Dates/Baby Daddy/School Performance/Cohabitation/Take Back Sundays - 10/05

[Smartmarriages& #174; Mailing List]

- CONFERENCE DATES:
- TEN COUPLES MARRY THEIR "BABY DADDY" IN MASS MARRIAGE
- DIVORCE AND SCHOOL PERFORMANCE LINKED
- THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD
- WANTED: A DAY OF REST FOR YOUTH SPORTS
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- APOLOGIES 
Want to apologize for sending so much all at once.  I've been a little sick
(nothing to worry about) and am now leaving for a few days.  Gotta get this
stuff out to you.  - diane
#################################
CONFERENCE DATES: 

> I did not see the dates for the upcoming conference listed. Would you mind
> repeating that info?   I made a hotel reservation for June 22 -25;   I hope
> that's correct.  if not I'll have to make another call.
>                  
Sorry, that was so stupid of me --  many of you had to ask.  The conference
is in Atlanta and begins at 6:30pm on Thurs, June 22nd and ends at 9pm on
Sunday, 25th.  Training Institutes are pre and post conference.  For
details, see http://www.smartmarriages.com/conferencedetails.html

Those of you that wrote with suggestions for where to find hotel space for
2007: we need 1,100 sleeping rooms on peak nights; a ballroom that seats
2,400 in rounds; 25 breakout rooms; an exhibit hall.  Not many properties of
that size.  Maybe Vegas although last time I checked, they were booked years
out.  - diane 

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- TEN COUPLES MARRY THEIR "BABY DADDY" IN MASS MARRIAGE
African American Healthy Marriage Initiative ListServ
September 29, 2005

It's the last line of this article that is the most amazing:
> Reid picked the lucky couples from more than 500 applicants.
There were 500 additional couples interested in getting married if the
ceremony and reception were paid for.  - diane

Ten couples tied the knot Thursday afternoon as part of Marry Your Baby's
Daddy Day at the House of the Lord Church in Fort Greene, Brooklyn.

The organizer of the mass marriage and author of the book "Marry Your Baby
Daddy" says the idea is to promote families in the black community.

³I hope the photos of these 10 couples go across the country and motivate
other couples, other families from all backgrounds to get married, make a
commitment to your family and your children,² said author Maryann Reid. ³I
really feel that in our community our children are being raised in homes
that are broken, and we need to change that and it can start with us today.²

After the ceremonies, the newlyweds took limos downtown to Borough Hall for
the reception. 

Among the couples are Millicent Ellis and Gary James. They have been
together for 12 years, and share three kids.

They say various factors held them back from taking the vows.

³Females always want to get married, have the ring, the husband,² said
James. ³Guys, they don't really care. But it's a good thing. It's long
overdue.² 

³Even though we were together so long, you hold back on a little bit, just
until you become mister and missus. Then you give your all,² said Ellis.
³But it will just make it better.²

³If we want our children to value the whole sanctity of marriage, the whole
idea of becoming one, you have to lead by example,² said bride Karen Hing.

³We wanted to set an example for our daughter,² added bride Likeyma White.
³We wanted to be married so she could, you know, everyone is supposed to
have the same last name, and what's going on here? But it's important for us
to break the train, to start something new.²

Reid picked the lucky couples from more than 500 applicants.
 
#######################################
- DIVORCE AND SCHOOL PERFORMANCE LINKED

September 30, 2005
Family News in Focus
Divorce and School Performance Linked
by Kim Trobee

Keeping your home intact can help your child in school.

Giving kids a jump on school starts at home. According to social science,
children whose parents remain married retain higher GPA's and have higher
rates of attendance than their counterparts from divorced families. JOHN
CROUCH is the Director of Americans for Divorce Reform. He's devoted his
life to strengthening families through legal reform of divorce. Crouch says
informed thinking has really turned around in the last 20 years.

"There's really a scholarly consensus out there now that says divorce
overall is bad for children."

He works with people daily who see the effects of divorce on kids. Dr. Barry
Ham is a counselor whose research backs up what others have found.

