ACF Research & Welfare/Wifey/Match-ups - 5/05

Thu May 19 21:24:21 EDT 2005

- ACF'S 8th ANNUAL WELFARE RESEARCH AND EVALUATION CONFERENCE (JUNE 13-15).
- WIFE SWAP 
- eHARMONY: HEART AND SOUL

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- ACF'S 8th ANNUAL WELFARE RESEARCH AND EVALUATION CONFERENCE (JUNE 13-15).

Hotel reservations must be made by THIS MONDAY: May 23rd.
Hyatt Regency Crystal City Hotel in Arlington, Virginia.

Topics will include: healthy marriage and family formation, the future of
welfare reform, economic independence among low wage workers, child care,
food assistance, abstinence education, research methodology, and the welfare
of special populations.

Learn about the latest in evaluation, formulate ways to incorporate
evaluation results into the design and implementation of programs and
policies, and develop effective strategies to ensure sound evaluation of
welfare reform.  

Information and registration available at www.wrconference.net. Papers from
previous conferences also posted.  Hotel reservations must be made by May
23rd.  Questions: Patrice Richards (prichards at acf.hhs.gov, 202- 205-8324.

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- WIFE SWAP 
If you've got your mojo working -- or know some exemplary couple (they are
usually into country dancing or nightly hot tubs) -- let others in on the
secret. I think it means you'd actually have to go on the show and 'swap'
for two weeks.  I haven't talked to them, just got this email, but spose it
could help other couples and reaches millions.  Forward it to some 'in love'
couple that has something to teach.   - diane

> Dear Ms. Sollee,
> I work with ABC's show, "Wife Swap." The premise: two moms switch places for
> two weeks to experience what it's like to walk in another's shoes - exploring
> the differences in family dynamics, parenting, etc. Others learn by watching.
> We're starting a new season and we're seeing a complete lack of passion in
> marriages. We're looking for families with children (ages 5-18) that maintain
> passion, keeping the fire alive (flowers & candy or meaningful gestures).
> We're looking for couples that are in love and know how to show it - and who
> might demonstrate to others how to do the same. Please have them contact me
> directly: 
> Heather Teta
> ABC Television
> 212-404-1428

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- eHARMONY: HEART AND SOUL
USA Today
May 19, 2005
By Janet Kornblum

(Diane, This article reads like a free full-page ad on the front page of
USA Today, and looks like it might be, even though they disclosed their
connection.  What do you make of this?
> eHarmony increasingly is seeking out secular audiences through online
> partnerships, including promotions on USATODAY.com and other news sites owned
> by USA TODAY's parent company, Gannett. As part of that effort, Warren is
> trying to distance himself from Focus on the Family and its founder James
> Dobson, a longtime friend.
> 
> Warren says he will no longer appear on Dobson's radio show, and he recently
> bought back the rights to the three books Focus on the Family published
> ‹Finding the Love of Your Life, Make Anger Your Ally and Learning to Live with
> the Love of Your Life - so he can drop Focus' name from their covers.

Well, if they disclosed, guess they can do anything they choose to do. What
I make of match-up services isn't much -- implies that it's about finding
'similarities' when, instead, they should be teaching couples how to manage
their inevitable differences.   - diane )

PASADENA, Calif. ‹ You've no doubt seen Neil Clark Warren on TV commercials:
He's the affable, silver-haired gentleman touting eHarmony, the rapidly
growing online dating site he founded five years ago. Or maybe you caught
Saturday Night Live or Jay Leno spoofing his earnest manner and "29
dimensions of compatibility."

        Riches of love: Neil Clark Warren has built eHarmony into the
fourth-largest online dating service.
By Dan MacMedan, USA TODAY

"He's like the grandpa who wants to set you up," says Nate Elliott, an
online media analyst with Jupiter Research.

Warren, 70, really is a grandpa. Born on an Iowa farm, he's quick with a
down-home hug and a smile. His pale blue eyes grow misty when he speaks of
his love for his wife of 46 years, Marylyn, the senior vice president at
eHarmony.

And he really does want to set you up ‹ but only if you're emotionally
healthy, heterosexual and want to get married.

His secular matchmaking service has grown into the fourth-largest dating
site on the Web, behind Match.com, Yahoo and Spark Networks, according to
Internet measurement company comScore Media Metrix. Later this summer he
plans to announce an online service aimed at assessing and improving
marriages.

Warren started out marketing primarily to Christian sites, touting eHarmony
as "based on the Christian principles of Focus on the Family author Dr. Neil
Clark Warren."

The connection may come as a surprise to today's mainstream users: Nothing
in Warren's TV or radio ads ($50 million spent last year, $80 million
projected this year) hints at his Christian background.

And while it's no secret, the Web site doesn't play it up, either.

eHarmony increasingly is seeking out secular audiences through online
partnerships, including promotions on USATODAY.com and other news sites
owned by USA TODAY's parent company, Gannett. As part of that effort, Warren
is trying to distance himself from Focus on the Family and its founder James
Dobson, a longtime friend.

Warren says he will no longer appear on Dobson's radio show, and he recently
bought back the rights to the three books Focus on the Family published
‹Finding the Love of Your Life, Make Anger Your Ally and Learning to Live
with the Love of Your Life - so he can drop Focus' name from their covers.

