefund.org/ connections.htm) and Love
> U2 (http://www.dibblefund.org/love_u2.htm) Sample lessons and review copies of
> the curricula will available at the workshop. To preorder curricula so that
> you can follow along in your own copy:  www.BuildingRelationshipSkill.org or
> 800-695-7975.
>

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- ESSENCE MAGAZINE: "HE SAID/SHE SAID" RELATIONSHIP RESCUE

This is a good one and reaches lots of folks with relationship education
info.   Please help her if you can.  - diane

> Hi Diane,
> Thank you so much for inviting me to the June Smart Marriage conference. It
was amazing - and very very helpful in helping me to find ideas for the
magazine. It was great to finally meet you. I learned so much -- and the
environment was powerful.
> 
> I am continuing forward with the Relationship Rescue column, and though the
ideas are full of DRAMA, it ultimately allows our readers to better understand
how to remedy common issues in relationships with our expert's advice. I made
some great contacts at the conference (potential experts) and I'm looking
forward to staying in touch....
> 
> Does your relationship need help?
> 
> For our Black Men, Sex and Intimacy section, we will profile a couple in their
own words ("He Said/She Said") every month and get an expert to share advice so
that they can resolve their relationship problem.
> 
> We are looking for couples with the following two issues:
>  
> - I hate his/her family
> 
> - She is verbally abusive
>
> If you and your partner are interested in being featured, email
relationships at essence.com with a brief summary of your relationship problem and
provide contact information. Couples do not need to be married to be featured.
> Please get your partner's consent.

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- SIGN OF THE TIMES: FROM INDIA

> 'For a marriage to last, you need commitment. Hundred percent commitment. Just
> like you can't be a little pregnant, you can't run a marriage on a little
> commitment. There is no middle path,' De told IANS on telephone from Mumbai.
> 
> Divorces are happening across the stratum of society. . . .

> 'Over the years, personal commitment has weakened, more so in self-arranged
> marriages. Even the traditional support system, with the break-up of the joint
> family system, is evaporating fast. Couples cannot fall back on anyone to
> resolve conflicts; hence the rise in the break-ups. Moreover, the middle
> class, the carriers of the value for life-long marriages, is abandoning this
> lofty ideal.'


Divorces on rise as love, accountability fall by wayside
By Lamat R. Hasan Aug 4, 2006,

New Delhi, IANS) Two-day-old marriages falling apart. A few hundred couples
queuing up at the courts every day - dying to go splitsville. Is this a sign
of traditional Indian society fraying at the edges, or, does it indicate
progress?

It's no longer the physically battered wife who, with cigarette butts
stubbed on her body, wants to break free from the clutches of her cruel
husband. Or, the husband who wants to kick his wife, because she could not
give him a son. Today, couples are walking out on each other on the
flimsiest of excuses.

But there is a thread that connects these break-ups - a complete lack of
accountability.

Consider this: a 22-year-old daughter of a top criminal lawyer in New Delhi
decided to call it quits while she was honeymooning in Paris. Reason: her
pilot husband was too tired to take her out to a restaurant. Another young
thing, a journalist with a New Delhi newspaper, walked out on her husband a
few months after the marriage. Reason: she married to teach her parents a
lesson!

It is not just the women who are playing with their lives. Men are giving
them close competition, with sometimes even sillier excuses. Even couples
with kids are dumping each other without thinking about the consequences.
And in the rush to separate, couples are increasingly opting for divorce
through mutual consent.

Sudhir Mishra, a matrimonial lawyer, says: 'There is a complete lack of
accountability among couples. Couples are casually dumping each other,
sometimes barely weeks after their marriage, and moving on without even
bothering to inform each other, without even caring for their children,
their families.

'I think double incomes, societal and temperamental differences, long stress
hours, their many insecurities and zero tolerance towards each other are
responsible for these break-ups. But I think the reasons for going separate
ways are mostly attitudinal. Expectation levels are high and there is no
safety valve,' Mishra tells IANS.

Shobha De, socialite and author, says: 'Most marriages are breaking up
because relationships are stress-driven and couples are not willing to
accommodate each other or invest in each other emotionally. It's an entirely
individualistic 'me'-driven relationship. It takes two to tango, but
tolerance levels are at an all-time low.

'For a marriage to last, you need commitment. Hundred percent commitment.
Just like you can't be a little pregnant, you can't run a marriage on a
little commitment. There is no middle path,' De told IANS on telephone from
Mumbai.

Divorces are happening across the stratum of society.

'A happily married halwai (sweetshop owner) in Haridwar, who married a New
Delhi girl, filed for divorce when he discovered his wife had breast
cancer,' says Gaurav Nagar, a lawyer here.. . . .and so on.

© 2006 Indo-Asian News Service

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- ANNIVERSARY GIFTS
RELATIONSHIPS | Romantic ways to mark the years together
Gifts of imagination
With a few clever twists, traditional anniversary tokens are never boring.
By DOUG WORGUL
The Kansas City Star/August, 2006

Celebrating wedding anniversaries in new and meaningful ways is, for some
couples, an annual challenge. You want to do something special, but you
can¹t think of anything so you default to drinks and dinner, maybe a movie.
Nothing wrong with that. Nothing particularly special either.

Maybe it¹s time for some new traditions. Robert Fulghum, author of From
Beginning to End: The Rituals of Our Lives (Villard), says traditions put ³a
frame around the moment.² In creating and observing traditions, especially
those of your own making, the participants say, ³This is important.²

Traditions don¹t need to be elaborate or expensive. They can be simple and
sweet. And there¹s no need to borrow the traditions of your friends and
family. Do your own thing. Here are some creative ideas that may be the
start of some new traditions in your marriage:

€Make (or have made) a DVD of photos from the previous year with a
soundtrack of your favorite songs from that year.

€Make a list of your favorite moments together, perhaps by year.

€Visit the place where you first said I love you or first kissed or first
made love or the place where you were married.

€Write a letter to the minister who performed your wedding ceremony updating
him or her on your life together. Include photos.

Sources: www.smartmarriages.com; Eileen Silva Kindig, author of ³Remember
the Time; The Power and Promise of Family Storytelling² (InterVarsity).

Year    Traditional gift    Twist on tradition
1st     Paper    Magazine subscriptions
2nd    Cotton    Pretty undies
3rd    Leather    The classic 1981 album ³Leather and Lace²
4th    Fruit or flowers    Sprinkle rose petals over your bed. . . .
5th    Wood    Trip to beach resort to look for driftwood
6th    Candy (or iron)    Edible undies
7th    Wool (or copper)    Wrap up in wool blankets and sleep under the
stars
8th    Bronze or pottery    Shopping spree at Pottery Barn
9th    Pottery or willow    Read The Wind in the Willows over wine
10th    Tin or aluminum    Trip to New York ‹ home of Tin Pan Alley
11th    Steel    Steal away to a B&B in someplace you¹ve never been
12th    Silk or linen    New sheets that you put to good use
13th    Lace    Two words: Victoria¹s Secret
14th    Ivory    Evening at a piano bar
15th    Crystal    Crystal decanter filled with Cristall vodka
20th     China    Trip to China

After the 20th anniversary the traditional gift categories are usually
assigned only to the 25th (silver), 30th (pearl), 35th (coral), 40th (ruby),
45th (sapphire), 50th (gold), 55th (emerald), and 60th (diamond). We suggest
that for anniversaries of such significance you would be wise to stick to
tradition and buy the bling.

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