"Children from intact families their GPA's tended to be well over 10% higher
than those kids who were from divorced or remarried situations. Attendance
numbers were even more dramatic."

The effects of divorce seem to be harder for girls according to Ham's
numbers.

"One of the surprising findings of this research was that females that were
in situations or remarriage they seemed to struggle even more so than the
young men."

Although he doesn't have concrete evidence as to why, Ham believes boys have
a naturally stronger relationship with their fathers, so when a divorce
happens, they maintain that tie. For girls, relating to dad can be hard and
stepfathers present an even greater challenge leading to what he calls a
"shrinking back."

Crouch says there is a folklore that says kids will bounce back from a
divorce but social science seems to disagree. Dr. Barry Ham looked at a
group of over 250 kids in his research. He says the findings are not true
for every family, but for many keeping the home intact gives children an
increased chance to excel educationally.

**************
For more information, visit American's for Divorce Reform at
http://www.divorcereform.org

##########################
- THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD

Marriages on downswing in Britain
By UNITED PRESS INTERNATIONAL
September 30, 2005

LONDON -- The number of marriages in Britain is expected to decline sharply
in the next 25 years, reports the Daily Telegraph.

Government figures show that nearly half of all men in their mid-40's and
more than a third of women will have stayed single during this period, says
the report.

In the same period, the number of people cohabiting will have more than
doubled to nearly 4 million.

"At the age of 45 to 54 the proportion of people married is projected to
fall from 71 percent in 2003 to 48 percent in 2031 for men," said the
report. "For women, the figures are 72 percent to 50. The proportion of
those never married by 45 to 54 is expected to rise over the same period
from 14 to 40 percent for males and nine to 35 percent for females."

Jill Kirby with the Center for Policy Studies, said: "The serious decline of
marriage is a very worrying development. Cohabitation is an inherently
fragile partnership."

#############################
- WANTED: A DAY OF REST FOR YOUTH SPORTS

> To connect this "Take Back Your Sundays" movement up to marriage, listen to
> Bill Doherty's keynote: "Who's Got Time to Be Married?" -- one of the
> absolutely highest-rated sessions in 9 years of Smart Marriages Conferences.
> Available on DVD, CD or cassettes at 800-241-7785.  Order session #753-P-8.

Wanted: A day of rest for youth sports
Mary Lynn Smith,  Star Tribune
October 2, 2005 

Bill Doherty says it's time to play hardball with youth sports.

Tired of just talking about the hazards of overscheduled kids, the
University of Minnesota professor and a group of suburban parents are
calling for families in Rosemount, Eagan and Apple Valley to demand that
Sundays be off-limits for organized sports. No practices. No games. No
tournaments.

In a community where legions of kids play on dozens of soccer, football,
hockey and basketball teams each weekend, there's no one authority that can
impose such a ban. So organizers will host a community meeting Tuesday in
hopes of helping parents band together to slow the frenetic pace of youth
sports schedules.

"A vocal minority of super-competitive leaders and parents are making the
rules, and a silent majority has followed along fearing they will be
ostracized," said Andrea Grazzini Walstrom, a leader of the fledgling group.

It is called Balance4Success and has already spoken to hundreds of local
parents and community leaders about the pressures on kids and families.

"We're all for sports," Grazzini Walstrom said, "but we think sports should
be in balance."

At Tuesday's meeting, they will urge parents seeking more family time to
demand that sport leagues avoid scheduling games or practices on Sundays.

If leagues schedule Sunday activities anyway, she said, parents should make
it clear their kids won't be there -- and that the youngsters shouldn't be
penalized for choosing dinner with Grandma over a faceoff at center ice.

Proponents and skeptics agree that the call to boycott Sunday sports is a
bold move that appears to be the first of its kind in the metro area, if not
the country. "It's time to get edgier," said Doherty, who has spent the last
seven years talking and writing about a "hypercompetetitive adult culture"
that has invaded childhood.