"We're trying to reach the whole world ‹ people of all spiritual
orientations, all political philosophies, all racial backgrounds," Warren
says. "And if indeed, we have Focus on the Family on the top of our books,
it is a killer. Because people do recognize them as occupying a very precise
political position in this society and a very precise spiritual position."

Says Andrea Orr, author of Meeting, Mating, and Cheating: Sex, Love, and the
New World of Online Dating, "He has this evangelical Christian background,
but I know plenty of Jews who use the site, and I don't really see the
evangelical Christian background coming through.
     His 29 key traits

Matches on eHarmony are based on "29 areas of compatibility" developed by
founder Neil Clark Warren.

A marriage will likely thrive if couples share at least 10 of these key
personality traits and habits, from curiosity and industriousness to
ambition, traditionalism and feelings about children, Warren says.

His favorite dimension is adaptability, which he says is crucial for the
survival of a long-term relationship. For instance, Warren says his wife,
Marylyn, became much more liberal late in life, and he became an Internet
entrepreneur. But he says they're adaptable, so he's rethinking some of his
positions and she came to work for eHarmony.

The test is designed to reveal traits in ways users may not always
recognize, Warren says. The system is proprietary; he will not reveal
exactly how the 29 dimensions are used to match people.

"I see a strong sense of morals and a sort of conservatism. But I don't find
it very much in-your-face at all. It's more sort of this grandfatherly moral
thing."

While other leading dating sites allow users to find their own matches by
searching through online ads, eHarmony has people fill out a 436-question
test designed to evoke thoughtful and revealing responses. eHarmony then
sends potential matches, encouraging people to get acquainted before they
even see each other's photos.

"We do try to give people what they need, rather than just what they want,"
Warren says.

"There's a way in which, a little paternalistically, we say we have
discovered, on the basis of our research, what is required to make a
marriage great. And we're going to help with that. Our way."

Most dating sites have various payment systems; usually they lure daters in
with something free, such as personal ads, and then charge when daters want
to start communicating with matches.

Of the leading dating sites, eHarmony is the most expensive, starting at
$49.95 a month. Match begins at $29.99, Yahoo at $19.95. Spark Network's
largest site, American Singles, starts at $34.95.

But at least 7.5 million people have registered to take eHarmony's test,
which is free. Users must pay to get contact information for matches. The
site, which is privately held, does not disclose the number of paying
members.

"You tend to meet more marriage-minded people there," Orr says. Still,
"online dating is a little bit of a crapshoot, no matter which site you use.
I've talked to people who've used eHarmony who were matched with people who
really didn't do the questionnaire very thoughtfully."

But others swear by it.

Maura Lockwood, 29, of Plattsburgh, N.Y., says she followed up on only one
match from eHarmony, and he turned out to be the one. She was matched with
Joe Alix, 30, on July 19, 2003. By the time they met in person two months
later, they had spoken and e-mailed so much that "I knew I loved him before
I met him," she says.

Their wedding is planned for Aug. 20. Warren suggests couples wait two years
to tie the knot.

Not everyone agrees with his advice. Warren recommends against premarital
sex because it can "cloud decisions." Lockwood moved in with her fiancé
right after Thanksgiving.

Some also criticize eHarmony's decision to refuse to provide matches for
gays and lesbians ‹ a policy that differs from Yahoo, Match.com and many
other sites.

"From a corporate perspective, eHarmony does discriminate. There's clearly a
deliberate desire to exclude gay people from the site," says New York
psychiatrist Jack Drescher, who is gay and treats gay and lesbian couples.

But Warren says eHarmony promotes heterosexual marriage, about which he has
done extensive research. He says he does not know enough about gay and
lesbian relationships to do same-sex matching.

It "calls for some very careful thinking. Very careful research." He adds
that same-sex marriage is illegal in most states. "We don't really want to
participate in something that's illegal."

Lesbians and gays are not the only ones unwelcome on eHarmony; Warren says
he rejects 16% of those who take his patented personality test because
they're poor marriage prospects.

Weed-outs include people under eHarmony's 21-year-old age limit and those
whom the site decides are lying on the test. It also removes those believed
to have certain types of emotional instability, such as "obstreperousness"
(they just can't be pleased) and depression, because "depression is pretty
highly correlated with emotional problems," Warren says.

"You'd like to have as healthy people as you can. We get some people who are
pretty unhealthy. And if you could filter them out, it would be great. We
try hard. And it's very costly."

But eHarmony does not reject on the basis of religion; it has atheists,
agnostics and even Wiccans among customers, he says.

Warren says he's not lukewarm about his own faith.

"I am a passionate believer," he says, sitting in the quiet eHarmony
headquarters, his former therapy office, lined with bookshelves holding The
Joy of Sex, volumes of Freud and everything in between.

But he says his religious beliefs are grounded in humanism and psychology,
and he often intertwines the two. "I think there is something very
incredible about Jesus. I don't back away from that. At the same time ...
the public we want to serve is the world.

"You can say that that is just a good business idea, because it increases
the size of your market. But it's also for me a philosophical point: I think
our world will be a lot better world if we can help people of all types get
married well."

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- ACF'S 8th ANNUAL WELFARE RESEARCH AND EVALUATION CONFERENCE (JUNE 13-15).