Away/Men under the influence/10 Great Dates - 7/05

Fri Jul 22 23:05:55 EDT 2005

- AWAY
- FIRST YEAR OF MARRIAGE
- 10 GREAT DATES IN THE JEWISH COMMUNITY

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- AWAY 
I will be gone for a week visiting family. Back August 1st.  - diane

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- FIRST YEAR OF MARRIAGE

Another illustration of John Gottman's point that "successful husbands are
more willing to accept their wives' influence".....

The Border Mail 
Jul 23, 2005

First year of marriage can send men potty

IN the lovestruck world of newlyweds, who wields the power?

A US study into the drug and alcohol habits of couples has shed new light on
the dynamics between husbands and wives in the early years of marriage.

The research from the University at Buffalo in New York found the attitudes
of wives was a key factor in whether or not their husbands smoked cannabis.

Writing in the Journal of Drug issues, the researchers reported that men are
more likely to start or resume smoking cannabis in the first year of
marriage if their wives smoke.

And they're more likely to quit in this time if their wives dont share their
fondness for it.

However, men didn't influence their wives cannabis use but were more likely
to determine the couples drinking habits, at least for the first year.

By the second year, women were back in control in terms of alcohol
consumption.

Researchers Kenneth Leonard and Gregory Homish from the UB School of
Medicines Addiction Research Unit looked at 634 couples aged in their late
20s.

Information was gathered before marriage, at the couples one-year
anniversary and a year later.

³We identified one direction of influence,² Dr Leonard said.

³That is, wives influenced their husbands initiation of marijuana use but
husbands did not influence wives use.²

The president of the Australian Psychological Society, Dr Amanda Gordon,
says the findings suggest that wives tend to lay down the law when it comes
to social acceptability.

In other words, women may target their husbands pot-smoking earlier than
drinking because cannabis is seen as less socially acceptable.

³What were seeing is that in the first instance social acceptance is
determined by the woman,² she said.

Another factor could be that men may tend to drink in the pub with their
mates, while cannabis smoking may take place in the home traditionally
viewed as a woman's domain.

³I would guess with cannabis the woman is having the influence on the man
because its happening at home,² she said.

Dr Leonard said wives may push harder for change after getting married.

Ms Gordon agrees.

³Part of it might be that at the beginning its expected that the woman will
set the rules,² she said.

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- 10 GREAT DATES IN THE JEWISH COMMUNITY

David and Claudia Arp shared this email with me and I want to forward it to
you. It's from Sacramento and is about the great success they've had in
introducing the 10 Great Dates Program into the Jewish community. I also
like the great idea at the end of getting baby stores to help promote the
Becoming Parents/ Bringing Baby Home marriage programs.  - diane

> Dear David and Claudia,
> 
> I received the certificates of completion just in time for the last class.
> Our Rabbi came to the class and commended everyone for participating and
> told them they are the emissaries for the community. He charged them to go
> out and tell everyone about the class. He thinks the program should be
> offered every synagogue in the COUNTRY! I gave everyone a lily....for
> beginnings and endings. We ended our class together but they are starting a
> new life with dating as a habit. The white flowers with pink gold and red
> were for purity, beginnings (white), commitment and wedding bands (gold),
> heart chakra and love (pink) and passion and romance (red). All of these
> colors were in one flower.
> 
> We have a new class starting September 18th at the other synagogue, Beth
> Shalom. Sundays from 3-5. We will see how that goes. Then I lead another one
> at Mosaic Law in November. I am also working on another synagogue across
> town. Rabbi asked me to write a letter for the Scroll and I will also print
> it in the Jewish Voice (our city wide paper) to promote it. One of them I
> will be adapting for your publisher!
> 
> Thank you again for the class. One of our participants owns the biggest baby
> store in town and he has agreed to help Sacramento Healthy
> Marriage Project promote our Bringing Baby Home program. I'm working on
> him to get him to promote all of our programs eventually.
> 
> Love Wendy

10 Great Dates was the recipient of the 2005 Smart Marriages Impact award
which it received because it's so easy to teach it "right out of the box",
because it opens the door to marriage education and because it has such
great appeal to couples in any setting.  The program will have brand new
DVDs in Sept. I'll let you know when they're available. - diane

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