At least one Wayzata sports program has said no to the increasing intensity
of youth sports. But the norm, Grazzini Walstrom said, has been a growing
number of competitive "traveling league teams" that have families shuttling
to practices throughout the week and on the road for three-day weekend
tournaments.

The result isn't always pretty. Burnsville pediatrician Tim Anderson said
kids are coming in with chronic headaches and stomachaches. "A lot of them
suffer from stress and anxiety and they don't know why. And then we look at
their schedules. They have expectations that they have to be on the hockey
team, the math team, the debate team," he said.

"The physical [overuse] injuries they receive from playing too much is
tragic," he added. "But most of those injuries will heal. The bigger concern
is what overscheduling is doing to their minds and the families."

Balance4Success organizers say Doherty's research and hundreds of interviews
with local parents, public safety officials, and school and church leaders
have convinced them that many parents want to rein in the sports programs
but feel helpless.

The "Taking Back Sunday" initiative is designed to give those parents the
courage to speak up despite concerns their kids will be benched or be at a
competitive disadvantage if they don't keep pace with other families.

"I'm tired of talking," Doherty said. "There's power in numbers."

Numbers game

But other numbers also have a powerful effect, some sports boosters say.

Increasing demand for scarce time on rinks and fields pushes teams to play
at all hours of the day and every day of the week, said J.D. Grace, who has
coached his two sons in nearly a half-dozen sports in Apple Valley.

He called the boycott "a nice thought" but predicted it will likely fall on
deaf ears. "The families that want to play at the more competitive
traveling-team level could probably care less about the boycott."

At an Eagan High School soccer match last week, many of the kids seemed to
agree with Grace.

"The only parents who would sign that would be parents who didn't want their
kids to be in sports," said 11th-grader Lucy Mereness, when asked about the
boycott pledge Kids understand the amount of commitment that's necessary for
a sport, added 10th-grader Paige Wisner. "For me, soccer is a way to relieve
stress," she said.

But parents Steve and Cheryl Dubbles, watching their Eagan high school
daughter on the soccer field, were intrigued by the idea.

They like the time they spend with their kids on the road to games and the
time they spend with other parents on the field. But a Sunday free of
sports?

"That would be awesome," Cheryl Dubbles said. "It's difficult to find time
to go to church. ... And maybe we could even visit Grandma and Grandpa again
instead of having them always come to the soccer field."

Brian Hermes, who helps oversee Apple Valley's traveling club basketball
program, understands the call for a sports time-out. "Sometimes the kids do
get run-down, and sometimes you have to make sure they get some rest and do
their homework," he said.

But weekend-long tournaments and practice times that squeeze out the dinner
hour some nights are just the reality of playing the game, Hermes said. For
those who don't want that, Hermes suggests that they don't join the more
competitive traveling teams.

More choices

Frank White, Richfield's Park and Recreation manager, said the choice should
not be an all-or-nothing proposition. He plans to push a plan next summer to
have a regular sports-free day during the week.

David Gaither, who heads Wayzata Plymouth Youth Football, said his traveling
league, which encompasses seven communities and includes 700 kids ranging
from fourth to eighth grades, has long put that philosophy into action.

The league allows only five hours of practice each week. No games or
practices on Wednesdays, Sundays or Jewish holidays. No "A" or "B" teams;
kids of all playing levels are mixed equally among teams. Every kid plays 50
percent of the time. No playoffs. No championships. No off-season training.
No traveling tournaments. Gaither, a former state senator who recently was
named chief of staff for Gov. Tim Pawlenty, dismisses the notion that more
training, more games, more tournaments and more travel are necessary to turn
out competitive athletes. The Wayzata High School football team has made it
to the state championship game more than a half-dozen times in the past 20
years with players who honed their skills in the recreation league's
relatively laid-back program, he said.

"We're leading by example even if we are just one candle in the darkness,"
Gaither said.

He called the "Taking Back Sunday" initiative "a no brainer. ... Maybe it's
that kind of leadership that people need to stand up and say no."
--------------------
For more information, visit http://www.balance4success.org  - site launches
Tues Oct 4.  


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