Oprah/HomeLife/Newlyweds/Divorce Busting/Exhibits/Roommates/Volunteers - 3/05

Fri Mar 18 12:04:22 EST 2005

- EQUAL TIME FOR WOMEN: OPRAH
- AND, SPEAKING OF GENDER
- LOOKING FOR CHRISTIAN THERAPISTS/COUPLES
- NEWLYWEDS AT RISK
- DIVORCE BUSTING WEST
- SHARING CONFERENCE EXHIBITS?
- CONFERENCE ROOMMATES
- CONFERENCE VOLUNTEERS

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- EQUAL TIME FOR WOMEN: OPRAH

Hope you saw Compassion Workshops/Stosny on Oprah yesterday.  If you did you
noticed that the show and, in fact, the first three shows on emotional
abuse, have focused on men as abusers.  Oprah now plans to shift the focus
to women and will explore the issue of women who emotionally abuse.  It will
be the same format -- the women would go through Stosny's Compassion Boot
Camp which would help them become the "compassionate women they are in their
hearts". Free treatment that will turn their marriages/relationships/lives
around. If you know anyone interested, have them contact Steven Stosny via
email at: stosny at compasionpower.com

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- AND, SPEAKING OF GENDER

> Diane
>  
> In Wednesday's rebroadcast, Oprah mentioned about half a dozen times that, in
> a full third of "relationships," men are emotionally abusive--and then
> proceeded to show extensive clips of extremely out-of-control (as in at least
> 3.0 standard deviations) behavior.  The strongest implication was that 1/3 of
> women were being emotionally crushed or beaten.  (There was no mention of mild
> or moderate manifestations-common rudeness, impoliteness, or normal give and
> take which can be difficult for both men and women to manage well.)  This was
> clearly a very heavy dose of the all too customary "men as ogres" stuff.
> 
> I am very offended when legitimate and severe problems are used as the basis
> for a gross expansion of made up numbers that only serve to alarm.  It might
> be preferable to suggest that many men:
> 
> 1) have poor insight into how their interpersonal behaviors can appear
> aggressive and hurtful to others
> 
> 2) display assertive responses when far milder ones would be more helpful and
> appropriate
> 
> 3)  may have been socialized (in all cultures) to be more aggressive than
> females, and that this is justified daily, from sports to war-making
> 
> 4)  enjoy VERY few universal training mechanisms to assist them in moderating
> negative emotions well.  In fact, there are none.
> 
> Obviously, the very existence of women's prisons suggests that women have the
> "skills" to be the victimizer, as well.  Statistics from U.S high schools show
> that in the raw numbers on incidence of violence against faculty and other
> students, the girls have a modest lead over the boys.  (This is true in every
> state of our Union.)  Yes, I know that the boys are capable of doing greater
> damage, owing to muscle mass or strength of intent.  However, at our school,
> our only recent example of on school premises death from student violence was
> over ten years ago.  The girl died of a knife wound to her neck--the victim of
> girl-on-girl violence.
> 
> Diane, in the Coalition's work, we must be diligent to avoid the easy
> demonization of any gender, race, religion, or minority opinion.  We do stand
> strongly, for each, every, and all, learning better relationship skills
> together.  
> 
> Sometimes, our only enemy is misinformation.  In the recent past, the CMFCE
> has been strong in fighting this enemy.  I am with you all the way, as I know
> that this is the intent of all contributors, despite Oprah's play to the
> alarmist cameras.
> 
> Thanks again, Diane
> 
> Roger in Wichita

All the more reason to take the Stosny model to the far corners.

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- LOOKING FOR CHRISTIAN THERAPISTS/COUPLES

I am looking for Christian therapists and Christian spouses to
discuss:
1. how spouses sometimes share too much info about
what's wrong in their marriage with relatives,
friends, church members, coworkers, etc.;
2. what happens to the spouse who shares, the spouse
who's been shared about, and the receiver of shared
info;
3. what not to share;
4. how to compliment your spouse in front of others
and how that activity affects all involved.

I could also use info from Christian spouses who've
overshared and what they learned from it (fine with
changing the name to protect the innocent).

