Divorce is NOT a private matter/ Biblical Standards - 1/05

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- DIVORCE IS NOT A PRIVATE MATTER
- FEW, IF ANY, MARRIAGES COULD CONFORM TO BIBLICAL STANDARDS

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- DIVORCE IS NOT A PRIVATE MATTER
Catholic Exchange 
January 6, 2005 

It Is So Your Business

Ever notice how when folks are getting married they make it everybody¹s
business? From announcements to bridal registries to showers to showing
off the ring. From guest lists and invitations to bridesmaids to
something borrowed ‹ everybody is expected to get in on the act.
Interesting isn¹t it how these same people can decide to call it quits
and slink off a few years later and get divorced ‹ and then whose
business is it?

The problem is that we all buy into it. Even if we try to talk to them
about it, we usually feel compelled to begin the conversation by
saying, ³I know it¹s none of my business, butŠ.²

Well, enough of that. Because divorce is no more private than a wedding
and it is time we stopped pretending it is. Every person who was at the
wedding has a stake in that marriage. Every person who wasn¹t at the
wedding has a stake in it too. And it is time we stopped letting people
get divorced without calling them to account.

How many marriages might be saved if friends rallied around and said in
no uncertain terms that they expected more from the people they watched
exchange vows? If they came forward with resources and begged for
reconsideration? If they made it clear that they flat out thought
divorcing was wrong?

We have become so complacent with serial ³monogamy² that people expect
us to shrug and accept their lame excuses for destroying lives and
endangering souls, fraying the fabric of society and creating
multi-generational waves of discord and distrust that ripple through
decades.

Here¹s why their divorce is your business.

The children of our generation¹s divorces enter the pool of possible
mates for our children. Damaged and hurt by their parents' lack of
commitment, they bring the baggage of brittle emotions and insecurity
with them into their marriages. They make what is already a struggle ‹
the nurturing of healthy marriages in the next generation ‹ even harder.

The effect upon children creates a strain upon every resource in our
communities. Juvenile delinquency increases. Teachers face
ever-mounting discipline problems at school. The ranks of those in need
of government assistance and private charity continue to swell. No
family comes through divorce and ends up with the financial resources
they would have had staying intact, and the effect is particularly bad
on the mother and children. Every year the magic of compound interest
works in reverse: Combined resources that the married couple could have
set aside for retirement or the kids' education are diminished; less of
a return is earned, and the future financial security of everyone is
threatened.

Among Christians in general and Catholics in particular, divorce is
just one more scandal that makes a mockery of what we say we believe.
If the power of the Holy Spirit, Whose indwelling we claim to have, is
not great enough to enable us to live with one another under the same
roof, what good are all our ³peace on earth² slogans?

Let¹s start responding to this scourge of divorce by practicing ‹ and
counseling others to practice ‹ the spiritual works of mercy. The
spiritual works of mercy are just as much a part of our faith as the
corporal works of mercy, and we are under the same moral obligation to
perform them when we observe someone in need of them.

Those who are ignorant of the temporal and spiritual damage divorce
causes need to be instructed. Those who are doubtful about their
ability to heal a damaged marriage need counsel. It might help them to
know that many couples who were on the brink of divorce, but who try
again, later report happy marriages. They may need direction to
resources or something as practical as a baby-sitter while they go talk
to someone. Those who are pursuing a sinful course of action ‹
especially those who are using Caesar¹s unjust laws to rid themselves
of a mate who does not want a divorce ‹ should be admonished.

Putting your arm around a shoulder and saying, ³I know you are going
through a tough time. Let me know if I can help² is not admonishing.
God hates divorce (Malachi 2:13-16). Don¹t be afraid to assemble a team
to intervene if necessary. Peer pressure does make a difference.
Catholic mates should be reminded that charity begins at home and that
to bear wrongs patiently and forgive offences willingly is not an
optional requirement of our faith.

Yes, to comfort the afflicted is also a spiritual work of mercy. But if
we perform some of these others and do so prayerfully and courageously,
we might have fewer people afflicted by divorce to comfort.