HomeLife is a national Christian magazine with a
circulation of almost 300,000.
Contact: Becca Cipriani
Deadline: 7 PM - MAR 21
Email: becciprian at yahoo.com

################################
- NEWLYWEDS AT RISK

Diane, The two pieces  ONE-YEAR ITCH HITS LONDON MARRIAGES and UK: FIRST TWO
YEARS OF MARRIAGE MOST DANGEROUS FOR DIVORCE show that these new Canadian
and UK studies support the US data that the highest risk time for marriage
is the first 4 years, and especially the first 2 years. It also reinforces
that sexual problems and conflicts have the most powerful impact EARLY in
the marriage. Which makes it clear that pre-marital and marital enhancement
programs need specific modules about awareness and prevention of
extra-marital affairs. If I were computer competent I would send pages
131-132 of "Getting It Right the First Time" on helping couples to come to
an agreement couples about how they will preventing/avoiding affairs in
their marriage. I can't figure out how to send that info to you, but I will
bring copies to the conference for anyone who is interested. Sexual issues,
like physical fighting issues, need to be addressed directly in our programs
with a primary prevention component as well as a secondary intervention
program -- rather than waiting until it's a crisis.

- Barry McCarthy 

Order "Getting It Right the First Time" now and have Barry sign it at the
conference - on amazon for only $10.17 by clicking on:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0415948290/smartmarriages

You have three chances to catch Barry McCarthy at the Dallas Smart Marriages
Conference -- I recommend hitting all three!  - diane

> 208 - Fri June 24
> Rekindling Desire
> Barry McCarthy, PhD
> One in five marriages is non-sexual, i.e., have sex less than 10 times a year.
> Specific exercises bridge the cycles of avoidance and self-consciousness and
> reestablish desire. Case illustrations.

> 303 - Fri June 24
> Getting it Right the First Time
> Barry McCarthy, PhD
> A healthy, satisfying marriage takes more than luck, love or finding your
> soulmate. Learn to help newlyweds master the crucial tasks of the first two
> years of marriage.

> 807 - Sun June 26
> Marital Sex As it Ought to Be
> Barry McCarthy, PhD
> When it's good, it¹s great. When it's bad or non-existent, it's a bummer.
> Learn what it takes to have great marital sex -- intimate and erotic -- and
> how to prevent and resolve sexual problems.

I also HIGHLY recommend his "Rekindling Desire" Master Session from the 2004
Smart Marriages conference - a truly masterful 90-min session available on
DVD or videotape ($25) or CD or audiotape ($15). Order session #754-601 at
800-241-7785 or at http://www.playbacknow.com/cmfce

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- DIVORCE BUSTING WEST

Michele Weiner-Davis has opened a new Divorce Busting Center.  In addition
to the one in Woodstock, Illinois, right outside Chicago, she's opened
Center in Boulder, Colorado and, she's launching with a course for couples:
Keeping Love Alive, April 16. Spend the day with the master for only $199
per couple. Individuals can also attend (as she always says, the program
works even if only one spouse will participate.) $119 for individuals.
She doesn't have a ski program worked out, but know it must be easy to
arrange -  Spring skiing in the Rockies!!

Plus, due to incredible demand, she's inaugurating a new service - private
one and two-day Divorce Busting Intensives for couples who are on the brink.
For information or to schedule an intensive, or register for the Keeping
Love Alive workshop, call 303-444-1583.

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- SHARING CONFERENCE EXHIBITS?

If anyone is interested in sharing an exhibit table at the Smart Marriages
Conference, let me know and I'll try to match you up.  Exhibits tables are
$585 and are open from Wed June 22 at 9am through Sun June 26, at 6pm.
Exhibits get tons of traffic and are a great way to reach the marriage
education community. Sharing an exhibit means you can also play tag team on
staffing, you won't have to stay at the exhibit all the time.   - diane

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- CONFERENCE ROOMMATES

If you'd like to split a room and split costs, send me your info including
contact info and arrival and departure dates.  - diane

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- CONFERENCE VOLUNTEERS
I STILL NEED additional conference volunteers.  Tell your students, tell you
kids.  If anyone is interested in the chance to see the conference from
behind-the-scenes as a work-exchange, have them email me for an application.
- diane at smartmarriages.com

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9th Annual Smart Marriages Conference, Adam's Mark Dallas June 23 - 26, 2005
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Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
Diane Sollee, Director
5310 Belt Rd NW
Washington, DC 20015-1961
http://www.smartmarriages.com
202-362-3332 FAX 202-362-0973
cmfce at smartmarriages.com