One friend, who wrote to me about her own attitude toward weddings, had
this to say, ³I don't even attend a wedding unless the person is
someone I know very well, someone whose marriage I think I will be able
to uphold should trouble strike. I don't treat them as social
Extravaganzas - but as sacred covenants that I'm witnessing, and as a
witness I have an obligation to uphold. For me, witnessing a wedding is
akin to becoming a godparent: an obligation to continue Œwitnessing to¹
the marriage ‹ encouraging, supporting, helping out practically, etc. ‹
is what I expect of myself.²

Imagine what a difference we could make if we all took weddings this
seriously and made it our business to make our position known to those
around us.

http://www.catholicexchange.com/vm/index.asp?art_id=26842

© Copyright 2005 Catholic Exchange

Mary Kochan, Senior Editor of Catholic Exchange, was raised as a
third-generation Jehovah¹s Witness. She is a member of St. Theresa
parish in Douglasville, GA and she is home schooling four of her
grandchildren. Her tapes are available from Saint Joseph
Communications. 

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- FEW, IF ANY, MARRIAGES COULD CONFORM TO BIBLICAL STANDARDS
(Or, move over Hillary....)
Frontiersman (Alaska)
JAN 10, 2004 
Spectrum
Rev. Howard Bess

I confess. I have some major problems. First, I read. Second, I read the
Bible. Third, I actually study the Bible. Fourth, I read "Context," the
Martin Marty commentary on religion and culture. Articles from his December
2004, edition have motivated me to organize and write my own commentary
about Biblical marriage.

These days we hear a lot about maintaining traditional marriage. The people
who talk this way end up making some reference to the Bible. Each time I
hear this kind of talk, I suspect that 1.) The person does not read the
Bible, 2.) The person certainly does not study the Bible and 3.) Possibly
the person does not read.

First, we should recognize how marriage worked in the Bible. Marriage was a
union between a man and one or more women. Let's face it. The biggest names
of the Old Testament were polygamists - Abraham, Jacob, Moses, David,
Solomon. A man owned as many women as he could afford. He owned them in
three categories. He owned wives, he owned concubines and he owned slaves.
He regularly had intercourse with all the women he owned. He had children by
all the women he owned.

Second, adultery was punishable by death. When the Ten Commandments were
given, the commandment about adultery had a specific meaning. Adultery
occurred when a man had sexual intercourse with a woman he did not own. The
sin was not against the woman, not even against his favorite wife. The sin
was against the man who owned the woman. It was a very serious matter. The
Mosaic law is very clear. Adultery was punishable by death.

To have sexual intercourse with an unowned woman was also serious. The
punishment was simple. He had to marry her.

By this standard, Bill Clinton's punishment would not be impeachment. He
would have been forced to marry Monica. Move over, Hillary.

Third, divorce is prohibited. What you got is what you get. Jesus really
came down hard on this one. The Old Testament allowed a man, if he was
unhappy with his wife, to get rid of her by writing a bill of divorcement.
However, Jesus rejected that and said that no divorce is allowed, ever!

I know a lot of men who would like to exercise the Old Testament standard.
However, Jesus did not hesitate to say "but I say unto you" when he
disagreed with Old Testament standards. He cut no one any slack. Divorce was
out!

Fourth, women had no say about the selection of a husband. In fact, she did
not have a say about much of anything. A woman was owned by her father until
title was transferred to a husband. The deal was between two men. Women were
property. A woman's place in society was set by the man who owned her. This
arrangement is defined in the Old Testament property codes in the book of
Leviticus.

The truth is that the standards for marriage, which are usually identified
with Christians, have been constantly evolving for thousands of years. In
more than 45 years of pastoral responsibilities, I have not known a single
person, man or woman, who would commit to Biblical standards for marriage.

In my ponderings, I have wondered just how a marriage amendment to the U.S.
Constitution would be worded to fulfill the Bible traditions and standards
for marriage. I can't get anything to work. I have concluded that the idea
of a marriage amendment should be dropped.

Life would be so much simpler if I stopped reading.

The Rev. Howard Bess is the pastor of Church of the Covenant, an American
Baptist Church in Palmer.  He has pastored American Baptist churches for
over 43 years. He is a graduate of Wheaton College and Garrett Evangelical
Theological Seminary.

http://www.frontiersman.com/articles/2005/01/10/news/opinion/opinion2.txt
Copyright © 2005 Frontiersman.com


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